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Readers response: What advice would you give someone visiting Australia?

We asked our readers what advice they would give to someone travelling to Australia, including where tourists need to see and what hidden gems cannot be missed. Here's what they said. Peggy Rice - Respect our rules, the outback needs to be researched, swim between flags, don't swim with crocodiles. It's the best country in the world, let's keep it that way. Also do yourself a favour and put Tasmania on your list of beauty. Kay L Bayly - Number 1 advice! Check distances between desired destinations. It is a much bigger country than most people understand. Michael Pender - Bring a sense of humour. Toni Stewart - You will need a year at least to see all the different areas from desert, scrub, rainforest, cities, beaches, country side fabulous little towns and lots of festivals. Maureen Prince - We don’t have Kangaroos running the streets. Koalas are not in everybody's back yard trees. Whilst we do have snakes you’d be very unfortunate if you were to come across a venomous one. We don’t all go around saying “Good day mate”. Our scenery is incredible. Our food is superb and, best of all, we have good friends who do say “Good day mate”. Tina Shaw - Leave preconceptions at customs. See who we are and you'll have a fantastic time. Dianne Savage - Put Tasmania on your must do list. Margaret Higgs - Use sunscreen, wear a hat, drink lots of fluids. Cheryl Anne - Don't assume you can cover the whole country in 6 weeks. Sarah Hayse-Gregson - Obey the beach culture. The flags, lifesavers are there for a reason. If a sign says, “beach closed” there’s no one to assist you if you get into difficulty. Our lifesavers are volunteers, don’t forget that. They give up their free time to monitor the beaches and are highly trained. Never turn your back to the sea. Ann Lusby - Watch out for drop bears. Image credits: Shutterstock

Domestic Travel

Lost touch with someone? Reach out – your friend will likely appreciate it more than you think

<div class="theconversation-article-body"><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/peggy-liu-818769">Peggy Liu</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-pittsburgh-854">University of Pittsburgh</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lauren-min-1354136">Lauren Min</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-kansas-1588">University of Kansas</a> <h2>The big idea</h2> The next time you wonder whether to reach out to a friend, family member, classmate or other person who’s been out of touch for a long time, go ahead and do it. According to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000402">our just-published research</a>, it’s likely they’ll appreciate it more than you think. In a series of 13 experiments involving over 5,900 participants, we – along with colleagues <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=0Stzf1cAAAAJ&hl=en">SoYon Rim</a> and <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=TZQefJAAAAAJ&hl=en">Kate Min</a> – wanted to investigate whether people accurately predict <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000402">how much their social contacts appreciate being reached out to</a>. In one experiment we conducted, college students wrote a note “to check in and say hello” to a classmate they hadn’t interacted with in a while. Then we asked them how much they thought their classmate would appreciate receiving this note. Next, we delivered these notes to their classmates and asked the recipients how much they appreciated receiving them. We found that the students who received the notes were much more appreciative of the gesture than the students who wrote them had anticipated. Other experiments varied the scenario by involving older adults as participants rather than college students, switching the written message to a small gift – such as cookies or coffee – and comparing how much the sender underestimated the appreciation that an emotionally distant contact would feel compared with a close contact. Overall they yielded the same basic finding: People tended to underestimate how much others appreciated hearing from them. What drives this underestimation? Our results suggest that it’s related to how little the people reaching out factor in the surprise felt by those being contacted. When we asked recipients what they focused on when indicating how appreciative they felt, they reported paying a lot of attention to their positive feelings of surprise, which were linked to how appreciative they felt. Comparatively, potential senders did not report focusing much on recipients’ positive feelings of surprise. It also mattered whether the two parties were already in a close relationship. People’s underestimations were even greater when their contact was a distant acquaintance because these recipients were especially surprised at being contacted. <h2>Why it matters</h2> Many people can name at least one person with whom they would like to reconnect. Taking a new job, moving to a different city, becoming a parent, or the busyness of everyday life – these are just some of the life events and circumstances that can cause people to lose touch. Then, if the desire to reconnect arises on one side, doubts may arise about whether the other person may appreciate being contacted out of the blue. When people consider taking the initiative to reach out, especially after a prolonged period of no contact, they may worry about being rejected. This worry might keep them from reaching out in the first place. Our research lessens this challenge by showing that often, these gestures will be much more appreciated than one might expect. <h2>What other research is being done</h2> Our findings fit within a growing stream of research examining the tendency to underestimate others’ appreciation of various social exchanges. For example, other researchers have found that people underestimate how much <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/pspa0000277">others appreciate receiving compliments</a> or <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797618772506">expressions of gratitude</a>. Our work adds to this area by broadening the scope of the contexts in which people underestimate how much social exchanges are appreciated. Reaching out could but need not require giving compliments or expressing gratitude – the gesture can be as simple as checking in with someone to show that one is thinking about them.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/185001/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/peggy-liu-818769">Peggy Liu</a>, Ben L. Fryrear Chair in Marketing and Associate Professor of Business Administration, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-pittsburgh-854">University of Pittsburgh</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lauren-min-1354136">Lauren Min</a>, Assistant Professor of Marketing, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-kansas-1588">University of Kansas</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/lost-touch-with-someone-reach-out-your-friend-will-likely-appreciate-it-more-than-you-think-185001">original article</a>. </div>

Relationships

"Someone is going to die": Kerri-Anne slams "irresponsible" Elle Macpherson interview

Kerri-Anne Kennerley has slammed Elle Macpherson for announcing that she allegedly "cured" her breast cancer after shunning the advice of doctors and opting for "holistic" treatment paths instead, while also taking aim at 60 Minutes for airing an interview with the supermodel where she doubled down on her beliefs. In her new memoir, Elle: Life, Lessons, and Learning to Trust Yourself, Macpherson revealed that at the age of 53, she was <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/health/caring/elle-macpherson-reveals-secret-battle-with-cancer" target="_blank" rel="noopener">diagnosed</a> with breast cancer and decided to go against doctors orders for her treatment. The 60-year-old recalled how her doctors recommended a mastectomy with radiation, chemotherapy, hormone therapy, plus reconstruction of her breast to fight the illness, and how she instead decide to forge her own path of "holistic wellness" to beat the disease without the use on conventional medicines, which she claims "cured" her cancer. “It really gave me an opportunity to dig deep in my inner sense to find a solution that worked for me," she told Australian's Women's Weekly. “It was a wonderful exercise in being true to myself, trusting myself and trusting the nature of my body and the course of action that I had chosen.” Macpherson then doubled down on her decision in an exclusive interview with 60 Minutes on Sunday, in which she claimed that there is “no possibility” of her breast cancer recurring given “the body has the infinite capacity to heal”, and making the bizarre remark that it’s “fear” that actually makes people ill. Kerri-Anne Kennerley, who is also a survivor of breast cancer, was one of <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/health/caring/shockingly-irresponsible-elle-macpherson-slammed-for-holistic-cancer-treatment" target="_blank" rel="noopener">many</a> who found problems with the interview, as she said it was dangerous for the news program to broadcast such information. “Think of the poor oncologists, surgeons and doctors today … inundated with phone calls from people (saying) ‘I’m rethinking my treatment because Elle Macpherson said this and that’,” she told <a href="https://www.theaustralian.com.au/business/media/someone-is-going-to-die-kerrianne-kennerleys-warning-on-elle-macphersons-breast-cancer-message/news-story/39ddfd8c848375d1690faeb50b391e18" data-tgev="event119" data-tgev-container="bodylink" data-tgev-order="39ddfd8c848375d1690faeb50b391e18" data-tgev-label="business" data-tgev-metric="ev">The Australian.</a> “I understand Elle … did what she thought was good for her personally, but the very fact she has resisted any other medical treatment … absolutely terrifies me.” “Without question, it will result in the future that somebody will take that line and feel confident enough to try and do it themselves naturally, and someone is going to die.” Kennerley, who was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2012, said the 60 Minutes report should've been more "balanced" by having expert testimony from doctors as a counterargument to Elle's claims. “(60 Minutes reporter) Tracy (Grimshaw) did a piece to camera about it. But to be seriously responsible, you have to have an oncologist who could actually balance Elle’s remarks,” Kennerley said. “I believe 60 Minutes was irresponsible by not having an oncologist who would give an alternative point of view. Elle’s given her natural point of view, and she’s followed through with it. They should have absolutely gotten an oncologist that said ‘as an oncologist, I’ve seen this type of cancer and many other types of cancers in my 30-year career. People who have not followed the advice have died.'” Image credits: 60 Minutes / Instagram

Body

Is it OK to lie to someone with dementia?

<div class="theconversation-article-body"><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/steve-macfarlane-4722">Steve Macfarlane</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/monash-university-1065">Monash University</a> There was disagreement on social media recently after a story <a href="https://x.com/HammondCare/status/1817738312372691046">was published</a> about an aged care provider creating “fake-away” burgers that mimicked those from a fast-food chain, to a resident living with dementia. The man had such strict food preferences he was <a href="https://www.hammond.com.au/resource-hub/smart-thinking-about-hamburgers-improved-life-for-one-man-living-with-severe-dementia-symptoms?utm_content=301880186&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter&hss_channel=tw-252995959">refusing to eat</a> anything at meals except a burger from the franchise. This dementia symptom risks malnutrition and social isolation. But <a href="https://helloleaders.com.au/article/the-dementia-debate-ignited-by-a-whopper-burger">critics</a> of the fake burger approach labelled it trickery and deception of a vulnerable person with cognitive impairment. Dementia is an illness that <a href="https://www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/10_signs">progressively robs us of memories</a>. Although it has many forms, it is typical for short-term recall – the memory of something that happened in recent hours or days – to be lost first. As the illness progresses, people may come to increasingly “live in the past”, as distant recall gradually becomes the only memories accessible to the person. So a person in the middle or later stages of the disease may relate to the world as it once was, not how it is today. This can make ethical care very challenging. <h2>Is it wrong to lie?</h2> Ethical approaches <a href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/deontological-ethics">classically</a> hold that specific actions are moral certainties, regardless of the consequences. In line with this moral absolutism, it is always wrong to lie. But this ethical approach would require an elderly woman with dementia who continually approaches care staff looking for their long-deceased spouse to be informed their husband has passed – the objective truth. Distress is the likely outcome, possibly accompanied by behavioural disturbance that could endanger the person or others. The person’s memory has regressed to a point earlier in their life, when their partner was still alive. To inform such a person of the death of their spouse, however gently, is to traumatise them. And with the memory of what they have just been told likely to quickly fade, and the questioning may resume soon after. If the truth is offered again, the cycle of re-traumatisation continues. <h2>A different approach</h2> Most laws are examples of absolutist ethics. One must obey the law at all times. Driving above the speed limit is likely to result in punishment regardless of whether one is in a hurry to pick their child up from kindergarten or not. Pragmatic ethics <a href="https://philonotes.com/2022/05/pragmatic-ethics-meaning-nature-and-dynamics#google_vignette">rejects</a> the notion certain acts are always morally right or wrong. Instead, acts are evaluated in terms of their “usefulness” and social benefit, humanity, compassion or intent. The <a href="https://www.health.gov.au/topics/aged-care/about-aged-care/aged-care-laws-in-australia#aged-care-act">Aged Care Act</a> is a set of laws intended to guide the actions of aged care providers. It says, for example, <a href="https://www.agedcarequality.gov.au/resource-library/psychotropic-medications-used-australia-information-aged-care">psychotropic drugs</a> (medications that affect mind and mood) should be the “last resort” in managing the behaviours and psychological symptoms of dementia. Instead, “best practice” involves preventing behaviour before it occurs. If one can reasonably foresee a caregiver action is likely to result in behavioural disturbance, it flies in the face of best practice. <h2>What to say when you can’t avoid a lie?</h2> What then, becomes the best response when approached by the lady looking for her husband? Gentle inquiries may help uncover an underlying emotional need, and point caregivers in the right direction to meet that need. Perhaps she is feeling lonely or anxious and has become focused on her husband’s whereabouts? A skilled caregiver might tailor their response, connect with her, perhaps reminisce, and providing a sense of comfort in the process. This approach aligns with <a href="https://www.dementia.org.au/news/it-ever-okay-lie-someone-living-dementia">Dementia Australia guidance</a> that carers or loved ones can use four prompts in such scenarios: <ul> <li> acknowledge concern (“I can tell you’d like him to be here.”) </li> <li> suggest an alternative (“He can’t visit right now.”) </li> <li> provide reassurance (“I’m here and lots of people care about you.”) </li> <li> redirect focus (“Perhaps a walk outside or a cup of tea?”) </li> </ul> These things may or may not work. So, in the face of repeated questions and escalating distress, a mistruth, such as “Don’t worry, he’ll be back soon,” may be the most humane response in the circumstances. <h2>Different realities</h2> It is often said you can never win an argument with a person living with dementia. A lot of time, different realities are being discussed. So, providing someone who has dementia with a “pretend” burger may well satisfy their preferences, bring joy, mitigate the risk of malnutrition, improve social engagement, and prevent a behavioural disturbance without the use of medication. This seems like the correct approach in ethical terms. On occasion, the end justifies the means.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/236229/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/steve-macfarlane-4722">Steve Macfarlane</a>, Head of Clinical Services, Dementia Support Australia, & Associate Professor of Psychiatry, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/monash-university-1065">Monash University</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/is-it-ok-to-lie-to-someone-with-dementia-236229">original article</a>. </div>

Mind

Joe Biden has COVID. Here’s what someone over 80 can expect

<div class="theconversation-article-body"><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/hassan-vally-202904">Hassan Vally</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/deakin-university-757">Deakin University</a> If US politics leading up to the 2024 presidential election was a Hollywood thriller, it would be a movie full of plot twists and surprises. The latest twist is President Joe Biden has <a href="https://edition.cnn.com/2024/07/17/politics/joe-biden-tests-positive-covid-19/index.html">COVID</a> and is isolating at home. <a href="https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2024/07/17/statement-from-press-secretary-karine-jean-pierre-3/">Biden’s doctor says</a> his symptoms are mild and include a runny nose, cough and generally feeling unwell. His temperature, oxygen levels and respiratory rate are said to be normal. Biden, who has <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cv2gj8314nqo">been diagnosed</a> with COVID twice before, <a href="https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2024/07/17/statement-from-press-secretary-karine-jean-pierre-3/">has received</a> his COVID vaccine and booster shots, and has taken the first dose of the antiviral drug Paxlovid. No doubt, Biden will be receiving the best of medical care. Yet, as much <a href="https://theconversation.com/is-joe-biden-experiencing-cognitive-decline-heres-why-we-shouldnt-speculate-234487">recent media coverage</a> reminds us, he is 81 years old. So let’s look at what it means for an 81-year-old man to have COVID in 2024. Of course, Biden is not just any man, but we’ll come to that later. <h2>Luckily, it’s not 2020</h2> If we were back in 2020, a COVID diagnosis at this age would have been a big deal. This was a time before COVID vaccines, before specific COVID treatments and before we knew as much about COVID as we do today. Back then, being over 80 and being infected with the SARS-CoV-2 virus (the virus that causes COVID) represented a significant threat to your health. It was very clear early in the pandemic that your chances of getting severe disease and dying <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-are-older-people-more-at-risk-of-coronavirus-133770">increased with age</a>. The early data suggested that if you were over 80 and infected, you had about a 15% likelihood of dying from the illness. Also, if you did develop severe disease, we didn’t have a lot in the toolkit to deal with your infection. Remember, former UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson <a href="https://theconversation.com/scott-morrison-has-covid-its-a-big-deal-but-not-how-you-think-178298">ended up in the ICU</a> with his COVID infection in <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/apr/17/boris-johnson-and-coronavirus-inside-story-illness">April 2020</a>, despite being 55 at the time. That’s a much younger age than Biden is now. Former US President Donald Trump also had what was understood to be a <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/feb/11/trump-coronavirus-ventilator-covid-illness">very severe case</a> of COVID in October 2020. He was 74 at the time. <h2>How things have changed</h2> So let’s wind the clock forward to 2024. A lot has happened in four years. COVID is still a disease that needs to be <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/ncird/whats-new/changing-threat-covid-19.html">taken seriously</a>. And for some people with other health conditions (for instance, people with heart disease or diabetes) it poses more of a threat. And of course we know more about the well-publicised <a href="https://theconversation.com/i-have-covid-how-likely-am-i-to-get-long-covid-218808">longer term effects</a> of COVID. But the threat COVID poses to an individual is far less now than it has ever been. <h2>More of us have some immunity</h2> First, <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/dec/03/who-estimates-90-of-world-have-some-resistance-to-covid">most people</a> have some immunity to COVID now, whether this has come from vaccination or prior infection, and for many both. The fact that your immune system has had some exposure to the virus is transformative in how you respond to infection. Yes, there’s the ongoing problem of waning immunity over time and the virus mutating meaning you need to have regular booster vaccines. But as your immune system has “seen” the virus before it allows it to respond more effectively. This means the threat posed by infection has fallen drastically. We know Biden has received his booster shots. Boosters have been shown to offer <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-are-the-new-covid-booster-vaccines-can-i-get-one-do-they-work-are-they-safe-217804">substantial protection</a> against severe illness and death and are particularly important for older age groups. <h2>Now we have antivirals</h2> Second, we also have antiviral medicines, such as Paxlovid, which is effective in reducing the likelihood of severe illness from COVID if taken soon after developing symptoms. In <a href="https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa2118542">one study</a>, if taken soon after infection, Paxlovid reduced the likelihood of severe illness or death by 89%. So it is <a href="https://www.covid19treatmentguidelines.nih.gov/therapies/antivirals-including-antibody-products/ritonavir-boosted-nirmatrelvir--paxlovid-/">highly recommended</a> for those at higher risk of severe illness. As we know, Biden is taking Paxlovid. Paxlovid has also been associated with rebound symptoms. This is when a person looks to have recovered from infection only to have symptoms reappear. Biden experienced this <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-do-some-people-who-take-paxlovid-for-covid-get-rebound-symptoms-or-test-positive-again-like-president-biden-188002">in 2022</a>. The good news is that even if this occurs in most instances the symptoms associated with the recurrence tend to be mild. <h2>Biden would have the best care</h2> The other factor of course is that Biden would have access to some of the world’s best medical care. If his symptoms were to become more severe or any complications were to develop, you can be assured he would get the best treatment. So is Biden’s diagnosis news? Well of course, given all the speculation about his health. But in terms of COVID being a major threat to Biden’s health, there are no indications it should be.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/234999/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/hassan-vally-202904">Hassan Vally</a>, Associate Professor, Epidemiology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/deakin-university-757">Deakin University</a> Image credits: Bonnie Cash/Pool via CNP/Shutterstock Editorial This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/joe-biden-has-covid-heres-what-someone-over-80-can-expect-234999">original article</a>. </div>

Body

Families including someone with mental illness can experience deep despair. They need support

<div class="theconversation-article-body"> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/amanda-cole-1484502">Amanda Cole</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/edith-cowan-university-720">Edith Cowan University</a> In the aftermath of the <a href="https://theconversation.com/bondi-attacker-had-mental-health-issues-but-most-people-with-mental-illness-arent-violent-227868">tragic Bondi knife attack</a>, Joel Cauchi’s parents have <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/video/2024/apr/15/bondi-junction-stabbings-joel-cauchis-father-extremely-sorry-for-victims-video">spoken</a> about their son’s long history of mental illness, having been diagnosed with schizophrenia at age 17. They said they were “devastated and horrified” by their son’s actions. “To you he’s a monster,” said his father. “But to me he was a very sick boy.” Globally, one out of every eight people <a href="https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/mental-disorders">report a mental illness</a>. In Australia, <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/mental-health-services/mental-health">one in five people experience a mental illness</a> in their lifetime. Mental illness and distress affects not only the person living with the condition, but <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/australias-health/chronic-conditions-and-multimorbidity">family members and communities</a>. As the prevalence of mental health problems grows, the flow-on effect to family members, including caregivers, and the impact on families as a unit, is also rising. While every family is different, the words of the Cauchis draw attention to how families can experience distress, stress, fear, powerlessness, and still love, despite the challenges and trauma. How can they help a loved one? And who can they turn to for support? <h2>The role of caregivers</h2> Informal caregivers help others <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/australias-welfare/informal-carers">within the context of an existing relationship</a>, such as a family member. The care they provide goes beyond the usual expectations or demands of such relationships. Around <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/australias-welfare/informal-carers">2.7 million Australians</a> provide informal care. For almost a third of these the person’s primary medical diagnosis is psychological or psychiatric. It has <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1074840708323598">long been acknowledged</a> that those supporting a family member with ongoing mental illness need support themselves. In the 1980s, interest grew in caregiving dynamics within families of people grappling with mental health issues. Subsequent research recognised <a href="http://www.aihw.gov.au/chronic-diseases/">chronic health conditions</a> not only affect the quality of life and wellbeing of the people experiencing them, but also impose burdens that reverberate within relationships, caregiving roles, and family dynamics over time. Past studies have shown families of those diagnosed with chronic mental illness are increasingly forced to <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24943714/">manage their own depression</a>, experience elevated levels of <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23692348/">emotional stress</a>, negative states of mind and <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21165597/">decreased overall mental health</a>. Conditions such as depression, anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia can severely impact daily functioning, relationships, and <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36875411/">overall quality of life</a>. Living with mental illness is often accompanied by a myriad of challenges. From stigma and discrimination to difficulty accessing adequate health care and support services. Patients and their families navigate a complex and often isolating journey. <h2>The family is a system</h2> The concept of <a href="http://apps.who.int/iris/bitstream/10665/40336/1/16937_eng.pdf">family health</a> acknowledges the physical and psychological wellbeing of a person is significantly affected by the family. Amid these challenges, <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2024.1330720/full">family support</a> emerges as a beacon of hope. Research consistently demonstrates strong familial relationships and support systems play a pivotal role in mitigating the adverse effects of mental illness. Families provide emotional support, practical assistance, and a sense of belonging that are vital for people struggling with mental illness. My recent <a href="https://www.collegianjournal.com/article/S1322-7696(24)00004-0/fulltext">research</a> highlights the profound impact of mental illness on family dynamics, emphasising the resilience and endurance shown by participants. Families struggling with mental illness often experience heightened emotional fluctuations, with extreme highs and lows. The enduring nature of family caregiving entails both stress and adaptation over an extended period. Stress associated with caregiving and the demands on personal resources and coping mechanisms builds and builds. Yet families I’ve <a href="https://www.collegianjournal.com/article/S1322-7696(24)00004-0/fulltext">interviewed</a> find ways to live “a good life”. They prepare for the peaks and troughs, and show endurance and persistence. They make space for mental illness in their daily lives, describing how it spurs adaptation, acceptance and inner strength within the family unit. When treating a person with mental illness, health practitioners need to consider the entire family’s needs and engage with family members. By fostering open and early dialogue and providing comprehensive support, health-care professionals can empower families to navigate the complexities of mental illness while fostering resilience and hope for the future. Family members <a href="https://www.collegianjournal.com/article/S1322-7696(24)00004-0/fulltext">express stories</a> of an inner struggle, isolation and exhaustion. <h2>Shifting the focus</h2> There is a pressing need for a shift in research priorities, from illness-centered perspectives to a <a href="https://shop.elsevier.com/books/child-youth-and-family-health-strengthening-communities/barnes/978-0-7295-4155-8">strengths-based focus</a> when considering families “managing” mental illness. There is transformative potential in harnessing strengths to respond to challenges posed by mental illnesses, while also <a href="https://www.collegianjournal.com/article/S1322-7696(24)00004-0/fulltext">supporting family members</a>. For people facing mental health challenges, having <a href="https://www.sane.org/information-and-resources/facts-and-guides/families-friends-carers">loved ones who listen without judgement</a> and offer empathy can alleviate feelings of despair. Beyond emotional support, families often serve as crucial caregivers, assisting with <a href="https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/emergency-help/helping-someone-else/">daily tasks, medication management and navigating the health-care system</a>. As the Cauchi family so painfully articulated, providing support for a family member with mental illness is intensely challenging. Research <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4804270/">shows</a> caregiver burnout, financial strain and strained relationships are common. Health-care professionals should prioritise support for family members at an early stage. In Australia, there are various support options available for families living with mental illness. <a href="https://www.carergateway.gov.au/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=paid-search&utm_campaign=10626744435&utm_adgroup=102994881737&utm_term=carer%20gateway%20wa&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIt8T6pJzIhQMVjAyDAx2KiQl1EAAYASAAEgLj-fD_BwE">Carer Gateway</a> provides information, support and access to services. <a href="https://www.headspace.com/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=search&utm_campaign=HS_Headspace_Brand-Exact_Search_AU-INT_Google_NA&utm_content=&utm_term=headspace&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI4uKKvpzIhQMVFheDAx1bZgk8EAAYASAAEgLy6vD_BwE">Headspace</a> offers mental health services and supports to young people and their families. Beyond these national services, GPs, nurses, nurse practitioners and local community health centres are key to early conversations. Mental health clinics and hospitals often target family involvement in treatment plans. While Australia has made strides in recognising the importance of family support, challenges persist. Access to services can vary based on geographic location and demand, leaving some families under-served or facing long wait times. And the level of funding and resources allocated to family-oriented mental health support often does not align with the demand or complexity of need. In the realm of mental illness, family support serves as a lifeline for people navigating the complexities of their conditions. <hr /> If this article has raised issues for you, or if you’re concerned about someone you know, call <a href="https://www.lifeline.org.au/">Lifeline</a> on 13 11 14.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/228007/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/amanda-cole-1484502">Amanda Cole</a>, Lead, Mental Health, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/edith-cowan-university-720">Edith Cowan University</a> Image credits: Getty Images This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/families-including-someone-with-mental-illness-can-experience-deep-despair-they-need-support-228007">original article</a>. </div>

Caring

"I haven’t seen someone that terrified": CCTV of brave schoolgirl after attempted abduction

A chilling incident has shaken the quiet streets of Doncaster East in Melbourne's east, reminding us of the importance of vigilance and community support in ensuring the safety of our children. Depicted clearly in heart-wrenching <a href="https://7news.com.au/news/cctv-emerges-of-schoolgirl-who-hid-in-bushes-during-attempted-abduction-in-doncaster-east-melbourne-c-14243163" target="_blank" rel="noopener">CCTV footage</a> that surfaced recently, an 11-year-old girl's brave escape from a potential abduction has sent shockwaves through the neighbourhood. On March 28, the young girl was making her way home from school along Landscape Drive when a grey Audi Q3 SUV made an abrupt U-turn, pulling up dangerously close to her. The driver, a male stranger, allegedly demanded her to enter the vehicle. But the brave young girl, instead of complying with the stranger's demands, made a split-second decision that possibly saved her life; she sprinted away, seeking refuge in nearby bushes as the car ominously circled back. The harrowing moments that followed were captured on CCTV as the girl, trembling with fear, looked back at the street, her only lifeline a stranger passing by. It was a local dad, accompanied by his own daughter, who extended a helping hand to the distressed child. Recalling the encounter, he described the girl's sheer terror: “She was shivering and shaking and I haven’t seen someone that terrified and petrified like that,” he told 7NEWS. And when the young girl kept apologising to him over and over for asking him to escort her home, he responded: “I said: ‘I’m so proud of you, getting help is a really good skill’.” Meanwhile, the girl's parents, undoubtedly consumed by anguish, expressed their profound gratitude to the stranger who intervened in their daughter's moment of peril. Their daughter, though physically unharmed, had endured a trauma no child should ever have to face. As authorities launched a manhunt for the assailant, details of the suspect emerged. Described as a man in his 30s, of Middle Eastern descent with distinctive features including tan skin, black hair and a prominent beard, the perpetrator remains at large. A computer-generated image has been released by Victoria Police in hopes of eliciting information from the public. In the aftermath of this chilling incident, Detective Senior Constable Brooke Miller echoed the sentiments of the community: “It’s horrible," he said. "A little girl should feel safe to walk home from school.” Images: Victoria Police

Legal

9 things you should never touch in someone else’s house

A hands-off approach Nothing like a global pandemic to critically alter your lifelong and intrinsic sanitary practices, huh? And while we know coronavirus does not spread easily from surfaces, there are still plenty of other germs and bacteria that do. And it’s not always a matter of good hygiene – sometimes it’s just a matter of good manners! The door Of course, you can actually touch the door, but you should never do so to let yourself into someone else’s home without them, or without being invited. Always knock or ring the bell, even if it’s been left unlocked, unless someone has expressly told you that you don’t have to. And please, don’t show up knocking earlier than expected – it could be a huge inconvenience to your host. Their bathroom As with most of the things on this list, you should avoid this unless you’re specifically invited. Try not to stray after your trip to the bathroom for a look around – it’s definitely off-limits if you don’t have permission or are going in without your host knowing. Of course, there are exceptions, as it may not be so serious an offence if you know the person very well, or if one lives in a shared living space, a studio, or an apartment with limited space. And on that note, it’s best to wait until you’re invited to sit or relax on someone’s bed. Many people also find that a bedroom is a convenient place to store coats if there are guests coming over, but wait until they offer instead of assuming it’s OK. The floor - with your shoes on Depending on personal preferences or cultural norms, many households have a no-shoes-inside policy. Take the tip from your host – if they’re wearing shoes in their house, you can probably assume it’s OK for you. When in doubt, ask what they would prefer. Another place you shouldn’t be putting your feet? On the couch or coffee table. I can think of five good reasons you should ban shoes in the house, period. The fridge and cupboards This one might sound like it should go without saying, but some might not realize just how rude it is to help yourself to someone else’s food. If you’re hungry, let your host know, or suggest going out to eat. If you’re staying for a long time, your host will probably prepare and shop for food accordingly, but it’s a good idea to offer to bring or buy some groceries yourself. And if you came for dinner, eat what’s been prepared for you, and offer to bring a dish or wine to share. If you have a restricted diet, let your host know beforehand and prepare a dish to bring if it’s difficult to accommodate. Offer to help cook, and lend a hand with the dishes and cleanup. Countertops are absolutely one of those things you should be cleaning every day, regardless. The windows or thermostat Always let your hosts set the thermostat number – it’s their house, after all, and they’re the ones paying the bill for it. If you’re really too cold, a better option might be to ask to borrow a jumper, or extra blankets if you’ll be staying overnight. Too hot? Suggest an activity to help cool off, like going to a place with air conditioning. If you have a medical condition that makes you particularly sensitive to heat or cold, you should always inform your host ahead of time so you can make plans accordingly. Drawers and cabinets This one is definitely invasive of your host’s privacy. Don’t go rummaging for anything that’s not in plain sight or in the rooms your host is expecting you in. You might find it tempting to snoop, but the medicine cabinet is certainly off-limits. Workspaces, mail, or bills To go along with the last one, it’s always best to avoid snooping. In some homes, a guest bedroom might also double as a home office, so steer clear of using these spaces to store your things. You have no idea how they might have organised their things, so try to leave it as is. Not going through someone’s mail is basic manners! Cigarettes or e-cigarettes Unless your host is doing the same and gives you permission, you should never, ever start smoking a cigarette or e-cigarette in someone’s home. This rule is especially inflexible if there are children in the house. Not only can you expose them to the harmful ingredients and chemicals in cigarettes, but the effects – and the smell – can linger long after you’re gone. If you can’t wait, excuse yourself to go outside, and try to move away from doors and windows so it doesn’t waft into the house. Removing the cigarette and cigar smell is quite the cumbersome task. The Wi-Fi Try to refrain from asking for the Wi-Fi password unless you’re a long-term guest or a very frequent visitor. If you’re asking at the beginning of a dinner party, it’s sending the message that you’d rather be on your phone. Try to stay off of your phone as much as possible to really have quality time when you’re visiting. Image credits: Shutterstock This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/true-stories-lifestyle/9-things-you-should-never-touch-in-someone-elses-house" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader's Digest</a>.

Home & Garden

4 ways to support someone with dementia during extreme heat

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/nikki-anne-wilson-342631">Nikki-Anne Wilson</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/unsw-sydney-1414">UNSW Sydney</a> Our ability to adapt our behaviour to changes in temperature takes a significant amount of thought and decision making. For example, we need to identify suitable clothing, increase our fluid intake, and understand how to best keep the house cool. A person with dementia may find some or all these things challenging. These and other factors mean, for someone with dementia, extreme heat <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31520832/#:%7E:text=Conclusion%3A%20Heatwaves%20increased%20the%20risk,heat%2Drelated%20Alzheimer's%20disease%20burden.">can be deadly</a>. But as the temperature rises, friends, relatives and carers can help. <h2>El Niño means there are challenges ahead</h2> The recent declaration of <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-09-19/bureau-of-meteorology-el-nino-blog/102875154">another El Niño</a> means we need to think about how we can best support those more vulnerable to be safe during the warmer months. Extreme heat and bushfires bring unique challenges for someone with dementia. Bushfires have a significant impact on older people’s mental health. But they generally <a href="https://www.health.act.gov.au/sites/default/files/2023-03/PATH_Impact%20of%202019-20%20Bushfires%20on%20a%20Cohort%20of%20Older%20Adults_REPORT_V3_0.pdf">bounce back</a> quickly. However, for someone with dementia, extreme heat can lead to a <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0013935119305110">significant deterioration</a> in their overall health and they may not recover. Emergency evacuations can also be confusing and distressing for a person with dementia, so it is important to think ahead. <h2>Why are people with dementia more at risk?</h2> Dementia can affect the parts of the brain that help <a href="https://academic.oup.com/brain/article/138/11/3360/332653?login=true">regulate</a> our body temperature. Some <a href="https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0243665">medications</a> can also increase someone’s sensitivity to heat. Problems with memory and thinking associated with dementia <a href="https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/daily-living/drinking-hydration">means</a> remembering to drink or communicating you are thirsty can be challenging. Heat can affect everyone’s mood. But if someone with dementia becomes dehydrated this can <a href="https://www.alzdiscovery.org/cognitive-vitality/blog/can-dehydration-impair-cognitive-function">increase</a> confusion and agitation, making it harder for them to know how to cool down. A person with dementia can also wander and become lost, which can be dangerous in extreme heat. <h2>4 ways to support someone with dementia</h2> 1. Avoid dehydration and heatstroke Try to avoid dehydration by encouraging someone to drink throughout the day. It’s better to have <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31769256/">small amounts</a> of liquid regularly instead of a large amount all at once. Little and often will help maximise hydration while avoiding sudden trips to <a href="https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/dementia-continence-issues#causes-of-incontinence-in-people-with-dementia">the bathroom</a>. Try to offer different types of drinks, or ice blocks. Placing drinks in sight can help as a reminder to drink. Choose foods with a high liquid content, such as fruit, salads, cool broths and yoghurt. Look out for <a href="https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/hot-weather-safety-older-adults#:%7E:text=Signs%20of%20heat%20stroke%20are,as%20under%20shade%20or%20indoors.">signs of heatstroke</a>, such as increased confusion beyond what the person would usually experience. Heatstroke may be more difficult to spot in someone living with dementia so it is important to check in when possible and to help them cool down if needed. 2. Cool the home Try to modify their home to make it easier to stay cool. Some air-conditioners have complex settings so make sure the temperature is set appropriately and the person with dementia knows how to use the controls. It is important to keep blinds and curtains shut where possible to reduce heat. However, ensure the <a href="https://www.scie.org.uk/dementia/supporting-people-with-dementia/dementia-friendly-environments/lighting.asp">lighting is adequate</a> to avoid falls. Try to support the person to make suitable clothing choices for the season by having cool, lightweight options easily available. 3. Think about communications early If someone with dementia lives alone, consider how you will maintain contact in an emergency. Some people may not realise many landlines don’t work in a power outage, and of course, mobile phones can’t be recharged. Ensure the person with dementia has access to an <a href="https://www.telstra.com.au/support/category/home-phone/uninterruptible-power-supply">uninterruptable power supply</a>. This can help maintain communication for a few hours in a blackout. 4. Have an evacuation plan In case of fire, flash flooding or severe storm, <a href="https://dementiaresearch.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/2447_DCRC_Prep_natural_disaster_EBook_5.pdf">have an evacuation plan</a>. If the person with dementia attends a day or respite centre, know their plan too. The situation can change quickly in an emergency, and this can be particularly overwhelming for people with cognitive issues. Understand that someone with dementia may become distressed when their routine is disrupted. So be prepared with some simple activities or comfort items, current medications, and any specific medical information. Stay up-to-date with <a href="http://www.bom.gov.au/">current warnings</a> and act early whenever possible. <h2>We can all help</h2> It’s not just carers of people with dementia who can help. We can all ensure people with dementia stay safe and cool this spring and summer. So remember to check in on your relatives, friends and neighbours or arrange for someone to do so on your behalf.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/213987/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/nikki-anne-wilson-342631">Nikki-Anne Wilson</a>, Postdoctoral Research Fellow, Neuroscience Research Australia (NeuRA), <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/unsw-sydney-1414">UNSW Sydney</a> Image credits: Getty Images This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/4-ways-to-support-someone-with-dementia-during-extreme-heat-213987">original article</a>.

Body

What not to say when someone comes out as LGBTQ+ (and what to say instead)

"Are you sure?" People who identify as LGBTQ+ often struggle a great deal with their own feelings before they make the nerve-wracking decision to come out. Despite your best intentions, responding to this by asking, “Are you sure?” may be seen as calling into question the emotional journey that brought them to that point. Instead of expressing what might be interpreted as doubt, you could perhaps say, “It’s always good to know what you like and want. Thanks for coming out to me.” "It must have been tough for your parents" Yes, it could have been tough for the parents. But guess what? It was harder on the individual for even longer – and in more intense ways than you can imagine. Staying in the closet is not a very comfortable position for a self-accepting person, but it’s an even harder journey to get to that point of self-acceptance. LGBTQ+ individuals have battled real fears of being attacked, abandoned, discriminated against and disadvantaged. In fact, LGBTQ+ youth are three times more likely to commit suicide than their heterosexual counterparts. Although it’s reasonable to show empathy for their parents, it’s poorly-timed here. Instead, try, “I hope you are coping well with your parents’ response. I am here to talk if you need to. Thanks for coming out me.” "Why didn't you tell me before?" Well, it’s likely because they were afraid. It’s not because you are a monster, but because they love you and feared losing you as a result of coming out. The important thing is to not take it personally. When a loved one comes out, you are being called on to show targeted and urgent empathy. While your pain of being “left out” is real, it can wait a day or two. Right now, your focus should be how to celebrate your loved one’s life and the choices they’ve made, including the one of having just come out to you. Kick off the celebration by saying, “I am so proud that you have chosen to live your truth in front of me. Thanks for being authentic with me.” "Are you the man or the woman in the relationship?" More than anything, this question demonstrates a fundamental ignorance of the concept of same-sex love. It also misplaces the focus on the sexual act (rather than on identity) at a time when they’re in a vulnerable state. When a person comes out, they’re opening their hearts to you and sharing the emotional reality of who they are as individuals. Instead of asking this question, reinforce how grateful you are that the person has had the courage to come out to you, and say, “I accept you for who you are. Thank you for coming out to me.” "Would you be my gay bestie?" People who identify as LGBTQ+ can be good (or insufferable) company just like any other human being, but the point is, they are human beings and not objects or accessories as the pop culture depiction of the “gay bestie” might have you believe. Instead of this response, take this opportunity to reaffirm your loving, supportive relationship: “You are brave and honest, and this makes me respect you even more. Thanks for coming out to me.” "I knew it!" This particularly hurtful response is generally remarked when a “feminine” man or “butch” woman comes out. Many gender non-conforming individuals try very hard to either tone-down or manage their sexuality in public for fear of homophobia. By saying “I knew it!,” you’re inadvertently suggesting that their sexuality or gender non-conformity was being gossiped about behind their back in a sneaky, judgmental manner, which could, in turn, lead the person to feel that staying in the closet was a safer option than coming out. To avoid this situation, stick with a response of, “I’m honoured you chose to come out to me. Thank you.” "But you're so masculine!" On the opposite end of the spectrum lies this response, indicating disbelief that a “manly” man could be gay, or that a “feminine” woman could be lesbian. Being in the closet is an alienating experience; responding to an individual’s coming-out with a comment that suggests they don’t conform to their “new” sexual identity either can be just as alienating. A better response could be, simply, “I didn’t know, but I’m so grateful you came out to me. Thank you.” Image credits: Getty Images This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/true-stories-lifestyle/relationships/what-not-to-say-when-someone-comes-out-as-lgbtq-and-what-to-say-instead" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader's Digest</a>.

Relationships

“How do you pay someone for 20 years?”: Folbigg’s big compensation question

Since her <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/news/news/kathleen-folbigg-pardoned-after-20-years-behind-bars" target="_blank" rel="noopener">release from prison</a>, Kathleen Folbigg has been the centre of a media frenzy, with networks battling it out to secure an exclusive tell-all interview. Following a fierce bidding war, Seven Network has won the rights over Nine for the interview believed to have cost more than $400,000. A source from Seven said the exclusive interview will be aired on the Sunday evening current affairs show, 7News Spotlight. Others have proposed the deal has cost the network close to $1 million. The deal could see her on the list of select few Australians awarded seven-figure sums in light of their wrongful convictions, including Linda Chamberlain. Chamberlain’s lawyer Stuart Tipple said Folbigg needs to be declared innocent and be given compensation for her years in prison, noting she had a solid case. “The sad thing is all she can get is money, how do you pay someone for 20 years?” he said. “And also, I think we need to reflect on an injustice just doesn’t affect Kathleen. “I feel tonight very much for her husband and the father of those children and the injustice that just affects so many people, so many lives. “I feel very, very badly for him tonight and I just think of the whole process of just how harmful it is to them and to our society and our confidence in the whole judicial system.” Robyn Blewer, director of the Griffith University Innocence Project, noted two recent cases to illustrate how Folbigg could be compensated for her 7,300 days in jail. West Australian man Scott Austic received $1.3 million in May 2023 on top of an earlier payment of $250,000 after serving nearly 13 years for murdering his pregnant secret lover. He had sought $8.5 million after being acquitted on appeal in 2020. Both payments were ex gratis, unlike David Eastman’s award of $7 million in damages by the ACT Supreme Court in 2019. Eastman served almost 19 years over the 1989 shooting murder of federal police assistance commissioner Colin Winchester, where he was acquitted at a second trial. "The difference is it was in ACT which has a human rights act and under that, there is an entitlement for compensation under human rights," Dr Blewer told AAP. "Mr Eastman was then able to sue because there was a right to compensation. "The court assessed his damages in the same way they would a tort ... the court went through every time he was injured.” Like Austic, Chamberlain was awarded an ex grata or grace payment. She was awarded $1.3 million in 1992 which now equates to about $3 million. Folbigg will need specific legal advice about whether a civil claim is possible due to NSW lacking a human rights act like that of the ACT. Dr Blewer said she could become reliant on what the government was willing to pay. "Twenty years is a substantial amount of time lost," she said. "It might depend on the good grace of the NSW government." No further steps can be taken until Folbigg’s lawyers obtain the final report of former Chief Justice Tom Bathurst. An application to the NSW Court of Criminal Appeal to quash her convictions will likely follow. Image credit: Facebook / Instagram

Legal

When someone living with dementia is distressed or violent, ‘de-escalation’ is vital

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/steve-macfarlane-4722">Steve Macfarlane</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/monash-university-1065">Monash University</a> Today’s <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-05-18/cooma-aged-care-home-police-woman-in-hospital-taser/102361018">reporting</a> about the alleged tasering of a 95-year-old woman living at the Yallambee Lodge aged care home in New South Wales has brought the issue of behaviours and psychological symptoms of dementia into <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-05-19/advocates-say-taser-clare-nowland-shows-aged-system-failure-/102365442">sharp focus</a>. Over half of those living in residential care <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/dementia/dementia-in-aus/contents/aged-care-and-support-services-used-by-people-with-dementia/residential-aged-care">have a dementia diagnosis</a> and up to 95% of those living with dementia will <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK551552/#:%7E:text=Behavioral%20and%20psychological%20symptoms%20of,%2C%20and%20caregiver%20well%2Dbeing.">experience such behaviours</a> at some point during their passage through the illness. Common behaviours that might be shown by those living with advanced dementia include agitation, anxiety, attempts to leave care, aggression, apathy, sleep disturbance, aimless pacing, psychosis and aggression. The full circumstances surrounding Wednesday’s events are unclear and they are subject to an <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-05-19/advocates-say-taser-clare-nowland-shows-aged-system-failure-/102365442">investigation</a> by police. That may take some time. What is clear, however, is that there is much room for improvement in the way behaviours and psychological symptoms of dementia are managed in residential care. Situations that end with police involvement should be avoided. <h2>Calling for help</h2> In its final report in March 2021, the <a href="https://agedcare.royalcommission.gov.au/">Royal Commission into Aged Care Quality and Safety</a> <a href="https://agedcare.royalcommission.gov.au/sites/default/files/2021-03/final-report-recommendations.pdf">recommended</a> “all workers engaged by providers who are involved in direct contact with people seeking or receiving services in the aged care system undertake regular training about dementia care and palliative care”. Currently, it is not infrequent for police to be called to respond to incidents in care homes. While programs have been implemented to better equip police to respond to the specific need of those <a href="https://www.nationaltribune.com.au/police-and-psos-better-equipped-to-support-people-living-with-dementia/">living with dementia</a> this work is still in its infancy. Aggression and agitation are two of the most common behavioural symptoms that lead to referral to specialist support services. Dementia Support Australia is a Commonwealth-funded service that has supported aged care homes and home-based carers in managing behaviours and psychological symptoms of dementia since 2016. There were <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/dementia/dementia-in-aus/contents/aged-care-and-support-services-used-by-people-with-dementia/dementia-support-australia">8,702 referrals</a> to the service between January and June 2022. The number of referrals has increased in recent years. As an organisation at the frontline of dementia support, we extend our deepest sympathies to the 95-year-old aged care resident, her family, Yallambee Lodge staff and everyone else touched by this devastating incident. One of the advantages of having a national service such as this is that it has enabled the development of a national database that documents not only the nature and severity of the behaviours prompting the referral, but those factors that are most commonly identified as triggers for these behaviours. <h2>3 leading causes</h2> Aggression and agitation are not diagnoses in themselves, but symptoms. Symptoms have causes, and these must be identified in order to adequately address behaviour. The leading contributing factors we have identified in relation to behaviours are: 1. Unidentified or under-treated pain This is relevant in over 50% of the cases we see. Earlier research on pain management in the setting of advanced dementia has shown those with a dementia diagnosis who are admitted to hospital with hip fractures tend to be prescribed only a fraction of the analgesia given to <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10799790/">those without dementia</a>. 2. Carer approach Care staff receive only minimal levels of training in dementia care as part of their basic qualification and are often unfamiliar with communication strategies tailored towards those with cognitive impairment. Currently, the minimum qualification for a personal care worker involves no compulsory units in <a href="https://www.dementia.org.au/about-us/news-and-stories/news/are-aged-care-workers-required-have-dementia-training">dementia competency</a>. While we do not know the full circumstances from the events this week, the Royal Commission has made recommendations to improve care for those living with dementia. Carer approach is an issue in about a third of the cases we see. 3. Over- and under-stimulation In about one quarter of Dementia Support Australia cases boredom and loneliness and/or an environment that does not take into account the specific needs of those living with dementia are an issue. Other common causes of changed behaviour include mood and anxiety disorders, communication difficulties, <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-is-delirium-194631">delirium</a>, sleep problems and poor carer knowledge of the specific likes/dislikes of the individuals they are caring for. <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/WE65yrnsrPk?wmode=transparent&start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe><figcaption>People with dementia may react to uncertainty in unexpected ways.</figcaption></figure> <h2>Prevention and calming things down</h2> The best way to manage most behavioural changes is to prevent the circumstances that lead to their development in the first place. Prevention is always better than cure. Once behaviours are occurring, there is no single correct way to <a href="https://www.dementia.org.au/national/support-and-services/carers/behaviour-changes/aggressive-behaviours">de-escalate</a> them. The appropriate de-escalation strategies will always be specific to what has caused the altered behaviour in the first place. Unfortunately, when behaviours have escalated to the point where police attendance is required, the responding officers are unlikely to be equipped with the necessary information about the person and their circumstances. That means they won’t be equipped to respond with effective and specific de-escalation strategies. One case in the United States from 2020 involved the arrest of a 73-year-old woman living with dementia, who had left a local store without paying for items <a href="https://edition.cnn.com/2021/04/27/us/loveland-police-officers-video-use-of-force/index.html">worth a small amount</a>. A <a href="https://edition.cnn.com/2021/04/16/us/loveland-lawsuit-use-of-force-arrest/index.html">lawsuit</a> filed following the arrest alleged it resulted in a fractured arm and a dislocated shoulder, and raised national concerns about the way first responders interact with those experiencing cognitive disabilities. Australia needs to learn from yesterday’s events and respond. If you are caring for someone with dementia there is help available. <a href="https://www.dementia.com.au/">Dementia Support Australia</a> is a free service, fully funded by the Australian government. Referrals can be made 24-hours a day by calling 1800 699 799.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/205988/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> Image credits: Shutterstock <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/steve-macfarlane-4722">Steve Macfarlane</a>, Head of Clinical Services, dementia Support Australia, & Associate Professor of Psychiatry, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/monash-university-1065">Monash University</a> This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/when-someone-living-with-dementia-is-distressed-or-violent-de-escalation-is-vital-205988">original article</a>.

Mind

Readers respond: What did someone do on a plane that made you say "You've gotta be kidding me"?

We've all encountered our fair share of difficult fellow passengers when travelling, but these people took it to the next level. We asked our readers what the worst thing a fellow plane passenger has done, and here's what they said. Carolyn Korlaki - It seems that every time I get on a flight the person in front of me puts their seat right back. Makes it very hard to read, eat, watch a movie, very annoying..... Jan Ceeney - Person next to me in the window seat pulled the shade down for the whole trip. I couldn’t see anything. My first plane trip! Very disappointing. Sue Robson - Recently flew with hubby to Asia. Me window seat, hubby middle and gentleman on end. The guy proceeded to to eat egg sandwiches he brought with him then spent the entire flight farting. It was horrendously bad. Jennifer Pearce - Parents putting their children in seats behind there's then going to sleep and leaving their frightened child coughing and crying all night. Parents should split up and sit with their own children on 13 hour flights. Joy Bollmeyer - A huge over weight man shirt undone then unzipped his trousers, adjusted himself then sat down with everything still undone! Kathleen Black - Flight from Sydney to Doha a child kicked the back of my chair the whole way…..I couldn’t contain myself so I had something to say. And that was in business class! Pip Minikin - Got her nail polish out and painted her nails. Denis Davis - Passenger beside me talking on the phone while taking off. Michael Baker - Gave me Covid. Jo Bolland - Sitting next to a Korean couple, he put his head on her lap and she popped his pimples. He hawked and spat and helped himself to anything he fancied from her tray. Dot Turner - I usually had the same kicking of seats on flight, not from children, but from adults who are arrogant and should know better. Image credits: Getty Images

Travel Trouble

A dating coach’s guide to making a lasting impression with that special someone

Monica Parikh is a lawyer, writer, and dating coach. She started the <a href="http://www.schooloflovenyc.com" target="_blank" rel="noopener">School of Love in New York City</a> to help men and women develop happier and healthier relationships. When my ex-husband disappeared, I unexpectedly got divorced at 36 years old. I went back on the dating market--after a 10-year hiatus. Flirting was the best tool in my arsenal (besides an optimistic attitude). Before long, I was meeting men in all sorts of places—the subway, elevators, the gym, and airports. In my coaching practice, I often see women and men who have forgotten how to flirt. Oh, the pity! Flirting adds spicy intrigue to the mundane. If you’re single, it’s a wonderful way to signal availability and interest. If you’re in a relationship, it helps maintain spark and fuels passion. A little simple flirting says to the world, “I’m alive!” Flirtation is simply the art of conversation amped up a notch. I’ve always been a good flirt, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become a better—mostly because I’ve grown in confidence and self-esteem. A few key tips: 1. Radiate strength Naked selfies aren’t sexy. Neither is telling your life story on a first date. Real sexiness stems from the ability to tickle the imagination and create intrigue. Less exhibitionism, fewer words, and more confidence fuel desire. 2. Smile Smile big and often — it lights up your face and says that you’re approachable and warm. It is the green light that gives others confidence to approach you and start conversation. 3. Be playfully combative When we’re attracted to someone, we often veer toward being overly agreeable and conciliatory. Talk about throwing cold water on a spark! Being challenging, feisty, and a bit unpredictable (while still being nice) is very sexy. My partner and I often playfully spar with words. Intelligent banter makes for a very flirtatious (and fun) relationship. 4. Create an air of mystery When I was single, a stranger on an elevator once offered to walk me to the subway with his umbrella during a rainstorm. When we arrived, he asked for my number. I demurred, saying that I don’t talk to strangers. (Wink.) He offered his card. I took it but made no promises. He was handsome and charismatic, so I knew he was used to having women chase him. I waited several days (to build intrigue) and sent him a one-sentence email. He responded immediately, admitting that he checked his email constantly for word from me. Not knowing where the other person stands fuels desire. So, hold your cards close to your chest. 5. Laugh We’re all a little too serious. Take a ribbing. Give a ribbing. Laugh until your sides ache. Dating and romance are supposed to be fun, after all. 6. Tap into your feminine (or masculine) energy I have a serious job as a lawyer during the day, so I make deliberate efforts to tap into my softer side after work. I often go home, take a bath and change clothes before a date. I love jewel-colored dresses, red lipstick, and French perfume. This little ritual “washes” the 9-to-5 off me and helps me tap into a different energy/vibration. Each person’s formula is unique, but spend time figuring out the clothing, style, and rituals that bring about the most authentic and empowered you. 7. Ask questions Conversation with a stranger can be daunting. My advice? Show interest in your beloved’s work, hobbies, family, and interests. Sit back and relax while they open up. You will glean key insights. And I guarantee they will remember you as an amazing conversationalist while they have performed the bulk of the work. 8. Say a person's name — often My game changed for the better after reading Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. While technically not a dating book, it’s a wonderful guide on how to be a more engaging person. Carnegie says that someone's name is "to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” Pay attention when someone introduces themselves. Repeat their name back immediately. Sprinkle it throughout conversation. Be amazed at the result. 9. Show warmth Gently touching someone’s hand or back is a wonderful way to show interest. Be respectful of another person’s space. It’s not about draping yourself all over them (or being clingy), which is a big turn-off. It’s about small signals of interest, respectfully scattered here and there. 10. Be original Successful flirting is about being 100 percent you. Personally, I’m an extroverted nerd who loves the public library, backpacking through Asia, Wes Anderson films, and 1970's soul music. Don’t be afraid to stand out from the crowd. Accept that what makes you unique also makes you memorable. That is the most powerful vibrational frequency you can live in — and one that will surely attract an ideal partner. Images: Getty

Relationships

“A letter that someone will never forget”: Charles’ $43,000 job offer

Charles and Camilla have put out a call for help with their royal duties, searching for a passionate wordsmith to pen responses to the thousands of letters they receive each year. Their request comes in the form of a one-year contract <a href="https://theroyalhousehold.tal.net/vx/lang-en-GB/mobile-0/appcentre-1/brand-3/candidate/so/pm/1/pl/4/opp/2849-Assistant-Correspondence-Officer/en-GB">posted to the palace’s official website</a>, for an individual to “support the important work of The King and The Royal Family”. Coincidentally, the position advertises a start date of May 2023 - the same month in which King Charles III’s coronation will take place. The royals are offering a wage slightly above the United Kingdom’s minimum wage of 10.42 GBP (~19.45 AUD) per hour, with prospective writers looking at an hourly rate of 11.79 (~22.01) on top of the advertised “benefits”. According to the job listing, the ideal candidate is someone who dreams of “drafting a letter that someone will never forget” as part of a like minded team committed to supporting the royal family and engaging with the public. “Thousands of letters addressed to The Monarch and Royal Family are received every year,” the ad explains. “Working as part of the Correspondence team, your challenge will be to ensure that each one receives a timely and well composed response. “Every day you will respond to letters sent by the public regarding social, community and national matters, drafting bespoke responses to answer varying and often unique queries.” Reportedly, the letters sent in one year to the late Queen Elizabeth II amounted to around 70,000, so it’s no small surprise that the family have opted to call in reinforcements to make sure each one receives a thoughtfully crafted response. “It's working in a team with a shared and unique purpose,” the website notes, “engaging with the public whilst supporting The King's role. This is what makes working for The Royal Household so exceptional … Recording and monitoring all correspondence, you'll be proud of the number of letters you handle and this will drive you to deliver consistently high standards. “In this way, you will help to support the important work of The King and The Royal Family.” Unsurprisingly, the ad calls for someone who is confident in their ability to process large volumes of work according to strict deadlines, and who preferably has previous experience in administrative duties. “Excellent written and verbal communication skills” are, of course, a given. The listing hints at a digital sidekick, noting that applications should “have strong IT skills” that they can apply to “bespoke systems”, as well as a “keen eye for detail” to deliver their work quickly and accurately. Most of all, however, enjoyment in a team-based environment is crucial, while an interest in current affairs couldn’t hurt - especially in such a “truly unique environment”. Images: Getty

Money & Banking

The best way to ask someone on a date

It seems Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan were onto something in their 1998 rom-com You’ve Got Mail. Sending an email is more romantic than calling when asking someone on a date, according to a study from Indiana University. The findings, published in the journal Computers in Human Behaviour, probably comes as no surprise considering just how technologically-reliant society has become. “Email’s been in the popular consciousness since the 1990s and if you look at the new generation of millennials … they’ve grown up with email and text messaging, so it may not be as unnatural a medium as we at first thought,” co-author Alan Dennis told Phys.org. Conventional wisdom has it that emails or texting are poor forms of communicating emotion, that a call is a more intimate way to connect, but this new research suggests otherwise. "When writing romantic emails, senders consciously or subconsciously added more positive content to their messages, perhaps to compensate for the medium's inability to convey vocal tone," the researchers wrote in their paper Researchers found when writing emails, people took more time to choose their words to ensure that it conveyed what they wanted it too. "The bottom line is that email is much better when you want to convey some information that you want someone to think about,” Dennis said. Dennis added their findings run counter to the commonly held belief that the further we get from face-to-face communication, the less genuine and effective it becomes. "There's a lot of theory that says email and other text communications don't really work very well," he said. "We should probably go back and reconsider a lot of the stereotypical assumptions that we hold about email and text messaging that may not hold true when we take a deeper look at how people react physiologically." While their research finds email may be the best choice to convey feelings, Dennis says there is clearly still a place for face-to-face meetings, phone calls, and other forms of direct communication. “If something isn’t really clear and you want to make sure that everyone has the same understanding of what something means, that’s best done in phone calls, face-to-face meetings or video conferencing,” he said. Image: Getty

Relationships

How to tell if someone is trustworthy

Trust is a key ingredient of success in any relationship whether it is platonic, romantic or business. But how do you know if you can trust somebody or if you should run for the hills? What exactly is the difference between someone who is trustworthy and someone who isn’t? Sometimes it’s very obvious, sometimes it isn’t. Some people have a natural instinct for detecting untrustworthy characters while some of us might need a bit of help to develop the skill. Assessing trustworthiness takes time and there are always individual circumstances to consider but here are a few things to look out for. Honest A trustworthy person is an honest person. Someone who is constantly lying is probably hiding something. Always consider intentions and there are sometimes benign reasons why somebody might tell a white lie, but if someone is continually being dishonest, warning bells should be going off! Sometimes it’s difficult to determine if someone is lying though. Here are some things to consider: <ul> <li>The person repeats your question or doesn’t answer the questions. For example, “That’s a good question.” This may be a signal to buy time to form a response.</li> <li>The person is always reminding you how honest and trustworthy they are. For example, “I would never lie, I’m an honest person.”</li> <li>The person makes very showy and boastful claims but none of it can be verified or validated. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.</li> </ul> Reliable Being reliable and dependable is the hallmark of a trustworthy person. Of course, people do let us down from time to time but a consistently unreliable person is usually untrustworthy. <ul> <li>The person constantly does not do what they say they will even if explicitly promised. There is always a reason though such as an unpredictable drama.</li> <li>The person is always late for appointments, meetings or dates with you.</li> <li>The person is never available to see or meet you.</li> <li>The person’s words and actions contradict. Untrustworthy people will make a lot of claims but when actions consistently don’t follow words, red flags should be appearing.</li> </ul> Communication A trustworthy person will be open, transparent and attentive in their communication whereas those who might have something to hide are heavily focused on themselves. <ul> <li>The person constantly talks themselves up with boastful statements and criticises or tears other people down. If the person is gossiping about someone else, what’s to stop them doing the same to you?</li> <li>The person does not support or encourage you. Instead they play down or make a joke about your thoughts, ideas and accomplishments.</li> <li>The person is never forthcoming with information about themselves. You have to constantly ask questions but they try and redirect the conversation or reply with partial truths.</li> </ul> Intuition Your gut-feeling is perhaps your most important tool and it’s usually correct. Don’t ignore feelings of anxiousness or wariness. We often want to think the best of people but if your gut is telling you something is up with this person, it might be right. Look out for the other indicators and if any of them are sounding familiar, combined with your intuition, make an exit, fast! Image: Getty Images

Relationships

"Someone give them a raise": Hilarious way ground crew entertained trapped passengers

Two very creative ground-crew air marshalls have enjoyed a brush with instant viral fame after hilarious footage of them entertaining passengers stuck on a delayed plane was shared to TikTok. Fortunately for the poor passengers stranded on the British Airways plane last month due to engineering issues, two nearby air marshalls were determined to pass the time and distract them following the tediously long delay, using their glowing marshalling wands to put on an entertaining performance. Air Marshall Quinten Moshy posted a video of his antics on TikTok, which quickly racked up close to 1 million views. "Put this in every ramp agent's job description," he joked in the caption. The video showed the two airport workers using their marshalling wands as if they were light sabres and acting out dramatic battle scenes. Committed to the performance, the marshalls ducked and weaved, while one pretended to die after he was 'struck'. Other antics included creating glowing smiley faces and hearts on the tarmac and dancing the moves to the song 'Y.M.C.A'. <blockquote class="tiktok-embed" style="max-width: 605px; min-width: 325px;" cite="https://www.tiktok.com/@quintenmoshy/video/7117811535212301614" data-video-id="7117811535212301614"> <section><a title="@quintenmoshy" href="https://www.tiktok.com/@quintenmoshy?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@quintenmoshy</a> Put this in every ramp agent’s job description <a title="airport" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/airport?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#airport</a> <a title="airplane" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/airplane?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#airplane</a> <a title="travel" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/travel?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#travel</a> <a title="rampagent" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/rampagent?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#rampagent</a> <a title="pilot" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/pilot?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#pilot</a> <a title="bayarea" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/bayarea?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#bayarea</a> <a title="california" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/california?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#california</a> <a title="london" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/london?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#london</a> <a title="787" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/787?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#787</a> <a title="vacation" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/vacation?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#vacation</a> <a title="work" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/work?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#work</a> <a title="fyp" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/fyp?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#fyp</a> <a title="ymca" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/ymca?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#ymca</a> <a title="minions" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/minions?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#minions</a> <a title="starwars" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/starwars?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#starwars</a> <a title="lightsaber" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/lightsaber?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#lightsaber</a> <a title="happy" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/happy?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#happy</a> <a title="aviation" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/aviation?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#aviation</a> <a title="love" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/love?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#love</a> <a title="♬ Y.M.C.A. - The Minions" href="https://www.tiktok.com/music/YMCA-6795407731260917762?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">♬ Y.M.C.A. - The Minions</a></section> </blockquote> TikTok users really enjoyed the goofy act and one person said they should find a video from someone stranded on the plane so we could see what THEY were seeing out their windows. "Someone find the passengers POV," they wrote. Sure enough, fellow viewers pulled through and pointed to TikTok user Abi Smith, who had created her own video of the dramatic antics of the air marshalls. "POV: [Point of View]: Your plane gets delayed so the marshalls put on a performance." she captioned the video. <blockquote class="tiktok-embed" style="max-width: 605px; min-width: 325px;" cite="https://www.tiktok.com/@abi_smithxxx/video/7117374061935676678" data-video-id="7117374061935676678"> <section><a title="@abi_smithxxx" href="https://www.tiktok.com/@abi_smithxxx?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@abi_smithxxx</a> <a title="britishairways" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/britishairways?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#britishairways</a> <a title="delayed" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/delayed?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#delayed</a> <a title="marshallers" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/marshallers?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#marshallers</a> <a title="♬ Angeleyes (Sped Up Version) - april aries bae (SVT)" href="https://www.tiktok.com/music/Angeleyes-Sped-Up-Version-7089425867910236954?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">♬ Angeleyes (Sped Up Version) - april aries bae (SVT)</a></section> </blockquote> People commented, saying the entertaining pair deserved a reward for their dedication. "Give the performers an applause," wrote one person. "Someone give them a raise," another added. Image: TikTok

Travel Trouble

Four questions to ask yourself before dating someone from the office

In the digital age, online dating and swiping right are the status quo for romance. Practically gone are the days of meeting “the one” in a pub. But what about flirting by the water cooler or over Zoom? The consensual office relationship has been both a romance trope and a <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-matt-hancocks-private-life-is-very-much-in-the-public-interest-163444" target="_blank" rel="noopener">taboo</a> for decades. There are many reasons someone might enter a workplace relationship. Research shows that people gravitate towards like-minded people with common personality traits, backgrounds, belief systems and ideas. Proximity and familiarity also influence attraction, something psychologists call the <a href="https://www.neuroscience.org.uk/proximity-mere-exposure-effect-social-psychology/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">mere exposure effect</a>. For better or for worse, offices are a place where like-minded people are in close proximity to each other for many hours, so it’s no surprise that many people are open to love at work. A <a href="https://yougov.co.uk/topics/lifestyle/articles-reports/2020/02/13/how-do-brits-find-love" target="_blank" rel="noopener">2020 YouGov poll</a> found that 18% of Brits met their current or most recent partner through work. If you’re thinking about entering a relationship with your desk neighbour, or even your boss, here are some things to consider. <h2>1. Is it a hierarchical relationship?</h2> Despite their prevalence, office romances are still frowned upon, and more so after the #MeToo movement. Deciding to enter a <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0265407516635285" target="_blank" rel="noopener">hierarchical workplace relationship</a> (when one partner is in a higher position at work than the other) is not something to be taken lightly. Lower-status participants who have coupled up with their boss or senior staff member are sometimes confronted with gossip and career roadblocks because of their relationship. While some may think entering such a relationship could help them get ahead in their career, in reality their relationship status could hinder their progress. <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0265407516635285" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Research has found</a> that the lower-status person in a hierarchical workplace relationship is less likely to be promoted or recommended for training opportunities than their colleagues who are not in such a relationship. <h2>2. How might it affect your work performance?</h2> With love and sex on the brain, is anyone getting any work done? The general stance is that canoodling is bad for business and affects productivity. Studies have found that feelings of passion and love, especially in the early stages of a relationship, can negatively impact productivity because <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/271740194_Reduced_cognitive_control_in_passionate_lovers" target="_blank" rel="noopener">our minds are elsewhere</a> than the task at hand. This is particularly challenging in a professional environment, and when you may have to work alongside your lover. However, there are measures you can take to curb distractions. Minimise communications that are not of a work-related nature, except when essential, and avoid physical touch like kissing or holding hands in the workplace. <h2>3. Does your organisation allow it?</h2> Courtship and dating are <a href="https://core.ac.uk/outputs/161116640" target="_blank" rel="noopener">natural phenomena</a>, whether organisations like it or not. Prohibiting relationships is not the solution, and if anything will only <a href="https://www.ijmra.us/project%20doc/IJMIE_AUGUST2012/IJMRA-MIE1479.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">lead relationships underground</a>. Despite this, many employers (mainly in the US) manage relationships by deploying “love contracts” – written rules and policies which the couple agrees to, confirming that the relationship is consensual and voluntary. This not only designed to protect the couple, but to protect the employer from being sued for harassment if the relationship breaks down. Employees aren’t likely to want to disclose to their direct line of report, HR person or relevant peers, who they are having sexual relations with. Article 8 of the Human Rights Act protects individuals of their right to <a href="https://www.equalityhumanrights.com/en/human-rights-act/article-8-respect-your-private-and-family-life" target="_blank" rel="noopener">private and family life</a>, which might explain why love contracts are <a href="https://www.hrmagazine.co.uk/content/features/legal-ease-relationships-at-work-and-love-contracts" target="_blank" rel="noopener">not used</a> in the UK. Employers have to balance their own business interests with their employee’s privacy rights. However, just as there are policies and training for tackling sexual harassment, discrimination and mental health, there is also a need to address workplace romances. Your employer should have accessible (and reasonable) policies and guidelines about disclosing relationships, particularly when they are hierarchical. <h2>4. What happens if you split up?</h2> While no one plans for their relationship to end, things do happen and it’s best to be prepared. In a non-workplace relationship, a break-up might mean your productivity declines or you need to take a <a href="https://theconversation.com/taking-a-mental-health-day-can-be-good-for-you-heres-how-to-make-the-most-of-one-186493" target="_blank" rel="noopener">mental health day</a>. But if you work with your now-ex partner, there are other things to consider, like if you have to interact or collaborate on a project. Where relevant, it may be possible to request a transfer to a different team or to work remotely until the dust settles. Your company may also offer <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/238318622_How_effective_is_workplace_counselling_A_review_of_the_research_literature" target="_blank" rel="noopener">workplace counselling</a> or <a href="https://www.eapa.org.uk/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">programmes</a> designed to support employees going through tough times, including depression, grief or the aftermath of a relationship. Ultimately, how employers choose to manage romance at work depends on acknowledging that workplace relationships do happen, and understanding that happier and more satisfied employees tend to be <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7120033/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">more productive</a> and collaborate better in teams. It is in employers’ best interests to support their employees’ wellbeing, even (and especially) when those employees fall in love. This article originally appeared in <a href="https://theconversation.com/workplace-romance-four-questions-to-ask-yourself-before-dating-someone-from-the-office-187809" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>. Image: Shutterstock

Relationships

Readers Respond: If you could speak to someone one last time, who would it be and what would you say?

We never know when our last day on the planet will be or if anything happens causing us to lose certain connections. This then makes us sit there and reminisce about those moments, making us wonder, “If I got to speak to someone one last time, who would it be and what would I say?” Check out some of your responses below. Brenda Vera Bennett - To my mum. Thanking her as a young single mum when I was born even though times were extremely hard but I remained with her regardless. God Bless you Mum. Barbara Andrews - My twin brother, I would tell him how very much I miss him and love him. Lesley Myall - My darling mum and I would tell her I was sorry that I wasn’t there for her! Loved her to bits! Chris Ogden - Mum and Dad, especially Mum as I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye Sue Murnain - My mum and dad. To tell them I miss them and love them. They were not with me long enough. Lost my dad when I was 19 and my mum when I was 32. Margaret Bonnington - To the little girl that I gave my doll to when I was 5 years old. She died a couple of days later. I know the doll made her feel special as she had never had one. Vicki Cooper - Never had a chance to speak to my Grandfather John. I was very young and he was a long way away. Would love to have a conversation with him. Lyn Joy Murray - My husband. I would tell him how much I miss him and how I love him still. I would tell him how brave he was to fight the rare bug that invaded his body, and how proud I always was of him. Gosh I miss my man after 7 years. Kathleene Buick - Mum and Dad, especially Mum who was always interested in what we were doing on the farm. Four years have passed and I still go past the phone and think, “I should tell Mum that”. Neridah Beecroft - My father. There is still so much he could tell me. Family things, much that happened in my early days, what he thinks about what’s going on at the moment. How he and mum survived with little education and money. Share some of your memories <a href="https://www.facebook.com/oversixtys/posts/pfbid0vijnZASkJFYTxABPrsntV9ztdA6axuHnjaiiejf2AruQNqsDbxr7aL2xx9nKa18Zl" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a>. Image: Shutterstock

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