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"I miss her daily": Fergie opens up on friendship with Diana

As the Duchess of York wraps up her visit Down Under, she has shared some of her most cherished memories in an interview with 9Honey. Following a busy schedule of meet and greets as part of her book tour, Sarah Ferguson opened up on her friendship with the late Princess Diana, who, like the duchess, is a beloved member of the royal family. "The thing about Diana was that she had the best sense of humour of any single person I know – that's quite a big thing, so it's a really big hole because she'd get my sense of humour," the duchess told the publication. "It's really, really hard to really make me cackle with laughter like she used to. "And so, yes, I miss her daily, and I think in the '80s it was just her and I, wasn't it?" The two women were brought together by their marriages to then Prince Charles and Prince Andrew, and the royal affectionately recalled their strong bond. "There isn't anybody else to know, really, what we know because there was no social media and it was just newspaper headlines. "I was so proud of her, what she achieved, and she would be SO proud of her grandchildren. "Oh, my goodness. Can you imagine? She would be just loving every moment. "She was a great lady, and she still is a great lady." The duchess was originally scheduled to visit Australia in October, after she was invited by her Western Australia-based publisher, Serenity Press to showcase her commitment to literature, wellness and empowerment. However, she postponed her visit to not overshadow the King and Queen's tour. The soon to be grandmother of four celebrated the launch of her newest books including Flora & Fern: Wonder in the Woods which is a children's book, and Fabulous Food Art, which is a cookbook she created in collaboration with Melbourne mother and TikTok star Laleh Mohmedi, of Jacob's Food Diaries. Image: Alisdair Macdonald/ Shutterstock Editorial

Family & Pets

Readers response: What’s the longest friendship you’ve had, and what has kept it strong?

When it comes. to friendships, it has long been said that people come into your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime. These "lifetime" relationships are often the friends we made when we were young, who have been by our side through thick and thin. We asked our readers what their longest friendships have been and what made them so strong, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. Linda Cox - 72 years. We were toddlers when we met and even though we have lived on opposite sides of the planet for the last 50 years, we are still best friends. Rae Meihuizen - 62 years. We met as a school friend of my cousin. He was my best man at my wedding and still a very dear friend to this day. Jennie Harley - My friend from school in Sydney living in same street. Although we live a long way apart & haven’t actually seen each other in many years, our phone calls, although sometimes we are both very slack, the relationship is always the same. No explaining things from the past just mutual understanding and love. Marilyn Carter - 60 years. We all met doing our hairdressing apprenticeship. We love each other so much and do anything for each and every one of us. Guila Kelly - Met at age 4 in prekinder. Born 2 weeks apart, both turn 80 shortly. Never a cross word. Marjorie Smith - 82 years. Met at school in NZ when we were 10 years old. Still friends but in different countries. My friend was one of our bridesmaids in 1954. Margaret Inglis - 74 years. Our mums were next to each other in hospital when we were born. I'm a day older, but even when my parents moved, Jennie and I would spend a few days each school holidays at each other's places. In 1969 I moved to Australia (from NZ) and we STILL catch up via FB etc. Went back to NZ for a few days about 7 years ago, yep, met up again and it was like we'd never been apart. Ros Bieg - 64yrs. Unconditional friendship and sooo many memories. Margaret Woodhouse - 68 years. We met at 12 and are 80 this year. Both totally different in personality, but tolerant of the differences and respect each other’s beliefs. Live in different states in Australia but FaceTime twice a week and spend 3-4 weeks together every year. Image credits: Shutterstock

Relationships

It’s hard to reach out to old friends, but doing so may help alleviate loneliness

<div class="theconversation-article-body"> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lara-b-aknin-1365501">Lara B Aknin</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/simon-fraser-university-1282">Simon Fraser University</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/gillian-sandstrom-1283157">Gillian Sandstrom</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sussex-1218">University of Sussex</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/kristina-castaneto-1548733">Kristina Castaneto</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/simon-fraser-university-1282">Simon Fraser University</a> Millions of <a href="https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/t1/tbl1/en/tv.action?pid=4510004801">Canadians are lonely</a>. This is worrisome because loneliness, defined by the World Health Organization as “<a href="https://www.who.int/news/item/15-11-2023-who-launches-commission-to-foster-social-connection">the social pain of not feeling connected</a>,” predicts both lower mental and physical health. Research shows that lacking a sense of social connection can pose an <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691614568352">equivalent health risk to smoking 15 cigarettes per day</a>. To combat loneliness, people are commonly advised to seek out social connection. For many, this guidance brings to mind spending time with loved ones, such as close friends, family and romantic partners. But are there other people we can reach out to? In our research, recently published in Communications Psychology, we examined whether people have “old friends” — individuals that they care about but with whom they have lost touch — and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1038/s44271-024-00075-8">how easily these relationships can be rekindled</a>. We found that certain strategies can help people reconnect — and, in new research, we are getting a sense that certain values and personality traits may make it easier for people to stay in touch far into the future. <h2>Reconnecting with old friends</h2> Across a series of seven studies, we found the majority of people reported having an old friend. Yet, when we asked over 400 participants how willing they would be to reach out to an old friend right now, most said they were neutral or unwilling. In fact, in one study, people reported being no more willing to reach out to an old friend than they were to talk to a stranger or pick up trash. This reluctance was observable in behaviour too. We conducted two experiments in which more than 1,000 people were given several minutes to draft and send a message to an old friend. Only 30 per cent sent the message to their old friend. Given that reaching out to an old friend could boost <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/nextavenue/2018/08/19/the-power-and-joy-of-reconnecting-with-old-friends/">feelings of social connection and happiness</a>, we tried designing interventions to encourage reaching out. For instance, we reminded participants that reaching out to an old friend was an act of kindness and that the recipient would appreciate it more than they realize. We also tried telling participants not to overthink it — to just send their message. Unfortunately, neither prompt was effective at encouraging more people to reach out. <h2>Reluctance to reconnect</h2> Why are people reluctant to reach out to old friends? There may be a number of reasons, including the possibility that old friends feel like strangers after time has passed. In one study with over 500 participants we asked people to list between three to five old friends, and tell us how close each one felt to them right now. The more unfamiliar an old friend felt, the less willing people were to reach out. Research has found that when people <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jesp.2022.104356">practise talking to strangers for a week</a>, they become less anxious about it. If old friends can feel like strangers, might a similar strategy encourage people to reach out to old friends? To find out, we conducted an experiment in which we randomly assigned some people to complete a three-minute warm-up activity in which they messaged current family or friends. Other participants were randomly assigned to a control condition in which they simply browsed social media for three minutes instead. Afterward, all participants were given an opportunity to write and send a message to an old friend. While only 30 per cent of participants sent their message in the control condition, over 50 per cent did so after warming-up, suggesting that practising the behaviour that underlies reaching out may make this act easier. <h2>Personality traits</h2> We are extending this research in a number of new directions. For instance, in some newly conducted and unpublished research, we are examining whether people with certain personality traits or beliefs are more likely to send a message to an old friend. Responses from over 300 people suggest that people who are open to new experiences — <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/basics/big-5-personality-traits">one of the five key personality traits studied by psychologists</a> — say they are willing to reach out to an old friend. Despite this inclination, our research found that highly open people do not necessarily communicate with old friends when given the chance. On the other hand, people’s values and beliefs may be important determinants of whether they stay in touch. Our preliminary work shows that people who see friendship as a bond that does not easily break may be more likely to reach out than others. We hope this work helps normalize the fact that friendships can fade and be hard to rekindle. That said, with some practice, people can overcome this reluctance and hit “send” to potentially open a path to connection and less loneliness.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/234895/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lara-b-aknin-1365501">Lara B Aknin</a>, Distinguished Professor of Social Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/simon-fraser-university-1282">Simon Fraser University</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/gillian-sandstrom-1283157">Gillian Sandstrom</a>, Senior Lecturer, School of Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sussex-1218">University of Sussex</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/kristina-castaneto-1548733">Kristina Castaneto</a>, Master's Student, Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/simon-fraser-university-1282">Simon Fraser University</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/its-hard-to-reach-out-to-old-friends-but-doing-so-may-help-alleviate-loneliness-234895">original article</a>. </div>

Relationships

Why do we love to see unlikely animal friendships? A psychology expert explains

<div class="theconversation-article-body"><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/shane-rogers-575838">Shane Rogers</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/edith-cowan-university-720">Edith Cowan University</a> The internet is awash with stories and videos of unlikely animal friendships, often with many millions of views. This content typically shows animals from different species showing affection to one another, signifying a bond or even a “friendship”. These relationships have been captured in people’s homes, such as with <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-09-10/meet-unlikely-friends-peggy-the-dog-and-molly-the-magpie/100447022">Molly the magpie and Peggy the dog</a>, in zoos, <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-03-04/bear-lion-and-tiger-make-an-affectionate,-gentle-family/7222462">such as with</a> Baloo the bear, Leo the lion and Shere Khan the tiger, and even <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BvB0182xag&t=2300s">in the wild</a>, such as one case of <a href="https://www.huffpost.com/entry/fox-cat-friendship_n_4268629">a fox and cat living together</a> in Turkey. <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/fdxU6CpvUgg?wmode=transparent&start=19" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></figure> A plethora of research on <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-020-66407-w.pdf">primates</a>, <a href="https://blog.mybirdbuddy.com/post/can-birds-form-friendships">birds</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-social-lives-of-kangaroos-are-more-complex-than-we-thought-213770">kangaroos</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/male-dolphins-use-their-individual-names-to-build-a-complex-social-network-97780">dolphins</a>, <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/2076-2615/8/11/191">horses</a>, <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/2076-2615/12/1/126">cats</a> and <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-022-05669-y">dogs</a> has shown many non-human animals can develop deep social bonds with their own kind. And while inter-species bonding hasn’t been studied to the same extent, videos like those mentioned above show animals from different species displaying the same affection to each other as they would to their own, such as through cuddling, playing and grooming. Why do we, as people, find these stories so enjoyable? Answering this question requires us to consider some of the nicer aspects of our own nature. <h2>When animals reflect us</h2> Witnessing animals get along well together isn’t just cute, it can also make us feel like we have things in common with other species, and feel more connected with the other life on the planet. <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2014.00976/full">Decades of research</a> reveals how feeling connected to nature fosters happiness in humans. <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/PrJi-P61aLY?wmode=transparent&start=7" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></figure> While the mechanisms behind inter-species bonding are not fully understood, <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnbeh.2022.994504/full">one 2022 research review</a> suggests the mechanisms that operate in other animals’ brains during social interactions with their own are similar to those that operate in human brains. The researchers suggest that, due to the evolution of common brain mechanisms, animals engaged in social interaction may experience similar emotions to humans who engage with their own friends or loved ones. So while it’s very hard to know what this subjective social experience is like for other animals – after all, they can’t report it on a questionnaire – there’s no reason to think it isn’t similar to our own. <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ZVMsdz7aZpk?wmode=transparent&start=102" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></figure> <h2>Humans like co-operation and pleasant surprises</h2> Humans have <a href="https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/10.1098/rspb.2022.0128">evolved to enjoy co-operation</a>, which might also help explain why we enjoy seeing co-operation between different animal species. <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/listen/programs/lifematters/competition-versus-cooperation:-which-human-instinct-is-stronge/10291360">Some scholars</a> suggest the human instinct for co-operation is even stronger than our instinct for competition. Another reason we may be drawn to unlikely animal friendships is that they are, in fact, so unlikely. These interactions are surprising, and research shows humans <a href="https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/neuroscientists-learn-why/">enjoy being surprised</a>. Our brain has <a href="https://www.imperial.ac.uk/news/239331/study-reveals-human-brains-have-evolved/">evolved to be incredibly efficient</a> at categorising, solving problems and learning. Part of the reason we’re so efficient is because we are motivated to seek new knowledge and question what we think we know. In other words, we’re motivated to be <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4635443/">curious</a>. Inter-species friendships are indeed a very curious thing. They contradict the more common assumption and observation that different species stick with their own kind. We might think “cats eat birds, so they must not like each other”. So when we see <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGsN7jzp5DE">a cat and a bird</a> getting along like old pals, this challenges our concept of how the natural world works. <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/bGsN7jzp5DE?wmode=transparent&start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></figure> Neuroscientists have documented that, when surprised, humans experience a release of brain chemicals responsible for making us <a href="https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/unexpected-brain-chemistry-is-behind-the-element-of-surprise/">more alert</a> and <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0896627320308539">sensitive to reward</a>. It is this neurochemical reaction that produces the “pleasantness” in the feeling of being pleasantly surprised. <h2>A desire for peace and harmony</h2> Perhaps another explanation for why humans are so intrigued by inter-species friendships is because they feed a human desire for peace and harmony. These connections may be symbolic of what many people yearn for: a world where differences can be put aside in favour of a peaceful co-existence. These friendships might even prompt us to imagine, consciously or subconsciously, a future in which we become more enlightened as a species. One could argue a key reason behind the success of the TV series <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANnFNfVuZeM">Star Trek</a> is its <a href="https://jacobin.com/2023/08/star-trek-solidarity-utopianism-technology-postcapitalism">optimistic take on the future of humanity</a>. Inter-species co-operation is a central theme of the show. Inter-species friendships may serve as a concrete example of breaking free of the “natural” way of being for a more peaceful way of being. And while it might only be a dream, it’s nice to watch cute animal videos that help us feel like this dream might be possible.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/230548/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/_BvB0182xag?wmode=transparent&start=1880" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></figure> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/shane-rogers-575838">Shane Rogers</a>, Lecturer in Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/edith-cowan-university-720">Edith Cowan University</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-do-we-love-to-see-unlikely-animal-friendships-a-psychology-expert-explains-230548">original article</a>. </div>

Family & Pets

Man restores mate's dream pub after tragic death

Kevin "Stumpy" Darmody ran the Peninsula Hotel in the Cape York town of Laura, Cairns for over 20 years before he was tragically killed by a crocodile during a fishing trip. The 65-year-old went missing on the Kennedy River at Rinyirru National Park in April last year, with his body recovered a month later, after wildlife officers shot and killed a crocodile during their search, discovering his remains in its stomach. Now, Darmody's best friend Stuart Wiggins has picked up where he left off, and travelled all the way to Cairns from Canberra to restore his mate's pub. "I've been coming up for 20 years myself and watched all the hard work Kev's put in and I thought I didn't want to see that get wasted," he told the ABC. He got to work and trimmed the three-metre long weeds that covered the pub. "The weeds were like trees. We've worked from day to night and it's looking really good now." Wiggins recalled how his best mate first moved to Laura, Cairns 20 years ago after he came across the town on a 4WD trip across northern Australia. Now, in honour of his late friend, Wiggins has renamed the hotel "Stumpy's Bar". "I've got a nice big sign out the front of the pub to remember him," Wiggins said. He also reminisced their friendship and how the pair "got on like a house on fire", saying that he too had "fished off the same spot" where Darmody was taken "so many times". "He was always warning people going out there, 'don't get too close to the water. If you fall in you're not going to get out,' so what happened that day we'll never ever know", he said. Wiggins shared that Darmody was known to for his tough exterior, but was the type of person that would "give you the shirt off his back and do anything for you". "Even the week before he passed, he bought a plane ticket to sneak down to surprise me for my 60th birthday," he said. Prior to Darmody's death Wiggins was working a "cruisy job" at Parliament House in Canberra, before deciding to leave his family behind to re-enter the hospitality industry. "It was a massive move to leave my family behind but even my lady Tanya knew it was something I needed to do," Wiggins said. "I couldn't just sit at parliament thinking the place was going to go to rack and ruin." Images: ABC/ Stuart Wiggins

Domestic Travel

Maintaining friendships after a dementia diagnosis can spur feelings of joy and self-worth

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/colleen-whyte-1281976">Colleen Whyte</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/brock-university-1340">Brock University</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/darla-fortune-1363967">Darla Fortune</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/concordia-university-1183">Concordia University</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/rebecca-genoe-1363968">Rebecca Genoe</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-regina-3498">University of Regina</a> What would our lives be like if we could no longer depend on our most cherished friendships? The people who know us best, who have been there through our ups and downs, and share a history with us? For many people living with dementia, this is a reality. Over 500,000 Canadians <a href="https://alzheimer.ca/en/about-dementia/what-dementia/dementia-numbers-canada">are currently living with dementia</a>, and a diagnosis often leads to <a href="https://www.alzscot.org/news/friendship-and-dementia">a loss of friendships</a> and social opportunities. The reactions of friends greatly affect the experience of someone living with dementia. When friends distance themselves because they don’t know what to say or presume they no longer know how to interact with their friend, a person with dementia can experience <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/275353356_Friendships_for_People_Living_with_Dementia_in_Long-Term_Care">feelings of isolation and loneliness</a>. When people living with dementia can depend on their friends, they continue to enjoy meaningful leisure activities, experience <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/ageing/afx186">feelings of joy and self-worth</a>, and see themselves as <a href="https://alzheimer.ca/en/take-action/become-dementia-friendly/meaningful-engagement-people-living-dementia">valued members of their social circles</a>. <a href="https://dementiaandfriendship.ca/">Our research</a> had us interview friends together, asking them to share tips and strategies for navigating dementia. We heard moving stories of deepened bonds of friendship, genuine acceptance and the joy of simply being together. <h2>Adapting to changes</h2> Our research allowed us to speak with people who shared a 70-year friendship and couldn’t imagine life without each other. We learned that for some, a neighbourhood walk together was an opportunity to say a quick hello and how a weekly trip to the pub enabled some friends to connect and re-connect in a familiar space. People living with dementia and their friends <a href="https://doi.org/10.1017/S0714980821000301">may adapt to changes</a> brought about by the diagnosis in several ways. For example, they may prioritize their friendship by setting aside time for regular phone calls and visits. They may alter the way they think about the friendship by being accepting of the changes. They may also use practical strategies, like providing reminders for plans, and offering additional support when spending time together. Friends of individuals living with dementia may seek ways to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1471301220980898">continue enjoying meaningful time together</a>. Sometimes this involves identifying activities that are comfortable and familiar. It may also involve providing direction and encouragement to support the continuation of enjoyable experiences, such as visiting a favourite restaurant. For some, additional comfort may come from hanging out as a group because there is extra support available if needed. <h2>Open and honest communication</h2> Open and honest communication is key to maintaining any friendship and becomes particularly important following a diagnosis of dementia. Yet, that may be the biggest challenge. Below are <a href="https://dementiaandfriendship.ca/">some questions that friends might find helpful</a> to ask over a cup of coffee, on a walk or in a quiet, shared moment: <ul> <li>What do you value about our friendship? Can I tell you what our friendship means to me?</li> <li>What is one thing I do that makes you laugh? Here’s something you do that makes me laugh…</li> <li>How can we make sure we maintain our friendship (i.e., talk on the phone, over the internet, go for coffee)? How often do you want to connect? How do we need to change our time together? What can stay the same?</li> <li>How can we support each other to continue enjoying the leisure activities that are meaningful to us?</li> <li>What are the best times and days to plan activities (i.e., morning, afternoon, weekday, weekend)? Are there exceptions?</li> <li>Do we need to schedule something in advance (need time to prepare, or get more rest the day before) or can we be spontaneous?</li> <li>Where do you feel safe and able to be yourself?</li> <li>When we are in public and you need me to step in for you, how will I know? What is “our” signal?</li> <li>What do I do if I notice you’re starting to make decisions that are not like you?</li> <li>Can I ask you these same questions in a few weeks?</li> </ul> The need for friendship <a href="https://alzheimer.ca/en/help-support/im-living-dementia/living-well-dementia/staying-socially-connected">does not diminish with age</a> and <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/happiness-in-world/201312/the-true-meaning-friendship">friendships continue to deeply enrich our lives</a>. Given that a dementia diagnosis often puts individuals at an increased risk of social isolation, we must pay careful attention to understanding ways to ensure that friends remain engaged with their networks in personal and meaningful ways. The first step is to trust in the friendship and begin to explore how it can be sustained over time.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/187038/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/colleen-whyte-1281976">Colleen Whyte</a>, Associate Professor in the Department of Recreation and Leisure Studies, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/brock-university-1340">Brock University</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/darla-fortune-1363967">Darla Fortune</a>, Associate Professor, Applied Human Sciences, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/concordia-university-1183">Concordia University</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/rebecca-genoe-1363968">Rebecca Genoe</a>, Professor, Kinesiology and Health Studies, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-regina-3498">University of Regina</a> Image credits: Getty Images This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/maintaining-friendships-after-a-dementia-diagnosis-can-spur-feelings-of-joy-and-self-worth-187038">original article</a>.

Relationships

Embracing friendships in adulthood: A guide to making meaningful connections

Navigating the landscape of friendship in adulthood might initially appear daunting, but the profound impact that it can have on our mental well-being is huge. Not only do friendships foster a sense of camaraderie, but they nurture feelings of belonging and acceptance. Important at every life stage, it’s not uncommon to encounter challenges in building new friendships as we age and embark on differing paths. However, Jacqui Manning, Resident Psychologist at Connected Women, a female-driven organisation dedicated to cultivating friendships for women over 50, is here to impart her invaluable tips and tricks, paving the way for a friend-finding journey that unfolds with ease and fulfilment. “Forming new friendships in adulthood may take a little more time and effort, but it doesn’t have to be scary,” Jacqui explains. “Approaching the prospect of making a friend with genuine curiosity and a shared interest can transform the experience into an exciting journey rather than a daunting task. Focus on common ground, be open-minded, and embrace the adventure of getting to know someone new. By emphasising shared interests and creating a comfortable, judgment-free space, the process of making a friend becomes a welcoming exploration rather than an intimidating challenge." Stay Open It can be a slippery slope once we let our thoughts spiral into the possibility of rejection. Instead of worrying, why not consider all the opportunities to grow a connection? Jacqui explains, “As we age, the energy we have to make friends can dwindle, making it natural to withdraw into the comfort of our own shell. However, the need for connection is as strong as ever. This serves as an important reminder to be open. Deeper connections won’t have the chance to form if we keep one another at arm’s length so engage in conversations about hobbies and discuss any goals or anxieties openly, as it is through this openness that a profound connection is likely to be forged. Find Your Community Finding a group of new friends could be as simple as enjoying your favourite pastime. Like attracts like, and finding a like-minded group who share similar interests could be the key to unlocking more meaningful relationships. “Whether it’s joining a book club, cooking class, yoga, or bonding over a game of cards, whatever your passion may be, start by kicking off a conversation with someone who participates in a shared activity. While exploring a new hobby is fantastic, consider turning your attention closer to home and connecting with those who already share your interests,” Jacqui adds. Take Note Long-lasting friendships can fill gaps in our life we never knew existed. As Jacqui explains, “Take note of how supported you currently feel and if there are any areas that may need a little nudge. Reflection will invariably help to narrow down the type of friendship you may be seeking and allow you to better understand your own needs. Through self-reflection, you gain invaluable insights that not only pinpoint the specific type of friendship you might be yearning for but also enhance your understanding of your own emotional requirements. This conscious exploration becomes a compass, guiding you toward the relationships that can truly fulfil and enrich your life.” The journey of making friendships in adulthood is not without its challenges, but the rewards are immeasurable. As Jacqui reminds us, being open to new connections, actively engaging in shared interests, and conducting self-reflection are key elements in fostering meaningful relationships. “The path to forming long-lasting bonds involves stepping out of our comfort zones, whether by joining a new group, pursuing shared activities, or simply initiating conversations. Remember, the richness of these connections lies not just in the joy of shared experiences but also in the support and understanding they provide,” Jacqui concludes, Friendships in adulthood are well worth investing in, providing fulfilment, support, and the delight of shared moments. So, embrace the adventure, take note of your needs, and savour the delight of building connections that truly enrich your life. Ready to try your hand at building new friendships? Visit <a href="https://www.connectedwomen.net" target="_blank" rel="noopener">connectedwomen.net </a> About Connected Women Jacqui Manning is the Resident Psychologist at Connected Women, bringing with her over two decades of experience. Founded in 2022, Connected Women facilitates friendships for women over 50 through a range of online and in-person events. With the rising epidemic of loneliness impacting Australians now more than ever, Connected Women aims to provide a community in which women can feel free to be themselves, connect with like-minded women and build life-long friendships. Launched in Perth, Western Australia, Connected Women now also operates in New South Wales and Victoria, with plans to grow its network to Queensland, the Australian Capital Territory and South Australia in the coming year. With a small monthly membership fee, women can join Connected Women events, share, and connect over areas of interest, and connect with women in their local areas to arrange meet-ups. Whether members prefer big events with lots of action and adventure, or quiet meetups around the local neighbourhood, Connected Women is committed to providing a safe and inclusive space for women to find their feet and build new friendships in a space that feels most comfortable to them. Image credits: Getty Images

Relationships

"It's still there": Karl Stefanovic breaks silence on feud with Michael Clarke

Karl Stefanovic has broken his silence on the status of his friendship with Michael Clarke, almost one year after their infamous brawl made headlines. In December last year while on holiday in Noosa, the Today host and the former Aussie cricketer came to blows as Clarke was at the centre of a blazing row with his ex-girlfriend Jade Yarbrough and her brother-in-law Stefanovic in a public park. The expletive-ridden fight made headlines, with both men keeping relatively quiet about what eventuated from the argument. Now, Stefanovic has broken his silence on The Kyle and Jackie O Show, as Kyle Sandilands asked what the status of their friendship was. "Have you reconciled with Michael Clarke yet, your personal self, regardless of the sisters [Jade and Jasmine Yarbrough]?" Kyle asked Karl live on air. "Kyle, it's like a sticker. You rip it off but it's still there," Karl said, revealing peace had not yet been brokered between the pair. "There's still a bit of stick," Jackie O said, and Karl confirmed she was correct. "Is that like one of those stickers they put on your car when you're parked in a No Standing spot and you can't get that bastard off, when you try to pick away?" Kyle asked. "Yeah. That is really, really deep," Karl agreed with a laugh. Karl's admission comes just weeks after Michael Clarke <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/entertainment/tv/michael-clarke-breaks-silence-on-that-stoush-in-noosa-with-karl-stefanovic" target="_blank" rel="noopener">told his side</a> of the story on A Current Affair for the first time. In the interview with Ally Langdon, <span style="caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif, 'Apple Color Emoji', 'Segoe UI Emoji', 'Segoe UI Symbol', 'Noto Color Emoji'; font-size: 16px;">Clarke began by acknowledging the complexities of handling personal matters in the public eye. <span style="caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif, 'Apple Color Emoji', 'Segoe UI Emoji', 'Segoe UI Symbol', 'Noto Color Emoji'; font-size: 16px;">He explained, "A lot of people are involved, you know, there's other families, there's friends. I think it's always important that you do your best to try and respect that as well." <p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 1rem; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif, 'Apple Color Emoji', 'Segoe UI Emoji', 'Segoe UI Symbol', 'Noto Color Emoji';">While dodging questions about the specifics of the argument, Clarke admitted to making mistakes, saying, "I've made, ah, I've made some mistakes, I haven't made mistakes. I've spoken about them, I haven't spoken about them." <p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 1rem; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif, 'Apple Color Emoji', 'Segoe UI Emoji', 'Segoe UI Symbol', 'Noto Color Emoji';">"For me, again, I think the most important thing is that you get out of bed every day and try and do your best. I'm not here to blame anyone, I'm not here to blame me. I'm here to learn. I think that's the key; we're all still learning, we're all still trying our best, and yeah, relationships are tough." <p style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 1rem; caret-color: #212529; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif, 'Apple Color Emoji', 'Segoe UI Emoji', 'Segoe UI Symbol', 'Noto Color Emoji';">Image credits: Today / Getty Images

5 signs your friend is struggling with serious debt

Money is always going to be a sensitive topic, and part of the reason for this is the fact that so many people willingly suffer in silence. But if you notice the warning signs, you have to take action. Here are five signs your friend is struggling with serious debt. 1. They keep cancelling plans Whether you’re talking about dinner, drinks or even just the occasional coffee, if your friend keeps cancelling plans (particularly if they didn’t have a reputation for doing so in the past) that could be a sign that they’re struggling with their finances. 2. Unopened bills If you’re visiting your friend’s home and you notice a pile of unopened bills, this is a classic sign of money troubles. Generally these bills are left unopened because the recipient does not want to see what’s inside, or deal with the monetary consequences. 3. Sudden changes in behaviour Does your friend seem more fidgety that usual? Do they become cagey or defensive when money matters are mentioned? Are they bitter when discussing other people’s spending habits? This could indicate stress about their own individual financial situation. 4. Ignoring calls and knocks on the door If you’ve been staying at your friend’s house and noticed a knock on the door or phone that’s been left unanswered on multiple occasions this could be a very bad sign. Often this is out of fear of dealing with a debt collector who could be on the other side. 5. Not adapting to changes in circumstances very well Lifestyle changes generally come with a change in financial circumstances, but if you’ve noticed a sign that your friend is living in the same way that may be a sign that they’re ignoring the demands of their new situation and not putting themselves in a position to succeed. What can I do? Experts recommend taking the following steps if you know a friend who is struggling to deal with debt. That being said, sometimes just providing someone to talk to about it can make all the difference. <ul> <li>Encourage them to talk to their credit provider and discuss payment options.</li> <li>Talk about applying or a hardship variation to help make payments.</li> <li>Direct them to a financial counselling service.</li> <li>Encourage them to take up free legal advice.</li> </ul> Image credits: Getty Images

Money & Banking

6 tips to keep the peace on holidays with a friend

Even the best of friends can come to blow when they’re on the road. Avoid conflict with your travel buddy by following these tips. 1. Plan ahead Before you set foot on that plane, you need to make absolutely sure that you are both having the holiday you want. If one person loves to spend their days hiking through the forest, they won’t appreciate being made to lie on the beach all day. Or vice versa. There’s always going to be an element of compromise, so plan a trip that appeals to both of you. Otherwise you’ll spend the whole time at loggerheads. 2. Agree on a budget Money always causes trouble and that can be amplified when you’re on the road. Even if you are keeping your finances separate while travelling, it’s important to agree on a general budget. One person might be happy to splash out on fancy restaurants every night while the other prefers to fill up on budget street food. You’ll need to find a happy medium that suits both of your wallets and it’s easier to do it before you depart, rather than starting a fight when you’re both hungry. 3. Pack separate bags You’ll thank us in the end. It might sound like a great idea to minimise the load and just take one bag, but everyone needs a bit of their own space. Having your own bag means there’s no conflict over who has packed too much or who is a messy folder, plus you both get lots of space for souvenirs. It also prevents one person from getting stuck carrying the load every time. 4. Be flexible It’s always handy to have a schedule, but you don’t have to stick to it like you’re on a military expedition. Choices will have to made at numerous points in your trip, so discuss them with your buddy and be prepared to be flexible. You can’t both have things exactly your own way the whole time, so it’s easier to be open to alternative options rather than digging in. 5. Spend some time apart Travelling together doesn’t mean you have to spend every waking minute together. Time apart is healthy and gives each person the chance to do things they want to do. One of you can go to the museums, the other can hit the shops, and you can swap stories over dinner. 6. Let it go It’s a holiday, so have some fun. Try not to pick silly fights and, if you do end up in one, don’t hang on to it. If things go wrong it’s easier in the long run to laugh about it than apportion blame. No one’s here to keep score. And if you feel things getting a little tense, talk about it before it goes too far. Image credit: Shutterstock

Travel Tips

How friendship changes as the years advance

"You know the sort of thing you fantasise about when you are standing having a . . .?" Thus began an opening sally in a recent conversation. Such a beginning reveals a thoroughly satisfying degree of intimacy, acceptance, self-disclosure and a very easy familiarity. We found it extremely heart-warming to be its recipients, as we both were recently from a (clearly) close friend. It set me wondering about friendship, closeness, nurturance, and, as usual, the meaning of life in general. Singer/humourist Greg Tamblyn put it nicely: "Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway." A dictionary type of definition of friendship runs something like 'Friendship is a relationship of mutual affection' and liking between two (or more) people." And plenty of work has been done on the topic by researchers who might well have begun with puzzlement about their own friendship patterns. What is important, as was definitely demonstrated by our friend, is self-disclosure. But there has to be some reciprocity here. If I tell a potential friend about my unsightly and ill-positioned warts or my liking for kippers and jam I expect some similarly horrifying self-disclosure in return. Beyond self-disclosure and reciprocity, there comes a swag of characteristics that one would like to see in a written reference (preferably about oneself). Unconditional support, acceptance, loyalty and trust and all of this to be expressed openly. At this point, you might well be thinking that true friendship is a bit hard to come by. It gets worse. Researchers have shown that absolutely crucial in the development of friendship is that the potential friend supports what they call one's social identity. Roughly speaking this means that we like our friends to confirm how we see ourselves (tall, handsome, even-handed, mellow etc rather than the reality of a short somewhat indifferent appearance, biased and a touch grumpy). This support of what might well be our deluded view of self is thought to boost our self-esteem. It might also be leading us even further up the garden path, so the occasional cold shower of social reality could be useful. However, more research has demonstrated that there are four ways to maintain a bond of friendship once it has been made. More self-disclosure, more supportiveness, a fair amount of contact and a relatively unfailing positivity. All of which takes a bit of doing. Some interesting questions have not yet been answered by those who study friendship rather than courting it. To put the perennial late-night-after-a-few-drinks question - can there be cross-gender friendships without sex? The jury remains out on this, but it is perhaps something that becomes less problematic with age. This reminds me of what I intended to be the main point here and that is that we become better at the whole business of friendship in later years. We become more picky and tend to have fewer but deeper friendships that we can count on. Much of the mere acquaintanceship of earlier years disappear in favour of an increase in all of those sterling qualities already described. However, the clever Oliver Burkeman, in his Guardian column recently drew attention to a problem of friendship in the modern world; namely, the number of friends. It used to be that with developments in qualifications, jobs, marriage and so on people would change communities, leave old friends behind and make new ones, probably keeping the overall number reasonably constant. Modern communication means that we can easily keep all of our friends, new ones simply adding to the number. So, our friends might be less densely linked these days. And that is not so good, because friends that are physically close to us will probably talk about us more often, something which Burkeman believes strengthens the general social fabric. I can think of instances in which it might well weaken it. In spite of all this musing, it might be better not to think too much about how to make friends. The title of a popular book years ago was How to make friends and influence people. That's the problem; think about these things too much and it all seems to be a bit contrived and manipulative and that changes everything. George Carlin put it very well. "One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of every four murders are committed by people who know the victim." Thinking of this, Jim Hayes suggested that "A good friend will help you move. But a best friend will help you move a body." Garry Shandling should have the final word though, with "My friends tell me that I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me." Image credit: Shutterstock Written by Ken Strongman. Republished with permission of <a href="http://www.stuff.co.nz/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Stuff.co.nz.</a>

Mind

4 crucial ways to keep old friendships strong

As you age it can be quite common to have fewer friends than you did in your twenties or thirties. Family commitments, distance and health issues can all play a part in the changes to your friendships. So it’s more important than ever to nurture and develop the relationships that you do have. 1. Keep it real Instead of texting or emailing, try to make a point of calling a friend to catch up or ideally meeting up regularly. Nothing beats face to face communication for strengthening bonds. If they’re too far away, try to arrange a time to meet up in the future so that you both have something to look forward to. Why not send them a letter with an invitation – it’s much more personal than an email. 2. Always be honest If a friend is bothering you or you just have a lot going on and can’t catch up – always just be honest with them. Saying something like ‘I have a lot on my plate this month, can we catch up another time’ is a lot better than ignoring phone calls and being aloof. And remember that nobody is a mind reader, so tell them how you are feeling if something is not quite right. 3. Be there to offer help when needed If a friend is sick, bereaved, or just seems down – be the first one to step in and offer a hand. Dropping off a meal or a cake, offering to walk their dog or collecting some groceries for them is a great help that will be appreciated. Know that they would do the same for you if the roles were reversed. 4. Keep a diary Sometimes friends can get frustrated if they feel that they are doing all the organising for catch ups. Why not keep a diary and make notes for yourself for when you should contact someone to say hello or to plan a weekend away. It will stop you from double booking yourself, and will also help you keep track of birthdays and special anniversaries. Image credit: Shutterstock

Relationships

Friends are key to keeping fit

Find yourself losing motivation with your workouts? An exercise buddy can be the best way to kick-start your fitness program and put the fun back into workouts. Here’s why you need an exercise buddy. Get motivated A partner can provide the motivation you need to get out and get active. When you’re tempted to stay in bed or flop on the couch, the influence of an exercise buddy will encourage you to change your mind – even if it’s just so you don’t disappoint them. Numerous studies have shown that having a partner increases the likelihood that you will stick to a fitness routine. Monitor your progress Sometimes it can be hard to see how far you’ve come if you’re exercising alone. Often it takes an independent party to see when you’ve gained strength or flexibility, toned up or increased your stamina. A buddy will help you recognise your achievements and celebrate them. Try new things It can be intimidating to go into a new fitness class or activity on your own. You might feel self conscious in front of others or not want to try that new machine without a bit of moral support. An exercise buddy takes the pressure off and brings a social element to the experience, so you can laugh at your mistakes or ask for help without judgment. Be competitive We’re not suggesting that your workouts need to be fights to the death, but having a buddy will inspire you to run that little bit further or push that little bit harder. You can both keep track of your progress against the other and work harder to keep improving. Because no one likes to fall behind. Safety first Exercising à deux is safer for everyone. It can be hard to listen to your own body and you might not be able to tell when something isn’t right. A buddy gives you a spotter when you’re lifting weights, someone to tell you if a pose looks like it’s placing too much strain in one area or just someone to help you home if you twist your ankle on a run. Another set of eyes helps prevent you exercising with bad form and makes sure you’re getting the most out of it. Laugh a little Above all, an exercise buddy makes working out more fun. You can catch up on gossip while walking, laugh at your novice yoga moves or grab a juice after swimming a few laps. And when something is fun you’re more likely to keep doing it. So buddy up! Image: Shutterstock

Body

Terminally-ill rugby player carried across marathon finish line by his best mate

There wasn’t a dry eye in the crowd when best friends Rob Burrow and Kevin Sinfield crossed the finish line of the inaugural Rob Burrow Leeds Marathon. The two Leeds Rhinos players have been raising money and awareness for people with Motor Neurone Disease since Burrow’s 2019 diagnosis, with the two raising an impressive total in the millions. And now, the pair have raised spirits and warmed hearts with Sinfield’s act at the end of their Leeds race, when he picked Burrow up from his chair and carried him over the finishing line. Before that, Sinfield had been pushing Burrow’s chair for 26.2 miles (42.2 km). The moment was met with cheering and applause as the wo concluded their marathon just after the 4 hour 22 minute mark, both from those who were there to witness it in person and from those who saw footage later when it circulated online. One Twitter user even went on to dub Burrow an “absolute gem of a human”, while another was certain that they were a “pair of absolute heroes”. “What a mate! Unbelievable in a world full of cr*p at the moment there are some genuinely lovely moments. These lads have been into battle together on the pitch for club and country,” one wrote. “It’s choked me up, I’m not going to lie.” “A bunch of legends,” someone else declared. “I’ve properly welled up watching this, this is what friendship is, to the ends of the earth and back.” <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> Beautiful. Kevin Sinfield carried Rob Burrow over the finish line at the end of the first Rob Burrow Leeds Marathon 🥹 <a href="https://t.co/JFdd9XGgV4">pic.twitter.com/JFdd9XGgV4</a> — BBC Sport (@BBCSport) <a href="https://twitter.com/BBCSport/status/1657736670458916865?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 14, 2023</a></blockquote> Prior to the event, Sinfield had spoken about the race to The Sun, and its 12,500 reported participants, as well as the thousands lining the streets to watch, and what it meant to be undertaking the marathon together. “Even if it was just Rob and I, we’d have a great time,” he said, “there’s no better way to do it than with your mate. The fact people want to share in it and do their own little bit is incredible. “This will be with mates, for mates and alongside mates, absolutely. Look across the world at big cities where marathons are run, there’s nothing like this. “We’ve not done any training. We ran a 10km together last July and that’s part of the challenge, doing something neither of us have done before. The unknown adds to the fun of it. “He’s in a custom-made chair but it could be a bumpy ride. I’ll try and find him the safest, comfiest route but if there are hills, there are hills. If it rains, it rains.” And as Burrow himself said to The Guardian, when asked about the seven marathons in seven days that Sinfield had run on behalf of Burrow, his family, and their fight against MND, “we all need a friend like Kevin.” Images: Getty

Caring

The power of friendship in retirement

Megan Giles, Retirement Transition Consultant, supports those approaching retirement to successfully transition and create a retirement they will love to live! When we think about staying healthy in retirement, we often think about becoming more active, eating better and ensuring a good night’s sleep. But there’s another powerful antidote and it doesn’t require active wear, perspiration or watching calorie intake. Did you know that maintaining strong friendships in retirement can have a significant and positive impact on your wellbeing? As we age we are going to become more dependent on others. Not only may we become less mobile, but amongst your group of friends it is almost invariable that there will be debilitating illness, divorce, death, job loss and other major life challenges. It is times like this that it is so critical to have a strong friendship circle to surround us - people who can help us to weather the tough times. These friends will rally around you in times of need, intuitively knowing what needs doing and making things more bearable. Good friends will do exactly what you know you would do for them if the roles were reversed. Not only that, but these friends will celebrate your successes too! What are the health impacts of loneliness? The workplace is a hot-bed of human interaction – there is always a morning tea, someone to do the coffee run with and meetings to be held, and so as we step away from the workforce, our social networks tend to decrease. The research shows that loneliness is linked to a number of health issues including poor sleep patterns, increased prevalence of stress hormones, increased risk of heart disease and stroke, and accelerated cognitive decline. In turn, these can contribute to a lowered life expectancy and depression. The lower quality of life associated with these health issues is not what people envisage when they think about a fulfilling and enjoyable retirement. Loneliness is not a symptom of failure - that you are no longer relevant. The feeling is simply a reminder to reach other to others. The challenge is that life has never been as busy as it is now in the 21st century. But stop for a moment. Don't be so busy working hard and saving for retirement that you let the fun things fall by the wayside, such as weekend fishing trips, ladies nights at the theatre, or barefoot bowls. How 'golden' will those years be if you no longer have people to share them with? Do you need to re-connect with friends? Fortunately there are simple things you can do right now to reinvigorate the important friendships in your life. Make that call! Who is that one person that you have been meaning to catch-up with for ages, and what can you do to connect with them today? Go on, nothing beats memory sharing and a deep belly laugh! Take the lead! Rather than wait for catch-ups to be organised, step in and connect with the people you hold near and dear. Just be mindful to set yourself up for success. For example, rather than trying to go out for dinner as a group once a week, make it once a month (or even once a quarter) so that it doesn’t seem like a burden and something that everyone will look forward to. Let them know Don’t be afraid to tell your friends that you care. Let them know how much you appreciate them and why. And do it often! Choose your friends wisely One of the great things that comes with age is caring less what other people think. As such, choose which friendships you cultivate mindfully. Spend time with the people who light you up, not drain your energy or take advantage of you. As the saying goes, you can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family. The power of friendship is real. Is your inner circle full of people that you know will be there for you when you need them (and vice versa)? Images: Getty

Retirement Life

The secret to long-lasting friendships

As we grow older, friendships can become even more important to us as children leave home, and careers wind back. Friendships provide us with a sense of community, companionship, and support. But maintaining these relationships can be challenging, especially as we face new life stages and circumstances. Phoebe Adams is the dedicated founder of <a href="https://www.connectedwomen.net/">Connected Women</a>, an organisation that facilitates friendships for women over 50 through a range of online and in-person events. Here, Phoebe shares her expert advice on the secret to long-lasting friendships. “As the head of Connected Women, a big part of my job is helping women over 50 to connect and build meaningful relationships. I’m so proud to be able to provide a safe and welcoming space for women to come together, share experiences, and form lasting friendships.” According to Phoebe, the secret to long-lasting friendships is all about mutual respect, communication, and shared experiences. "When you have a strong foundation built on these three things, your friendships will thrive," she explains. So, how can you build that foundation with your own friends? Phoebe recommends the following tips: Be Honest: Good communication is key to any healthy relationship. Make sure you're always honest with your friends, even when it's difficult. If you're upset or angry about something they may have said or done, talk to them about it. It's better to address issues early on before they become bigger problems and having a difficult conversation becomes. Show Up: It's not enough to just be there for your friends when things are going well. True friendship means showing up when things are tough. Whether they need a listening ear or a helping hand, be there for your friends through thick and thin. Often one of the hardest things is knowing what to say when something difficult has happened in a friend’s life. Commonly we tend to stand back because we don’t know what to say or how to act, but it’s in these times of adversity that showing up, saying nothing and simply being present is the best possible gift you can give your friend. Make Memories: Shared experiences are the building blocks of any strong friendship. Make time for fun outings and adventures with your friends. These memories will keep you connected and give you something to look back on fondly. Phoebe also notes that it's important to be selective about the friendships you choose to maintain. "Not all friendships are created equal, some relationships may no longer serve you, and that's ok. It's important to prioritise the friendships that bring you joy and support you in your life." So, how do you know which friendships to keep? Phoebe suggests asking yourself the following questions: <ul> <li>Does this person uplift me and make me feel good about myself?</li> <li>Do we have shared values and interests?</li> <li>Do they respect my boundaries and support my goals?</li> <li>Have we had meaningful experiences together?</li> </ul> If the answer to these questions is yes, then it's likely a friendship worth investing in. Nurturing and maintaining long-lasting friendships is a fulfilling and rewarding experience. By focusing on communication, respect, and shared experiences, we can strengthen our already-formed friendships and create meaningful connections. Remember our time is finite, so focus on friendships that bring you joy and support your growth, and don't be afraid to let go of those that no longer serve you. Taking action to invest in your friendships can lead to a happier and more fulfilling life, so seize the opportunity and reap the rewards! <img src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/2023/04/Phoebe-headshot.jpg" alt="" width="1280" height="720" /> Phoebe Adams is the founder of Connected Women, an organisation providing a community for women over 50 to connect with each other and build meaningful friendships. With a rapidly growing community in Perth, Sydney, Wollongong, and Melbourne, Connected Women provides a safe and welcoming space for women to come together and share experiences. To learn more about the organisation and how you can get involved, visit <a href="https://www.connectedwomen.net" target="_blank" rel="noopener">connectedwomen.net</a>. Image credits: Getty Images

Relationships

Friendships may help protect women from health conditions in older age

Human connection may, in fact, help protect women from chronic health conditions in older age, according to a Queensland-led study. The University of Queensland researchers tracked more than 7,600 Australian women aged between 45 and 50 for two decades as part of the Australian Longitudinal Study on Women's Health. The study went as follows: Every three years, women filled out a questionnaire, rating their levels of satisfaction with a range of relationships, including partners, family, friends, work colleagues and any other social connections. Data also collected if they had been diagnosed with two or more of 11 chronic health conditions. <ul> <li dir="ltr" role="presentation">High blood pressure</li> <li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Heart disease</li> <li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Stroke </li> <li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease </li> <li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Asthma </li> <li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Arthritis</li> <li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Cancer</li> <li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Depression</li> <li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Anxiety </li> <li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Osteoporosis</li> <li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Diabetes</li> </ul> The researchers found 58.3 per cent of the women had developed more than one chronic disease during the 20 years of monitoring, from 1996 to 2016. Those with the lowest relationship satisfaction scores had the highest odds of having multiple chronic diseases. So, make friends and keep them around because it may just prevent a serious illness. Image credit: Shutterstock

Body

6 ways to make friends when you’re 60-plus

When you’re a kid, it’s so easy to make friends. Basically you see another person your age and walk up to them and start playing. But once you reach a certain age, it’s not so easy to just walk up to people you don’t know and form a friendship. Things can be especially difficult if you’ve had a partner for a long time and then later find yourself left on your own. The idea of putting yourself out there to make new pals seems daunting and a little scary. But before you get so desperate for someone to see a movie with that you resort to putting an ad in the local paper, try some of our ideas below. Who knows, you might just meet your new best mate. 1. Group travel Organised group travel is a great way to meet like-minded individuals who have a passion for travel. It’s also a terrific way to see the world, as you have your accommodation and transport already organised – plus there’s no worry about missing any of the great attractions. Whether you jump on a bus, a boat or a train, you are sure to find some people that you click with. Once the tour is over, offer to trade email addresses or phone numbers to keep in touch with those people that you hit it off with. You could even suggest ideas for the next adventure. 2. Volunteering Another great way to meet people is to offer your time to a charity or an organisation that you feel passionate about. It could be a one-off event (such as handing out flyers for a political party) or even just a day a month where you help out in a soup kitchen. Start with something as simple as “Have you been volunteering here for long?” and let the conversation flow naturally. 3. Wine tours If you are passionate about wine, or just keen to learn more, sign up for an organised winery tour. It could be one winery or a whole region, but either way there are generally small to medium sized groups that you can join for a day or a weekend. Sharing an experience like this where you are learning new skills is a great conversation starter. Asking something as simple as “Do you prefer the pinot or the shiraz?” can really get the ball rolling with a fellow wine fan. 4. Photography Courses Whether you’re improving your skills with your digital SLR camera, or just wanting to learn how to take better snaps on your Smartphone – there really are so many options for photography classes these days. Often photography classes are held outdoors, in a park or by the sea, so it is a great way to learn and meet new people in a natural environment. Why not suggest to someone interesting that you meet for a photo shoot at another location next time such as a lighthouse or rainforest. 5. Book clubs What better way to connect with new people than by discussing a book that you have all read. Even if people have different ideas, it’s a great way to get an insight into whether you have common tastes and interests depending on how they felt about the novel. The next step is to suggest meeting someone that you’re keen to talk to more for a coffee after the class. 6. Cooking classes Even the great cooks among us can still learn a lot from a one-off cooking class. It could be to brush up on your baking skills or to learn the basics of a new cuisine such as Mexican or Thai. Sharing a kitchen with people and then sitting down to eat is a great icebreaker. You’ve got so much to talk about – the process of cooking, any issues you had, any advice you might need to perfect your soufflé for next time, and then of course the food itself. If you really hit it off with someone you could invite them over for afternoon tea or a casual meal one evening. Image: Getty

Caring

Why friendships could be good for your gut

As well as being good for our mental health, it seems that having plenty of friends can be good for the health of our gut, a new study says. Scientists looked at a group of Rhesus Macaques living on Cayo Santiago, an island off the coast of Puerto Rico, and found that the more sociable primate had more beneficial bacteria and less harmful bacteria than less social monkeys. To measure just how social the monkeys were, the researchers measured the time each monkey spent grooming or being groomed by others, as well as the number of grooming partners they had. “Macaques are highly social animals and grooming is their main way of making and maintaining relationships, so grooming provides a good indicator of social interactions,” Dr Kali Watson, a cognitive scientist at the University of Colorado, said. They also collected faecal samples from the monkeys and performed DNA sequencing to measure the composition and diversity of gut microbes that were present. “Engagement in social interactions was positively related to the abundance of certain gut microbes with beneficial immunological functions, and negatively related to the abundance of potentially pathogenic members of the microbiota,” Dr Philip Burnet, who researches the influence of the gut microbiome on brain health at the University of Oxford, said. They found that the most sociable monkeys had higher levels of protective bacteria, including Faecalibacterium, which has anti-inflammatory properties, and Prevotella, which has been associated with better immunity against pathogens and anti-inflammatory effects. Meanwhile, bacteria such as Streptococcus, which cause diseases such as strep throat and pneumonia, were found in greater abundance in the less social monkeys. <img src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/2022/12/monkey-guts1.jpg" alt="" width="1280" height="720" /> Image: Frontiers Press As for why this happens, the researchers proposed that it may be to do with the transmission of bacteria through physical contact, such as grooming. “The relationship between social behaviour and microbial abundances may be the direct result of social transmission of microbes, for example through grooming,” Dr Katerina Johnson, a researcher at the University of Oxford, said. “It could also be an indirect effect, as monkeys with fewer friends may be more stressed, which then affects the abundance of these microbes. “As well as behaviour influencing the microbiome, we also know it is a reciprocal relationship, whereby the microbiome can in turn affect the brain and behaviour.” The millions of bacteria, fungi and other microorganisms that live in our gut - and make up our <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/health/mind/your-gut-s-second-brain-may-have-evolved-before-your-head-s-brain">gut microbiome</a> - have become an area of interest for researchers, particularly when it comes to digestive health and the influence it has on our nervous system, in a relationship called the <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/health/mind/how-gut-bacteria-could-affect-your-mental-health">‘gut-brain axis’</a>. Previous studies have shown that the levels of different species of these organisms in our guts have been linked to depression, schizophrenia and even autoimmune conditions such as Crohn’s disease and colitis. The gut even creates neurotransmitters, hormones and other molecules the brain needs. With this study finding that being social can influence our gut, which in turn can influence our health more generally, it shows just how crucial social interactions are for our health. Dr Robin Dunbar, a psychology professor at the University of Oxford, said: “As our society is increasingly substituting online interactions for real-life ones, these important research findings underline the fact that as primates, we evolved not only in a social world but a microbial one as well.” The researchers published their findings in the journal <a href="https://doi.org/10.3389/fmicb.2022.1032495" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Frontiers in Microbiology</a>. Image: Frontiers Press

Caring

Combating loneliness: How to meet new friends

Many of us will feel lonely at some point in our lives. It’s that sadness that comes from being by yourself or feeling disconnected from the people around you. For some it’s fleeting, for others it becomes entrenched and damaging. Several recent studies indicate loneliness is set to reach epidemic proportions by 2030. Experts say it’s as bad for us as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Britain has even appointed a minister for loneliness. A <a href="https://www.jocoxloneliness.org/pdf/a_call_to_action.pdf">report published by the Jo Cox Commission</a> showed nine million people “always or often feel lonely” and 200,000 older people in the UK have not had a conversation with a friend or relative in more than a month. Here at home, we have the <a href="http://endloneliness.com.au/">Australian Coalition to End Loneliness (ACEL)</a>. Inspired by the work of the <a href="https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/">UK’s Campaign to End Loneliness</a>, the ACEL aims to address loneliness in Australia. The good news is that feeling lonely is nothing to be ashamed of – the research is clear that millions of people are in the same boat. “Being connected to others socially is widely considered a fundamental human need,” says one of the most prominent researchers in the field, Julianne Holt-Lunstad, PhD, professor of psychology at Brigham Young University in the United States. “It is crucial to both wellbeing and survival.” “Help, I’m lonely!" A community member recently asked if we have any suggestions on how to overcome loneliness. “I'm a young 50s and love doing things but I'm lonely. I have lost close friends due to them moving away. I have lost the contact with people. I think I'm a loner – help me. What groups could I join to meet people?” Here are some ideas for meeting new friends: 1. Volunteering Volunteering is all about helping others, but it also benefits you personally – it offers the chance to make new friends, try a different career field, and explore your local area. Organisations that help refugees, the homeless, people with disabilities, disadvantaged youths or the elderly are numerous. Such organisations include <a href="http://mealsonwheels.org.au/">Meals on Wheels</a>, <a href="https://www.thesmithfamily.com.au/">The Smith Family</a>, <a href="http://www.salvationarmy.org.au/">The Salvation Army</a>, <a href="https://youthoffthestreets.com.au/">Youth Off The Streets</a>, <a href="https://www.midnightbasketball.org.au/">Midnight Basketball Australia</a>, <a href="https://www.sacredheartmission.org/">Sacred Heart Mission</a>, <a href="https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/">Black Dog Institute</a>, <a href="http://guidedogsaustralia.com/">Guide Dogs Australia</a>, and <a href="https://www.lifeline.org.au/">Lifeline Australia</a>. The State Emergency Service (SES) in your state and <a href="http://stjohn.org.au/">St John Ambulance Australia</a> often put a callout for volunteers. Wildlife rescue groups, such as <a href="https://www.wires.org.au/">WIRES </a>in NSW, and animal welfare organisations like the <a href="https://rspca.org.au/">RSPCA</a>, always appreciate an extra pair of hands – check the parks and wildlife service in your state. The NSW National Parks and Wildlife Service, for example, is seeking volunteers for historic and cultural heritage tours, and for their threatened species and bush regeneration programs. If you enjoy working in customer service, try the local <a href="https://shop.oxfam.org.au/volunteer">Oxfam Shop</a>, <a href="https://www.redcross.org.au/get-involved/connect/volunteer">Red Cross</a> or <a href="https://www.savethechildren.org.au/take-action/volunteer">Save the Children op shop</a>. Libraries need volunteers to help with stocktake to maintain the toy library and to deliver books to library customers. For music lovers, community radio stations are often run by volunteers – you might even have the chance to host your own show. Major events also provide exciting opportunities for volunteers, so keep an eye out for big events that are coming to your town or city. Film, music and fashion festivals are often looking for volunteers. For more information, contact your local council or visit <a href="http://www.volunteering.org.au/">Volunteering Australia</a>. 2. Fitness classes If you’re into group exercise, you have a potential social network right in front of you. Try golf, tennis, dragon boat racing, rowing, squash, salsa classes, ballroom dancing, badminton, ocean swimming, sailing, aqua aerobics or yoga — or find a walking group via the <a href="http://walking.heartfoundation.org.au/">Heart Foundation Walking network</a>. 3. Hobbies Do you like gardening, films, model airplane flying, bird watching, photography, chess, creative writing, clay target shooting, knitting, bridge, quilting, cooking or reading? Look in your local area for groups, clubs or classes that you could join. Car fanatics could join a club, such as a classic car club. For motorcyclists, the <a href="http://www.ulyssesclub.org/">Ulysses Club</a> is a social group for people aged over 40 years. Its motto is “grow old disgracefully”. For the community or politically minded, you could attend local council meetings. And don’t forget your local <a href="https://mensshed.org/">Men’s Shed</a>, which provides a space to work on practical projects while enjoying some good old-fashioned mateship. 4. Faith-based groups Churches and religious organisations tend to host a lot of social gatherings outside of their regular services, offering golden opportunities to meet people with similar beliefs. 5. Virtual spaces Facebook, Instagram and other social networks can be used as a way to connect with old friends, make new ones, and keep up with what’s happening in your community. If you want to learn more about computers or social media, ask at your local library or visit a local computer club. The <a href="http://www.ascca.org.au/">Australian Seniors Computer Clubs Association</a> lists over 130 clubs for older Australians – one might be in your area. 6. Meetups <a href="http://www.meetup.com/">Meetup.com</a> is a nifty site that offers users the chance to join groups, known as Meetups, based on their location and interests. Examples of groups you can join include “Monopoly Players”, “More Bakeries Than Cycling Touring Club”, “Women’s Social Club”, and “French Movie Group”. If you can’t find a group that interests you, create your own! 7. Online dating The major online dating sites are <a href="https://www.rsvp.com.au/">RSVP</a>, <a href="https://www.eharmony.com.au/">eHarmony</a>, <a href="https://au.match.com/">Match</a>, <a href="https://www.oasisactive.com/">Oasis Active</a>, <a href="https://www.pof.com/">Plenty of Fish (POF)</a>, <a href="https://www.zoosk.com/">Zoosk</a> and <a href="https://tinder.com/">Tinder</a>. A good place to start might be with eHarmony, as it caters for a large number of older users. Billed as “Australia’s most trusted online dating site”, it offers specific dating advice for seniors. Of course, there are scams out there, so keep your wits about you. 8. Lions and Rotary Clubs <a href="http://lionsclubs.org.au/">Lions </a>and <a href="http://rotaryaustralia.org.au/">Rotary </a>do a lot of good in their local communities and further afield. Lions’ motto is “where there’s a need, there’s a Lion”. Rotary is made up of members “who strive to make the world a better place”. 9. Returning to work Working doesn’t have to be about the money. If you are in need of an outlet for mingling, going back to work could be the answer. Perhaps you could ask your former workplace about casual work or approach your local Bunnings Warehouse – the hardware chain encourages older workers back in to the workforce. Former teachers might register for substitute teaching and pet lovers could advertise pet sitting or walking services. If you love weddings, why not become a marriage celebrant? Adore children? Ask parents you know if they need babysitting or someone to pick their kids up after school. Crafty? How about a market stall? Too many veggies in the garden? Try selling them at a farmer’s market. A spare bungalow, caravan or room could be decorated and listed on <a href="https://www.airbnb.com/">Airbnb</a>. Other ideas include freelance writing, consulting or selling your photos on a microstock site such as <a href="https://www.gettyimages.com/">Getty Images</a>. 10. Pets They are known as man’s best friend but having a dog can help you socialise more with people. A study by the University of Western Australia found “pet owners were significantly more likely to get to know people in their neighbourhood whom they didn’t know previously, compared with non-pet owners”. Published in PLOS ONE, <a href="http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0122085">The Pet Factor – Companion Animals as a Conduit for Getting to Know People, Friendship Formation and Social Support</a> concluded that dog owners were more likely to get to know people in their community than owners of other pets, such as cats or birds. 11. Reconnecting with old friends Make a list of people that you remember fondly and reach out to them by phone, email or Facebook. If they live nearby, invite them out for coffee, and if they are interstate or overseas, send a short email – who knows, one day you might take a trip and meet up with them. Don’t assume old friends have forgotten about you just because they haven’t been in touch – they may have been juggling work and parenting in their 30s and 40s, making it hard to stay in touch. Most likely, they will be pleased to hear from you. What have you done to combat feeling lonely? Share you experiences and ideas below. Written by Leah McLennan. Republished with permission of <a href="https://www.wyza.com.au/articles/lifestyle/wyza-life/combating-loneliness-how-to-meet-new-friends.aspx">Wyza.com.au</a>. Image: Getty

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