Handling houseguests who overstay their welcome
<p>As a Canadian expat and serial traveller, I've been a house guest many times over.</p>
<p>As an introverted, sensitive type, I am conscious of being "that guest". You know, the one who eats all your food, makes a mess, sits around waiting for you to entertain them or overstays their welcome.</p>
<p>Several international proverbs suggest that fish and house guests smell after three days. I agree. The majority of my family and friends live interstate and overseas, so longer stays are inevitable. As a personal rule, I have a five day limit when I stay with others, even my own family.</p>
<p>HomeAway claims "millions" of people chose to rent accommodation rather than stay with family over the Christmas holidays this year. This is good news considering 34 per cent of the people surveyed said relatives overstay their welcome after one day.</p>
<p>But unless you're going to enforce a no-guest rule, you'll likely have to endure relatives and friends staying in your home. I do like to have guests, but I work from home and I need my space. This can cause issues.</p>
<p>What I struggle with the most is setting boundaries. I've made subtle suggestions in the past but unfortunately dropping hints hasn't worked well. I've read enough blogs, articles and forum rants to know I'm not the only one who has a hard time asking people to limit their stay.</p>
<p>I talked to Nicole Cook, a clinical psychologist at Mindframe Psychology, about why some people find it hard to have that conversation.</p>
<p>"Many of us are people-pleasers and we like to be hospitable. The lack of boundaries from the start is what gets us into trouble," she said.</p>
<p>Cook said being upfront with your guests may save conflict and resentment during or after their stay. The problem is, these conversations can be awkward.</p>
<p>"It is uncomfortable, having these conversations with people. But it's much better to choose short-term discomfort over long-term resentment," she said.</p>
<p>Personality differences often play a role in visitor/host conflict, Cook added.</p>
<p>"If you're naturally introverted and you need a lot more time on your own, having people in your space may be more problematic than someone who's extroverted and gets their energy from being around people.</p>
<p>"During holiday times, when stress levels are already high, you can end up getting quite resentful or petty," she said.</p>
<p>Elizabeth Hollingsworth, who runs an event decoration business from her Melbourne home, says house guests can interfere with your normal routine if they stay too long.</p>
<p>"Ideally, guests should stay under a week. The perfect house guest stays under four days. Once they're staying for more than two weeks it starts to eat into your normal life and it gets very hard to get things done," she says.</p>
<p>Sometimes, things can get done more efficiently with guests around, especially if you put them to work like Hollingsworth does.</p>
<p>"I had a job to install fairy lighting so when Mum was here [visiting] I asked her if she wanted to come along. She was up on the ladder attaching the lights. I'm not adverse to my guests pitching in," she said.</p>
<p>In the past, I've always wanted to be the gracious, hard-working hostess so I did everything. Now, I'm over it. I let my guests do the dishes, make dinner, go to the shop, contribute to the food bill and even clean the house, especially if they're staying more than three days.</p>
<p>House guests can be a blessing or a curse. I guess it all depends on how you, the host, handle the guest request.</p>
<p><strong>Best practices to make your guests' stay pleasant for everyone:</strong></p>
<p>1. Have "the" conversation. Be direct about how long your guest room is available.</p>
<p>2. Be upfront about boundaries: no smoking, no pets, no strangers, no loud noises...</p>
<p>3. If you work from home, consider working from a cafe, library or shared-office space during your guests' stay.</p>
<p>4. Let your guests help with meals and kitchen clean-up.</p>
<p>5. Show them the public transport stops and closest shops.</p>
<p>6. Collect brochures for local attractions. Encourage them to explore the area on their own.</p>
<p>7. If they want to buy you a gift of thanks, accept it.</p>
<p>How do you get rid of unwanted houseguests?</p>
<p><em>Written by Jennifer Moreton. First appeared on <a href="http://www.stuff.co.nz/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Stuff.co.nz</span></strong></a>. </em></p>
