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Arguing with the people you love? How to have a healthy family dispute

<div class="theconversation-article-body"><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jessica-robles-617248">Jessica Robles</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/loughborough-university-1336">Loughborough University</a> Unlike Britain’s royal family, most of us don’t have the option to move to another country when we don’t see eye to eye. But most of us have likely experienced disagreements with loved ones. <a href="https://www.sscnet.ucla.edu/soc/faculty/heritage/Site/Publications_files/CA_as_SOCIAL_THEORY.pdf">Conversations are designed to</a> do things – to start some action, and complete it – whether it’s a service transaction, an invitation to coffee or reassurance on a bad day. Our <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=ZnhyDwAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_ge_summary_r&cad=0#v=onepage&q&f=false">uniquely complex communicative system</a> has evolved to help us get things done in the social world. Arguments are part of this complex system. They can be unavoidable, necessary or even productive. But they can also be difficult. It can be hard to know what to do when tensions are high and harsh words are flying, particularly when it involves someone you’re close to. But research on how disputes unfold – and conversation more generally – offers some ideas about the best way to handle one. <h2>What is a dispute?</h2> There are many words for disagreeing, and there are plenty of academic theories describing what disputes are and why they happen. But arguments are not abstract models. They’re lived in, breathed in, sweated in and talked (or sometimes shouted) into being. Research focusing on <a href="https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/288351315.pdf">how disputes actually happen</a> shows they’re characterised by three types of features. First are the <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0378216606000488">vocal features</a>, which include talking in a higher pitch, louder and faster. Then, there are <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1750481310395452?casa_token=MCNQWEQD6HwAAAAA:8nbyXh-cgjWzfL3syRrwybRFQl_ddHIMy9tRIAwPRAFADrgHtR2LSl9ZoUFsVlnzWPjWaKQZZ9XEVA">embodied features</a> such as aggressive gestures and avoidant stances, such as turning away from someone. Finally, there are <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/01638539009544746?casa_token=BB9edpIE1oUAAAAA:FTK-JRJ2oCmG7BufkUAQX1k1_9C1Cvc12r5ynYPM6duFB-HDWhgef8Va-Rh5Z2XksR64oTcPmi4FAQ">interactional features</a> such as talking over each other, not listening or metatalk – <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/08351813.2020.1826765?casa_token=isJl2NJbSIkAAAAA:Mh-dXMfkBSGvEeoOWAoxLDjzbZ_eF-zbND-D8q4RAP5WHadqg1KUZDF_UnySFAcyb3LD-DF3BbGq1A">comments about the conversation</a> as it’s happening. <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1354067X9953001?casa_token=Gje17vkyg_AAAAAA:ik_4Ze-4PIFLa6yjthOpztvJrtdVOokhRT73M8jDN4t1w0Bl7WzW2--d1vjZwanphorOH_r6jaVZdA">Displays of emotion</a> such as displeasure or anger, are also common. Participants might accuse each other of emotions or label their own emotions. Disputes happen for several reasons. What each person is doing can vary, from <a href="https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.530.8869&rep=rep1&type=pdf">complaints and accusations</a> to <a href="https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1348/014466610X500791?casa_token=r58ikQ5XFxEAAAAA:QR9wr0Fcz7q5BeSvL8soAIhKMNA1O9TcpcBaLleBKDvZ8Q5sPyX1OSg0OzSL5-xb8By5QbgNm9kHNhg">demands, threats or resistance</a>. They can be about many things – familial obligations, what to have for dinner, politics or how to plan a holiday. Luckily, disputes share elements <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=2NxaC7nSetAC&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_atb#v=onepage&q&f=false">with each other</a> and with conversation generally – so you don’t have to invent new strategies every time you’re caught in one. <h2>Affiliation and alignment</h2> When bickering with a friend or family member, there are ways to make them feel like you’re still on their side even if you disagree. If you can keep these in mind, and use them at the right time, you might stop your dispute from escalating into something harder to mend. The first thing is <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/9781405198431.wbeal0196.pub2">affiliation</a>, which means support for the other person or their view of things. Affiliation involves phrasing what you say so it’s best <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/08351810903471258?casa_token=yxnWxfDAEB8AAAAA:uoHEX2dlOS06wxwlHH7TOWmmfB51qMMbzg5tadx5SeRcf_5-vABUKQZtIt0Hchu4vUlFNfCX4qRi5A">understood and easier to respond to</a>. For example, saying “you’ve been to France before, right?” invites someone to share their experience – partly by including the tag “right” at the end, which at least requires a confirmation. It can also involve categorisation, the way we talk about or treat others as <a href="https://link.springer.com/content/pdf/10.1007/BF00142771.pdf">certain types or group members</a>. For example, if you reduce the other person to a stereotype through labelling – by saying something like “girls always say stuff like that” or “OK, boomer” – you risk provoking a response to the insult, not to the action in which that insult was embedded. The second thing we expect from any conversation is alignment – cooperating with the direction of the conversation, such as accepting or denying a request. The opposite, disalignment, might occur when a request is ignored. Alignment has more to do with the sequence of the conversation, how the dispute unfolds over time. Asking for clarification – a practice known as <a href="https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0136100">repair</a> – or <a href="https://www.jbe-platform.com/content/journals/10.1075/prag.27.1.03rob?crawler=true">claiming a misunderstanding</a> can treat problems as fixable errors rather than moral failings or attacks. <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0261927X17744244">Humour can diffuse</a> conflict escalation. <h2>How to have a healthy dispute</h2> In the course of a dispute, you need to think about when to bring these tactics out. They’re more likely to yield better outcomes earlier in the dispute. By the time it’s escalated, your responses may be viewed through the prism of the dispute and <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?hl=en&lr=&id=eFSXDwAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PT200&ots=6tM3fJnXr1&sig=Zchtur1abh25W7ERN5Q49ASRaJc#v=onepage&q&f=false">any offensiveness</a> you’ve already displayed toward each other. In cases like this, teasing can come across as contempt, for example, and claims to misunderstand as bad-faith mockery. It can feel like disputes take on a life of their own – as if the conversation uses us rather than we use it – and this is partly because conversation can seemingly take us along for the ride (consider the difficulty of turning down invitations). We invest our identities into conversations so disputes can seem to threaten us and <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216618304302?casa_token=1SbOpn_2k8MAAAAA:YQ2Yb9nt-ONsmBKmVzTCx8cfl76bS5nK6_Yd8zONBVJFdJ57vwgdBDJxsXfk0aUOhilRQAF-ABA">what we stand for</a> morally. This may be starker with family, whose opinions of us often matter more than friends or colleagues, for example. It’s always worth stopping to reflect on what a dispute is really for, whether what you’re saying lines up with your goals and whether taking a stand is worth it.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/159565/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jessica-robles-617248">Jessica Robles</a>, Lecturer in Social Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/loughborough-university-1336">Loughborough University</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/arguing-with-the-people-you-love-how-to-have-a-healthy-family-dispute-159565">original article</a>. </div>

Family & Pets

Meet the grandmothers pushing boundaries with their New Year's resolutions

Each year, millions of people around the world decide it is their year to try new things and push boundaries. For many, these New Year's resolutions include getting fit and eating healthy, travelling, or saving money for a big purchase. But for these Aussie seniors, they are pushing their resolutions even further, taking part in activities that will keep them young. For Gold Coast great-grandmother Hilda Wren, she knew she wanted to make a change after she had never been on a plane before. So, naturally, she decided to make her first trip in a plane one to remember, by jumping out of the aircraft and skydiving over the coast. "I've done sort of kickboxing, tennis, dancing, everything and I thought skydiving would be something different," Hilda told <a href="https://9now.nine.com.au/today/rise-of-granfluencers-and-why-more-aussies-over-60-are-living-their-best-life/741432b9-4e3d-4831-a1c0-1134d66ac949" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Today</a>. "The grandkids think I'm absolutely marvellous." The 90-year-old admitted her first skydive was a little nerve-wracking, but after going up in the plane and jumping out another two times, she admitted it gets easier each time. "If anybody wants to do something different, do it while you can," she said. "I mean, I'm 90 now, and I'm glad I've done it three times - if I could do it again, I would." Melbourne pensioners Carmen and Ginger took up interesting resolutions last year, and this year have decided to try out pole dancing. "Take the opportunity to embrace whatever you want to embrace, more of what you love," Carmen said. Image credits: Today

Retirement Life

Heavily pregnant mum and disabled child kicked off plane

Siobhan Foster, her husband, and their disabled child were kicked off their flight after she was accused of being "aggressive" by a flight attendant. Foster, who is seven months pregnant, was onboard an easyJet flight to Ibiza to celebrate her brother's wedding. She struggled to find room for her carry-on in the overhead baggage compartment, so she asked a flight attendant to help her find space, but the response was reportedly "a sharp ‘Clearly Not’", which eventually led to a dispute. When things escalated, all 180 passengers were eventually told to disembark. One of Foster's outraged friends posted the <a href="https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/23859832/easyjet-passengers-kicked-off-pregnant-mum-stewardess-fight/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">video</a> on social media, and the Newtonabbey mum was seen collecting hand luggage while struggling to carry her toddler. “We’re being thrown off the plane today because of somebody thinking they’re better than everyone else,” the friend said. The easyJet stewardess responded: “Bye, bye bye," as the upset family walked down the stairs. Foster took to Facebook to complain about her experience with "sleezy jet". “So, I asked could you help me find somewhere, her reply was ‘You’ll need to find somewhere yourself’ even though there literally was nowhere," she wrote. She then claimed that she asked for help again, because she was heavily pregnant, to which the flight attendant allegedly said: "You’re being abusive and it’s not my job to help you.” Another flight attendant reportedly backed up her co-worker, but Foster argued that other airlines have been more helpful as she is pregnant. “Writing this, I understand it would make you think was I being abusive, but I honestly wasn’t and the whole plane can vouch for me,” Foster wrote. “People were actually putting this on [Facebook] about how bad I was treated.” After eventually finding a place for her bag, the pregnant mum was allegedly confronted by two other crew members who also accused her of being “aggressive.” Foster decided to ignore them because she was "crying" and "so upset," but the flight attendant reportedly started raising her voice. They were then kicked off, and were told it was because of Foster's aggression, but when Foster’s mum and brother asked for an exact reason, the crew members allegedly couldn't give them a direct response. After an hour, everyone had to disembark and the family were met by eight police officers and two Swissport employees and were told they would not be allowed back on the flight, despite other passengers being allowed back in. “So, that whole day we were in Belfast airport from one lunchtime to nine that night with our child, my legs were so swollen and sore with being on them all this time I was crying uncontrollably that this was happening to us for no reason whatsoever. “I’m so traumatized to the point I don’t know how I’ll ever fly again,” she wrote on Facebook. EasyJet has denied any wrongdoing and a spokesperson told the Daily Mail that "a group of passengers were "behaving disruptively." “EasyJet’s cabin crew and ground agents are trained to assess and evaluate all situations and to act quickly and appropriately to ensure that the safety of the flight and other passengers is not compromised at any time. “The Captain took the decision to ask all passengers on the flight to return to the terminal so the situation could be resolved and as soon as it was they re-boarded and the aircraft continued to Ibiza.” Despite the incident, the Foster family eventually made it to Ibiza the next day, just in time for the wedding, after catching a RyanAir flight out of Dublin. “Thankfully we got to Ibiza and made my brother’s wedding to say how stressed, upset, and overwhelmed I’ve been I honestly think I’ve no words,” she wrote. “EasyJet should be ashamed of themselves and I most definitely am taking this further, I’m still in shock of how we were treated especially being seven months pregnant and having a disabled child with us.” Images: Facebook

Travel Trouble

How a garden hose dispute between neighbours ended with a 30-year jail sentence

An Aussie man has been sentenced to 30 years in jail after shooting two of his neighbours, in a months-long dispute that began over a disagreement over a garden hose. Rodney John Lee, a 74-year-old from Melbourne's south-east, was sentenced to 30 years behind bars in court on Monday, after showing little remorse for pulling out a shotgun and murdering Saumoto Gasio and Tibor Laszlo, who lived in the same unit block. The dispute between the neighbours began several months ago, with tensions escalating quickly in the lead up to the shooting, which occurred on January 13th 2022. Lee had accused one neighbour's grandson of being a drug dealer, and was angry others would turn off a hose he used to water a communal garden. On the day of the killings, Lee left the hose running and went inside his apartment, later screaming in anger when he realised that the water had been shut off. According to court documents, Lee yelled to his neighbours, "You turn the hose off again you bastards, I'll f***ing kill you." Later that night, Lee confronted residents in the garden when he got into an argument with Mr Gasio, who told him he would ignore demands about the hose because he was wasting water by leaving the hose running unattended. Lee then went back to his apartment and armed himself with his grandfather's shotgun, before he headed back to the group and from close range fired at Mr Gasio, who was sitting on a bench. Other residents of the building fled the scene looking for safety, while a badly injured Mr Gasio stumbled into a neighbour's unit. As neighbours tried to help Mr Gasio, Lee came through the door and fired the shotgun again, this time hitting Mr Laszlo. Both men died at the scene. Before handing down the sentencing, Justice James Elliott described the killer's actions as "senseless and brutally violent". "Nothing could justify the disproportionate, senseless and brutally violent way in which you responded," Justice Elliott said. <div data-component="EmphasisedText"> "You murdered two people in their places of residence, where they were entitled to feel safe, in the presence of other residents of the unit complex." </div> "Both victims were completely defenceless against you." Lee is likely to die in jail, as he will be aged 97 by the time he is eligible for parole in early 2046. "You'll almost certainly be imprisoned for the remainder of your life," Justice Elliott said. Image credits: ABC News

Legal

“F**k vegans”: Top chef bans vegans from restaurant

Top Aussie chef John Mountain has banned all vegans from his restaurant in Connoly, Perth after an ugly dispute with a customer split the internet. The chef took to Instagram on Tuesday to announce that vegans won’t be catered to at his restaurant Fyre, which is a big missed steak for the vegans. “Sadly all vegans are now banned from Fyre (for mental health reasons),” he wrote. “We thank you for your understanding. Xx.” <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/Ctq0GAXP1Lm/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Ctq0GAXP1Lm/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Fyre (@fyrerestaurant)</a> </div> </blockquote> The ban reportedly came after a diner complained about the lack of vegan options and was charged $32 for a vegetable dish that was “okay but not that filling”. The young woman also added a personal attack against Mountain and said that his lack of accommodation showed his “shortcomings as a chef”. She also added that she’s “seen many restaurants come and go from that building and none of them last. “If you don’t get with the times, I don’t hold out faith that your restaurant will be the one that does.” Mountain accepted the complaint but not the personal attack, so he replied: “Thanks for your negative review… please feel free to share your s**tty experience and I look forward to not seeing you again.” “How very childish. You and all your vegan mates can all go and enjoy your dishes in another venue. You are now banned” Mountain, who was all Fyred up, also said: “F**k vegans seriously … I’m done. At the end of the day, it’s not what I want to do, they can f**k off.” Since the entire ordeal Fyre has been flooded with one star reviews, but many others have awarded it five stars and flooded the comments with positive messages. “Because of your news article I'm now following you and intend to book ! Love your comments and your wit!” wrote one person. “Never been to your restaurant before but we sure will be coming for a steak soon!!! Good on you for standing up for your restaurant,” commented another. “I can’t understand why so many vegans behave like meatheads,” commented a third. Image: Nine/ Instagram

Food & Wine

Lisa Wilkinson launches dispute into Logies speech advice

TV presenter Lisa Wilkinson has lodged a new submission to an inquiry into how the rape trial against Bruce Lehrmann was handled, with a focus on the circumstances surrounding her controversial Logies speech. The probe was announced in 2022 by the ACT government and was to be fronted by Walter Sofronoff KC. At the time of the announcement, it was also stressed that the probe would was about not recontesting Brittany Higgins’ rape allegation, but instead about the conduct of the criminal justice agencies. And in April 2023, news.com.au confirmed that Lisa Wilkinson had made a submission, which had not yet been made public, that outlined her experience with Director of Public Prosecutions Shane Drumgold prior to her speech at the Logie Awards - the same speech that ultimately saw the trial be delayed. As the publication noted, Channel 10 and their lawyers have disputed allegations that the DPP “expressly warned” Wilkinson against her address at the awards ceremony. This was reportedly seen in a letter leaked after the trial - one sent to the ACT Supreme Court - that saw Channel 10’s Executive Vice President Beverly McGarvey declare “neither Ms Wilkinson nor the Network Ten Senior Legal Counsel present at the conference with the DPP on June 15 2022 understood that they had been cautioned that Ms Wilkinson giving an acceptance speech at the Logie Awards could result in an application being made to the court to vacate the trial date. “Had they understood that a specific warning had been given, Ms Wilkinson would not have given that speech.” Wilkinson had been accepting an award for ‘Outstanding News Coverage or Public Affairs Report’ for her coverage of Brittany Higgins’ sexual assault allegations, and in the wake of the former The Project host’s words, the trial was delayed from June until October. Lucy McCallum, ACT Chief Justice, moved the dates “with gritted teeth” after Lehrmann’s defence team made a request following the speech and the intense media coverage that followed. “Unfortunately, however, the recent publicity [of the speech] does, in my view, change the landscape,’’ McCallum said. “Because of its immediacy, its intensity and its capacity to obliterate the important distinction between an allegation that remains untested at law. “For those reasons, regrettably and with gritted teeth, I have concluded that the trial date of 27 June towards which the parties have been carefully steering must be vacated.” Wilkinson had reportedly sought advice from DPP Shane Drumgold in 2021 to go over the evidence that she would present at trial, with a note from the meeting stating that Wilkinson had been given an opportunity to ask any questions she might have had. It was then that Wilkinson brought up her Logie nomination, though she reportedly noted that she didn’t believe she was in with a real chance of winning, as the show was being held by a ‘rival’ television network. As news.com.au reported, the DPP stopped Wilkinson from presenting her speech then and there, as he could neither approve nor offer her any advice regarding it, telling Wilkinson that “we are not speech editors.” “Notwithstanding that clear and appropriate warning, upon receiving the award, Ms Wilkinson gave a speech in which she openly referred to and praised the complainant in the present trial,” Justice McCallum said of the situation. “Unsurprisingly, the award, and the content of the speech have been the subject of further commentary.” Images: Getty

Legal

Lisa Wilkinson's inspirational New Year's resolution

Lisa Wilkinson has started 2023 on a positive note, sharing the pearl of wisdom she will be taking with her into the new year. The former host of The Project shared an inspirational quote to her Instagram page, saying she's "never been one for New Year's resolutions" but would be carrying the motivational quote with her this year. The quote reads, "The best weight you will ever lose is is the weight of other people’s opinion of you”, which is pictured written on a woman's legs in Lisa's post. Along with the snap, she wrote, “I’ve never been one for New Year’s Resolutions. In 2023, I’m making an exception though, for this blinding gem of wisdom. Who wants to join me?️️️️” Lisa's post has racked up over 18,000 likes, with her celebrity friends commenting that they are sharing a similar mindset for the new year. Surfing champ Lane Beachley said, "Game on sister!", while Laura Henshaw and Paris Hilton both commented, "Love this!!" At the end of 2022, Lisa shocked her fans by announcing she would be leaving The Project after five years on the show. The presenter cited a difficult last six months marked by “relentless, targeted toxicity”, saying, “It’s time to reprioritise a few things in my life.” Image credits: Instagram

7 research-based resolutions that will help strengthen your relationship in the year ahead

The new year is going to be better. It has to be better. Maybe you’re one of the <a href="https://www.finder.com/new-years-resolution-statistics" target="_blank" rel="noopener">74% of Americans</a> in one survey who said they planned on hitting the reset button on Jan. 1 and resolving to improve. Those <a href="http://maristpoll.marist.edu/marist-poll-national-results-analysis-4/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">New Year’s resolutions most commonly focus on</a> eating healthier, exercising, losing weight and being a better person. Admirable goals, to be sure. But focusing on body and mind neglects something equally important: your romantic relationship. Couples with <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2007.00393.x" target="_blank" rel="noopener">better marriages report higher well-being</a>, and one study found that having a better romantic relationship not only promoted well-being and better health now but that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/08952841.2020.1838238" target="_blank" rel="noopener">those benefits extend into the future</a>. The lesson is clear: Your relationship is important. Resolve to get it right. That doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. But here are seven resolutions based on recent psychological research that you can make this New Year to help keep your relationship going strong. <h2>1. Set yourself up for success</h2> Adjust your mindset so you see your relationship as a key <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6494.2005.00373.x" target="_blank" rel="noopener">source of positive experiences</a>. <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=v2ai_5wAAAAJ&hl=en&oi=ao" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Psychologists like me</a> call this boosting your social approach motivation. Instead of merely trying to avoid relationship problems, those with an approach motivation seek out the positives and <a href="http://peplab.web.unc.edu/files/2020/11/Don-Fredrickson-Algoe-JPSP-In-press-Approach-Paper-In-Press-.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">use them to help the relationship</a>. Here’s how: Imagine a conversation with your partner. Having more of an approach motivation allows you to focus on positive feelings as you talk and to see your partner as more responsive to you. Your partner gets a burst of positivity, too, and in return sees you as more responsive. One partner’s good vibes spill over to the other partner, ultimately benefiting both. After a year when your relationship may have felt unprecedented external strains, laying the foundation to take advantage of any positives is good place to start. <h2>2. Be optimistic</h2> While things in the past may not have always gone how you wanted, it’s important to be optimistic about the future. But the right kind of optimism matters. A <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12342" target="_blank" rel="noopener">2020 research study</a> from <a href="https://cns.utexas.edu/directory/item/84-human-dev-family-sci/3008-farnish-krystan?Itemid=349" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Krystan Farnish</a> and <a href="https://cns.utexas.edu/directory/item/14-human-ecology/259-neff-lisa-a?Itemid=349" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Lisa Neff</a> found that generally looking on the bright side of life allowed participants to deal with relationship conflict more effectively – as they put it, better able to “shake it off” – than did those who were optimistic specifically about their relationship. It seems that if people focus all their rosy expectations just on their relationship, it encourages them to anticipate few negative experiences with their partner. Since that’s unrealistic even in the best relationships, it sets them up for disappointment. <h2>3. Increase your psychological flexibility</h2> <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2005.06.006" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Try to go with the flow</a>. In other words, work on accepting your feelings without being defensive. It’s OK to adjust your behaviors – you don’t always have to do things the way you always have or go the places you’ve always gone. Stop being stubborn and experiment with being flexible. A 2020 study by <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Karen_Twiselton" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Karen Twiselton</a> and colleagues found that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12344" target="_blank" rel="noopener">when you’re more flexible psychologically</a>, relationship quality is higher, in part because you experience more positive and fewer negative emotions. For example, navigating the yearly challenge of holidays and family traditions is a relationship minefield. However, if both partners back away from a “must do” mentality in favor of a more adaptable approach, relationship harmony will be greater. <h2>4. It’s OK to put ‘me’ before ‘we’</h2> It’s easy for some people to play the self-sacrificing martyr in their romantic relationship. If this sounds like you, try to focus more on yourself. It doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad partner. When you’re psychologically healthy, your partner and your relationship also benefit. Researchers have identified <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/pspp0000231" target="_blank" rel="noopener">four main traits that are part of good mental health</a>: openness to feelings, warmth, positive emotions and straightforwardness. These traits help with being more clear about who you are, feeling better about who you are, expressing greater optimism and less aggression, exploiting others less and exhibiting less antisocial behavior. You can see how what’s good for you in this case would be good for your partner too. <h2>5. Do something for your partner</h2> But it’s not all about you. Putting your partner first some of the time and catering to your partner’s desires is part of being a couple. A 2020 study by <a href="https://carleton.ca/psychology/people/johanna-peetz/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Johanna Peetz</a> and colleagues found that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12357" target="_blank" rel="noopener">prioritizing your partner</a> makes you feel closer to them, increases positive feelings, reduces negative ones and boosts perceived relationship quality. In the new year, look for ways to give your partner some wins. Let them get their way from time to time and support them in what they want to do, without exclusively prioritizing your own wants and needs. <h2>6. Don’t be so hard on yourself</h2> So many New Year’s resolutions focus on body image. Aspirations to eat better and work out often stem from the same goal: a hotter body. Yet, research from <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Xue_Lei8" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Xue Lei</a> shows that you may not really know what your partner wants you to look like. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/bjop.12451" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Women tend to overestimate how thin</a> male partners want them to be. Similarly, men believe that female partners want them to be more muscular than women say they do. It may seem harmless, but in both cases individuals are more critical and demanding toward themselves, in part based on misreading what a partner truly desires. <h2>7. Stay in touch</h2> I saved the easiest item on the list for last: Touch your partner more. When <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Cheryl_Carmichael" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Cheryl Carmichael</a> and colleagues followed 115 participants over a 10-day period, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550620929164" target="_blank" rel="noopener">they found that initiating and receiving touch</a> – things like holding hands, cuddling, kissing – were associated with both a boost in closeness and relationship quality. Importantly, being touched by your partner has the added benefit of making you feel more understood and validated. Who couldn’t use more of that in the coming year? This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/7-research-based-resolutions-that-will-help-strengthen-your-relationship-in-the-year-ahead-152349" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>. Image: Shutterstock

Relationships

How to deal with losing touch with grandkids

Losing contact with your grandchild, or perhaps more accurately getting cut off from them, is perhaps the worst thing that can happen to grandparents but unfortunately, it happens and it’s on the rise. Each situation leading up to an estrangement is different but it commonly occurs after the marital breakdown of parents. The family conflict ripples out and grandparents are unfairly, but often collateral damage. The emotional toll it takes can be immense and heart-breaking but what can be done? Repair relationships Family conflict occurs and is exacerbated by poor communication. The best way to begin amends is to build bridges. Even if you’ve been unfairly hurt, remember this person is still your grandchild’s parent. It can be difficult but you need to respect that. Apologise – Be sincere. No caveats or justifications. You might not have done anything wrong or you might not even know what you did wrong to cause this rift but this is not a time for egos or personal pride. Remember this is the father or mother of your grandchild and they are the parents. They may have made mistakes but they are still the parents. Make peace for the sake of making peace and to mend the relationship, because if you want to see grandchildren, you will need a relationship with both parents. Make it about the child – Parents going through a separation or divorce are often wrapped in their own conflicts. Yet parents will hopefully do what is best for their child. It might be self-evident that grandparents are good for children but this might not be obvious to parents who have been through emotional turmoil, bitterness and separation. Approach in a sensitive, non-accusatory and non-judgemental way and explain the importance and usefulness of grandparents to children. Remind them the positive role you have taken in the past and that grandparents are not only a source of comfort to children in difficult times but can be the rock of stability in these trying times. You can offer practical help like picking up from school as well as reminding that keeping in touch will help children’s sense of family identity and history. Talk it out – Sometimes your children (and in-laws) simply have no idea that their parents are feeling so devastated and grief-stricken. They might not have considered the effects of their behaviour on others or presumed you would take your child’s side. Reassure them that you don’t want to take sides, just that you want what is best for your grandchild. Seek legal help This should be the last option because starting legal action will almost always end any hope of repairing the relationship between parents and grandparents. Even so, there is no guarantee that going through the courts will provide a happy outcome. Within our current legal system, grandparents do not have an automatic right to have a relationship with a grandchild. According to Legal Aid NSW, anyone who has an ongoing relationship with the child, or any other person who can show that they are concerned with the care, welfare or development of a child (including grandparents) may apply to the Court for Parenting Orders. A Parenting Order can be an order that you can spend time with or communicate with the child. It will be up to the Court to decide what will happen, based on what is in the child’s best interests. Image: Getty

Family & Pets

Finding a legal resolution through mediation

To say legal disputes can get messy is quite an understatement. And court is the last place you want to be with someone that you were previously close with. The good news is that there are alternatives. We’re going to look at mediation, an effective legal process that can be used to handle complicated disputes when there’s a need to preserve the relationship. We’re going to look at the ins and outs of this process, so you can figure out whether or not it’s in your best interest for your particular dispute. What is mediation? In a basic sense, mediation is a structured negotiation process with a third party involved. The third, independent party is known as the mediator and is brought in to help assist the groups identify and assess the different options they have for resolving disputes. Mediation is useful if there is a need for parties to find a way to preserve their relationship and the possibility that a judge’s decision won’t resolve the dispute. It also has the following advantages: <ul> <li>Time – mediation tends to resolve disputes much quicker than a trial.</li> <li>Cost – mediation avoids the costs of preparing and running a trial entirely.</li> <li>Flexibility – mediation gives both parties more control over the outcome. </li> <li>Stress – mediation is less formal, and a much more relaxed environment.</li> <li>Confidentiality – mediation by its nature is private and a judge is not informed.</li> <li>Satisfaction – because both parties have had an influence in the decisions it’s more likely to please everybody.</li> <li>Finality – the settlement can only be modified with agreement of all parties.</li> </ul> How does it work? Basically, before a mediation commences, the mediator will consult both parties with a view to figure out the best process for coming to a dispute. This will also generally involve a discussion about the background of the matter and issues involved. The process itself is flexible and tailored to the circumstances. Mediators may assist the flow of negotiations and offer different perspectives. In the end if the parties come to an agreement the matter is settled in full or in part or if a conclusion is unable to be reached a trial may be necessary depending on the circumstances of the dispute. Have you ever found yourself in a legal dispute and how did you cope? Do you think mediation is an option you might look into exploring now? Image: Shutterstock

Legal

NASA releases highest-resolution images of infrared Universe

New images released by NASA have captured the Universe in a level of detail never before seen and shows a cluster of galaxies as it appeared 4.6 billion years ago. The images, taken by the $13 billion James Webb Space Telescope, depict galaxy cluster <a href="https://www.nasa.gov/image-feature/goddard/2022/nasa-s-webb-delivers-deepest-infrared-image-of-universe-yet" target="_blank" rel="noopener">SMACS 0723</a> using composite images from its near-infrared camera that were taken at different wavelengths. The galaxy cluster has been photographed previously by the Hubble Space Telescope, though its smaller mirrors and closer orbit to Earth mean its images are less detailed and that it can’t peer back as far in time in comparison to the James Webb telescope, as reported by the <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2022-07-13/nasa-webb-hubble-telescope-universe-image-comparison/101233396" target="_blank" rel="noopener">ABC</a>. As a result, the structures of distant galaxies are now visible, including clusters of stars and other features, according to a <a href="https://www.nasa.gov/image-feature/goddard/2022/nasa-s-webb-delivers-deepest-infrared-image-of-universe-yet" target="_blank" rel="noopener">release</a> from NASA. “We are looking back in time to within a billion years after the big bang when viewing the youngest galaxies in this field,” the release reads. In total, four images have been released by NASA, depicting the cosmic cliffs of the <a href="https://www.nasa.gov/image-feature/goddard/2022/nasa-s-webb-reveals-cosmic-cliffs-glittering-landscape-of-star-birth" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Carina Nebula</a> (a star-forming gaseous cavity created from ultraviolet radiation and stellar winds), <a href="https://www.nasa.gov/image-feature/goddard/2022/nasa-s-webb-sheds-light-on-galaxy-evolution-black-holes" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Stephen’s Quintet</a> (a group of five growing galaxies which appeared in the film It’s a Wonderful Life), the <a href="https://www.nasa.gov/image-feature/goddard/2022/nasa-s-webb-captures-dying-star-s-final-performance-in-fine-detail" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Southern Ring Nebula</a> (a dying star surrounded by rings of gas and dust), and SMACS 0723. Spectra of the atmosphere surrounding <a href="https://www.nasa.gov/image-feature/goddard/2022/nasa-s-webb-reveals-steamy-atmosphere-of-distant-planet-in-detail" target="_blank" rel="noopener">WASP-96 b</a>, a hot gas giant exoplanet, was also released. It shows evidence of water, as well as clouds and haze in the atmosphere of the planet, which orbits a distant Sun-like star. These images and spectra collected from Webb’s other instruments, will be used by scientists to learn more about the masses, ages, histories and compositions of the distant galaxies. Experts from around the world have shared their excitement at the release of the images and what it will mean for future research. “Wow wow wow!!! The Webb telescope continues to absolutely amaze and delight with these first images!” Dr Kim-Vy Tran, an associate professor at UNSW and a professional astronomer, said. “Stephan’s Quintet is a fabulous system of close galaxies, you can almost feel the shockwaves as these galaxies collide and tumble in their cosmic dance. Bound together by gravity, these galaxies are important for understanding the future of galaxies like our Milky Way. The Carinae nebula is also just superb. It’s a stellar nursery full of baby stars where we’re seeing incredible levels of detail for the first time. It’s like before we could see just the trees in the forest, but now we can see down to the branches and even the leaves of individual trees. Some of these baby stars are super-charged giants that are radiating huge amounts of energy, imagine a UV index of a gazillion!" Dr Themiya Nanayakkara, an astronomer at Swinburne University of Technology and the Australian point of contact for the James Webb Space Telescope user support, described seeing the images as “quite humbling”. "It is quite humbling to see the sharpest images of our birth clouds in our cosmic neighbourhood,” Dr Nanayakkara said. “As a person who has spent many nights using the largest telescopes on Earth to detect the faintest signatures of the early cosmos, I feel the transformation to JWST will be game-changing. The released spectra show that we don’t just detect one faint line, we can get the full suite of chemical elements in these galaxies. “This, for the first time, gives us unique human DNA-like signatures of the first galaxies in the Universe to build up the origin story of life and everything around us. And to think of that the most exciting times from this telescope are yet to come!" Images: NASA, ESA, CSA, and STScI

Technology

Man fined thousands for unsolicited pruning in neighbourly dispute

When one New Zealand man’s quest for extra sunshine in his bedroom saw him turn his neighbour’s line of trees into stumps, he didn’t expect that it would come with an eyewatering fine. The devastated neighbour took the imprudent gardener to small claims court, where it was found the man, referred to as HL, had trespassed on his neighbours property. The recently released Disputes Tribunal decision said HL had “practically removed” seven Ake Ake trees and several Elaegnus shrubs from his neighbours’ property, the <a href="https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/man-ordered-to-pay-neighbours-7k-for-cutting-their-trees-without-permission/ZFSMBS3EUKKE7AEMEWQKQCQO4I/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">NZ Herald</a> reported. HL was ordered to pay his neighbours, referred to as LG and KG, a hefty $NZD 7478 ($AUD 6800) to replace the trees and cover legal costs. The man admitted he cut the trees but claimed he did it after he and LG agreed they needed to be topped, adding that LG had picked the height at which HL should cut. But LG strongly denied the exchange, stating he had only acknowledged that the trees were hanging over HL’s property and needed trimming. “LG said there was a discussion about how they were to do it, that HL had a chainsaw and that LG would help him trim the overhanging branches and pay the tip fees,” the court decision said. Instead, the tribunal found that HL cut the trees and shrubs without the permission of LG and KG, and did so while they were away from their property for about 45 minutes. With HL unable to prove his version of events, the tribunal accepted LG’s evidence that he only discussed trimming back the overhanging branches with HL. “It does not make sense that LG would agree to taking height off the top of the trees, as that would result in a loss of privacy for him and his wife. THe only party who benefitted from the trees being topped was HL.” Photographs were also submitted to the tribunal, which said that it was impossible for the trees to have simply been topped based on the images. “Topping denotes the removal of the top part of the trees, but implies that some, or perhaps most, of the tree is left to grow. The pictures show that in some cases there are only stumps left, while other trees show some longer level of trunk with trimmed branches. “The pictures do not show that the trees have been trimmed, but rather practically removed.” Image: Getty Images

Legal

Top causes of neighbour disputes

While living in close proximity to others can often foster close community, it can also bring out the worst in people. Some neighbours can be itching for confrontation by complaining about seemingly trivial things that can turn into a full blown neighbourhood spat. From disagreements about a home’s exterior to noisy furry friends, here are the top causes for disputes with a neighbour. Fences From 2018 to 2021, the Community Justice Centre in Sydney received 16,377 inquiries related to neighbourhood disputes, with fences sparking 13 per cent of those complaints, more than any other cause of dispute. According to the law, neighbours must agree on a “sufficient dividing fence” and pay half the cost each. The main issue comes from neighbours being unable to agree on what is deemed “sufficient”. Also, when it comes to repairs, there are often major disputes about which neighbour on which side of the fence will front the costs. Trees and hedges According to the Community Justice Centre in Sydney, tree and plant complaints made up over 12 percent of complaints from neighbours. While plants and trees can look beautiful, they often come with a range of issues, such as blocking gutters and falling branches, that come with a heavy cost to repair. “These are expensive arguments if the neighbours do not find an agreed solution,” says Rochelle Castro, strata lawyer at RC and Co Lawyers. Noisy neighbours Home schooling, renovations and working from home have all aided in the increase of noise complaints from neighbours over the last two years. “With more people working from home, there was an increase in the number of pollution reports to EPA about environmental incidents, particularly noise, dust and smoke issues in 2020-2021,” says a representative from the Environment Protection Authority in Victoria. Before Covid, these normal noise complaints would not have had as much of an impact, but with people stuck in their homes for months on end, the complaints started to grow. During 2020-2021, noise complaints to the EPA rose by a huge 108 per cent in Victoria, one of the most locked-down states in the country. “Before, building work wouldn’t have annoyed them. But given they’re now working from home, they have to take conference calls while home renovations are happening next door,” says principal lawyer at Progressive Legal Ian Aldridge. Problem pets During the pandemic, dog ownership rose approximately 19 percent according to the Animal Medicines Australia’s new Pets and Pandemic report. While our furry friends are definitely cute companions, they can also be noisey. These late night barks can often be a point of contention with neighbours, but if neighbours engage in healthy conversation and resolve disputes with ease, confrontation can be avoided. Image credits: Getty Images

Real Estate

Experts dispute Endeavour discovery

Two international groups are at odds over the authenticity of the Australian National Maritime Museum's (ANMM) controversial announcement that it has found the HMB Endeavour.The ANMM says the 22-year search for Captain Cook's ship has ended with confirmation its submerged wreckage was found in Newport Harbour in the US state of Rhode Island. However, the museum and its research partners the Rhode Island Marine Archaeology Project (RIMAP) who conducted the search have said the announcment came prematurely.Author and Captain Cook biographer Rob Mundle has said the disagreement between the two groups means it is too early to definitively say if the famous vessel has been located, even if the signs are promising. "I think that if both sides don't come out as one, then we ain't got anything to be too excited about at the moment," Mr Mundle told <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2022-02-04/question-marks-over-endeavour-find-says-captain-cook-expert/100803474" target="_blank" rel="noopener">ABC Radio National</a>."There are certain elements there that would suggest that it's Endeavour, and there's nothing really to say that it's not Endeavour.""But until we find something that says, 'Yes there is no doubt whatsoever that this is Endeavour', then I think there is a question mark hanging over it."While Mr Mundle said most of the Endeavour's original materials would be lost to time, he believes that finding one of the distinguishing bricks used to keep heat in the ship's kicthen would be a sure sign of its identity. "If someone came up with one those bricks, which you'd expect they would be able to, then I think that would be enough, I think, to confirm that it is Endeavour," he said.Despite his claims, University of Sydney marine shipwreck expert Dr Natali Pearson has a "high degree of confidence" in the find, after working with the ANMM and its researchers. Dr Pearson believes that confirming the resting place of the "celebrity shipwreck" is the perfect opportunity to discuss the everlasting impact of the Endeavour's actions on Indigenous Australians. "Of more value for historians and archaeologists, however, are wrecks that change how we understand the past, that shed new light on ancient trading networks or ship construction techniques, for example," she said.The Endeavour was originally launched as the Earl of Pembroke in 1764, before being renamed as the Endeavour by Britain's Royal Navy in 1768. Over the next three years, the ship voyaged to the South Pacific, on an astronomical mission to record the transit of Venus in Tahiti, before reaching Australia.The vessel lay forgotten for more than two centuries, after it was sold to private owners and later deliberately sunk by British forces in 1778.Image credits: Australian National Maritime Museum

Travel Trouble

‘Drained and wary of the future’: why you might feel different about New Year’s resolutions this year

At the beginning of each year, many people make vows to either do or not do something to improve their life in some way. The fresh start of a new year is magically equated with a fresh start to life and often imbued with renewed hope that this year things will be better. As we enter 2022, after two years of living with COVID-19, this hope may be stronger than usual. The pandemic’s impacts have ranged from deaths and other adverse effects on physical and mental health, to huge changes in employment, income, travel, leisure and the ability to socialise. The effect on individuals has varied considerably, depending on what their life was like beforehand, how much it has affected them personally, and their own resilience. Based on discussions with colleagues and patients, we may see resolutions driven by loss, guilt and anger, plus a rush on common types of self-improvement resolutions and a greater drive for overall life changes. Resilience How we respond to the shocks of the pandemic depends in part on our <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.3402/ejpt.v5.25338" target="_blank">resilience</a>: the ability to adapt well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress. It involves “bouncing back” from difficult experiences, and it can also involve personal growth. People who have lost loved ones to COVID may respond with New Year’s resolutions, but they may take positive or negative forms. Positive resolutions might be commitments to honour the deceased in some way, or to live well because your loved one cannot. A pact or vow made with or to a deceased loved one to “live life better” can be a powerful, positive motivator to change bad health habits such as smoking, excessive drinking or gambling, although professional help is advisable to ensure safe and lasting change. Negative resolutions, often driven by strong feelings of anger and despair, might be vows to seek revenge or punish those who may seem responsible for the death of their relative or friend. “Revenge resolutions” are not usually helpful adaptations and may spring from a sense of guilt arising from not being able to save their loved one or spend time with them. People who survived a COVID infection while a loved one did not, in particular, <a href="https://doi.apa.org/fulltext/2020-43452-001.html">often experience strong feelings of guilt</a>. Guilt-driven resolutions are driven by powerful emotions. They are likely to be realised in some form throughout the year, when hopefully the driving emotions become less intense by the following year. Personal improvement Since the virus has posed a major health risk, it would make sense for more people than ever to choose the New Year to resolve to improve their own health. Quitting smoking is a very common New Year’s resolution, and it seems even more sensible than usual amid a global pandemic of a virus that mainly attacks the respiratory system. However, as many people have found in the past, giving up cigarettes is very difficult and often requires significant planning and help to succeed. <img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/436539/original/file-20211209-19-167gm8e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" alt="" /> Quitting smoking or other drugs is a very common New Year’s resolution. But while the pandemic may have increased the desire for change, it won’t necessarily make it any easier to achieve. Shutterstock While the pandemic may have made the desire for change stronger, it does not magically make resolutions any easier to achieve. This applies similarly to resolutions to change the use of alcohol or other drugs, which would also benefit from planning and professional help. Weight loss is another favourite New Year’s resolution. The famous “COVID kilos” will no doubt drive more people than usual to resolve to lose weight in 2022. Crash diets are common, but are often abandoned by February. Careful eating and an exercise plan accompanying the resolution will make it more likely to succeed. Bigger changes While COVID is likely to give an extra edge to common resolutions, we are also likely to see a surge in resolutions for overall “lifestyle change”. Many people’s attitudes to work and family have changed dramatically over the past two years, due to travel restrictions, work or study from home, and little socialisation with those outside our immediate families. This hugely significant alteration in our way of life has caused many people to reconsider their futures. Many have found great enjoyment in spending time with family and are now rethinking their work–home balance. Discovering that working from home is possible has made many people reconsider their career options moving into 2022. Some <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2021-05-10/quit-your-job-how-to-resign-after-covid-pandemic" target="_blank">experts anticipate</a> a post-pandemic work exodus, dubbed the “great resignation”, in which millions of people, from frontline workers to senior executives, may resign from their jobs. <img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/436541/original/file-20211209-68670-gy08bg.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" alt="" /> As working from home has become more common, attitudes to work and family have shifted. Shutterstock According to <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.microsoft.com/en-us/worklab/work-trend-index/hybrid-work" target="_blank">recent research</a> by Microsoft, more than 40% of the global workforce are considering leaving their employers. This trend is expected to be replicated in different industries in the USA, UK and Europe. In Australia, <a rel="noopener" href="https://theconversation.com/australias-great-resignation-is-a-myth-we-are-changing-jobs-less-than-ever-before-170784" target="_blank">this trend is not evident</a>, but nonetheless, a New Year’s resolution may be to determine a different type of employment for 2022 and beyond. Two paths for 2022 COVID-19 has left most of us drained and wary of the future. Many people believed the pandemic would end in 2020, but 2021 brought more infection, lockdowns and restrictions. In times of trauma, when the future is uncertain, there can be a polarisation of behaviours. Some people adopt a “devil may care, live for now” attitude to life, with greater risk taking. Others take the opposite attitude, and exercise extreme caution and narrow their existence further. Both groups may well make New Year’s resolutions to fit their approach to life.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/172305/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a rel="noopener" href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jayashri-kulkarni-185" target="_blank">Jayashri Kulkarni</a>, Professor of Psychiatry, <a rel="noopener" href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/monash-university-1065" target="_blank">Monash University</a> This article is republished from <a rel="noopener" href="https://theconversation.com" target="_blank">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a rel="noopener" href="https://theconversation.com/drained-and-wary-of-the-future-why-you-might-feel-different-about-new-years-resolutions-this-year-172305" target="_blank">original article</a>.

Mind

Proud and resolute": Queen’s new statue design FINALLY revealed

Royal fans have been given a first look at a statue of Queen Elizabeth that's currently under construction – and strictly under wraps. The statue is set to be uncovered just in time for Her Majesty’s Platinum Jubilee in 2022 and is being created by artist Richard Bossons, who is part of York Minster cathedral's masonry team. It will stand two metres tall and will weigh out to about two tonnes. Bossons admitted to the BBC that the sculpture had been challenging to design. <img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7843321/queen-statue-rare-photos-5.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/bce3f9bd79454d17bacca654fd4f9e51" /> Image: Twitter @York_Minster "The statue needs to be part of the fabric, not a distraction from it, yet it also has to have the poise and presence befitting of the Queen's unique role," he said. "She will stand proud and resolute in her niche, welcoming worshippers and visitors alike," Bossons added. The statue will show the Queen dressed in Garter robes and the George IV State Diadem. She will also be holding an orb and sceptre, to symbolise her 70-year reign on the British throne. The Twitter York Minster took to Twitter to share more information on the design: "We're delighted to be able to share some images showing the on-going work behind the creation of the new statue of Her Majesty The Queen, set to be installed in summer '22. <img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7843320/queen-statue-rare-photos-4.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/67c5d35a2b1f4be9af2ddf767804f5cb" /> Image: Twitter @York_Minster "Designer & carver Richard Bossons showcasing his incredible skill." The 2022 Jubilee is set to take place from Thursday, June 2 to Sunday, June 5 in 2022. <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> We’re delighted to be able to share some images showing the on-going work behind the creation of the new statue of Her Majesty The Queen, set to be installed in summer '22. Designer & carver Richard Bossons showcasing his incredible skill 👏 Read more > <a href="https://t.co/E0Y8gaUNNj">https://t.co/E0Y8gaUNNj</a> <a href="https://t.co/hq5Dn4MQ4P">pic.twitter.com/hq5Dn4MQ4P</a> — York Minster (@York_Minster) <a href="https://twitter.com/York_Minster/status/1427954810381377541?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 18, 2021</a></blockquote> "Throughout the year, Her Majesty and Members of the Royal Family will travel around the country to undertake a variety of engagements to mark this historic occasion culminating with the focal point of the Platinum Jubilee Weekend in June - one year from today," Buckingham Palace revealed. Trooping the Colour will take place on Thursday, June 2, instead of its usual Saturday date.

Beauty & Style

Dramatic arrest of Rashays co-founder after mask dispute

Rashays, a high-profile restaurant chain has been involved in a massive crackdown after they did not adhere to COVID lockdown compliances. Rami Ykmour, the founder of the popular eatery was arrested, and two of his staff were fined for not wearing masks. The confrontation began when over 100 officers began patrolling the Canterbury-Bankstown, Fairfield and Liverpool local government areas on Friday. <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> COVID Arrest: A Rashays co-founder has been charged after a tip-off that a number of workers weren't wearing masks. Rami Ykmour said his staff put their masks back on after eating, but he was led to a police van after allegedly refusing to provide details. <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/COVID19NSW?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#COVID19NSW</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/Sydney?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#Sydney</a> <a href="https://t.co/LQ3Voyn2hg">pic.twitter.com/LQ3Voyn2hg</a> — 10 News First Sydney (@10NewsFirstSyd) <a href="https://twitter.com/10NewsFirstSyd/status/1413270911722000387?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 8, 2021</a></blockquote> It was announced on Thursday that officers were showing extra show of force to ensure compliance: with lockdown restrictions as the city faces a surge of COVID-19 transmission. Footage that has since gone viral on Facebook shows Mr Ykmour speaking calmly with officers in the front of the office on Ferngrove Place at Chester Hill. Police were reportedly tipped off about a Covid-19 health order breach by an anonymous caller about 3.50 pm on Thursday. Two staff members allegedly became aggressive with police and the Rashays co-founder refused to provide his details. <img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7842350/rashay-2.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/8269026daf3a44f2a1c8f8dd8c0eb54f" /> The video shows police pointing at staff who are not wearing masks, to which Mr Ykmour says is not a good enough reason to fine the restaurant as the workers could have been eating lunch or blowing their noses. “I'm here to follow the law,” Mr Ykmour can be heard saying to the officer. “You've just got to understand that these people here, are here supporting people who are unemployed. That's what we're doing, during a pandemic.” The argument escalated after Mr Ykmour asked the officer to wait in the lobby, but he refused to do so as “an offence has been committed.” Several officers soon appeared. “He's calling for backup,” Mr Ykmour can be heard saying to the camera. “Look how many police officers he's got. He's got 10 officers.” A staff member sitting at the reception desk can be seen becoming emotional. “One, two, three, four,” Mr Ykmour says while pointing around at the officers. “There's 20 people here for a young girl.” The woman then collapses onto the floor and Mr Ykmour calls an ambulance while yelling at the officers. “A police officer walks in and says to me there's 30 people in here, I got an anonymous call, that 30 people in here don't have a mask on,” he recalls calmly. The other officer confirms that police received the anonymous call to the shock of Mr Ykmour. <img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7842349/rashay-1.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/02a7d5173aeb48f59e9ca1a84b4607b5" /> A NSW Police spokesperson said two staff members have since been issued $200 fines for not wearing face masks. Mr Ykmour was arrested and issued a Field Court Attendance Notice for hinder police.

Legal

Brothers destroy home in family dispute

A legal battle between two brothers and their sister over their inheritance has stepped up a notch after the brothers hired a bulldozer to demolish the family home. Malcolm and Garry Taylor travelled from Queensland to Murtoa, in regional Victoria, claiming they were doing “renovations” on the property. In reality, they were doing what they could to ensure their sister Kerrie “didn’t get a cent” when the house was sold. The siblings have been in a legal standoff over their late parents’ estate for several years, culminating in the destruction of the home the day before it went to auction in 2019, which was filmed by the brothers. The footage showed the brothers taking turns demolishing the house with a rented excavator. <iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" width="698" height="573" scrolling="no" id="molvideoplayer" title="MailOnline Embed Player" src="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/embed/video/2454133.html"></iframe> After their mother Lois died in December 2013, Kerrie was made executor of her estate. The brothers challenged this decision and claimed Kerrie had killed their mother. The stoush started when Malcolm and Garry found out their children would receive $10,000 in trust payments as part of the estate. The Victoria County Court has heard the brothers would “rather pull [the house] down piece by piece” than share the money resulting from its sale with their sister. According to court documents, Malcolm called the real estate agent involved in the sale in November 2018, claiming Kerrie “killed his mother” and that he would “continue to take items from the house until there was nothing left”. Court documents also said the destruction caused tens of thousands of dollars in damages and the cancellation of the auction. Damage included the graffiti of “Lois was murdered here” and the outline of a body in her bedroom by Malcolm, according to court documents. Malcolm denied any knowledge of the graffiti in court. The pair will be sentenced on Friday after earlier pleading guilty to criminal damage, with a judge lamenting how family disputes bring out the worst in people. It is expected they will be fined rather than jailed. Image: The Daily Mail / Supplied

Real Estate

Petty neighbourhood dispute over tree

As much as we all want to get along with our neighbours, it can be tough when they resort to petty acts. A Reddit user from the UK has shared their story of their extremely petty neighbour, with photos to prove it. In one of the photos, a large tree can be seen that sits on the border between two properties. On one side, the tree has branches covered in leaves and looks like it needs a bit of a trim. On the other side, the tree has been trimmed down to the trunk so not even a leaf or branch encroaches on the neighbour’s property. <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CQe4cZwg4g-/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="13"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CQe4cZwg4g-/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by thetodayshow (@thetodayshow)</a> </div> </blockquote> The user captioned their post, saying: “Some traditional British pettiness on display”, and the post has received more than 30,000 likes from other users, with some sharing their recognition of the kind of dispute the two houses were experiencing. “The wrought iron gate really sets it off nicely,” one user commented. “Feel like I know the exact guy.” Another said: “He asked if he could cut down the ivy on the front of my house. I said no. He tried to do it when he thought I was out.” Image: The Today Show / Instagram

Relationships

Dispute heats up over Prince Charles and Prince Harry's finances

A new argument has broken out between Prince Charles and Prince Harry over money. Newly-released information about accounts has shown that Prince Charles continued to support his son and Meghan Markle as they stepped down as senior members of the royal family. He continued to provide funds to the Duke and Duchess of Sussex from his Duchy of Cornwall fund until the last quarter of 2020. In a statement, a spokesman for Charles said that “the Prince of Wales allocated a substantial sum” to Harry and Meghan last year “to support them” with their transition in stepping down and relocating to California. “That funding ceased in the summer of last year.” “The couple are now financially independent,” they added. This contradicts the claims Prince Harry made during that Oprah interview where he said that his father had cut him off financially. A representative for the Sussex family has insisted there is no difference in the timeline. “You are conflating two different timelines and it’s inaccurate to suggest that there’s a contradiction,” the spokesperson said, according to <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/prince-harry-meghan-markle-charles-finances-b1871723.html" target="_blank">The Independent.</a> “The Duke’s comments during the Oprah interview were in reference to the first quarter of the fiscal reporting period in the UK, which starts annually in April. “This is the same date that the ‘transitional year’ of the Sandringham agreement began and is aligned with the timeline that Clarence House referenced.”

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