Family dynamics impact us more than you'd think
Family dynamics refer to the patterns of interactions and relationships between family members. Every family is unique and has its own dynamic. Those dynamics whether good, bad or neutral can have a tremendous impact on how we come to view ourselves, others and the world, as well as influencing our behaviour and relationships well into adulthood and beyond. This is because our families are the first relationship we experience and sets the foundations for who we are. Therefore, it can be helpful to identify and understand the dynamics at work in your own family. This can help you better understand your family as well as yourself better. Here are some factors to consider.
Family structures
The overall structure of the family unit can have a big impact on us. There are many family structures besides the traditional nuclear family such as single parent families, stepfamilies, extended families, same-sex families and many more. No family structure is guaranteed to be successful or unsuccessful, but each one will have specific challenges and advantages. For example, in stepfamilies there are new roles and responsibilities to work out as relationships have changed. In a single parent family, the older child may have had to take on more responsibility as the sole parent had to provide for the family.
Roles
Family members, especially children, tend to take on particular roles within the family. There is often little conscious choice behind it but becomes a fixed part of the family dynamic. For example, you could be the funny one, the reliable one or the difficult one. This can influence how you view yourself, others expectations of you and how you behave. People become stuck in roles and families get stuck in seeing each other in particular ways. Even in adulthood, it can be difficult to escape your role if it has been so entrenched in the family dynamic and therefore how you see yourself.
Birth order
Birth order can not only affect how we see ourselves and behave, but how parents view and raise children. Studies show parents often have greater expectations of their firstborn children and thus, the oldest child tends to more responsible, loyal and dutiful. The middle child is often rebellious feeling like they don't receive enough attention from their parents. The youngest child usually has a special status in the family as the cute precious one and sometimes struggles to be allowed to grow up. These traits can continue well into adulthood and influence what types of careers you pursue and relationships you look for.
Alignments
All families have alignments such as the one between parents as a couple, between siblings and between parents and children. Ideally, all alignments are close and loving but often alignments between certain pairs are stronger. This is natural but problems arise if the pairing is so strong it unbalances the overall family dynamic. For example, if the bond between a parent and one child is stronger, it can undermine the authority of the other parent and affect the relationship. If one child is seen as the favourite, it can cause jealousy and in other siblings. This can set up your relationships for the future not only within the family but how you approach issues of power and authority in the wider world.
Family values
The values a family holds often impact us in life whether you agree or disagree with your upbringing. Parent are usually the first port of call in what attitudes we form towards educations, employment, relationships, good and bad characteristics and many more. This can influence our self-identity, individual values and what we expect and want out of life. For example, someone could feel like a failure where academic accomplishments are highly-valued or someone might have low-esteem when emotional toughness is valued in the family.
Patterns
We often repeat what we learnt as children in our own families. Patterns and behaviours get passed (often unconsciously) from generation to generation. It is easy to slip into the family dynamics of our childhood when we become parents. By identifying your own specific family dynamics and how they influence you will make you more aware of how to strengthen family ties and forego the potentially destructive patterns from the past.