Search

Placeholder Content Image

Humans evolved to share beds – how your sleeping companions may affect you now

<div class="theconversation-article-body"> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/goffredina-spano-2240566">Goffredina Spanò</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/kingston-university-949">Kingston University</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/gina-mason-2240569">Gina Mason</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/brown-university-1276">Brown University</a></em></p> <p><a href="https://www.cell.com/trends/ecology-evolution/fulltext/S0169-5347(24)00176-9">Recent research</a> on animal sleep behaviour has revealed that sleep is influenced by the animals around them. Olive baboons, for instance, sleep less as group sizes increase, while mice can synchronise their rapid eye movement (REM) cycles.</p> <p>In western society, many people expect to sleep alone, if not with a romantic partner. But as with other group-living animals, human co-sleeping is common, despite some <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1389945710000377">cultural</a> and <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S2352721820303053?via%3Dihub">age-related variation</a>. And in many cultures, bedsharing with a relative is considered typical.</p> <p>Apart from <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1389945710000377">western countries</a>, caregiver-infant co-sleeping is common, with rates as high as <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1087079216000265">60-100%</a> in parts of South America, Asia and Africa.</p> <p>Despite its prevalence, infant co-sleeping is controversial. Some western perspectives, that value self-reliance, argue that sleeping alone promotes self-soothing when the baby wakes in the night. But <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00221325.2021.1905599">evolutionary scientists argue</a> that co-sleeping has been important to help keep infants warm and safe throughout human existence.</p> <p><a href="https://www.sleephealthjournal.org/article/S2352-7218(22)00077-8/abstract">Many cultures</a> do not expect babies to self-soothe when they wake in the night and see night wakings as a normal part of breastfeeding <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1389945713002220?via%3Dihub">and development</a>.</p> <p>Concerns about Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (Sids) have often led paediatricians to discourage bed-sharing. However, when studies control for <a href="https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0107799">other Sids risk factors</a> including unsafe sleeping surfaces, Sids risk does not seem to differ statistically between co-sleeping and solitary sleeping infants.</p> <p>This may be one reason why agencies such as the <a href="https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/150/1/e2022057990/188304/Sleep-Related-Infant-Deaths-Updated-2022?autologincheck=redirected">American Academy of Pediatrics</a>, the <a href="https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/qs37/chapter/Quality-statement-5-Safer-practices-for-bed-sharing">National Institute for Health and Care Excellence</a> and the <a href="https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/caring-for-a-newborn/reduce-the-risk-of-sudden-infant-death-syndrome/">NHS</a> either <a href="https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/150/1/e2022057990/188304/Sleep-Related-Infant-Deaths-Updated-2022">recommend that</a> infants “sleep in the parents’ room, close to the parents’ bed, but on a separate surface,” or, if bedsharing, to make sure that the infant <a href="https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/qs37/chapter/Quality-statement-5-Safer-practices-for-bed-sharing">“sleeps on a firm, flat mattress”</a> without pillows and duvets, rather than discouraging co-sleeping altogether.</p> <p>Researchers don’t yet know whether co-sleeping causes differences in sleep or, whether co-sleeping happens because of these differences. However, experiments in the 1990s suggested that co-sleeping can <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/ajpa.20736">encourage more sustained and frequent bouts of breastfeeding</a>. Using sensors to measure brain activity, this research also suggested that infants’ and caregivers’ sleep may be lighter during co-sleeping. But researchers speculated that this lighter sleep may actually <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00221325.2021.1905599">help protect against Sids</a> by providing infants more opportunities to rouse from sleep and develop better control over their respiratory system.</p> <p>Other advocates believe that co-sleeping <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0163638319301237">benefits infants’ emotional and mental health</a> by promoting parent-child bonding and aiding infants’ <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.3109/10253890.2012.742057">stress hormone regulation</a>. However, current data is inconclusive, with most studies showing <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0163638319301249?via%3Dihub">mixed findings</a> or <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/14616734.2024.2380427">no differences</a> between co-sleepers and solitary sleepers with respect to short and long-term mental health.</p> <h2>Co-sleeping in childhood</h2> <p>Childhood co-sleeping past infancy is also fairly common according to <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1389945713011076?via%3Dihub">worldwide surveys</a>. A <a href="https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article-abstract/126/5/e1119/65347/Relationship-Between-Bed-Sharing-and-Breastfeeding">2010 survey</a> of over 7,000 UK families found 6% of children were constant bedsharers up to at least four years old.</p> <p>Some families adopt co-sleeping <a href="https://capmh.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13034-023-00607-w">in response to</a> their child having trouble sleeping. But child-parent bedsharing in many countries, including some western countries <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1471-6712.2005.00358.x">like Sweden</a> where children often co-sleep with parents until school age, is viewed culturally as part of a nurturing environment.</p> <p>It is also common for siblings to share a room or even a bed. A <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00221325.2021.1916732">2021 US study</a> found that over 36% of young children aged three to five years bedshared in some form overnight, whether with caregivers, siblings, pets or some combination. Co-sleeping decreases but is still present among older children, with up to <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/fare.12955">13.8% of co-sleeping parents</a> in Australia, the UK and other countries reporting that their child was between five and 12 years old when they engaged in co-sleeping.</p> <p>Two recent US studies using wrist-worn actigraphs (motion sensors) to track sleep indicated that kids who bedshare may have <a href="https://jcsm.aasm.org/doi/10.5664/jcsm.11352">shorter sleep durations</a> than children who sleep alone. But this shorter sleep duration <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00221325.2021.1916732">is not explained by</a> greater disruption during sleep. Instead, bedsharing children may lose sleep by <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00221325.2021.1916732">going to bed later than</a> solitary sleepers.</p> <p>The benefits and downsides of co-sleeping may also differ in children with conditions such as <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1389945717303842">autism spectrum disorder</a>, <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10802-017-0387-1">mental health disorders</a> and <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/dmcn.13300">chronic illnesses</a>. These children may experience heightened anxiety, sensory sensitivities and physical discomfort that make falling and staying asleep difficult. For them, co-sleeping can provide <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11325-018-1710-y">reassurance</a>.</p> <h2>Adults sharing beds</h2> <p>According to <a href="https://www.sleepfoundation.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/NSF_Bedroom_Poll_Report_1.pdf">a 2018 survey</a> from the US National Sleep Foundation, 80-89% of adults who live with their significant other share a bed with them. Adult bedsharing has shifted over time from pre-industrial <a href="https://academic.oup.com/ahr/article-abstract/106/2/343/64370?redirectedFrom=fulltext">communal arrangements</a>, including whole families and other household guests, to <a href="https://academic.oup.com/jdh/article-abstract/23/3/275/359439?redirectedFrom=fulltext">solo sleeping</a> in response to hygiene concerns as germ theory became accepted.</p> <p>Many couples find that bedsharing boosts their <a href="https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC1978364/">sense of closeness</a>. Research shows that bedsharing with your partner can lead to <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1155/2017/8140672">longer sleep times</a> and a <a href="https://academic.oup.com/sleep/article-abstract/17/4/308/2753131">feeling of better sleep</a> overall.</p> <p>Bedsharing couples also often <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychiatry/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2020.00583/full">get into sync</a> with each other’s sleep stages, which can enhance that feeling of intimacy. However, it’s not all rosy. Some studies indicate that females in heterosexual relationships may struggle more with sleep quality when bedsharing, as they can be <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1111/j.1479-8425.2007.00320.x">more easily disturbed</a> by their male partner’s movements. Also, bedsharers can have less <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27624285/">deep sleep</a> than when sleeping alone, even though they feel like their sleep is better together.</p> <p>Many questions about co-sleeping remain unanswered. For instance, we don’t fully understand the developmental effects of co-sleeping on children, or the benefits of co-sleeping for adults beyond female-male romantic partners. But, some work suggests that co-sleeping can <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11325-018-1710-y">comfort us</a>, similar to other <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jsr.14174">forms of social contact</a>, and help to enhance <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/ajpa.20736">physical synchrony</a> between parents and children.</p> <p>Co-sleeping doesn’t have a one-size-fits-all answer. But remember that western norms aren’t necessarily the ones we have evolved with. So consider factors such as <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1389945716301265">sleep disorders</a>, health and age in your decision to co-sleep, rather than what everyone else is doing.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/241803/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/goffredina-spano-2240566">Goffredina Spanò</a>, Lecturer in Developmental Cognitive Neuroscience, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/kingston-university-949">Kingston University</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/gina-mason-2240569">Gina Mason</a>, Postdoctoral Research Fellow in Psychiatry and Human Behaviour, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/brown-university-1276">Brown University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image </em><em>credits: Shutterstock </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/humans-evolved-to-share-beds-how-your-sleeping-companions-may-affect-you-now-241803">original article</a>.</em></p> </div>

Body

Placeholder Content Image

"More good in this world": Bondi stabbing victim's partner shares update

<p>The partner of Ashlee Good, who was one of six people who tragically died in the Bondi Junction Westfield stabbing rampage in April, have shared an update on how he and their baby daughter are coping after their loss. </p> <p>Ashlee Good, 38, died in the attack at the hands of Joel Cauchi but managed to hand off her nine-month-old daughter Harriet to good Samaritans in an act that saved the baby’s life.</p> <p>Harriet sustained stab wounds during the attack and was taken to Sydney Children's Hospital in critical condition, but made a full recovery and was able to go home.</p> <p>In the wake of the tragedy, a <a href="https://www.gofundme.com/f/Ash-Good" target="_blank" rel="noopener">GoFundMe</a> page was set up to help support Good's partner Dan Flanagan and Harriet, with the fundraising page now reaching nearly $850,000.</p> <p>Flanagan posted on the fundraising page on Monday, thanking the thousands of donors, as well as medical staff, friends and family for their “overwhelming support, kindness, and generosity” in the wake of his “unimaginable loss”.</p> <p>“Nothing will ever dull the pain of losing Ash, but reading your messages and seeing what an impact Ash has had on so many people has provided a lot of comfort,” he wrote.</p> <p>“The day our family of three became a family of two will never make sense to me, but countless people – including every single one of you who wrote messages and donated through this page – have shown me that while tragic things do unfortunately happen, there is more good in this world, than bad."</p> <p>“While Harriet and I do our best to navigate our new world privately, I want to make one public promise to each of you: that the kindness and generosity you’ve shown us will never be forgotten. From the bottom of my heart – thank you.”</p> <p>Ms Good was one of six people killed in the attack, with the lives of Cheng Yixuan, 27, Pikria Darchia, 55, Dawn Singleton, 25, Faraz Ahmed Tahir, 30, and Jade Young, 47, also lost.</p> <p>Mr Flanagan also shared his condolences to the other families torn apart by the horrific event. </p> <p>“Our lives will never be the same, and I wish every one of you your own strength and hope you’re getting the support required to navigate such incomprehensible and difficult times,” Mr Flanagan wrote.</p> <p><em>Image credits: GoFundMe</em></p>

Family & Pets

Placeholder Content Image

Clint Eastwood's partner's cause of death revealed

<p>The cause of death of Clint Eastwood's partner has been revealed, just days after the actor addressed her tragic passing. </p> <p>Christina Sandera, Eastwood's partner of 10 years, died suddenly on July 18th at just 61 years of age. </p> <p>Now, a representative from the Monterey County Health Department confirmed to <em><a href="https://nypost.com/2024/07/23/entertainment/clint-eastwoods-partner-christina-sanderas-cause-of-death-revealed/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The New York Post</a></em> that Sandera died of a heart attack. </p> <p>The death certificate listed her immediate cause as cardiac arrhythmia, which is an abnormality in the timing or pattern of the heartbeat.</p> <p>Atherosclerotic coronary artery disease was also outlined as an additional condition that led to Sandera’s death.</p> <p>Eastwood addressed the passing of his partner after the <em>Hollywood Reporter</em> confirmed her death, with the actor writing, “Christina was a lovely, caring woman, and I will miss her very much.”</p> <p>The pair met when Sandera worked as a hostess at a hotel and restaurant owned by the actor in California, before they started dating in 2014. </p> <p>The couple largely kept their romance out of the public eye with Sandera only attended a handful of events with the Hollywood icon during their 10-year relationship.</p> <p>The couple, who never married, walked their last red carpet together in November 2019 at AFI Fest in Hollywood. </p> <p>One of Eastwood's children from a previous marriage Morgan, 27, paid tribute to her father’s longtime love on Sunday by sharing a photo of herself, her father and Eastwood and her wedding, writing, “A devastating loss for our whole family. Thank you Christina for being a good partner to my Dad ❤️ you will be greatly missed.”</p> <p><em>Image credits: John McCoy/UPI/Shutterstock Editorial </em></p>

Caring

Placeholder Content Image

"My heart is shattered": Girlfriend's tribute to partner killed in Mexico

<p>The girlfriend of one of the Perth brothers killed in Mexico has paid tribute to her partner, just days after the news of his tragic death broke. </p> <p>Brothers Callum and Jake Robinson were travelling in Mexico with their American friend, Jack Carter Rhoad, when they went missing. </p> <p>Days after their disappearance, their bodies were found in a well and identified by their families. </p> <p>Authorities believe all three were shot in the head in a botched robbery by thieves who wanted their ute for spare parts.</p> <p>Now, Callum's girlfriend Emily Horwath has shared a heart-breaking tribute to her partner, sharing loved up photos of the couple on Instagram.</p> <p>Horwath said her partner was “one of one”, writing, “My heart is shattered into a million pieces.”</p> <p>“I don’t have the words right now. I will love you forever.”</p> <p>Emily also shared the link to a <a href="https://www.gofundme.com/f/callum-and-jake-robinson-support-the-robinson-family?utm_campaign=p_cp+fundraiser-sidebar&amp;utm_content=anyword&amp;utm_medium=copy_link_all&amp;utm_source=customer" target="_blank" rel="noopener">GoFundMe</a> page made to support the Robinson family, which has raised almost $400,000. </p> <p>Other close friends remembered the 33-year-old as “one of the most beautiful and loving souls”.</p> <p>“This world lost one of its kindest, silliest and most genuine souls this week,” one friend said.</p> <p>“Heaven welcomed the purest, kindest angel,” another said.</p> <p>A friend of Jake paid tribute to the 30-year-old, saying, “it was an honour to have known and worked with you.”</p> <p><em>Image credits: Instagram </em></p>

Caring

Placeholder Content Image

Peter Brock's long-time partner passes away aged 77

<p>The motorsport community is mourning the loss of Bev Brock, a formidable figure whose unwavering support and dedication were instrumental in the legendary career of her former long-time partner, Peter Brock.</p> <p>Bev, aged 77, passed away at her Melbourne home on Sunday morning after bravely battling stage 4 cancer for two years.</p> <p>For almost three decades, Bev stood as a steadfast presence by Peter's side, both on and off the racetrack. While they were never married, their bond was undeniable, marking a partnership that transcended mere labels. From 1977 until their separation in 2005, Bev played an integral role in shaping Peter's remarkable motorsport journey, becoming synonymous with his successes and enduring legacy.</p> <p>Born on January 15, 1947, just outside Perth, Bev's early years hinted at the strength of character and resilience that would define her life. Among seven siblings, she cultivated a spirit of determination and compassion that would later leave an indelible mark on those around her. Following her passion for education, Bev pursued a career in teaching, imparting knowledge in science and home economics to countless students.</p> <p>Bev's life took a new trajectory when she met Peter Brock. Together, they navigated the highs and lows of motorsport, sharing a journey that was as exhilarating as it was demanding. Despite the challenges, Bev remained a pillar of support, balancing multiple roles with grace, intelligence and purpose. Her commitment to Peter's racing career was unwavering, whether she was managing logistics, offering counsel, or simply cheering from the sidelines.</p> <p>Beyond her contributions to motorsport, Bev's philanthropic endeavours reflected her generous spirit and compassionate nature – and her involvement with various charities culminated in the prestigious Order of Australia in 2016. From supporting The Skyline Foundation to her active engagement with Melbourne Rotary, Bev's impact extended far beyond the confines of the racetrack.</p> <p>In a heartfelt tribute, Bev's son, James Brock, honoured his mother's legacy:</p> <p>“Bev was a dedicated parent, always making time to make a costume for a play or help out on a school camp,” he wrote. “She dedicated her life to helping Peter’s racing career taking on multiple roles, all met with skill, smarts and purpose.</p> <p>“Bev was also involved with multiple charities earning her an Order of Australia in 2016.</p> <p>“Over the last few years she focused her time and passion on The Skyline Foundation, Melbourne Rotary, public speaking and her ever expanding family.</p> <p>“She leaves behind her three children, seven cherished grandchildren and a host of loved ones she wrapped into her life as though they were her own.</p> <p>“Her loss will be immense as her presence, wisdom and support can never be matched.”</p> <p>Universally known as "Bevo," she was not only the driving force behind Peter's success but also a cherished friend who selflessly cared for others. Despite her own battle with cancer, Bev remained a source of strength and inspiration, offering support and guidance to countless friends and acquaintances.</p> <p>As the motorsport community comes together to mourn Bev's passing, we reflect on a life lived with purpose, passion and unwavering dedication.</p> <p>Bev Brock may have left this world, but her spirit will forever race on in the hearts of those who knew and loved her.</p> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

Caring

Placeholder Content Image

Woman’s outrageous act to catch cheating partner

<p dir="ltr">A woman has issued a desperate plea online for someone to help her catch her cheating boyfriend in the act. </p> <p dir="ltr">The Sydney woman, named Ariana, listed a job on the site Airtasker for someone to drive her to the suburb of Five Dock to catch her boyfriend, who she suspected was having an affair. </p> <p dir="ltr">She asked the potential driver to sit with her in the car for a few hours, in exchange for $350. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I need someone to drive me and a friend to Five Dock and sit in the car with us for a few hours so I can try and catch my cheating boyfriend,” she wrote. </p> <p dir="ltr">The ad, which was posted just before Valentine’s Day, quickly went viral and received mixed reactions. </p> <p dir="ltr">“The way I would do this for free,” one person said.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Wow, who would've thought of putting it on Airtasker! This is genius,” another wrote. </p> <p dir="ltr">However, some people didn't see the point of going through so much trouble and wasting $350. </p> <p dir="ltr">“This never makes sense to me - if you don't trust him, just leave. The relationship is dead regardless of if he is cheating,” a woman said.</p> <p dir="ltr">Despite garnering massive attention online, it is not known if Ariana’s stealthy operation was a success, or if she is still in a relationship with her boyfriend. </p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image credits: Getty Images / Facebook</em></p>

Relationships

Placeholder Content Image

Johnny Ruffo's partner shares heartbreaking post about grief

<p>Johnny Ruffo's girlfriend has shared her first Instagram post of 2024, sharing how she is getting through since the loss of her partner. </p> <p>Tahnee Sims took to social media to share a selection of photos from the highlights of January and February, with the snaps showing her smiling and having fun with friends. </p> <p>In amongst the pictures of the good days, the 30-year-old posted a devastating quote about grief from novelist Anne Lamott, as she continued to struggle with the loss of Johnny. </p> <p>“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never get over the loss of your beloved,” read the quote Sims shared on Sunday.</p> <p>“But this is also the good news."</p> <p>“They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up, and you come through."</p> <p>“It’s like a broken leg that never heals perfectly — that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”</p> <p>Friends and family flocked to the comments on the post to share their love and support for Tahnee. “So good to see you smiling again,” wrote Home and Away star Lynne McGranger, a close friend of Ruffo’s.</p> <p>“Loving seeing these happy moments. Am sure there are still lots of hard ones too, but focus on the positives and the future,” one follower said.</p> <p>“Stay strong, beautiful girl,” said a third. “He would want this.”</p> <p>Johnny Ruffo passed away on November 10th last year at the age of 35 after a long battle with brain cancer. </p> <p><em>Image credits: Instagram</em></p>

Family & Pets

Placeholder Content Image

"Am I being too sensitive?": Woman's dilemma after partner forgets 60th birthday

<p>A woman has shared her dilemma on how to approach her partner of 30 years, after he forgot her 60th birthday. </p> <p>"It's my 60th birthday today, and my partner of 30 years has not acknowledged it. Should I tell him?" she titled her post on Reddit. </p> <p>"It's my actual birthday today, and whilst we have planned a big party for next weekend, when I woke up this morning I expected a 'Happy Birthday!' and a smile," she continued. </p> <p>"I didn't get anything. He started my coffee but he does that almost every morning.</p> <p>"At first I thought maybe he forgot but now I am thinking that he thinks he doesn't have to say anything because we are having a big party this weekend. </p> <p>"Am I being too sensitive? Should I tell him? If so, how?" she asked in her post. </p> <p>Hundreds of Reddit users took to the comments to share their thoughts on how to approach the situation, with a few sharing crafty solutions of their own. </p> <p>"I'd make a joke of it. 'I can't believe they moved my birthday!' Or 'I saw on the TV we should ask easy questions to check for dementia- I'll ask you first, when's my birthday?'" one user playfully suggested. </p> <p>"I'm going to say the absolute minimum I'd expect for ANY birthday is my wife wishing me a Happy Birthday. Don't let it fester and ruin your day - just ask him about it" another added. </p> <p>One user saw the bright side of things and said:  "He's handed you the best birthday present of all - the opportunity to use this against him for the next twenty years.</p> <p>"I'd be rubbing my hands with glee. Happy Birthday!" </p> <p>"Happy Birthday. Go out and buy a large cake. Eat it all yourself. Nobody need ever know" to which she responded: "there is a Costco not that far away. Go big or go home." </p> <p>Another Redditor came up with an elaborate plan on how she could get her partner's attention. </p> <p>"Purchase this 'Acknowledge Me' t-shirt of WWE wrestle Roman Reigns. Then write 'Birthday' on a piece of card and use some tape to stick on the t-shirt. 'Acknowledge Me Birthday.' Then just wear it around the house," they said. </p> <p>The woman was onboard with the plan, but luckily she didn't need to apply any of their crafty solutions and shared an update. </p> <p>"He just came up to my home office and gave me a big hug, admitting he had forgotten because he was so focussed on both work and next weekend's party," she wrote. </p> <p>"He apologised sheepishly, which was exactly the best outcome possible. Now I have both my birthday acknowledged as well as a fine story and/or bit of ammo to be saved for another day.</p> <p>"So there you go. I've cancelled the 'acknowledge me' t-shirt order, and shall now share my Costco cake with him instead of eating it from across the table, glaring.</p> <p>"Thank you everyone for the very fine passive aggressive suggestions which made me smile. Much appreciated!"</p> <p><em>Image: Getty</em></p> <p> </p>

Relationships

Placeholder Content Image

More than a third of people with dementia don’t know they have it – what to do if you suspect your partner has the condition

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/kate-irving-1493654">Kate Irving</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/dublin-city-university-1528">Dublin City University</a></em></p> <p>Around <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-67613465">36% of people</a> in England with dementia are unaware they have the condition, according to a new report from the Dementia Commission.</p> <p><a href="https://chamberuk.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/231127-Dementia-Commission-Report-Embargoed.pdf">The report</a> suggests things health and care professionals can do to improve spotting early signs of dementia. But what can you do if you think your partner has the condition? And how can you broach the topic with them?</p> <p>If you are worried about your partner having dementia, here are some useful things to know.</p> <p>Dementia is a term for a range of diseases (for example, Alzheimer’s) which develop over time (months and years) and cause problems with memory and reasoning, communication, changes in personality and a reduction in a person’s ability to carry out daily activities, such as shopping, washing, paying bills or cooking.</p> <p>Dementia can present very differently in each person, so it’s about knowing what’s normal for your loved one. A person who has always been conscientious and organised starting to unravel is very different from a scatterbrained person just being slightly more scatterbrained.</p> <p>Grief and stress can affect memory yet not be the start of dementia. But they can also mask the start of dementia: we call this “diagnostic over-shadowing”.</p> <p>There are also age-related changes to cognition. For example, we take longer to learn when we get older. But a one-off event – no matter how dramatic – is not necessarily dementia. It’s about looking for a pattern of decline.</p> <p>If you see these changes happen in a short space of time (weeks or days) it is unlikely to be dementia and could be something more serious. This requires urgent investigation by a doctor.</p> <h2>Greatest fear</h2> <p>Dementia is one of the greatest fears of our age. The horror of perceived loss of self can cause people to avoid discussing the issue, discussing it in an unhelpful way (such as criticising or inadvertently humiliating) or discussing it with other relatives, but not the person they are noticing changes in.</p> <p>Over time, this can cause a lack of trust to develop. Discussing memory problems openly with the person at the point of a memory failure or if they raise the concern is best. Of course, it takes courage and makes us face our own vulnerability.</p> <p>Sometimes the person will be in denial or lack insight into the memory problems (this can be a symptom of dementia, but isn’t always). If someone raises a concern about their memory issues, I would urge you not to minimise this, as it probably took courage to admit their concerns.</p> <p>I heard a relative say to my mother: “Oh, you left the pot on the stove. I lost the car in the multistory the other day.” My mother had dementia – the relative did not.</p> <p>If they are adamant that they do not have concerns, this is harder to deal with. One approach is to say: “I know you are not concerned, but I am concerned and I wonder if you would see a doctor to ease my worries?”</p> <p>Also explaining that memory problems can at least to some extent have reversible causes means a visit to the doctor to at least rule these out is an important step. It may also be encouraging to say to the person: “If there is something with your memory that will get worse over time, would you want to know?” (Most people <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2408568/">answer yes</a> to this).</p> <h2>Seeing a GP</h2> <p>If your partner agrees to visit a GP, it is helpful to prepare by filling in a diary for a week with the kind of memory (or other) problems experienced, what was happening at the time and the effect of the memory failure. This can be shared with a GP to help them to understand the issues.</p> <p>When people hear even the suggestion of the word dementia, they are faced with the uncertainties of what will become of them, of what they will lose, what they can keep up and where they will end up. These uncertainties are often shared with family members. But research shows that positive aspects of timely diagnosis <a href="https://www.scie.org.uk/dementia/symptoms/diagnosis/early-diagnosis.asp">outweigh fears</a> over time.</p> <p>At the same time, there are often ongoing stresses to do with memory impairments or confusion. With these stresses, everyday life can be troublesome, family relationships can suffer, and people can find it difficult to be supportive of each other.</p> <p>Being honest and open is the best policy. Stating that we are in this together, I want to help, let’s meet whatever happens head on, can help. If a person becomes resistant, it may be there is another family member who might better assist the person.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/219172/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/kate-irving-1493654"><em>Kate Irving</em></a><em>, Professor of Clinical Nursing, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/dublin-city-university-1528">Dublin City University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/more-than-a-third-of-people-with-dementia-dont-know-they-have-it-what-to-do-if-you-suspect-your-partner-has-the-condition-219172">original article</a>.</em></p>

Mind

Placeholder Content Image

“They have stolen everything”: Slain doctor’s partner speaks out

<p dir="ltr">Dr Ash Gordon’s long-term girlfriend has broken her silence after her partner’s untimely death, saying she expects her boyfriend’s killers to be dealt “the maximum punishment”.</p> <p dir="ltr">The 33-year-old doctor was left for dead after a home invasion went wrong, with two teenagers now facing <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/news/news/major-update-in-tragic-death-of-young-melbourne-doctor">murder charges</a>. </p> <p dir="ltr">Two 16-year-olds have been charged with murder, aggravated burglary and theft after breaking into the young physician’s home, before allegedly stabbing him. </p> <p dir="ltr">Now, Dr Gordon’s grieving girlfriend Dakota Nagel has spoken out for the first time, telling <em><a href="https://www.news.com.au/national/victoria/ash-gordons-partner-dakota-nagel-speaks-after-teens-charged-over-alleged-murder/news-story/c5bf92f8f14ba87b0c3efd0cd8d1f1e7">news.com.au</a></em> she was grateful for the work of police in the days since the alleged murder.</p> <p dir="ltr">Ms Nagel said those allegedly responsible “deserve the maximum punishment and I will accept nothing less”.</p> <p dir="ltr">“They are heartless enough to take a life that meant so much to all of us,” she said.</p> <p dir="ltr">Ms Nagel said her partner of almost six years was the “light of my life” and “irreplaceable”.</p> <p dir="ltr">“They’ve stolen more than just belongings, they have stolen everything from myself and his family and friends, he was our world,” she said.</p> <p dir="ltr">“He was the most beautiful, kind, patient and understanding person I’ve ever met and I’m just lucky to have spent my life with him.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Miss Nagel told the <em>Herald Sun</em> that her boyfriend should be remembered for the positive impact he had on everyone he knew, including his patients.</p> <p dir="ltr">“We wish for Ash to be remembered for the loving kind person he was and the impact of good he made on the world,” she said.</p> <p dir="ltr">“He died a hero and the people responsible will be held accountable, and justice will be served for Ash and his loved ones.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Superintendent Janet Stevenson said police worked “tirelessly” to “apprehend those responsible for his tragedy”. </p> <p dir="ltr">“We know that Ash’s family and loved ones are grieving. This arrest will not take away the tragedy of this dreadful situation, but we hope that it will alleviate some of their distress,” she said.</p> <p dir="ltr">“We will continue to provide all the support they require during this difficult time.”</p> <p dir="ltr">The alleged attackers will face children’s court at a later date. </p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image credits: Instagram / Nine</em></p> <p> </p>

Relationships

Placeholder Content Image

"Devastated": James Morrison's partner dies aged 45

<p>British singer James Morrison is grappling with the heartbreaking news of the sudden death of his partner, Gill Catchpole, as <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-gloucestershire-67910325" target="_blank" rel="noopener">reported by the BBC</a>.</p> <p>Catchpole, 45, who had been in a relationship with the renowned hitmaker since their teenage years, was discovered lifeless on Friday at her residence in Gloucestershire, UK.</p> <p>Authorities have issued a statement indicating that the coroners and the woman's next of kin have been informed. While her death is currently labeled as "non-suspicious", the details surrounding the tragedy remain undisclosed.</p> <p>The couple, who had been together since their youth, leaves behind two daughters. Morrison, 39, has not yet made any public statements regarding the news, and his latest Instagram post from a recording studio only days before the incident hinted at new beginnings and adventures for the year.</p> <p>In the face of this tragedy, followers flooded Morrison's Instagram comments section to offer their condolences and support to the grief-stricken singer. The outpouring of sympathy from fans reflects the deep connection that Morrison has forged with his audience over the years through his soulful music.</p> <p>Morrison, originally from Warwickshire, rose to fame with hits like "You Give Me Something" and "Broken Strings". Despite his success in the music industry, Morrison has faced significant personal losses in recent years, having lost his father, brother and nephew within a span of three years.</p> <p>According to reports from <em>The Sun</em>, Morrison is described as "devastated" by the untimely passing of Catchpole. The couple's enduring connection, from their challenging beginnings to the shared joy of raising a family, has become a poignant chapter in Morrison's life.</p> <p>In a previous interview on the White Wine Question Time podcast, Morrison nostalgically shared the story of how he and Catchpole first crossed paths. Their initial encounter occurred when she moved in with her then-boyfriend as a lodger in Morrison's mother's house. Despite the unconventional start, Morrison considered it a romantic tale, describing their journey as a "little fairy tale".</p> <p>As the news of Gill Catchpole's passing reverberates through the music world and beyond, James Morrison's supporters join him in mourning the loss of a loved one and offering their heartfelt condolences during this difficult time.</p> <p><em>Images: Facebook / Instagram</em></p>

Caring

Placeholder Content Image

Nat Bass shares sweet photos with new partner

<p>Natalie Bassingthwaighte has made her public debut with her new partner, just weeks after announcing her same-sex relationship. </p> <p>The former Rouge Traders singer was supported by her girlfriend, who the <em><a href="https://www.heraldsun.com.au/entertainment/confidential/natalie-bassingthwaite-and-her-new-partner-step-out-publicly-for-first-time/news-story/43c2f8eaf59bd808fcda15b62dbaf686" data-tgev="event119" data-tgev-container="bodylink" data-tgev-order="43c2f8eaf59bd808fcda15b62dbaf686" data-tgev-label="entertainment" data-tgev-metric="ev">Herald Sun</a></em> has identified as her previously-unnamed new partner Pip Loth, at a concert in Melbourne on Saturday.</p> <p>Nat Bass shared a compilation of pictures and video from the day on Instagram, and among the vision were a couple of images of the couple happily holding hands. </p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/reel/C0GtnDYvz0r/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/reel/C0GtnDYvz0r/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Natalie Bassingthwaighte (@natbassingthwaighte)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>Bassingthwaighte’s daughter Harper was also in attendance at the show, as Nat Bass opened the show for headline act Christina Aguilera. </p> <p>The public display of affection comes just weeks after Bassingthwaighte told <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/it-feels-liberating-nat-bass-surprising-update-on-her-love-life-post-divorce" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><em>Stellar magazine</em></a> that she was initially “terrified” about revealing her new same-sex relationship to the world, and sought advice from her ex, Rogue Traders bandmate Cameron McGlinchey, about how to handle it.</p> <p>“I rang Cam and I was hysterical. And he said, ‘It’s OK. This is your truth and you now have to sit in it and stand in it and own it.’ So to have that support from him has been nothing short of beautiful, and I’m very grateful for it,” she said.</p> <p>“Now I can speak from my own mouth, on my own truth, and that feels rewarding. I’m OK. Everything is OK, and everyone is OK. We’re in a good space. It feels liberating. But before? It’s terrifying and it’s debilitating because you’re waiting for someone to snap a picture of you and make it salacious. To live like that is … oh, it’s not fun. And I’ve been doing that for a little while now. So it’s nice to say it.”</p> <p><em>Image credits: Instagram </em></p>

Relationships

Placeholder Content Image

"It feels liberating": Nat Bass' surprising update on her love life post-divorce

<p>After months of trying to keep her divorce private, Natalie Bassingthwaighte has spoken out about her marriage breakdown, and finding love with a woman. </p> <p>Earlier this year, the Australian singer parted ways with her second husband, and longtime Rogue Traders bandmate, Cameron McGlinchey, although the pair never addressed the split personally. </p> <p>Now, three months on, Nat Bass has bared all in a candid interview with <em>Stellar</em> magazine, sharing why she chose to stay silent on her divorce, and how "overwhelming" it was when the press finally found out. </p> <p>“[I got a] phone call; I’d been waiting for it to happen, but [was] trying to protect our inner sanctum for so long, trying to navigate grief and really sit in it and feel it all. It hurts, trying to navigate what the next bits look like, especially as a couple who have two children, who work together,” she said. </p> <p>“So having public interest, I won’t lie, was terrifying from the get-go. Since it first happened, I was waiting for someone to say something. And it just felt like I wasn’t ready."</p> <p>Despite going their separate ways after 12 years of marriage, Nat says she doesn't look at her divorce as a failure, given all the love she still has for her ex-husband.</p> <p>“We had a very successful marriage. It was very beautiful. We’ve done amazing things together, achieved a lot and have two incredible children. We admire and respect each other, and there’s love there. It’s just different,” she said. </p> <p>After her divorce, Nat is moving on and finding love in unexpected places: with a woman. </p> <p>Bassingthwaighte said her “beautiful” new relationship “with a woman who makes my heart smile and makes me happy” has been difficult to navigate in the public eye, as she has yet to publicly identify her new partner. </p> <p>Struggling with revealing her same-sex relationship to the world, Nat called her ex-husband for advice. </p> <p>“I rang Cam and I was hysterical. And he said, ‘It’s OK. This is your truth and you now have to sit in it and stand in it and own it.’ So to have that support from him has been nothing short of beautiful, and I’m very grateful for it,” she says.</p> <p>“Now I can speak from my own mouth, on my own truth, and that feels rewarding. I’m OK. Everything is OK, and everyone is OK. We’re in a good space. It feels liberating."</p> <p><em>Image credits: Instagram / Stellar </em></p>

Relationships

Placeholder Content Image

Sandra Bullock mourns the passing of her longtime partner after private illness

<p>Hollywood star Sandra Bullock's beloved partner, Bryan Randall, has passed away at the age of 57, with the heart-wrenching news confirmed by his grieving family in a statement shared on Monday.</p> <p>“It is with great sadness that we share that on Aug. 5, Bryan Randall passed away peacefully after a three-year battle with ALS,” the statement read.</p> <p>“Bryan chose early to keep his journey with ALS private and those of us who cared for him did our best to honour his request. We are immensely grateful to the tireless doctors who navigated the landscape of this illness with us and to the astounding nurses who became our roommates, often sacrificing their own families to be with ours. At this time we ask for privacy to grieve and to come to terms with the impossibility of saying goodbye to Bryan.”</p> <p>The statement was signed with a poignant, "His Loving Family".</p> <p>Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), also known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease, is a merciless neurological affliction that ravages  motor neurons that command delicate voluntary muscle movement. Regrettably, there is currently no remedy for the condition.</p> <p>Bullock, aged 59, crossed paths with model-turned-photographer <span style="font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;">Randall </span><span style="font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;">when he was summoned to capture her son Louis’ birthday celebration in the early days of 2015. Their connection was immediate and profound.</span></p> <p>The mother-of-two, and an actress who has fiercely guarded her privacy over the years, chose to unveil fragments of her relationship's intimacy during a candid appearance on Red Table Talk in 2021.</p> <p>“I found the love of my life. We share two beautiful children — three children, [Randall’s] older daughter. It’s the best thing ever,” Bullock said at the time.</p> <p>“I don’t wanna say do it like I do it, but I don’t need a paper to be a devoted partner and devoted mother … I don’t need to be told to be ever present in the hardest of times. I don’t need to be told to weather a storm with a good man.”</p> <p>She added that Randall was also a superb “example” to her two children: “He’s the example that I would want my children to have... <span style="font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;">I have a partner who’s very Christian and there are two different ways of looking at things. I don’t always agree with him, and he doesn’t always agree with me. But he is an example even when I don’t agree with him... </span>I’m stubborn but sometimes I need to sit back and listen and go, ‘You’re saying it differently but we mean exactly the same thing.’</p> <p>“It’s hard to co-parent because I just want to do it myself.”</p> <p>"He was so happy, but he was scared. I'm a bulldozer. My life was already on the track, and here's this beautiful human being who doesn't want anything to do with my life but the right human being to be there."</p> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

Caring

Placeholder Content Image

What is a relationship ‘boundary’? And how do I have the boundary conversation with my partner?

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/raquel-peel-368041">Raquel Peel</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/rmit-university-1063">RMIT University</a></em></p> <p>Text messages showing actor Jonah Hill asking his ex-girlfriend Sarah Brady to consider a dot point list of relationship “boundaries” have sparked an important conversation.</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> <p dir="ltr" lang="en">Jonah Hill’s ex-girlfriend Sarah Brady accuses him of emotional abuse.</p> <p>🔗: <a href="https://t.co/LwSnkpnehT">https://t.co/LwSnkpnehT</a> <a href="https://t.co/3B6I86uwNV">pic.twitter.com/3B6I86uwNV</a></p> <p>— Pop Crave (@PopCrave) <a href="https://twitter.com/PopCrave/status/1677755077249859586?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 8, 2023</a></p></blockquote> <p>Two different interpretations of these texts are dominating the discussion.</p> <p>Some have understood Hill’s dot points as a reasonable set of relationship expectations or “preferences” for a partner. Others see Hill’s list of relationship deal-breakers as a controlling behaviour.</p> <p>So what is a relationship “boundary” and how do you have this conversation with your partner?</p> <h2>What are relationship boundaries?</h2> <p>Boundaries are personal and influenced by one’s values. They can be emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual and cultural.</p> <p>The purpose of creating, understanding and respecting boundaries is to ensure one’s mental health and well-being are protected. Used well, they can keep relationships healthy and safe.</p> <p>Setting boundaries can also reinforce values and priorities important to you.</p> <h2>Some ‘boundaries’ are controlling and go too far</h2> <p>That said, relationship boundaries can become unsafe for the people involved. Some cross the line into coercive control.</p> <p>For instance, one might be able to justify to themselves they need to know where their partner is at all times, monitor their communications and keep tabs on their partner’s friendships because they just want to keep their partner safe.</p> <p>But these are not boundaries; this is coercive control.</p> <p>If your partner is describing these as their relationship boundaries, you should feel comfortable to say you are not OK with it. You should also feel comfortable explaining what boundaries you need to set for yourself and your relationship to feel safe.</p> <p>In fact, <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/01639625.2017.1304801">research</a> has found that even cyberstalking offenders might struggle to acknowledge how their behaviour can be perceived as intrusive by their partner. They may also have trouble understanding how it contributed to their break-up.</p> <p>My research on how people can sabotage their own relationships revealed a <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s40359-021-00644-0#Tab1">lack of relationship skills</a> is often a key factor in relationship issues.</p> <p>The same <a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/journal-of-relationships-research/article/abs/defining-romantic-selfsabotage-a-thematic-analysis-of-interviews-with-practising-psychologists/35531B41927851905281C7D815FE4199">research</a> highlighted how people who fear their relationship is at risk can end up indulging in controlling behaviours such as partner monitoring, tracking how a partner spends their money and emotional manipulation.</p> <p>In other words, people can sometimes employ unhealthy behaviours with the intention of keeping their partner but end up pushing them away.</p> <h2>Understanding partner and relationship expectations</h2> <p>We might have a vision in mind of an “<a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2F0022-3514.91.4.662">ideal partner</a>”. But it’s highly improbable one person can ever meet such high standards.</p> <p>Rigid partner and relationship standards, just like unreasonable boundaries, can cause distress, hopelessness and resentment.</p> <p>So healthy romantic relationships need clear communication and negotiation. Sometimes, that involves being flexible and open to hearing what the other person has to say about your proposed boundaries.</p> <p>Relationship boundaries are a life skill that needs constant learning, practice and improvement.</p> <h2>Having a conversation about healthy relationship boundaries</h2> <p>Some mistakenly believe having any relationship boundaries at all is unreasonable or a form of abuse. That’s not the case.</p> <p>In my <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15332691.2020.1795039">research</a> on relationship sabotage, many people spoke about how being able to clearly communicate and set relationship expectations has helped them maintain their relationships over the long term and dispel <a href="https://scholarworks.uni.edu/facpub/1397/">unrealistic</a> standards.</p> <p>Communicating expectations can also help people deal with common relationship fears, such as getting hurt, being rejected and feeling disrespected.</p> <p>But for an important conversation about boundaries to take place, you first need the environment for an open, honest and trusting discussion.</p> <p>Partners should feel they can talk freely and without fear about what they are comfortable with in a relationship. And, be able to discuss how they feel about a boundary their partner has proposed.</p> <h2>Clarify and discuss</h2> <p>If you’re having the boundary conversation with your partner, clarify what you mean by your boundary request and how it might work in practice. Examples can help. Understanding the nuances can help your partner decide if your boundary request is reasonable or unreasonable for them.</p> <p>Second, negotiate which boundaries are hard and which are soft. This will involve flexibility and care, so you’re not undermining your or your partner’s, freedom, mental health and wellbeing. A hard boundary is non-negotiable and can determine the fate of the relationship. A soft boundary can be modified, as long as all parties agree.</p> <p>What constitutes a healthy boundary is different for each individual and each relationship.</p> <p>Regardless, it is a conversation best had in person, not by text message (which can easily be taken out of context and misunderstood). If you really must have the discussion over text, be specific and clarify.</p> <p>Before setting boundaries, seek insight into what you want for yourself and your relationship and communicate with your partner openly and honestly. If you’re fearful about how they’ll react to the discussion, that’s an issue.</p> <p>An open and honest approach can foster a productive collaboration that can strengthen relationship commitment.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/209856/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/raquel-peel-368041">Raquel Peel</a>, Adjunct Senior Lecturer, University of Southern Queensland and Senior Lecturer, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/rmit-university-1063">RMIT University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-is-a-relationship-boundary-and-how-do-i-have-the-boundary-conversation-with-my-partner-209856">original article</a>.</em></p>

Relationships

Placeholder Content Image

Man living in a tent after partner “gave up” on Covid restrictions

<p dir="ltr">A hyper-vigilant man has resorted to living in a “pressurised” tent in a garage to avoid contracting Covid, after his girlfriend relaxed about restrictions. </p> <p dir="ltr">The Aussie man named Jason, who is a self-proclaimed “Covid education activist” caused a stir online after he posted a photo of his unusual sleeping arrangements. </p> <p dir="ltr">The now-viral post shared by Jason featured a picture of the peculiar tent he claims to be sleeping in, with an air purifier sticking out of the door, igniting a firestorm of reactions on Twitter, ranging from agreeance, to humour, to concern.</p> <p dir="ltr">Despite the media storm, Jason defended his decision to maintain strict pandemic precautions, despite never having contracted Covid-19. </p> <p dir="ltr">“This is my bed in the garage because my partner has dropped precautions. I take precautions 100 per cent of the time. Don’t tell me that this hasn’t upended every f**king second of my life,” Jason declared in his original post, which included the image of his extraordinary sleeping arrangement.</p> <p dir="ltr">Taking his precautions to the next level, Jason also revealed that he has experimented with sleeping in a face mask, but he admitted that he found it uncomfortable and could not sleep properly with it. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I’ve tried to sleep in a mask, and I can’t. I know people sleep in CPAP masks all the time, so it’s possible, but I can’t do it,” he shared on Twitter.</p> <p dir="ltr">Despite the flurry of reactions to Jason’s living arrangement, he did receive some support for his precautionary measures, while some even suggested Jason leave his partner, to which he admitted the thought “had occurred to me”. </p> <p dir="ltr">Another Twitter user commended the tent and air filter idea, considering it a cost-effective and potentially effective solution to avoid contracting Covid. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I like the tent+filter idea. It’s cheap and should be effective,” another agreed.</p> <p dir="ltr">A few people shared that they empathised with Jason, and are also maintaining strict pandemic precautions. </p> <p dir="ltr">One person wrote, “Initially didn’t think much of the pic, but this is infuriating. I spend all my salary in-flo mask, enovid (antiviral nasal spray), no social life, so yes, I take precautions 100 per cent of the time.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“I’m sorry you have to live like this. I no longer see my family since they stopped masking,” another added.</p> <p dir="ltr">However, not everyone empathised with Jason’s living arrangements, saying he was being unrealistic about the future of Covid. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I work in senior living, and in the two years we’ve been open, we’ve lost zero to Covid. Even the (85-year-olds) getting it now are mild cases. Why? They’re boosted, so they don’t panic or sleep in a garage,” one commenter explained. </p> <p dir="ltr">“The vaccine is meant to enable you to live normally without worrying. Covid is endemic, so you will be in the tent for the rest of your life, lol.” posted another.</p> <p dir="ltr">In response to the viral post, one Twitter user humorously remarked, “We’re a few years away from a really good documentary on how this virus broke people’s brains.”</p> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 18pt;"><em>Image credits: Getty Images / Twitter</em><span id="docs-internal-guid-929ebb36-7fff-a45a-7dfd-5c273933cc32"></span></p>

Real Estate

Placeholder Content Image

Don’t blame women for low libido. Sexual sparks fly when partners do their share of chores – including calling the plumber

<p>When a comic about “mental load” <a href="https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/">went viral in 2017</a>, it sparked conversations about the invisible workload women carry. Even when women are in paid employment, they remember their mother-in-law’s birthday, know what’s in the pantry and organise the plumber. This mental load often goes unnoticed.</p> <p>Women also <a href="https://theconversation.com/yet-again-the-census-shows-women-are-doing-more-housework-now-is-the-time-to-invest-in-interventions-185488">continue to do more housework</a> and childcare than their male partners.</p> <p>This burden has been exacerbated over the recent pandemic (homeschooling anyone?), <a href="https://theconversation.com/planning-stress-and-worry-put-the-mental-load-on-mothers-will-2022-be-the-year-they-share-the-burden-172599">leaving women</a> feeling exhausted, anxious and resentful.</p> <p>As sexuality researchers, we wondered, with all this extra work, do women have any energy left for sex?</p> <p>We decided to explore how mental load affects intimate relationships. We focused on female sexual desire, as “low desire” affects <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1743609520307566">more than 50% of women</a> and is <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0091302217300079">difficult to treat</a>.</p> <p>Our study, published in the <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2022.2079111">Journal of Sex Research</a>, shows women in equal relationships (in terms of housework and the mental load) are more satisfied with their relationships and, in turn, feel more sexual desire than those in unequal relationships.</p> <p> </p> <h2>How do we define low desire?</h2> <p>Low desire is tricky to explore. More than simply the motivation to have sex, women describe sexual desire as a state-of-being and a need for closeness.</p> <p>Adding to this complexity is the fluctuating nature of female desire that changes in response to life experiences and the <a href="https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20160630-the-enduring-enigma-of-female-desire">quality of relationships</a>.</p> <p>Relationships are especially important to female desire: relationship dissatisfaction is a <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18410300/">top risk factor</a> for low desire in women, even more than the physiological impacts of age and menopause. Clearly, relationship factors are critical to understanding female sexual desire.</p> <p>As a way of addressing the complexity of female desire, a <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-018-1212-9">recent theory</a> proposed two different types of desire: dyadic desire is the sexual desire one feels for another, whereas solo desire is about individual feelings.</p> <p>Not surprisingly, dyadic desire is intertwined with the dynamics of the relationship, while solo desire is more amorphous and involves feeling good about yourself as a sexual being (feeling sexy), without needing validation from another.</p> <h2>Assessing the link</h2> <p>Our research acknowledged the nuances of women’s desire and its strong connection to relationship quality by exploring how fairness in relationships might affect desire.</p> <p>The research involved asking 299 Australian women aged 18 to 39 questions about desire and relationships.</p> <p>These questions included assessments of housework, mental load – such as who organised social activities and made financial arrangements – and who had more leisure time.</p> <p>We compared three groups:</p> <ul> <li>relationships where women perceived the work as equally shared equal (the “equal work” group)</li> <li>when the woman felt she did more work (the “women’s work” group)</li> <li>when women thought that their partner contributed more (the “partner’s work” group).</li> </ul> <p>We then explored how these differences in relationship equity impacted female sexual desire.</p> <h2>What we found</h2> <p>The findings were stark. Women who rated their relationships as equal also reported greater relationship satisfaction and higher dyadic desire (intertwined with the dynamics of the relationship) than other women in the study.</p> <p>Unfortunately (and perhaps, tellingly), the partner’s work group was too small to draw any substantial conclusions.</p> <p>However, for the women’s work group it was clear their dyadic desire was diminished. This group was also less satisfied in their relationships overall.</p> <p>We found something interesting when turning our attention to women’s solo desire. While it seems logical that relationship inequities might affect all aspects of women’s sexuality, our results showed that fairness did not significantly impact solo desire.</p> <p>This suggests women’s low desire isn’t an internal sexual problem to be treated with <a href="https://www.insider.com/guides/health/yoni-eggs#:%7E:text=Yoni%20eggs%20are%20egg%2Dshaped,bacterial%20infections%20and%20intense%20pain.">mindfulness apps and jade eggs</a>, but rather one that needs effort from both partners.</p> <p>Other relationship factors are involved. We found children increased the workload for women, leading to lower relationship equity and consequently, lower sexual desire.</p> <p> </p> <p>Relationship length also played a role. Research shows long-term relationships are <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-018-1175-x">associated with</a> decreasing desire for women, and this is often attributed to the tedium of over-familiarity (think of the bored, sexless <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBq-Nyo0lQg">wives in 90s sitcoms</a>).</p> <p>However our research indicates relationship boredom is not the reason, with the increasing inequity over the course of a relationship often the cause of women’s disinterest in sex.</p> <p>The longer some relationships continue, the more unfair they become, lowering women’s desire. This may be because women take on managing their partner’s relationships, as well as their own (“It’s time we had your best friend over for dinner”).</p> <p>And while domestic housework may start as equally shared, over time, women <a href="https://www.abs.gov.au/media-centre/media-releases/women-spent-more-time-men-unpaid-work-may">tend to do more</a> household tasks.</p> <h2>What about same-sex couples?</h2> <p>Same-sex couples have <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/fare.12293">more equitable relationships</a>.</p> <p>However, we found the same link between equity and desire for women in same-sex relationships, although it was much stronger for heteronormative couples.</p> <p>A sense of fairness within a relationship is fundamental to all women’s satisfaction and sexual desire.</p> <h2>What happens next?</h2> <p>Our findings suggest one response to low desire in women could be to address the amount of work women have to take on in relationships.</p> <p>The link between relationship satisfaction and female sexual desire has been firmly established in <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-018-1175-x">previous research</a> but our findings explain how this dynamic works: women’s sense of fairness within a relationship forecasts their contentment, which has repercussions on their desire for their partner.</p> <p>To translate our results into clinical practice, we could run trials to confirm if lowering women’s mental load results in greater sexual desire.</p> <p>We could have a “housework and mental load ban” for a sample of women reporting low sexual desire and record if there are changes in their reported levels of desire.</p> <p>Or perhaps women’s sexual partners could do the dishes tonight and see what happens.</p> <p><em>Image credit: Shutterstock</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/dont-blame-women-for-low-libido-sexual-sparks-fly-when-partners-do-their-share-of-chores-including-calling-the-plumber-185401" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>. </em></p>

Relationships

Placeholder Content Image

How to tell if your partner is stealing from you

<p>Financial infidelity can take many forms and it can be devastating to a relationship. From secretive purchases to hiding debts, dishonesty about income to secret investments, it can cause significant harm to both partners. If you want to avoid becoming victims of financial infidelity, it is important to communicate openly and honestly about your finances. </p> <p>Taking responsibility for your financial health is good for your wellbeing. Whether it’s being pro-active in the face of financial infidelity or recovering the damages, being aware of the common forms and red flags can help you build strategies to move forward. Here is what you need to know.</p> <p><strong>Common financial ‘secrets’ </strong></p> <p>Money lies take several forms and they all involve secrecy, for example, buying items without informing your partner, gambling or other expenses that are unaccounted for, frivolous spending on unnecessary items, not disclosing debts or loans, and lying about how much money you make or your financial situation.</p> <p>Then there are the secret bank accounts and investing money without your partner's knowledge. Your partner may be harbouring one or many of these common financial secrets, so knowing the red flags will help you bring the dishonesty to the surface.</p> <p><strong>Signs of financial infidelity</strong></p> <p>It is important to keep an eye out for signs of financial infidelity. The red flags that will call out secretive behaviour include new credit card statements or bank accounts that you know nothing about, new items appearing in your house that you didn't buy, packages not addressed to you, new passwords on financial accounts and an unwillingness to discuss money matters.</p> <p>Your partner's behaviour is also a warning. Pay close attention to reactions that don’t seem authentic and displays of paranoia about you opening the mail – especially the bank and credit card statements.</p> <p><strong>Moving beyond financial infidelity</strong></p> <p>If you suspect your partner is guilty of financial infidelity, there are simple steps to help you both move forward. First, you will need your partner to come clean. Ask, listen, and be supportive. They may be feeling embarrassed or ashamed, and fearing judgement.</p> <p>Next, get help. Consider a professional. This could be both financial and personal – by planning a way forward together, you can re-affirm your views about money and trust in your relationship. Financial infidelity can destroy trust in your partner, so you both must be willing to work towards healing the hurt and reducing the risk of future money sins.</p> <p><strong>Make money a talking point</strong></p> <p>When it comes to financial matters, maintaining honesty and trust in your relationship can be challenging. To be on the front foot, try talking about money regularly. Normalise it. For example, talk about your bank balance, who is paying what bills, what you’d like to buy and how you plan to buy it, your savings plans, how your superfund is performing.</p> <p>Set up these conversations in advance and use them as a time to check in on your money goals. You must both feel empowered to ask money questions, so the more you make money conversations the norm, the better.</p> <p><strong>Create a personal finance village </strong></p> <p>Try adding someone to your personal finance village. Consider working with an accountant or financial advisor who can independently help you and your partner to plan open discussions in a safe manner to address your financial issues. Ask their advice on enabling ‘safe’ confessions like having a no-judgement rule for raising money sins.</p> <p>Allow yourselves the opportunity to come clean on spending and work out how best to address this going forward. This offers you the freedom of being on the same page financially and working towards the same financial goals.</p> <p>Finding yourself in a situation involving financial infidelity can be utterly devastating. Of course, the best way of addressing any kind of money cheating is to know the red flags and avoid it altogether.</p> <p>However, as this is not always the case, consider getting professional advice on working towards common financial goals so you can move forward in a positive way. Remember, communication and honesty are key to a healthy and successful financial relationship. </p> <p><strong><em>Jacqui Clarke FCA, FTI, GAICD, JP, author of Stop Worrying About Money (Wiley, $29.95), is a trusted advisor, board member, executor and veteran business executive. As a personal wealth and money management expert and over three decades of experience , 25 years at Deloitte and PWC helping high-net-worth families, individuals and business owners to build, manage and preserve their wealth. Her message is simple: with careful planning and effort, you can manage your money, so it doesn’t manage you. <a href="https://www.jacquiclarke.me/">https://www.jacquiclarke.me/</a></em></strong></p> <p><em><span style="background-color: #ffffff;">Image credits: Getty </span>Images </em></p>

Money & Banking

Placeholder Content Image

Kylie Minogue’s new chapter after splitting with partner

<p>Kylie Minogue and her boyfriend, magazine mogul Paul Solomons, have parted ways after five years together. </p> <p>The decision comes just one year after Kylie returned to Australia and as the 54-year-old prepares for a world tour. The two were last spotted together last May on the ABBA Voyage’s red carpet. </p> <p>“Kylie and Paul really tried to make things work,” a source told <em>The Sun</em>, “but ultimately the time difference was a killer. Paul couldn’t exactly nip to Melbourne for a long weekend whenever things got strained.” </p> <p>While any reference to Paul has been removed from Kylie’s Instagram account, one picture of Kylie still features on his, and the source went on to add that Kylie and Paul are still friends. </p> <p>The couple first crossed paths in 2018 when they were introduced by mutual friends. In 2021, COVID-19 forced them to spend nine months apart, with Paul in London and Kylie in Melbourne. As <em>The Sun </em>was told, “long distance isn’t easy for any couple.” </p> <p>“Kylie initially wanted to keep the split quiet though,” the source confessed, “as she really does not want the narrative to be ‘poor, unlucky-in-love-Kylie’s heart breaks again’.”</p> <p>Kylie’s first public relationship was with her Neighbours on-screen love interest, Jason Donovan. Three years after that, Kylie spent time with the late Michael Hutchence. Over the years since, Kylie has fallen for models and fellow artists alike, and most recently she was in a relationship with British actor Joshua Sasse in 2016. He was 28 years old at the time, and the pair split one year after announcing their engagement. </p> <p>Dannii Minogue’s, Kylie’s younger sister, had to deny rumours of an engagement between Paul and Kylie in 2021. While appearing on <em>Sunrise</em>, she told the hosts, “there’s no news, but we absolutely adore him and they’re a divine couple.” </p> <p>In February 2021, Kylie opened up about her relationship with Paul, at a time when their relationship seemed destined to last in a way that worked for them and their lifestyles, “what is difficult is explaining it, and I’m hovering around that right now because I don’t have a traditional set-up when it comes to my relationship. </p> <p>I don’t have the white-picket-fence life. We are in a very good space and we cherish that right now. We use the term ‘fluid and pivoting’.” </p> <p>Fans of the singer can rest assured that Kylie has a lot to look forward to in her life and career, with the source telling <em>The Sun</em>, “for now, Kylie has a new album to promote, and a world tour to get cracking with - she’s hugely excited about starting this new chapter in her life.” </p> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p> <p> </p>

Relationships

Placeholder Content Image

Name a cockroach after your ex and feed it to an animal this Valentine's Day

<p>The San Antonio Zoo is making a unique offer for scorned lovers this Valentine's Day.</p> <p>For just $14 (AUD), the Texas zoo will name a cockroach after your ex and feed it to an animal, in a brutal display of hilarious pettiness to show someone how you really feel. </p> <p>The annual Cry Me a Cockroach fundraiser will "support the zoo's vision of securing a future for wildlife in Texas and around the world" the San Antonio Zoo says on its <a href="https://sazoo.org/cry-me-a-cockroach/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">website</a>.</p> <p>For those not into bugs, you can choose a vegetable for $7, or a rodent for $35 to be fed to a hungry zoo resident.</p> <p>All donors will receive a digital Valentine's Day Card showing their support for the zoo.</p> <p>They can also opt to send their ex-partner a digital Valentine's Day Card informing them that a cockroach, rodent, or veggie was named after them and fed to an animal.</p> <p>For those who really want to make a statement, you can pay for a $200 upgrade which includes a personalised video message to the recipient showing their cockroach, rodent or vegetable being devoured by an animal.</p> <p>The annual event continues to be a hit, with Cyle Perez, the zoo's director of public relations, telling CNN last year that they received more than 8,000 donations from all 50 states and over 30 different countries.</p> <p>"Right now, we are on track to break last year's record, with 'Zach,' 'Ray' and 'Adam' being the most submitted ex-names so far," Perez said.</p> <p>To participate, you'll need to <a href="https://sazoo.org/cry-me-a-cockroach/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">submit your ex's name online</a> before Valentine's Day.</p> <p><em>Image credits: San Antonio Zoo</em></p>

Relationships

Our Partners

Over 60

© Copyright 2024 OverSixty.All Rights Reserved.