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8 things to never post about your relationship on social media

Anything personal about your partner, without his or her permission All of those feel-good hormones that are produced from sexual affection and mutual attraction make the simplest qualities about your partner pretty adorable – from how he sticks out his tongue when he’s thinking to how she hums rap tunes while she’s cooking. But instead of sharing these personal details with all of your FB friends (and thus, their extended network too), you not only lessen your intimacy, but you could make your partner uncomfortable. “You can post things that are personal about you if you want, but don’t post things that are personal about your significant other because it becomes an invasion of their privacy,” says clinical sexologist and relationship expert Dr Dawn Michael. “Be aware of the relationship outside of yourself. Don’t post anything personal about your significant other unless they do it themselves.” Swiping at your partner during a fight You might be in the heat of an argument and know that you’re right, but your partner’s stubborn attitude keeps him or her from giving in for at least a few more hours. You may want to get a second opinion from your pals online – to prove a point or get consolation in the moment, but resist the urge. Not only is it tacky and probably makes your friends feel some TMI vibes, but it can be incredibly hurtful to your partner and have a lasting effect on your reputation. “Never put your significant other down on social media, or talk about a fight that the two of you had or are having,” Michael explains. “When that argument is over, you may seriously regret saying anything because now people are going to have a negative impression of your partner. Just like telling your mum about the fight you had last night with your partner and then when you see mum next you wonder why she is not being nice to that person? Same applies to social media, it is not the outlet to air your arguments or dislikes about your partner.” Your ultrasound While OB-GYNs often suggest waiting until your second trimester to share the happy news with friends and relatives because your risk of miscarriage is lower, updating your social media accounts with an ultrasound might be taking your photo albums too far. The blurry image might be the cutest, most amazing image you’ve ever seen, but your followers might find it awkward. “It’s great that you’re announcing you’re pregnant, but do you have to post a photo of your unborn baby on social media? It violates my ‘Rules of Netiquette’ as something that makes some people uncomfortable,” says Julia Spira, cyber dating expert and author of The Rules of Netiqueette: How to Mind Your Digital Manners. “While many will toast to your new relationship status, we don’t need to see every detail of your doctor’s appointments.” Kissing selfies Say you’re the friend who’s been forever single. You’ve had all the terrible dates and lonely nights, and magically, wonderfully, you’ve found someone you want to spend your life with. Your besties are ecstatic for you – truly – but if you post one-too-many kissing selfies, they’re likely to raise an eyebrow. “Posting a mushy selfie may be fine if you do it once, but for people who overshare their tongue-in-mouth ceremony, I say don’t kiss and tell,” Spira says. “We want to be happy that things are going well for you, up to a point.” Not only does seeing your romantic, physical moments feel a bit intrusive, but it can be painful for people who maybe haven’t been as lucky in love. “Your single friends might get uncomfortable – call it FOMO or jealousy,” Spira says. “Either way, don’t be surprised if you get unfriended and blocked when you overshare photos like these.” Expensive gifts Sure, you’re psyched about the swanky gift your partner just gave you – ruby earrings, Louis Vuitton duffle bag, or gigantic TV – but to friends who are living more hand to mouth, it can come across shallow and ungrateful. “We are all on different budgets, and if your beau is lavishing you with diamonds and expensive gifts, posting photos of the latest acquisition will turn people off,” Spira says. “Many people are struggling financially, and they look to social media to get cheered up, so seeing posts of things we can’t afford comes off as superficial. Bragging on social media is a netiquette no-no.” It could also be an insult to your partner, who is likely wrapping up these moments of joy to share with you personally, not for you to boast about for everyone to see online. And finally, it could make you and your significant other a target for theft. Your breakup Spare everyone the gory details, which are more than likely to be TMI or sour grapes. If you and your partner break up, the emotional mess is enough to clean up without having to field comments and advice from the online peanut gallery. “Keep it simple. If it’s over, it’s over,” Spira says. “Posting about how you got dumped shouldn’t be public knowledge. Just change your relationship status to ‘Single’ when and if you call it quits to signal that you’re on the market again. Keep the vicious details to yourself.” Scantily clad pics of your partner Sexting can be a fun way to entice your partner when they’ve been stressed out at work or you’ve both been too busy for intimacy, but those images are never meant to go beyond your shared blue bubbles. As psychotherapist and relationship expert, Sarah Mandel, notes, there’s a lot of trust built between couples who share racy photos, and breaking that is dangerous for the longevity of your relationship. Not to mention that your friends would likely want you to keep it to yourself. “Your partner may be hot, but that doesn’t give you the permission to post private pics of him or her for the world to see,” Mandel says. “Keep this part of your relationship between the two of you and in the bedroom.” Broadcasting every little detail If the sister of your former best friend in high school knows that on Monday your boyfriend brought your flowers, on Tuesday he cooked you his signature spaghetti bolognese, on Wednesday he wore a shirt you bought him, and on Friday, you had #datenight, you may be oversharing about your relationship. Being content and secure in your relationship means you don’t need to give a play-by-play for the world to bare witness, Mandel explains. When you’re in a satisfying couplehood, you should prefer to keep the little details to yourselves, where they often mean more. “Partners in a healthy relationship know that there’s value in the private moments that no one else gets to know about. Sharing too much can take away from the specialness of your relationship,” she says. Look at the intention behind your oversharing – do you need attention? Are you trying to inflate your relationship into something more than it is? “Broadcasting every moment that you spend with your partner may be a sign that your relationship is lacking, and that you need to re-evaluate your situation,” Mandel adds. Written by Lindsay Tigar. This article first appeared in <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/culture/8-things-to-never-post-about-your-relationship-on-social-media" target="_blank">Reader’s Digest</a>. For more of what you love from the world’s best-loved magazine, <a rel="noopener" href="http://readersdigest.innovations.com.au/c/readersdigestemailsubscribe?utm_source=over60&utm_medium=articles&utm_campaign=RDSUB&keycode=WRA87V" target="_blank">here’s our best subscription offer.</a> Image: Getty Images <img style="width: 100px !important; height: 100px !important;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7820640/1.png" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/f30947086c8e47b89cb076eb5bb9b3e2" />

Relationships

The rise of the ‘She Shed’

<div class="c-message_kit__blocks c-message_kit__blocks--rich_text"> <div class="c-message__message_blocks c-message__message_blocks--rich_text"> <div class="p-block_kit_renderer" data-qa="block-kit-renderer"> <div class="p-block_kit_renderer__block_wrapper p-block_kit_renderer__block_wrapper--first"> <div class="p-rich_text_block"> <div class="p-rich_text_section"> While men have been able to escape to their garage or man cave – stocked with everything from basic tools and bikes, to poker tables and other boys’ toys – women are now increasingly finding solace in their own space too. “We are seeing a huge uptake of women buying sheds and turning them into home offices and studios, where they can work without distraction from what is happening in the house,” says Daniel Rutland, Head of Purchasing at <a rel="noopener" href="http://easyshed.com.au/" target="_blank">EasyShed</a>, Australia’s largest producers of backyard sheds. “We have seen 450 percent growth in the last 12 months alone, especially in the cities and outer suburbs, where space is at a premium,” says Rutland. Central Coast-based Kate Toon, 46, says living in such close quarters with her other half 24/7 has been driving her nuts. The trendsetting copywriter has created her very own business empire from her 3m x 5m backyard She Shed. The shed space is HQ to her StayTooned group of companies. These include three businesses, memberships with hundreds of people in them, and an SEO training business which has helped more than 10,000 other businesses grapple the Google beast. “My husband works from home too, so with lockdown and everything else going on, it was getting to the point where I couldn’t even stand to hear him breathing,” she laughs. “It’s my sanctuary, and amazing to have my own creative space to write, where I can sing loudly to bad pop songs and generally be myself – safe in the knowledge that no one is watching.” “It was a cost-effective way of building an extra space,” she adds. “It’s got two desks, air conditioning and I put the whole floor in myself and painted it sky blue. “It was a big step in my business and an investment in myself – but it makes me happy every day as I commute across my back yard.” According to the latest data from the Australian Bureau of Statistics, two in five people with a job (41 per cent) worked from home at least once a week in February 2021, compared with 24 per cent at least once a week before March 2020. Meanwhile, employed women (17 per cent) are more likely than employed men (11 per cent) to want to increase the amount of work done from home. With real estate prices on the rise, Rutland doesn’t see this trend changing either. “We are also seeing sheds being repurposed as separate living spaces, guest rooms, man caves, bars, aviaries, home offices, gyms and even home distilleries, home cinemas and pool rooms. “The sheds are cheap to purchase – so they are often customised and kitted out. We’ve seen windows installed, skylights and soundproofing. One guy turned his shed into an astronomy room, where the entire roof retracted back to provide viewing for his huge telescope.” <img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7842644/kate-toon-in-her-shed.jpg" alt="Kate Toon in her She Shed, which she nicknamed 'Toon Cave'." data-udi="umb://media/d00b40ebb3c84ea4af85159b92c39e36" /> Photo caption: Kate Toon in her She Shed, which she nicknamed ‘Toon Cave’. Top 5 shed do's Maintenance: choose materials that are low maintenance Size matters: Measure the site’s dimensions before purchasing a shed online, this ensures your chosen site is the right size. Location: The area should be level, secure, safe, be free from flooding and overhanging trees and accessible should there be maintenance or repairs. Permits: Make sure to check if any council permits are required. A handy overview of council regulations, <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.easyshed.com.au/council-requirements" target="_blank">here.</a> Customise: Extra windows, a roof pitch and cladding doors can really transform a basic shed. Top 5 shed don’ts Don’t forget to lay an even foundation: this will set the structure slightly off the ground to help with proper water drainage. Don’t underestimate storage space: Before deciding what size shed, list items you plan in it, then measure the space you have. Don’t forget to weatherproof: Weather-resistant floors and floor frames can prolong the life of the structure. Don’t rush the shed construction or installation process: Planning right ultimately saves time and money. Don’t forget to keep it well-maintained: Organising, maintaining and treating a shed well will prolong its longevity and keep it in top working order. </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div>

Home & Garden

8 do’s and don’ts for a successful cruise

Here are a few cruise tips to help your trip sail as smoothly as possible. 1. Join in on everything Take advantage of all the free activities available to you – they are options that may not be available again without a hefty price tag. You also don’t realise how many friends you can make and all the people you can meet if you put in a little effort to join in on events offered to you while cruising. 2. Don’t forget important documents Believe it or not, cruising takes passports, visas and travel insurance extremely seriously. Do not skip out on doing a double or triple check through your bags to see if your important documents are there. You will most likely not be able to jump onboard without them, which means a lot of money wasted for you. 3. Anytime dining option is better Depending on what type of experience you are looking for while on a cruise, anytime dining could be the superior option for you. Unfortunately, long lines are a guarantee when going to dinner each night aboard your cruise, however anytime dining gives a traveller the option to return later in the evening, or earlier. Whenever you get a little peckish and hope to join the line for dinner, the anytime dining option will rescue you. If you are a stickler for routine, stick to the reservation option available to you. 4. Do your research Don’t pick the first cruise you see – look around. If you are willing to sit on it, do so but make sure you subscribe to mailing lists, so cruise lines know you are interested. More often than not, incredible deals are on offer all from the comfort of your inbox. 5. If you bring kids – don’t be that person Taking your family on a trip with you may seem like the dream situation if it’s a cruise – afterall, there are so many babysitting and daycare options available as well as other young adults and children looking to make friends aboard. However, do not be that parent, grandparent or family member who allows children to run wild – it is annoying and frustrating to have anyone ruin your peaceful experience. Take them to a kids club where they can find other wild friends to have fun with, under supervision. 6. Take the stairs – you will need it It is a simple way to get exercise, and you may need it after all the buffet meals you will be feasting on while cruising. 7. Learn some of the local language Learning a few phrases and sentences can be helpful to locals you are visiting while on their island. It makes life easier for you also. 8. Don’t be rude to the cruise ship photographer It can get a little annoying after a while when it seems like you are being hounded by staff photographers, but remember they are only doing their job. A polite no will always suffice; however you should say yes and decide whether or not you want to purchase the image later as they are usually on display for you to check out. They are a little pricey in the end, but at least you know the memories can always be there in front of your eyes.

Cruising

8 big relationship dos and don’ts

Dr Carmen Harra is a best-selling author, clinical psychologist, and relationship expert. As a psychologist and relationship counsellor for over 25 years, I speak from experience when I say there’s more to the art of love than we can imagine: people are complex, riddled with flaws and deep desires, desperately seeking to be understood. Yet human beings also hold an incredible capacity to give love if they’re shown the right kind of love. Our goal in a relationship should be to help our partner release this abundance of love to experience a fulfilling relationship. What I see happening more often, however, is that people continue to make the same mistakes in their relationships and expect different results. What’s worse is that their insecurities and negative tendencies lead them to act in ways that destroy what could be a perfectly healthy relationship. Different partners draw out of us different emotions — some we didn’t even know we had — and sustaining a relationship becomes tedious from both ends. But we must ensure that at least we’re doing our part. So how do we navigate it through it all and improve the quality of our love? Practice these 8 relationship dos and don’ts to fortify your romance with harmony, stability, and joy: Do develop emotional intimacy: Many couples live together physically but live apart emotionally. Emotional intimacy is knowing what your partner needs before they even get a chance to ask. It is picking up on their feelings as if they were your own. Develop a sense of emotional intimacy by being honest with your partner and sensitive to their needs. Do plan a life together: Our plans may not always work out, but envisioning a future with our partner inspires us to take the right steps towards manifesting our long-term goals. Talk about the years ahead and form a strategy to achieve the things you want together: a home, a family, investments, etc. Do bring them comfort: Your partner wants to come home to love, not to a headache. Make your home a place that always reels your partner back because they feel safe, stable, and nurtured. Don’t start talking about your problems as soon as your partner walks through the door. The bills, the job, the argument you just had this morning—these things can wait until the atmosphere is calm and appropriate for such a conversation. Do act in the right time: Time can be your biggest enemy or your best friend. At any given moment, time is either on your side or against you. The wisdom is to recognize when you should act versus when you should wait. If you listen to your inner voice, you can decipher the different tides of time. Don’t obligate your partner to do things in a certain amount of time, like pushing them to get married within a year. This is your notion of time, not theirs. Do take the big step forward when you’re both in complete agreement, even if it takes a bit longer than you’d like. Don’t play on their weaknesses: Every day, you have the choice to play on your partner’s weaknesses or to reiterate their strengths. If you constantly bring up what they’re doing wrong, they’ll never feel motivated to do anything right. No relationship can improve under such negative energy. There are gentle ways to get your partner to understand what they should be doing differently, and constantly scolding them is not one of these methods. Don’t get even: No matter what your partner has done or however they’ve wronged you in the past, don’t retaliate or act in bad faith. Keep your personal karma clean by always treating the other person the way you’d like to be treated, regardless of the way they behave towards you. This is your duty to yourself and not to anyone else. Remember: the way others treat you is their karma but the way you respond is your karma. Don’t assume or blow things out of proportion: Before you throw a tantrum, sit and reflect logically: Is it really as bad as I assume? Speak to your partner openly about what’s bothering you instead of blowing up on them. Many times we amplify the severity of a situation out of our fears and insecurities, when in reality it’s not what we think at all. Before assuming things that might be false, ask yourself if it’s really worth jeopardizing the relationship. Don’t act out of desperation: Think through your decisions a thousand times before you act on them. Acting on desperation will only yield more desperation. If you’re desperate to get your partner to change, don’t threaten to break up with them when in reality it’s the last thing you want to do. If they agree to break up, you’ll feel even worse. Let your feelings to settle down before approaching them with any issue. Always try to see the logic behind escalated emotions. Love relationships are undoubtedly difficult to maintain if we don’t consider the steps to uphold a positive dynamic. Take up these 8 tips to eliminate relationship problems and strengthen the loving bond with your partner. What do you think makes a relationship last? Share your thoughts in the comments below. To find more information about Dr Carmen Harra, visit her <a href="http://www.carmenharra.com/" target="_blank">website here.</a> Related links: <a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/06/the-best-way-to-apologise-according-to-science/">The best way to apologise, according to science</a> <a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/05/why-always-being-right-is-ruining-your-relationship/">Always being right is ruining your relationship</a> <a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/05/marriage-secrets-from-relationship-experts/">6 marriage secrets relationship experts want you to know</a>

Relationships

First date dos and don’ts

Worried about an upcoming date? Here are some general dos and don’ts to go by to ensure your date goes smoothly. DO listen Nobody likes someone who seems so self-absorbed they can’t stop talking about themselves so make sure you’re taking an interest in your date and ask them plenty of questions! This will also let you discover who he or she really is (and whether there’ll be a second date or not…). DON’T reveal too much too soon While you might be connecting to your date and have the urge to be completely honest about your past relationships, the first date is not the best time to discuss personal issues. Keep it light and friendly and if you get to know your date better, than by all means you’ll have to delve into more personal discussions. DO keep an open mind Sometimes our dates might have quirks that make us want to roll our eyes. Perhaps they take forever to order at a restaurant or they have a strange pre-movie ritual but if they’re not a big deal-breakers then keep an open mind. The little things shouldn’t distract from seeing if you have a genuine connection with someone. DON’T meet at awkward places Skip places that need extensive travel and also avoid springing a surprise activity on a first date. The classics of a coffee date or dinner may not be original but they are a nice setting to get to know each other. Save the other date ideas for further down the track. DO trust your instincts Your family and friends might not be the best people to consult about who or what is right for you. Of course, take on board what they say and their worry might have some foundations to consider, but ultimately trust yourself and your instincts on what’s best for you. DON’T take a call It goes without saying that you shouldn’t be staring at your phone while you’re on a date but also you shouldn’t be taking any calls that aren’t an emergency. While you might assure your date it will only take a second to answer that call from a friend or family member, it sends the signal that you’re not that engaged in the date.

Relationships

The dont's of dating

The dating game can be a tricky one - navigating your own feelings, being mindful of someone else's and all of this combined with wanting to meet someone but trying not to give off the wrong impression or move too quickly. Here are a few pointers on what not to do when dating...Don’t be too full on, too quickly While no one likes to play games, there is something to be said of playing it cool. Don’t give it all away too soon, sit back and enjoy the experience of meeting someone and getting to know them before you make any decisions. Once you’re getting comfortable with someone else, then you can start to think about how you want things to play out and what you want to share with the other person.Don’t start planning your future together after the first date While some people love to plan away their days, this type of forward thinking and mapping things out isn’t for everyone and it can scare people off.Don’t believe everything you hear Of course we all want to see the best in everyone and believe people are being truthful, but unfortunately this is not always the case. If you have friends in common, it can’t hurt to politely and casually enquire about someone you are seeing or want to get involved with. Otherwise, just proceed with caution and if something doesn’t feel right, then don’t ignore your instincts.Don’t talk about your past relationships While our previous experiences shape us and may have been a big part of our lives, it is best not to place much, if any, focus on this until after you get to know someone better. And make sure to never speak ill of an ex, this will only make the other person wonder what you might say about them.Don’t be unreliable No one appreciates not being able to rely on someone. Do what you say you’re going to do and when you said you would do it, too. Everyone likes someone they can count on. It will instil trust in you early on!Don’t take anyone for granted Never assume someone is available or has nothing better to be doing with their time and energy. Always respect people and pay them the same courtesies you would like to be paid.

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8 things to never post about your relationship on social media

The rise of the ‘She Shed’

8 do’s and don’ts for a successful cruise

8 big relationship dos and don’ts

First date dos and don’ts

The dont's of dating

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