Are you in a co-dependent relationship?

“Co-dependant” is one of those terms that is often thrown around, but is little understood by those doing the throwing. Co-dependency is typically a learned behaviour or emotional condition that “affects an individual’s ability to have a health, mutually satisfying relationship.” A good alternative phrase could be “relationship addiction”, because of the often destructive nature of co-dependant relationships. People most often learn co-dependency by watching family members from childhood. Many associate the term “co-dependant” with romantic relationships, but the truth is individual are just as likely to have co-dependant relationships with family members and friends.

Here are some signs that may indicate you’re in a co-dependent relationship:

• A heightened need for approval and recognition
• You fear being alone
• You have difficulty making decisions on your own
• An exaggerated sense of responsibility for others’ actions
• Doing more than your share is your default mode
• You fall apart without the other person (again, this doesn’t just apply to romantic partnerships)
• You find it difficult to trust – yourself or others
• Your life revolves around one single person who is not you
• You hide your shame about things that occur within your relationship
• You are anxious about the other person abandoning you
• You feel rejected when your partner chooses to spend time with others instead of you
• You are in a relationship with someone with a drug or alcohol problem
• You have difficulty with boundaries and intimacy

If you recognise any of these signs in yourself, then you may be in a co-dependant relationship. If, however, you recognise these things in your partner/family member, then perhaps you are the enabler in a co-dependant relationship. Whatever the case, being aware of the situation is an important first step in making things better.

Terminating the relationship isn’t necessarily the only/best course of action, so before doing anything decisive, it’s important to consider speaking with a mental health professional who can help you move forward. Failing that, seeking out educational materials on the subject can be a helpful first step.

Have you experienced a co-dependant relationship? Share your experience with us in the comments below.