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Forming new habits can take longer than you think. Here are 8 tips to help you stick with them

<div class="theconversation-article-body"> If you’ve ever tried to build a new habit – whether that’s exercising more, eating healthier, or going to bed earlier – you may have heard the popular claim that it only takes 21 days to form a habit. It’s a neat idea. Short, encouraging and full of promise. But there’s just one problem: it’s not true. The 21-day myth can be traced back to <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0671700758/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0671700758&linkCode=as2&tag=jamesclear-20&linkId=6DQ32IRAG3LU4PKA">Maxwell Maltz</a>, a plastic surgeon in the 1960s, who observed it took about three weeks for his patients to adjust to physical changes. This idea was later picked up and repeated in self-help books, eventually becoming accepted wisdom. But as psychologists and behavioural scientists have since discovered, habit formation is <a href="https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-long-does-it-really-take-to-form-a-habit/">much more complex</a>. <h2>How long does it really take?</h2> A <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/ejsp.674">2010 study</a> followed volunteers trying to build simple routines – such as drinking water after breakfast or eating a daily piece of fruit – and found it took a median of 66 days for the behaviour to become automatic. We recently <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/2227-9032/12/23/2488">reviewed several studies</a> looking at how long it took people to form health-related habits. We found, on average, it took around two to five months. Specifically, the studies that measured time to reach automaticity (when a behaviour becomes second nature) found that habit formation took between 59 and 154 days. Some people developed a habit in as few as four days. Others took nearly a year. This wide range highlights that habit formation isn’t one-size-fits-all. It depends on what the behaviour is, how often it’s repeated, how complex it is, and who’s doing it. <h2>What determines whether a habit will stick?</h2> Habit strength plays a key role in consistency. A <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.626750/full">2021 systematic review</a> focused on physical activity and found the stronger the habit (meaning the more automatic and less effortful the behaviour felt) the more likely people were to exercise regularly. It’s not entirely surprising that easy, <a href="https://bjgp.org/content/62/605/664">low-effort behaviours</a> such as drinking water or taking a daily vitamin tend to form faster than complex ones like training for a marathon. But whatever the habit, <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s44159-024-00305-0">research shows</a> sticking to it is not just about boosting motivation or willpower. Interventions that actively support habit formation – through repetition, cues and structure – are much more effective for creating lasting change. For example, programs that encourage people to schedule regular exercise at the same time each day, or apps that send reminders to drink water after every meal, help build habits by making the behaviour easier to repeat and harder to forget. Our <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/2227-9032/12/23/2488">research</a>, which drew on data from more than 2,600 people, showed habit-building interventions can make a real difference across a range of behaviours – from flossing and healthy eating to regular exercise. But what stood out most was that even small, everyday actions can grow into powerful routines, when repeated consistently. It’s not about overhauling your life overnight, but about steadily reinforcing behaviours until they become second nature. <h2>8 tips for building lasting habits</h2> If you’re looking to build a new habit, here are some science-backed tips to help them stick: <ol> <li> Give it time. Aim for consistency over <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/2227-9032/12/23/2488">60 days</a>. It’s not about perfection – missing a day won’t reset the clock. </li> <li> <a href="https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3505409/">Make it easy</a>. Start small. Choose a behaviour you can realistically repeat daily. </li> <li> Attach your new habit <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/2227-9032/12/23/2488">to an existing routine</a>. That is, make the new habit easier to remember by linking it to something you already do – such as flossing right before you brush your teeth. </li> <li> <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/0144929X.2020.1801840">Track your progress</a>. Use a calendar or app to tick off each successful day. </li> <li> Build in <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2212267215011181?casa_token=-VKsr03fXOUAAAAA:pKV0oAB5VVuj8RcPAW5T7prjo3efSVpi6P6TXFoeTLHBX_vFK0ttF6tFM9-8Fp6o45XPu_lcij5d">rewards</a>, for example making a special coffee after a morning walk or watching an episode of your favourite show after a week of consistent workouts. Positive emotions help habits stick, so celebrate small wins. </li> <li> Morning is best. Habits practised <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fhea0000510">in the morning</a> tend to form more reliably than those attempted at night. This may be because people typically have more motivation and fewer distractions earlier in the day, making it easier to stick to new routines before daily demands build up. </li> <li> Personal choice boosts success. People are more likely to stick with habits <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.00560/full">they choose themselves</a>. </li> <li> <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/ejsp.674">Repetition</a> in a stable context is key. Performing the same behaviour in the same situation (such as walking right after lunch each day) increases the chances it will become automatic. </li> </ol> <h2>Why the 21-day myth matters</h2> Believing habits form in 21 days sets many people up to fail. When change doesn’t “click” within three weeks, it’s easy to feel like you’re doing something wrong. This can lead to frustration, guilt and giving up entirely. By contrast, understanding the real timeline can help you stay motivated when things feel slow. Evidence shows habit formation usually takes at least two months, and sometimes longer. But it also shows change is possible. Our <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/2227-9032/12/23/2488">research</a> and <a href="https://bjgp.org/content/62/605/664">other evidence</a> confirm that repeated, intentional actions in stable contexts really do become automatic. Over time, new behaviours can feel effortless and deeply ingrained. So whether you’re trying to move more, eat better, or improve your sleep, the key isn’t speed – it’s consistency. Stick with it. With time, the habit will stick with you.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/255118/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> By <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/ben-singh-1297213">Ben Singh</a>, Research Fellow, Allied Health & Human Performance, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-south-australia-1180">University of South Australia</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/ashleigh-e-smith-201327">Ashleigh E. Smith</a>, Associate Professor, Healthy Ageing, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-south-australia-1180">University of South Australia</a> This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/forming-new-habits-can-take-longer-than-you-think-here-are-8-tips-to-help-you-stick-with-them-255118">original article</a>. Image: Shuttertock </div>

Mind

Carlton mourns the loss of one of the greats of the game

The Australian football world is in mourning following the passing of one of the game's most electrifying figures, Peter Bosustow, aged 67. Bosustow, affectionately known as "The Buzz", died early Monday morning in Perth after a long battle with cancer. He was surrounded by his wife Shelley, son Brent and daughter Brooke, who were by his side to say their final goodbyes. The son of former Carlton player Bob Bosustow, Peter lit up Princes Park from the moment he crossed from Perth in 1981, joining fellow Western Australian Ken Hunter. Both became instant sensations, but it was Bosustow's acrobatics, sharp goal sense and larger-than-life personality that quickly made him a Carlton cult hero. In just three seasons and 65 games for the Blues, Bosustow made an indelible impact, booting 146 goals and helping lead the club to back-to-back premierships in 1981 and 1982. His inaugural season remains one of the most memorable in AFL history, winning both the Goal of the Year and Mark of the Year awards, alongside lifting the premiership trophy. Former teammate Ken Hunter remembered Bosustow fondly, saying, “I think of what a character ‘Buzz’ was and how much he took to the big stage. He was a unique character and a rare football talent in equal measure. The Carlton people loved ‘Buzz’ and he loved Carlton.” Bosustow's highlight reel moments – none greater than his soaring mark over Geelong's John Mossop at Princes Park and his instinctive goal against Ian Nankervis at VFL Park – are still cherished by Blues fans. His ability to turn a game in a few magical moments made him a constant crowd favourite. Former Carlton coach David Parkin paid a heartfelt tribute, describing Bosustow as “an exceptional talent” who was "probably as exciting a player to watch as we ever had". Parkin recalled Bosustow's breathtaking smother, gather and goal during the 1981 semi-final as the quintessential example of his rare brilliance. After three seasons, Bosustow returned to WA in 1984 due to his father's illness. He continued to shine at WAFL level with Perth, where he played 141 games and kicked 379 goals, also representing WA against Victoria and South Australia. He topped Perth’s goalkicking three times and was later named in the club's Team of the Century. A comeback attempt at Carlton in 1986 ultimately fell short, but his connection with the club and its supporters never wavered. Bosustow's final years were marked by courage in the face of illness. Diagnosed with bowel and liver cancer, he fought valiantly and even celebrated a brief cancer-free period in 2023. However, his second battle with cancer recently became public, and earlier this month he was hospitalised in Perth. Remarkably, Bosustow spent his final evening watching his beloved Blues claim a stirring victory over Geelong at the MCG – the same club against which he once performed some of his most iconic feats. According to reports, he raised a fist in celebration at the final siren. Throughout his illness, Bosustow received widespread support from the football community, with fundraising efforts in 2022 attended by many of his former teammates and friends. Peter Bosustow leaves behind a legacy as one of football’s most charismatic and spectacular talents. His high-flying marks, impossible goals and infectious spirit will forever be part of Carlton's rich history — and in the hearts of all who were lucky enough to witness "The Buzz" in full flight. Images: Carlton FC

Caring

A simple, science-backed way to sharpen thinking and improve memory – and it's not what you think

<div class="theconversation-article-body">Many of us turn to Sudoku, Wordle or brain-training apps to sharpen our minds. But research is increasingly showing one of the best ways to boost memory, focus and brain health is exercise. Our <a href="https://bjsm.bmj.com/content/early/2025/03/06/bjsports-2024-108589">new research</a> reviewed data from more than 250,000 participants across 2,700 studies. We found exercise helps boost brain function – whether it’s walking, cycling, yoga, dancing, or even playing active video games such as Pokémon GO. Moving your body improves how we think, make decisions, remember things and stay focused – no matter your age. <h2>What the science says</h2> Our review adds to a growing body of research that shows regular physical activity <a href="https://bjsm.bmj.com/content/early/2025/03/06/bjsports-2024-108589">improves</a> three key areas of brain function: <ul> <li> cognition, which is your overall ability to think clearly, learn and make decisions </li> <li> memory, especially short-term memory and the ability to remember personal experiences </li> <li> executive function, which includes focus, planning, problem-solving and managing emotions. </li> </ul> We conducted an umbrella review, which means we looked at the results of more than 130 high-quality research reviews that had already combined findings from many exercise studies. These studies usually involved people starting a new, structured exercise program, not just tracking the exercise they were already doing. To assess the effects on cognition, memory and executive function, the original studies used a range of brain function tests. These included things like remembering word lists, solving puzzles, or quickly switching between tasks – simple activities designed to reliably measure how well the brain is working. The improvements were small to moderate. On average, exercise led to a noticeable boost in cognition, with slightly smaller but still meaningful gains in memory and executive function. The benefits showed up across all age groups, though children and teens saw major gains in memory. People with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) showed greater improvements in executive function after physical activity than other population groups. The brain started responding fairly quickly – many people experienced improvements after just 12 weeks of starting regular exercise. Generally, the greatest benefits were seen in those doing at least 30 minutes of exercise on most days of the week, aiming for a total of about 150 minutes per week. <h2>What’s happening in the brain?</h2> Activities such as walking or cycling can <a href="https://www.pnas.org/doi/abs/10.1073/pnas.1015950108">increase the size of the hippocampus</a>, the part of the brain responsible for memory and learning. In <a href="https://www.pnas.org/doi/full/10.1073/pnas.1015950108">one study</a>, older adults who did aerobic exercise for a year grew their hippocampus by 2%, effectively reversing one to two years of age-related brain shrinkage. More intense workouts, such as running or high-intensity interval training, can further <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1155/2017/8305287">boost neuroplasticity</a> – the brain’s ability to adapt and rewire itself. This helps you learn more quickly, think more clearly and stay mentally sharp with age. <h2>Another reason to get moving</h2> The world’s population is ageing. By 2030, <a href="https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/ageing-and-health">one in six of people will be aged over 60</a>. With that comes a rising risk of dementia, Alzheimer’s disease and cognitive decline. At the same time, many adults aren’t moving enough. One in three adults <a href="https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/physical-activity">aren’t meeting the recommended levels</a> of physical activity. Adults <a href="https://www.who.int/initiatives/behealthy/physical-activity">should aim for</a> at least 150 of moderate exercise – such as brisk walking – each week, or at least 75 minutes of more vigorous activity, like running. It’s also important to incorporate muscle-strengthening exercises, such as lifting weights, into workouts at least twice a week. <h2>Everyday movement counts</h2> You don’t need to run marathons or lift heavy weights to benefit. Our study showed lower-intensity activities such as yoga, tai chi and “exergames” (active video games) can be just as effective – sometimes even more so. These activities engage both the brain and body. Tai chi, for instance, requires focus, coordination and memorising sequences. Exergames often include real-time decision-making and rapid response to cues. This trains attention and memory. Importantly, these forms of movement are inclusive. They can be done at home, outdoors, or with friends, making them a great option for people of all fitness levels or those with limited mobility. Although you may already be doing a lot through daily life – like walking instead of driving or carrying shopping bags home – it’s still important to find time for structured exercise, such as lifting weights at the gym or doing a regular yoga class, to get the full benefits for your brain and body. <h2>Real-life applications</h2> If you’re a grandparent, consider playing Wii Sports virtual tennis or bowling with your grandchild. If you’re a teenager with signs of ADHD, try a dance class, and see if it impacts your concentration in class. If you’re a busy parent, you might be more clear-headed if you can squeeze a 20-minute yoga video session between meetings. In each of these cases, you’re not just being active, you’re giving your brain a valuable tune-up. And unlike most brain-training apps or supplements, exercise delivers far reaching benefits, including improved <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1389945721002914?casa_token=pXaOJcQJ7d0AAAAA:0i4BjaxqJ21AQ2bGXI4DfQ6twKNybrg7c2f0_Xs7t-hWyDOH0SuKGTfruy-JlC_rMokUM3iWdlSQ">sleep</a> and <a href="https://bjsm.bmj.com/content/57/18/1203">mental health</a>. Workplaces and schools are starting to take note. <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/smi.2654">Short movement breaks</a> are being introduced during the workday to improve employee focus. Schools that incorporate <a href="https://ijbnpa.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12966-017-0569-9">physical activity</a> into the classroom are seeing improvements in students’ attention and academic performance. Exercise is one of the most powerful and accessible tools we have for supporting brain health. Best of all, it’s free, widely available and it’s never too late to start.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/253751/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> By <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/ben-singh-1297213">Ben Singh</a>, Research Fellow, Allied Health & Human Performance, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-south-australia-1180">University of South Australia</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/ashleigh-e-smith-201327">Ashleigh E. Smith</a>, Associate Professor, Healthy Ageing, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-south-australia-1180">University of South Australia</a> This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/heres-a-simple-science-backed-way-to-sharpen-your-thinking-and-improve-your-memory-253751">original article</a>. Image: Shutterstock </div>

Mind

Aussie TV star wins $9.2m on game show – the largest in history

In an electrifying moment that will surely go down in television history, Australian reality TV star David Genat has claimed a jaw-dropping AUD$9.2 million prize on US television, securing the largest single cash payout ever seen on American TV. The 44-year-old, widely recognised by Aussie audiences from Survivor Australia, Celebrity Apprentice, Rush and Getaway, delivered a masterclass in risk-taking and intuition in NBC’s Deal or No Deal Island. Genat, dubbed the “Survivor golden god” after his 2020 Survivor Australia: All Stars victory, knew he had the upper hand early in the final showdown. But the real twist came when the show’s notorious banker was revealed as none other than Chrissy Teigen. Faced with 26 cases – one containing the life-changing sum of AUD$12.2 million – Genat navigated a nail-biting elimination round, fuelled by his father’s memory and a razor-sharp strategy. Rejecting a staggering seven offers, including multiple million-dollar deals, he played with nerves of steel until just two cases remained. Then came the final offer: a mind-blowing $US5.8 million ($AUD9.2 million). With tension at an all-time high, Genat made the call – he took the deal. It was a decision that paid off in monumental fashion. When his chosen case was opened, it contained just $75. Had he gambled one step further, he would have walked away with next to nothing. Instead, he etched his name into television history with the record-breaking win. “It was surreal,” Genat later shared with USA Today. “The offer came in at US$5.8 million and I started thinking about it, and that is just so much money. I was having a spiritual experience, man. I just knew where that money was. I knew which cases to open. I was looking for signs from my father, who passed away a couple of years ago. I felt his presence there, and he was just guiding me on what cases to open.” That deep connection gave him the clarity to seize the moment and walk away with a life-altering fortune. “My frequency is on another level,” he added. “I fully feel like I’m floating.” With his newfound millions, Genat already has a few indulgences in mind, including a new motorcycle, a luxury watch and some sleek new cars for his four kids. But the adventure might not stop here. Rumours are swirling that Genat could be gearing up for another reality TV showdown on the upcoming Survivor: Australia vs. the World, set to air later this year. Images: Instagram

Money & Banking

"Game changer": Aussie women welcome new early-detection cancer test

Australian women will soon have access to a revolutionary blood test designed to aid in the early detection of breast cancer. The innovative test, known as BREASTEST plus™, was developed by BCAL Diagnostics and is set to complement traditional breast cancer screening methods such as mammograms and ultrasounds. BCAL Diagnostics chair Jayne Shaw <a href="https://7news.com.au/news/public-health/australian-first-blood-test-to-help-early-detection-of-breast-cancer-comes-to-sydney-before-nationwide-rollout-c-18153750" target="_blank" rel="noopener">revealed to 7NEWS</a> that the development of the test had taken 15 years, describing it as a "game changer" for women worldwide. “The breast test is a game changer for all women everywhere because it’s a blood test to detect breast cancer alongside other diagnostic tools like ultrasound and a mammogram,” Shaw said. She pointed out that a similar blood test for prostate cancer, which has been available since 1989, has significantly improved clinical outcomes for men. “Early diagnosis for all cancers will lead to improved survivability rates, and it was only inevitable that a blood test would be developed to diagnose breast cancer earlier,” she added. One of the major advantages of the new blood test is its ability to detect breast cancer in women with high breast density. Around 40-50% of Australian women undergoing screening have high breast density, which can obscure abnormalities on mammograms and make diagnosis more difficult. With the ability to identify breast cancer markers, the blood test will provide a valuable additional tool for detecting cancers that might otherwise go unnoticed. Breast Cancer Network Australia director Vicki Durston welcomed the new test, especially for its potential to improve the reporting of high breast density cases, where cancers are often missed. “Breast Cancer Network Australia has long been calling for the uplift in the breast density statement nationally to see standardised reporting across the country,” Durston said. She also noted that while high breast density is just one of many risk factors, the new test represents an innovative step forward in improving early detection and treatment. Breast cancer remains the most commonly diagnosed cancer among Australian women, accounting for approximately 28% of all new cancer cases. In 2024 alone, around 21,194 people were diagnosed with breast cancer in Australia, including 20,973 women and 221 men. However, survival rates have improved dramatically, with Australia’s peak breast cancer body reporting that the five-year survival rate has risen from 78% in 1994 to 92% in 2020, with many people living long and healthy lives beyond this period. While the test currently comes at an out-of-pocket cost, there is hope that the Australian government will eventually provide subsidies under Medicare to make it more accessible. The first tests will be available at the <a href="https://www.sydneybreastclinic.com.au/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Sydney Breast Clinic</a> starting Thursday, followed by a rollout in Melbourne, with plans to expand nationwide by the end of the year. Images: Shutterstock / 7NEWS

Body

Should you use your retirement savings to pay off debt? Three things to keep in mind

<div class="theconversation-article-body"><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/bomikazi-zeka-680577">Bomikazi Zeka</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-canberra-865">University of Canberra</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jasmine-kinsman-1438670">Jasmine Kinsman</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/nelson-mandela-university-1946">Nelson Mandela University</a> A host of countries have taken steps to reform the terms under which people can access their retirement benefits. South Africa is the most recent. In 2024 it <a href="https://theconversation.com/south-africa-has-changed-its-retirement-rules-to-help-boost-country-savings-how-it-will-work-233287">introduced changes</a> that allow access to some retirement savings while ensuring that most of the money is still preserved for later. Other countries that have changed the rules to allow members to dip into their savings before retirement include Australia, Chile, India and Portugal. Changes were introduced to ease the financial strain caused by COVID-19 pandemic lockdowns. People across the world are grappling with debt and the cost of living. <a href="https://www.treasury.gov.za/comm_media/press/2024/2024%20Two-pot%20System%20Updated%20%20FAQ%20August%202024.pdf">Policymakers</a> have considered this an avenue that offers financially distressed fund members the flexibility to access their retirement funds while still supporting long-term retirement savings. Retirement funds are also often the only sizeable savings that fund members have. A recent report by South Africa’s <a href="https://www.discovery.co.za/portal/business/top-reasons-for-two-pot-withdrawal-requests">Discovery Corporate and Employee Benefits</a>, which represents 3,000 employers that provide pension and provident funds for just over one million employees, found that people aged between 35 and 45 made the most claims to access the savings component of their retirement. When asked what they used the funds for, 24% of members said their withdrawals were for financing home or car expenses. Another 21% of members were using their funds to pay off short-term debt. The majority of members who withdrew their retirement savings were low-income earners (earning up to R125,000 or US$7,000 a year). On the other hand, withdrawals were lowest among high-income earners (earning more than R1 million or US$56,000 a year). This data provides evidence that most low- to middle-income South African consumers are grappling with the trade-off between preserving their capital for retirement and meeting their monthly financial obligations. Given that everyone’s financial situation, goals and needs are different, it’s always best to speak to a financial advisor to assess whether using your retirement savings to pay off debt will be a sound move. But, as academics who have focused on financial planning, we offer three pointers to consider: <ul> <li> understand what you owe, to whom, and what it’s costing you </li> <li> plan beyond paying off debt </li> <li> weigh the pros and cons carefully. </li> </ul> <h2>Know which debt to settle first</h2> Debt with a high interest rate often takes longer to repay, because at the start of the loan repayment period, most of the repayments are going towards interest payments – not reducing the capital amount. If you use your retirement proceeds towards this, it could shorten the period that it would take to settle the loan and reduce the interest repayments, which are compounded according to the outstanding loan balance. Short-term loans, such as those with a repayment term of up to 18 months, tend to have higher interest rates. Unsecured debt, which is debt that is not tied to an asset, also attracts high interest rates because they have little to no collateral requirements. Collateral provides the lender with a guarantee of compensation in the event of default. When there is no collateral, the cost of debt becomes more expensive. Using your retirement proceeds towards settling these short-term loans can free up cash that can be used towards settling other debt and will improve your credit score. <h2>Understanding borrowing behaviour</h2> Using your retirement savings to settle debt should be a priority if you have a plan in place to ensure that your overall financial position will improve. Once the debt is cleared, consider how you can use your free cash in your favour. This could mean boosting your savings or acquiring assets and investments. But if retirement savings are being used to pay off debt while you accumulate more debt, this indicates on ongoing cycle of debt. For example, paying off the minimum amount due on a loan but also consuming the balance that becomes available on the same loan is a sign of poor borrowing behaviour. A more extreme example is taking on more debt to service existing debt. Without a change in borrowing behaviour, using your retirement savings to pay off debt will leave you worse off. You will have missed out on the opportunity to grow your retirement savings and you will have got into more debt. <h2>Debt repayments vs retirement returns</h2> When considering withdrawing from your retirement savings to pay down debt, it’s also important remember this will be at the expense of building your retirement nest egg. For instance, if a 35-year-old were to draw down R30,000 from their retirement fund, that same amount could have grown their retirement capital by over R200,000 by the time they reached 55 years old (assuming an investment return of 10%). Withdrawing your retirement savings on a frequent basis could also mean you may need to work longer and past your intended retirement age to compensate for the withdrawals. Or you may need to find ways to supplement your retirement savings through other investments, or consider reducing your standard of living at retirement. <h2>Is this a sound move?</h2> Remember, withdrawal from retirement savings is subject to tax. While retirement may seem far off when there are more pressing financial needs, using your savings to pay down debt has its advantages and drawbacks. Since withdrawals are being used to pay for expenses and service debt, it’s also important to reflect on borrowing behaviours that may need to be corrected. Otherwise, using retirement savings could become a financial crutch that could make your retirement income less secure. Settling debt using your retirement savings should be done after careful consideration and planning. If in doubt, speak to a financial advisor.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/244837/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/bomikazi-zeka-680577">Bomikazi Zeka</a>, Associate Professor in Finance and Financial Planning, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-canberra-865">University of Canberra</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jasmine-kinsman-1438670">Jasmine Kinsman</a>, Senior Lecturer in Financial Planning and Certified Financial Planner, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/nelson-mandela-university-1946">Nelson Mandela University</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/should-you-use-your-retirement-savings-to-pay-off-debt-three-things-to-keep-in-mind-244837">original article</a>. </div>

Money & Banking

Bakery offering free food if you beat the boss at a simple game

After struggling with dwindling customer numbers during the pandemic, a small bakery in Melbourne has come up with a unique way to drum up more business. The Pie Place in Coburg, north of Melbourne, is offering a free pie to any customer who can defeat the owner, Justin Talbot, in a simple game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. Justin admitted to <a href="https://9now.nine.com.au/today/free-pies-melbourne-baker-unique-offer-for-customers-who-beat-him-at-rock-paper-scissors/483a1355-d491-4b77-a1b0-50b0c72fe503">Today</a> that while the idea is unconventional, he said that when free food is involved, “you can’t go wrong”. "I was at home having a few beers and I thought, how can I drum up more business?" he said. "So I thought, why not have a bit of fun with my customers? We've been here for 40 years this month. I've been here for 10 years and I love being here, I love interacting with my customers, having a yarn with them, having a joke with them - it's pretty much my favourite part of work.” "Rock Paper Scissors is something out of the ordinary, everyone knows how to play, it's fun and if you win, you get a free pie." The initiative has gone down a treat with locals, with many claiming the shop has the “best pies” and are willing to risk their hand for a freebie. As Justin’s game gets more and more popular, he said he is willing to fork out whatever it costs to give out the free pies in order to connect with the community. <iframe title="YouTube video player" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/1TKgHxU0m8E?si=Rs9-G3TCQhQako8o" width="560" height="315" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe> Image credits: Today

Food & Wine

Readers response: What’s something unexpected that’s brought you happiness or peace in this phase of life?

We asked our readers what unexpected thing has brought then happiness or peace in this phase of life, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. Mary Michelon - Meeting the man meant for me. Last thing on my mind also. Jo Bolland - Finding living on my own to be such a joy. Mandy OConnor - The bird life where I moved to has been a game changer for me. Joanna Tyler - Moving to a regional area to chill for the rest on our lives. Kris Peterson - My Greenhouse, my happy place. Mary Paffas - Moving to a small beachside community. Dale Hunter - Wine! Ralph G Smith - My grandchildren. Julia Flavel - Meeting my partner when it was the last thing on my mind. Image credits: Shutterstock

Mind

Why we get less narcissistic with age

<div class="theconversation-article-body"><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/ava-green-1396648">Ava Green</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/city-st-georges-university-of-london-1047">City St George's, University of London</a> There’s a perception that today’s youth are extremely narcissistic – fame-obsessed, selfish and vain. In fact, studies show this is <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/2167696814522620?journalCode=eaxa">a common view</a> of young people, regardless of the times we live in. But are young people really more narcissistic? New research reveals that, as people age, <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2025-00409-001.html">they do tend to become less narcissistic</a>. Narcissism is a complex, <a href="https://theconversation.com/narcissism-why-its-less-obvious-in-women-than-in-men-but-can-be-just-as-dangerous-231392">multi-dimensional personality trait</a>, which captures features beyond vanity and self-absorption. Emerging <a href="https://doi.org/10%20.1177/09637214211044109">research</a> suggests there are <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/jopy.12464">three different features</a> (called “dimensions”) of narcissism: agentic, antagonistic and neurotic. Agentic narcissism involves the need for admiration and feelings of superiority. Antagonistic narcissism is characterised by the exploitation of, and a lack of empathy towards, other people. Finally, neurotic narcissism refers to being sensitive and having difficulties regulating one’s emotions. In order to fully understand how narcissism develops, the new study looked at all the three features. They analysed data from 51 longitudinal studies (meaning studies which follow participants over time), all of which measured how participants’ levels of narcissism changed. The researchers coded whether each study measured one or more of three different dimensions of narcissism. To select the studies, the team used the American Psychiatric Association (APA) PsychInfo database of papers, searching for terms including “narcissism” and “narcissistic”. Each article was reviewed by two coders who were not part of the research team. The coders independently selected the studies based on details including sample size, gender ratio, measurement used, and the country in which the sample was collected. This robust procedure generated a large dataset which comprised of 37,247 participants (52% female) ranging from ages eight to 77 years. The majority of the participants were from western Europe, the US and Canada. Overall, the researchers found that all three dimensions of narcissism declined across the life span. There was a small decline for agentic narcissism and a moderate reduction for antagonistic and neurotic narcissism. The rate of change did not differ based on gender, age or birth cohort. Interestingly, the researchers also found that people’s narcissism relative to that of their peers remained consistent over the life span. In other words, people who were more narcissistic than average as children remained more narcissistic than average as adults. <h2>Changing roles</h2> What, then, are the mechanisms involved in people becoming less narcissistic as they go through life? One possible factor is to do with changing social roles across our lifespan. It is important to remember that narcissism exists along a spectrum, with the lower end being helpful (a healthy balance of self-esteem and confidence) and the higher end being unhelpful and malignant (fluctuating self-esteem, aggression and lack of empathy). It is possible that our <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-11667-014">personalities adapt</a> when we make the transition into adulthood – which involves important individual and social responsibilities such as commitment to a relationship, leadership roles, or becoming a parent. After all, it is hard to successfully look after children or managing other people if you are too focused on yourself. Even in old age, narcissism continues to decline. That may be because people tend to follow paths which encourages altruistic values as opposed to egoistic values, such as commitment to their family and grandchildren. By this age, most people have probably also learned the hard way the punishing consequences of being hostile to others. This view is supported by <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1111/j.1467-8721.2008.00543.x">other research</a> suggesting that people develop more mature personality features in general over time, including becoming more emotionally stable, conscientious (hardworking and dutiful) and agreeable (kind and altruistic). As narcissism is considered to be the opposite of maturity, we expect, in theory, that features of narcissism (particularly the antagonistic and neurotic dimensions) to decrease across the life span. However, narcissism can increase over time in some people. Research shows that some aspects of narcissism, such as exploitation of others and lack of empathy, can increase when people assume positions of power. This is <a href="https://iaap-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1464-0597.2006.00226.x">particularly relevant</a> at work and <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886920304360">in relationships</a>. And let’s not forget that some people are simply just more narcissistic than others. Just because you’re 70 doesn’t mean you can’t be self-centered, it just means you might be less narcissistic than you once were. This may be partly down to genetics, but it may also be the case that certain environments exacerbate existing features of narcissism. For instance, certain parenting styles – including being neglectful, overprotective, and/or providing excessive praise by putting the child on a pedestal – have <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886920304359">all been linked</a> to children developing narcissism in adulthood, suggesting a good balance is key. It is important to understand more fully how narcissism changes across life. That is not least because we know that it can have a detrimental effects on the individual and the people around them.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/234437/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/ava-green-1396648">Ava Green</a>, Lecturer in Forensic Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/city-st-georges-university-of-london-1047">City St George's, University of London</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-we-get-less-narcissistic-with-age-234437">original article</a>. </div>

Mind

Guy Pearce's secret split with Game of Thrones star

Aussie actor Guy Pearce and Carice van Houten, the mother of his son, have split. The Game of Thrones actress took to Instagram to confirm their split, and that the pair have remained close as they co-parent. “I don’t usually engage in discussions about my personal life, but because of a number of conclusions in the media last week regarding my relationship with Guy, I wanted to make something clear,” she shared on her Instagram story alongside a photo of the pair. “He and I are great friends and love each other very much, but we haven’t been a ‘couple’ for years. “I am, however, very proud to say we are in a wonderful partnership raising the true love of our lives - our beautiful son. And his hamster. The end.” Rumours of their split first began last month, when Pearce revealed during an interview that his first wife Kate Mestitz was the "greatest love of my life" but now that love is for his son. "My ex-wife, Kate, was the greatest love of my life, but I’ve moved on from her now and the greatest love of my life is my child, Monte," he told The Guardian. Pearce and van Houten first started dating in 2015, just months after the actor split from his ex-wife Mestitz. A year later, Pearce and van Houten went on to have a child together named Monte. Image: SplashNews.com/ Shutterstock Editorial

Relationships

Readers response: What is something that has drastically improved your mental health?

We asked our readers to share their daily rituals that make all the difference to their mental health. Here's what they said. Rhonda Searle - Walking in the bush or along the beach. Jo Balland - A cleaning lady 90 minutes a fortnight that is part of my aged care package. It’s such a relief. Jules Higginson - Caring for 18 rescued cats! Jill McNee - Leaving a toxic environment called work. Maureen James Barlow - A big social circle, a great boyfriend and getting away into the bush with my dogs in my camper-van. Jan Vickers - Being myself and not caring what others thought. Ken Bottrell - Meditation and moving away from toxic people. Christine Van Poppel - Moving out of the city and back to the countryside. Marlene Hassett - Adopting my greyhound. Rory Semple - Eat better, no take out, being active and away from sitting at a desk. David Taylor - Seventies music! Janice Ann Jensen - Doing crossword puzzles and line dancing. Di Riddell - Staying connected with friends. Susan Rough - Playing lawn bowls. Marlene Paskov - Gardening. Lois Collins - Not having to host Christmas anymore and always having a dog or two around. Image credits: Shutterstock

Mind

Even calm people can fly into a rage behind the wheel. Here’s how to curb your road rage – before it’s too late

<div class="theconversation-article-body"> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/milad-haghani-1454675">Milad Haghani</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/unsw-sydney-1414">UNSW Sydney</a> If someone bumps into us on the footpath or in the mall, we’re generally quite forgiving. We instinctively apologise or step aside, and usually don’t scream at, stalk, or attack the other person. But put us in a car, and <a href="https://x.com/Boenau/status/1755234912540459059">something changes</a>. People who appear calm in everyday life suddenly tailgate, honk, or shout at strangers. <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0925753524002467?casa_token=76NSmREtG8MAAAAA:yFEcndOLjARRfthZMFwOQ3UmPeqgJEwSuAvkaA51rH8fA7v8RzHDamohBhf8Ai7jb3Nrp98pz4I">Problems at work</a> or home can suddenly explode in the form of righteous anger toward other road users. Road rage <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0001457523000192">increases crash risk</a>, and victims of road rage incidents often have <a href="https://www.mynrma.com.au/media/press-releases/2024/nrma-releases-worrying-road-rage-data">children in the car</a> with them. So, why does driving <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022437524000914?dgcid=raven_sd_recommender_email">bring out the worst in us</a>? And more importantly, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0001457521001755?dgcid=raven_sd_recommender_email">what can we do about it</a>? <h2>Road rage remains common</h2> <a href="https://www.mynrma.com.au/media/press-releases/2024/nrma-releases-worrying-road-rage-data">Recent</a> <a href="https://www.budgetdirect.com.au/car-insurance/research/road-rage-study.html?utm_source=chatgpt.com">surveys</a> indicate road rage remains common in Australia. In September 2024, insurer NRMA <a href="https://www.mynrma.com.au/media/press-releases/2024/nrma-releases-worrying-road-rage-data">reported</a> a survey of 1,464 of its members in two states found many had witnessed road rage incidents such as: <ul> <li>tailgating (71%)</li> <li>drivers beeping other drivers (67%)</li> <li>drivers gesturing angrily at other drivers (60%)</li> <li>drivers deliberately cutting in front of other vehicles (58%)</li> <li>drivers getting out of their car to confront to confront another driver (14%)</li> <li>stalking (10%)</li> <li>physical assault (4%).</li> </ul> Another insurer, Budget Direct, <a href="https://www.budgetdirect.com.au/car-insurance/research/road-rage-study.html">reported</a> last year on a survey of 825 people that found about 83% had experienced shouting, cursing, or rude gestures from other people on the road (up by 18% since 2021). And of the female respondents, 87% reported they’d copped this kind of behaviour from other road users. Common triggers for driver anger include tailgating, perceived rudeness (such as not giving a “thank you” wave), and witnessing another person driving dangerously. Aggressive driving behaviours tend to be more common in <a href="https://search.informit.org/doi/abs/10.3316/informit.031918298391749">younger, male drivers</a>. Road rage is a global problem, with studies finding road rage remains common in places such as <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0001457509002012?casa_token=G4nhNdF3olAAAAAA:8tdP0GyMiwN4_n4fekvQB-EiUSLa8Q2sgbpMhfUNWh0w9YqeiWft1aPY2ZSFLngcSFZAHfMOQhA">Japan</a>, the <a href="https://newsroom.aaa.com/2016/07/nearly-80-percent-of-drivers-express-significant-anger-aggression-or-road-rage/">US</a>, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1369847805000884">New Zealand</a> and the <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1369847898000096">UK</a>, but the degree varies significantly from country to country. <h2>Who is more likely to fly into a rage on the road?</h2> Some of us are more likely than others to fly into a rage while driving. One way researchers <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1369847815001722">measure</a> this is via a testing tool known as the <a href="https://www.yorku.ca/rokada/psyctest/driving.pdf">Driving Anger Scale</a>. Data from many studies using this test show drivers who are more prone to anger in general are <a href="https://research.monash.edu/en/publications/driving-anger-as-a-psychological-construct-twenty-years-of-resear">more likely to turn that anger into aggression</a>. They get annoyed by more things, are quicker to act on their feelings, take more risks, and as a result, are more likely to be involved in anger-related crashes. Research suggests that while female drivers experience anger just as much as male drivers, they are less likely to act on it in a <a href="https://www.turkpsikiyatri.com/PDF/C18S3/en/angerExpression.pdf">negative way</a>. Female drivers tend to feel more intense anger in certain situations, such as when <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1369847815001722#f0010">faced with hostile gestures or traffic obstructions</a>, compared to their male counterparts. <h2>What can I do to reduce my road rage?</h2> In a car, we’re physically separated from others, which creates a sense of distance and anonymity – two factors that lower our usual social filters. Encounters feel fleeting. There’s a good chance you won’t be held accountable for what you or say or do, compared to if you were outside the car. And yet, we perceive the stakes as high because mistakes or bad decisions on the road can have serious consequences. This mix of isolation, stress, and the illusion of being in a bubble is a perfect recipe for heightened frustration and anger. <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0001457521001755?dgcid=raven_sd_recommender_email">Research</a> suggests techniques drawn from cognitive behavioural therapy may help. These include learning to identify when you are starting to feel angry, trying to find alternative explanations for other people’s behaviour, using mindfulness and <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1369847815001758">relaxation</a> and trying to move away from the trigger. The American Automobile Association also <a href="https://exchange.aaa.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/Road-Rage-Brochure.pdf">suggests</a> you can reduce road rage incidents by being a more considerate driver yourself – always use your indicator, avoid cutting others off and maintain a safe distance from other cars. Try to stay calm when other drivers are angry, and allow extra time in your journey to reduce stress. If driving anger is a frequent issue, consider seeking support or <a href="https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/anger-management">anger management resources</a>. Avoiding — or at least being aware of — <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1369847821002667">anger rumination</a> can make a big difference. This happens when someone replays anger-inducing events, like being cut off in traffic, over and over in their mind. Instead of letting it go, they dwell on it, fuelling their frustration and making it harder to stay calm. Recognising this pattern and shifting focus — like taking a deep breath or distracting yourself — can help stop anger from escalating into aggression. More broadly, public awareness campaigns highlighting the link between anger and risky driving could also encourage more drivers to seek help. The next time you get behind the wheel, try to remember the other driver, the cyclist, or pedestrian is just another person — someone you might pass on the street without a second thought. We’re often good at forgiving minor missteps in non-driving contexts. Let’s try to bring that same patience and understanding to the road.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/244402/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/milad-haghani-1454675">Milad Haghani</a>, Senior Lecturer of Urban Risk & Resilience, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/unsw-sydney-1414">UNSW Sydney</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/even-calm-people-can-fly-into-a-rage-behind-the-wheel-heres-how-to-curb-your-road-rage-before-its-too-late-244402">original article</a>. </div>

Mind

Bunnings announce game-changing venture

Everyone is well-acquainted with multiple trips to Bunnings for forgotten items, but now the retail giant's new venture with Uber could make life just a little easier before Christmas. The retail giant is teaming up with the rideshare and courier service to equip over 100 regional and metropolitan stores with same day parcel delivery. So shoppers looking for a last minute Christmas gift can get same day parcel delivery for orders placed by 2pm right up until December 23rd. The packages will be delivered by 7pm that day. With Australia Post Christmas delivery cut-offs set to take effect from December 20, the retail giants same-day delivery service with Uber makes it much easier for shoppers over the holiday season. The service will operate via the Bunnings website, at a flat fee of $15 for any purchases. The only condition is that for some regional outlets, the same-day delivery guarantee is subject to geographical limits, a radius of 15 kilometres from any store. “We’re committed to offering our customers the best experience, widest range and lowest prices, and same day parcel delivery across regional Australia is another way we can improve this offering”, Bunnings Chief Operating Officer, Ryan Baker said. “This builds on our current same day parcel delivery offering across metro Australia, bringing more convenience to our regional customers, and hopefully helping to ease some of the stress this time of year can bring.” Baker also emphasised that this service would not replace the in-store experience Aussies love. “Some customers value coming into the store to browse, talk to the team and enjoy the Bunnings experience such as a coffee in the cafe or the sausage sizzle hosted by a local community group. But for others, the convenience of delivery is preferred,” he said. Image: haireena / Shutterstock.com

Home & Garden

Awkwardness can hit in any social situation – here are a philosopher’s 5 strategies to navigate it with grace

<div class="theconversation-article-body"><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/alexandra-plakias-1512990">Alexandra Plakias</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/hamilton-college-2966">Hamilton College</a> The holidays offer many opportunities for awkward moments. Political discussions, of course, hold plenty of potential. But any time opinions differ, where estrangements have caused lingering rifts, or when behaviors veer toward the inappropriate, awkwardness can set in. Awkwardness is what happens in social interactions when you suddenly find yourself without a script to guide you through. Maybe the situation is new or catches you off guard. Maybe you don’t know what’s expected of you, or you aren’t sure what role you’re playing in the social drama around you. It’s characterized by feelings of self-consciousness, uncertainty and discomfort. As a <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=vyBxhaQAAAAJ&hl=en&oi=ao">philosopher who studies moral psychology</a>, I’m interested in awkwardness because I wanted to understand the ways social discomfort stops people from engaging with difficult topics and challenging conversations. Awkwardness seems to inhibit people, even when their moral values suggest they should speak up. But it has a positive role to play, too – it <a href="https://www.collectiveinkbooks.com/zer0-books/our-books/awkwardness">can alert people to areas where their social norms are lacking</a> or outdated. People often blame themselves when things take a turn toward the awkward. But awkwardness is really a collective failure – people aren’t awkward, situations are. And they become awkward because you don’t have the resources to navigate your way through tricky social situations. Awkwardness is often confused with embarrassment, but the two are different in important ways, and so are their remedies. Embarrassment is a response to <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/2772920">a personal failing or gaffe</a>, and the <a href="https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/born_to_blush">right response is to acknowledge it, own it and move on</a>. Because awkwardness is caused by a lack of social guidance, you can try to anticipate and head it off before it happens, or you can respond to it by trying to develop better or clearer social scripts to help you – and others – navigate similar situations in the future. After researching and writing an entire <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/oso/9780197683606.001.0001">book on awkwardness</a>, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not something we can – or should – avoid altogether. But there are a few strategies people can use to minimize awkwardness and deal with it when it does, inevitably, happen. <h2>1. Know your goals, know your roles</h2> Uncertainty is the oxygen of awkwardness. Before you engage in a potentially awkward or contentious interaction, ask yourself: What do I want to get out of this? When you’re clear on your goals for the interaction, not only are you better able to perform your role in it, but you’re also giving clearer signals to others, helping them perform their roles in the unfolding social drama. So, if you’re worried it’ll be awkward when your uncle starts in on his annual political rant, think about what you want the outcome to be. Do you want to convince him he’s wrong? Unlikely to happen. Do you want other family members to feel less anxious? Do you want your own views to be heard? I’m not suggesting that some forethought will make things go smoothly or guarantee that no one’s feelings will be hurt. But it will help you feel more confident in your ability to navigate toward your desired outcome. <h2>2. There’s no ‘I’ in awkward</h2> <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1368430212441637">Awkward situations</a> breed <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/14780887.2010.500357">intense self-consciousness</a>. This is both uncomfortable and counterproductive. By focusing on yourself, you’re not attuned to the people around you or the signals they’re sending – signals that could offer you a pathway out of the awkward situation. So make sure you’re paying attention to the other players in the drama, not just your own discomfort. <h2>3. Plan, coordinate and be explicit</h2> People do so much planning in other areas of their lives, yet they expect social interactions to just flow effortlessly. But like a vacation or a hike in the woods, sometimes a conversation goes better when you approach it with a map. Have some go-to topics or questions at hand. And you don’t have to go it alone. If you’re worried about broaching a sensitive topic, or interacting with a particularly prickly guest, coordinate with a friend or relative. If you expect to see someone with whom you have an unresolved relationship – an estranged family member, an old friend you ghosted – try to do some prep work in advance. Emails or letters can give people a chance to process reactions without putting them on the spot. Even having a scripted activity on deck can make things less awkward. It doesn’t have to be anything formal, like a board game. Just keep some tasks available for guests who might otherwise lurk uncomfortably – like shaking up the salad dressing or putting forks on the table. <h2>4. Laugh it off</h2> If, despite your best efforts, awkwardness does strike, offer people a way out – they’ll probably grab it. This doesn’t need to be momentous; it could be a little joke, a small-talk topic, or even – and only if things get very desperate – knocking a spoon off the table to break the silence. <h2>5. Consider the alternatives</h2> These strategies might help you avoid awkwardness. But take a moment to consider whether you really want to. Awkwardness is the result of social uncertainty; it slows things down and curbs your confidence. In its absence, other emotions can set in. Having things out in the open can be a relief, but it can also lead to anger, sadness and other feelings that might best be saved for another occasion. So if things are awkward, it’s worth looking around to see what role that awkwardness is playing, and what might take its place if it’s gone.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/244107/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/alexandra-plakias-1512990">Alexandra Plakias</a>, Associate Professor of Philosophy, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/hamilton-college-2966">Hamilton College</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/awkwardness-can-hit-in-any-social-situation-here-are-a-philosophers-5-strategies-to-navigate-it-with-grace-244107">original article</a>. </div>

Mind

Why the holiday season can be triggering - and what to do to protect yourself

The Christmas rush is on, with people buzzing around purchasing gifts, seeing family and friends, and planning a joy-filled annual catch up. But for many, this time of year can be difficult. Holiday traditions tend to revolve around family and sometimes those relationships can bring their own challenges. It may be tempting to want to hit the fast forward button and skip through Christmas altogether. The festive season can be isolating for some people, but if you are also navigating emotions like grief it can feel overwhelming and be a harsh reminder of what has been lost, whether in recent times or even years ago. There’s an expectation from society that Christmas should be about having fun and being happy, yet if you’re grieving you may be feeling the weight of heavy emotions. It’s also hard for friends and family who want to help, but who may feel awkward and be unsure of what to say. Planning ahead can help make this holiday season feel more bearable. Start by setting specific boundaries on what you are prepared to do (or not do) this holiday season. What you will attend or not attend, and what feels right for you, right now. Acknowledge your grief and make space for it. All emotions and feelings are valid at this time of the year. Practice gentle self-compassion and don’t be tempted to over-commit to activities and events. Instead, take pressure off by setting realistic expectations that allow you the time and space to ride the waves of emotion as they appear. It’s also okay to re-evaluate your holiday traditions. Maybe consider adapting existing traditions and adding new and comforting rituals that are meaningful at this time. This doesn’t have to represent permanent change, adapting this year’s plans for this year’s emotions makes perfect sense. If it feels right, take time to commemorate. Fondly remember loved ones through activities such as lighting a special candle, playing their favourite song, creating a memorial ornament, cooking a much-loved family recipe or creating a memory box of photos and stories. Most importantly, remember that you are not alone. Reach out for assistance whenever you need it by connecting regularly with trusted friends and family, and consider getting some professional grief support as you navigate the holidays. As the rest of us rush toward the end of the year, let’s pause for a moment to think of others who may have an empty seat at the Christmas table. If you know someone who might be grieving these holidays, reach out regularly and check in. A call or even a text message can help people feel more seen and can make all the difference as they navigate this holiday season. This article was written by Bare Counsellor Carolyn Ganzevoort, who is an experienced bereavement professional. Image credits: Shutterstock

Mind

Six ways to reduce loneliness this Christmas – from a psychologist

<div class="theconversation-article-body"><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/nilufar-ahmed-377418">Nilufar Ahmed</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-bristol-1211">University of Bristol</a> Snowmen, tables groaning with food and families having a wonderful time together – these are the images that probably pop into your head when you think of Christmas. In reality, feelings of loneliness are amplified for many over Christmas. The parties and socialising in the lead up to the big day are swiftly followed by a lingering emptiness as as offices, schools and shops close for the festive season. It can feel like the whole world is caught up in a universal experience of Christmas that we are excluded from. It doesn’t help that Christmas adverts <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S096969891530120X">tap in to our emotions</a> and create an expectation of what Christmas should look like. The build up seems to start earlier each year, with evidence suggesting that people begin to think about Christmas from as early as August, and with the <a href="https://www.reuters.com/business/retail-consumer/ms-says-cash-strapped-customers-buying-christmas-gifts-early-2022-11-09">cost of living crisis</a> people have been planning their spending in advance. So by the time Christmas arrives, the festive messages will have been intensifying for weeks if not months. Christmas itself is hard if not possible to escape from entirely. But there are things you can do to manage your experience if you plan to spend time by yourself over advent. It can help to bear in mind that far fewer people are having a glossy family celebration straight out of a Coca-Cola advert than you’d expect. For some people this will be a busy period, but for others it will be a time of quiet reflection. Christmas is a <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35900883/">varied experience</a>. There is no one overriding version that applies to all, or even most, people. A lot of people work over Christmas, and students (<a href="https://www.timeshighereducation.com/student/blogs/staying-university-over-christmas-you-are-not-alone">especially international students</a>) may choose, or not be able to, return to their family homes. Research has found Christmas can be a time of <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11482-015-9441-8">decreased wellbeing</a> even for people surrounded by their loved ones. Reasons include <a href="https://www.nursingtimes.net/archive/how-christmas-festivities-and-pressures-can-damage-health-and-well-being-16-12-2008/">family tensions and financial worries</a>. This year the cost of living crisis and industrial disputes will throw many people’s plans into chaos. All this will disrupt that stereotype of a universal Christmas full of cheer that everyone else is experiencing without us. And while we often think of isolation as something that <a href="https://www.ageuk.org.uk/our-impact/policy-research/loneliness-research-and-resources/">impacts older older</a>, research confirms loneliness affects <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1745691615568999">all people of all ages</a>. Some studies have found actually younger people are more likely to report <a href="https://bmcpsychiatry.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12888-020-02818-3">feeling lonely</a> than other age groups. There can be a huge temptation to scroll through social media feeds when we are alone to see what everyone else is doing. But high levels of social media consumption is associated with increased <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/07448481.2019.1583236">negative mood</a> and <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S245195882100018X">worsened loneliness</a>. Instead, if you are worried about spending Christmas alone why not try some of these tips. <h2>1. Connect with others</h2> Put yourself out there to friends, family, loved ones, or a group that you feel a connection to. For example, join a running group if you enjoy exercise. Being part of a group that you share a purpose and <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352250X21001123">identity with</a> can raise your spirits. If you hesitate to talk to people you know because you worry they won’t have time, think about how you would respond if they reached out to you. If you would make time for them, the chances are they will too. Even if it’s just for a chat. <h2>2. Volunteer</h2> Consider volunteering with any range of age groups, communities, animal shelters or charities. Volunteering can <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/scs.12869">reduce loneliness</a> and increase your <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/ejsp.2706">sense of connectedness</a>. Feeling lonely is not the same as being alone. There can be many positive aspects of being alone that you can lean into over Christmas. <h2>3. Take time for gratitude</h2> When we feel alone we can end up in a <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00332747.2016.1256143">negative loop</a> where feelings of loneliness lead to negative thoughts which reinforce loneliness. Taking a moment to practice gratitude breaks this cycle. It can <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886920302907">boost your wellbeing</a> by redirecting your thoughts to more uplifting aspects of life. Regular gratitude practice has been found to <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/13607863.2019.1673309">reduce loneliness</a> and even <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10608-016-9785-x">depression</a>. <h2>4. Catch up on books and box sets</h2> Allow yourself to get stuck in to a good book. Reading can <a href="https://mhfaengland.org/mhfa-centre/blog/reading-good-mental-health/">brighten your mood</a>. If you are not confident in reading, you can always listen to an audiobook, or indulge in a box set that you wouldn’t have time for ordinarily. <h2>5. Exercise</h2> The <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40473-016-0089-y">physical and mental health benefits</a> of exercise are well known. Even the most gentle exercise can do wonders to cheer you up. Taking the time to focus <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12671-016-0550-8">mindfully on a walk</a> and lean into solitude can help lift you out of a downwards spiral. <h2>6. Enjoy the rituals</h2> Spending the season by yourself doesn’t mean that Christmas can’t be special. If Christmas is something that you love, then the rituals associated with Christmas can <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-celebrating-christmas-is-good-for-your-mental-health-151123">boost your mental health</a> and combat loneliness. Remind yourself that you can decide what Christmas means to you, and how you want to spend it, and that is a gift.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/196610/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/nilufar-ahmed-377418">Nilufar Ahmed</a>, Senior Lecturer in Social Sciences, CPsychol, FHEA, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-bristol-1211">University of Bristol</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/six-ways-to-reduce-loneliness-this-christmas-from-a-psychologist-196610">original article</a>. </div>

Mind

"Speaking up saved my life": Jelena Dokic's inspiring speech

Jelena Dokic delivered a heartfelt address at the National Press Club on Wednesday, the first tennis player to speak there since John Newcombe 40 years ago. The 41-year-old tennis great reflected on her journey from enduring the abuse at the hands of her father to inspiring others with her resilience. Dokic spoke from her heart, without using a teleprompter she recalled the story of her life, saying: “He took from me the time with my country, with my people, with my home." “Even when I came back a few years later, it was not the same. I was embraced but it was not the same up until my books and now the documentary where people can really see the power of it on screen. “But I don’t hate him. There is no hate, bitterness or resentment towards the media, even the trolls. I am not a hateful, bitter, resentful person. I went through what I went through, but I survived and I’m thriving today for a reason.” Dokic also revealed that after her tennis career ended, she hit rock bottom, battling severe depression and a lack of confidence. "Eleven years ago, I was in bed, unable to get up, deep in depression. I couldn’t string two sentences together. I couldn’t look people in the eye," she said. But with the help of a few people who believed in her, she managed to rebuild her life, writing her first book, Unbreakable, which gave her a platform to share her story. Over time, she built her confidence and transitioned to commentary, speaking engagements and now public advocacy. "Today, I can’t shut up," she joked. "At Channel 9, they say I can talk under water, and I’m proud of that because I couldn’t even form a sentence 11 years ago. Belief from others helped me get here, and now I want to be that person for someone else." <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/DDbZT-bpILa/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/DDbZT-bpILa/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by JELENA DOKIC 🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺 (@dokic_jelena)</a> </div> </blockquote> Dokic, who is now a tennis commentator, said she strives to remain positive saying: "You will never hear me say a bad word about a player who loses 6-0, 6-0. I’ll always find something constructive to say." “I’ll say, ‘Not their day, it didn’t work out, got to look forward’. Always something like that, never criticise," she added. Her authentic and kind approach has helped her master her craft and connect with her interviewees on a deeper level. Dokic then went on to explain that she contemplated holding back from sharing parts of her trauma, but decided against it, saying: “I want that you see a person who has gone from victim to survivor, most importantly thriver." "Maybe another 13-year-old girl will think, ‘She did it. I can do it too.’" “I stood in the face of fear from my father to society to media. To come out and tell my story. I want to leave a legacy behind that I turned something bad into good, negative into positive, pain into power. And not even just for myself. But the ability to maybe help someone else." She urged the audience to create safe spaces and reject shame, stigma, and judgment, adding, "Speaking out saved my life. No silence, no shame, no judgment." Dokic concluded with a powerful plea for Australians to combat domestic violence and foster support for vulnerable individuals. “Most importantly the day that we stop talking about the most important issues in our society and we turn our backs to them, that’s when our world and our society ends. “So, if I could leave you with one thing — sharing my story, telling the truth, not being silent, and speaking up saved my life. No shame, no judgement, no stigma, but also no silence.” Dokic received a standing ovation at the end of her hour-long speech. Images: Jelena Dokic/ Instagram

Mind

Eight-year-old cancer survivor pushed down stairs at NFL game

Mia DeCamilla, an eight-year-old 49ers fan and cancer survivor was beyond excited to attend her first ever NFL game on Sunday. DeCamilla inherited her love for the team from her father, saying: “Me and my dad, [when I’m] in the hospital, we’ll watch football together, and then when I come home sometimes for breaks, I will sit down and just relax and watch football all day. That’s what I like and how I made my team.” The young girl - who battled and beat liver cancer twice - attended the event at the Highmark Stadium in New York Decked in 49ers red and a hand-drawn sign that read “I beat cancer! My first NFL game!” What should've been a night to remember turned into a nightmare situation when DeCamilla was shoved out of her seat and down the stairs by an allegedly drunk Bills fan, following the team's win. Her father, Mike DeCamilla told local news outlet WIVB that he saw the fan making his approach and heard him saying “‘I’m going to push through all these Niner fans'." “He actually bumped me and my son a little bit and then got past me and pushed her. [She] almost slid off the stairs… “He had to be six foot, and she is less than 100 pounds … I know that there’s competitiveness and whatnot, but there’s a point where it’s a family event.” While DeCamilla was not physically hurt, her family said they decided to leave the game after the incident. Her mother posted the incident on social media, and it has since gained traction, with many outraged over the adult fan's behaviour. “Mia DeCamilla beat cancer and wanted to go to her first football game and it ended poorly," one fan wrote. "Great game to go to, but what horrible fans.” “This cancer survivor got pushed down the stairs at a the bills game last night. I’m furious," another added. Buffalo fans have since rallied to show the family support, with many of them donating to a GoFundMe that was organised to ease the burden of DeCamilla's treatments, with the fund reaching over $20,000. Retired NFL cult hero Antonio Brown also commented on the situation, writing on X: “Is it true this little girl got thrown down the stairs at the Bills game? Someone get me in contact with Mia’s family please. I want to get her some gear.” The team’s official supporters group, Bills Mafia, also rallied behind the family, writing on X: “So sorry to hear about Mia’s experience at the game yesterday. “We all know one bad apple can ruin the bunch. Let’s show Mia that her experience yesterday is NOT what #BillsMafia is about.” Despite everything that happened, DeCamilla didn't let the incident ruin her night. “My favourite part was getting to see Brock Purdy,” the young 49ers fan told local radio station WHAM. “He’s my favourite player and I have his jersey, too.” Images: X/ Facebook

Caring

Why do I get so anxious after drinking? Here’s the science behind ‘hangxiety’

<div class="theconversation-article-body"> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/blair-aitken-1510537">Blair Aitken</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/swinburne-university-of-technology-767">Swinburne University of Technology</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/rebecca-rothman-2231560">Rebecca Rothman</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/swinburne-university-of-technology-767">Swinburne University of Technology</a> You had a great night out, but the next morning, anxiety hits: your heart races, and you replay every conversation from the night before in your head. This feeling, known as hangover anxiety or “<a href="https://adf.org.au/insights/what-is-hangxiety/">hangxiety</a>”, <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/hup.2623">affects around 22%</a> of social drinkers. While for some people, it’s mild nerves, for others, it’s a wave of anxiety that feels impossible to ride out. The “Sunday scaries” may make you feel panicked, filled with dread and unable to relax. Hangover anxiety can make even simple tasks feel overwhelming. Here’s why it happens, and what you can do about it. <h2>What does alcohol do to our brains?</h2> A hangover is the body’s way of recovering after drinking alcohol, bringing with it a range of symptoms. <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/2077-0383/10/23/5691">Dehydration and disrupted sleep</a> play a large part in the pounding headaches and nausea many of us know too well after a big night out. But hangovers aren’t just physical – there’s a strong mental side too. Alcohol is a nervous system depressant, meaning it alters how certain chemical messengers (or neurotransmitters) behave in the brain. Alcohol relaxes you by increasing <a href="https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22857-gamma-aminobutyric-acid-gaba">gamma-aminobutyric acid</a> (GABA), the neurotransmitter that makes you feel calm and lowers inhibitions. It decreases <a href="https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22839-glutamate">glutamate</a> and this also slows down your thoughts and helps ease you into a more relaxed state. Together, this interaction affects your mood, emotions and alertness. This is why when we drink, we often feel more sociable, carefree and willing to let our guard down. As the effects of the alcohol wear off, your brain works to rebalance these chemicals by <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886918305762">reducing GABA and increasing glutamate</a>. This shift has the opposite effect of the night before, causing your brain to become more excitable and overstimulated, which can lead to feelings of anxiety. So why do some people get hangxiety, while others don’t? There isn’t one clear answer to this question, as several factors can play a role in whether someone experiences hangover-related anxiety. <h2>Genes play a role</h2> For some, a hangover is simply a matter of how much they drank or how hydrated they are. But genetics may also play a significant role. <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/add.12699">Research</a> shows your genes can explain almost half the reason why you wake up feeling hungover, while your friend might not. Because genes influence how your body processes alcohol, some people may experience more intense hangover symptoms, such as headaches or dehydration. These stronger physical effects can, in turn, <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1002/hup.2623">trigger anxiety during a hangover</a>, making you more susceptible to “hangxiety.” <h2>Do you remember what you said last night?</h2> But one of the most common culprits for feeling anxious the next day is often <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0091450915604988">what you do while drinking</a>. Let’s say you’ve had a big night out and you can’t quite recall a conversation you had or something you did. Maybe you acted in ways that you now regret or feel embarrassed about. You might fixate on these thoughts and get trapped in a cycle of worrying and rumination. This cycle can be hard to break and can make you feel more anxious. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.addbeh.2023.107619">Research</a> suggests people who already struggle with feelings of anxiety in their day-to-day lives are especially vulnerable to hangxiety. Some people drink alcohol to unwind after a stressful day or to make themselves feel more comfortable at social events. This often leads to <a href="https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9756407">heavier consumption</a>, which can make hangover symptoms more severe. It can also begin a cycle of drinking to feel better, making hangxiety even harder to escape. <h2>Preventing hangover anxiety</h2> The best way to prevent hangxiety is to limit your alcohol consumption. The <a href="https://adf.org.au/reducing-risk/alcohol/alcohol-guidelines">Australian guidelines</a> recommend having no more than ten standard drinks per week and no more than four standard drinks on any one day. Generally, the more you drink, the more intense your hangover symptoms might be, and the worse you are likely to feel. Mixing other drugs with alcohol can also increase the risk of hangxiety. This is especially true for party drugs, such as ecstasy or MDMA, that give you a temporary high but can lead to anxiety as they wear off and you are <a href="https://adf.org.au/insights/drug-comedowns">coming down</a>. If you do wake up feeling anxious: <ul> <li> focus on the physical recovery to help ease the mental strain </li> <li> drink plenty of water, eat a light meal and allow yourself time to rest </li> <li> try <a href="https://www.headspace.com/mindfulness/mindfulness-101">mindfulness meditation</a> or deep breathing exercises, especially if anxiety keeps you awake or your mind races </li> <li> consider journalling. This can help re-frame anxious thoughts, put your feelings into perspective and encourage self-compassion </li> <li> talk to a close friend. This can provide a safe space to express concerns and feel less isolated. </li> </ul> Hangxiety is an unwelcome guest after a night out. Understanding why hangxiety happens – and how you can manage it – can make the morning after a little less daunting, and help keep those anxious thoughts at bay.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/240991/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/blair-aitken-1510537">Blair Aitken</a>, Postdoctoral Research Fellow in Psychopharmacology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/swinburne-university-of-technology-767">Swinburne University of Technology</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/rebecca-rothman-2231560">Rebecca Rothman</a>, PhD Candidate in Clinical Psychology, School of Health Sciences, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/swinburne-university-of-technology-767">Swinburne University of Technology</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-do-i-get-so-anxious-after-drinking-heres-the-science-behind-hangxiety-240991">original article</a>. </div>

Mind

"You made me enjoy the game": Federer's emotional retirement letter to Nadal

Roger Federer has penned an emotional tribute to Rafael Nadal ahead of his retirement, reflecting on their stellar careers together. Nadal’s career officially came to an end when Spain was defeated 2-1 by the Netherlands in the Davis Cup quarter-final in Malaga on Wednesday morning, with Nadal in tears as he stepped onto the court for the final time. Thousands of tributes poured in for Nadal as his retirement officially began, but Federer's tribute quickly went viral for his emotional words. “As you get ready to graduate from tennis, I’ve got a few things to share before I maybe get emotional,” Federer said. “Let’s start with the obvious: you beat me - a lot. More than I managed to beat you. You challenged me in ways no one else could. On clay, it felt like I was stepping into your backyard, and you made me work harder than I ever thought I could just to hold my ground." “You made me reimagine my game - even going so far as to change the size of my racquet head, hoping for any edge. I’m not a very superstitious person, but you took it to the next level. Your whole process. All those rituals." “Assembling your water bottles like toy soldiers in formation, fixing your hair, adjusting your underwear … All of it with the highest intensity. Secretly, I kind of loved the whole thing. Because it was so unique - it was so you." “And you know what, Rafa, you made me enjoy the game even more. OK, maybe not at first. After the 2004 Australian Open, I achieved the No. 1 ranking for the first time. I thought I was on top of the world. And I was - until two months later, when you walked on the court in Miami in your red sleeveless shirt, showing off those biceps, and you beat me convincingly." "All that buzz I’d been hearing about you - about this amazing young player from Mallorca, a generational talent, probably going to win a major someday - it wasn’t just hype." “We were both at the start of our journey and it’s one we ended up taking together. Twenty years later, Rafa, I have to say: What an incredible run you’ve had. Including 14 French Opens - historic! You made Spain proud … you made the whole tennis world proud." “And then there was London – the Laver Cup in 2022. My final match. It meant everything to me that you were there by my side – not as my rival but as my doubles partner." “Sharing the court with you that night, and sharing those tears, will forever be one of the most special moments of my career.” Federer signed off the 585-word tribute from “your fan Roger”. Image credits: ANDY RAIN/EPA-EFE/Shutterstock Editorial

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