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"Happy wives, happy social lives?" Men are more emotionally disconnected than women – what can be done about it?

<div class="theconversation-article-body"><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/roger-patulny-94836">Roger Patulny</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/hong-kong-baptist-university-2801">Hong Kong Baptist University</a></em></p> <p>Many of us are worried about loneliness and isolation, and both <a href="https://theconversation.com/dont-be-fooled-loneliness-affects-men-too-15545">decade-old</a> and <a href="https://www.relationshipsnsw.org.au/blog/how-many-australians-are-lonely/">recent data</a> suggest they impact men more than women.</p> <p>Loneliness predicts health outcomes including <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1745691614568352">early mortality</a>, greater <a href="https://hqlo.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12955-022-01946-6">psychological distress</a>, and more <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41572-022-00355-9">cardiovascular, metabolic and neurological problems</a>.</p> <p>New research also links loneliness to <a href="https://bmcpublichealth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12889-024-18770-w">more intolerant attitudes towards women</a>.</p> <p>These findings raise concerns over the causes and impacts of men’s loneliness and isolation.</p> <h2>A deep dive into loneliness</h2> <p>I recently analysed more than 50 indicators from a decade of data collected by the <a href="https://www.acspri.org.au/aussa">Australian Social Attitudes Survey</a>, from 2011–12, 2015–16, 2017–18, and 2022–23.</p> <p>My statistical models produced results for (self-identified) men and women, after controlling for the impacts of age, employment and partner status.</p> <p>I confirmed that Australian men are more likely to be socially and emotionally disconnected than women. I also found some reasons why this might be the case.</p> <p>I found men appear to focus their emotional energies primarily on their nuclear families and partners. Consequently, they over-rely on their female partners for intimate support and develop more distant, limited and transactional relationships with other people – and other men.</p> <h2>Men are more emotionally disconnected</h2> <p>The data show men continue to lack emotional support on a range of indicators. This puts them at greater risk of health impacts and potentially encourages more toxic attitudes towards women.</p> <p>A significantly greater proportion of men than women reported:</p> <ul> <li>receiving no support from their closest friend</li> <li>receiving fun/practical advice over emotional support from close friends</li> <li>having less contact with a close friend</li> <li>not having anyone for emotional support</li> <li>not feeling “very close” to their closest friend</li> <li>not feeling “love” as their most commonly experienced emotion in the last week.</li> </ul> <h2>Men have more distant, transactional relationships</h2> <p>Why are men in this situation?</p> <p>Masculinity roles are clearly influential.</p> <p>Traditional masculinity encourages men to appear capable, controlled and independent, avoid displays of “vulnerable” emotions or male-to-male affection (like hugging, touch or crying), and embrace the hetero-normative ideal of male provision and leadership.</p> <p>Such norms have been found to constrain male intimacy <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37531906/">by disallowing vulnerability</a>.</p> <p>My data show men tend to develop looser, transactional ties with more distant people. This may reduce the quality of the connection and its potential to reduce loneliness.</p> <p>I have found men are more likely than women to:</p> <ul> <li>think it is OK to befriend someone just because they’ll make a “useful” contact</li> <li>feel obligated to repay favours immediately (foregoing longer-term connections)</li> <li>be kind to others because they “value doing the right thing”, rather than because they empathically connect with or care about the person</li> <li>give and receive kindness from strangers (rather than more familiar people)</li> <li>seek help with household jobs from more distant family or friends</li> <li>seek practical support (money, advice) from private and commercial sources (rather than friends or family)</li> <li>not seek help from family or friends for emotional, sickness or care issues.</li> </ul> <p>This means many men retain an individualist masculine desire to remain emotionally aloof.</p> <hr /> <p><iframe id="TBJfz" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" style="border: 0;" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/TBJfz/" width="100%" height="400px" frameborder="0" scrolling="no"></iframe></p> <hr /> <h2>Appearing in control but becoming dependent?</h2> <p>So where <em>do</em> men turn for intimate, emotional connection?</p> <p>Most often, their families.</p> <p>Prior studies show partnered men are <a href="https://bmcpublichealth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12889-024-18770-w">less lonely than single men</a>. My data show men revere the nuclear family institution and the core supportive role of women and female partners.</p> <p>Men are more likely than women to:</p> <ul> <li>believe having children increases their social standing</li> <li>believe family is more important than friends</li> <li>rely on family over friends for support</li> <li>have mixed-gender friendships (in contrast to womens’ predominately female friendships)</li> <li>see their (predominantly female) partner as their closest friend</li> <li>emotionally support their (predominantly female) partner ahead of supporting others.</li> </ul> <p>However, the masculine desire to be a “good nuclear family man” <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37531906/">can both support and impede</a> men’s social connection.</p> <p>Partnered men might feel less lonely but that doesn’t mean they give or gain sufficient emotional support from their nuclear families.</p> <p>My data show men are less likely than women to:</p> <ul> <li>plan or organise social and family activities</li> <li>have at least weekly contact with non-nuclear family or friends</li> <li>emotionally support their friends, family or children ahead of their partners</li> <li>have their partner support them ahead of others (women were more likely to support their children first).</li> </ul> <p>This raises several issues.</p> <p>If men cling to the notion that their primary role is to provide for and support their (female) partner – while she in turn emotionally supports everyone else – they risk becoming personally isolated through diminished networks and outmoded expectations.</p> <p>In this context, men who believe they should earn more than their partners <a href="https://theconversation.com/loneliness-in-the-workplace-is-greatest-among-men-with-traditional-views-about-being-the-breadwinner-230535">are lonelier</a> than other men.</p> <p>It also risks pushing the burden of maintaining social and emotional connections onto <a href="https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a27259689/toxic-masculinity-male-friendships-emotional-labor-men-rely-on-women/">women and partners</a>, and men becoming socially and emotionally dependent on them.</p> <p>And it can “bake in” hetero-normative family-to-family interactions (organised by female partners) as the most “legitimate” form of socialising for men.</p> <p>This can be highly exclusionary for LGBTQIA+ people, along with single men and single fathers, who register among <a href="https://www.relationships.org.au/relationship-indicators/">the highest rates of loneliness in Australia</a>.</p> <hr /> <p><iframe id="qCmHw" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" style="border: 0;" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/qCmHw/" width="100%" height="400px" frameborder="0" scrolling="no"></iframe></p> <hr /> <h2>How can men become more emotionally connected?</h2> <p>Feelings shouldn’t be seen as just a <a href="https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a27259689/toxic-masculinity-male-friendships-emotional-labor-men-rely-on-women/">“female thing”</a>.</p> <p>Younger men’s more inclusive masculine attitudes can allow them to <a href="https://theconversation.com/he-is-always-there-to-listen-friendships-between-young-men-are-more-than-just-beers-and-banter-200301">subvert the “rules” of masculinity</a>, express emotion and embrace <a href="https://theconversation.com/he-is-always-there-to-listen-friendships-between-young-men-are-more-than-just-beers-and-banter-200301">“bromances”</a>.</p> <p>Men can also connect emotionally with other men through <a href="https://theconversation.com/he-is-always-there-to-listen-friendships-between-young-men-are-more-than-just-beers-and-banter-200301">jokes and humour</a> and participating in shared activities <a href="https://theconversation.com/lost-touch-with-friends-during-lockdown-heres-how-to-reconnect-and-let-go-of-toxic-ones-172853">that allow incidental communication</a>, like Men’s Sheds.</p> <p>The following initiatives may well help men broaden their intimate networks beyond the nuclear family. We could:<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/239194/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <ul> <li>help men into caring roles through more <a href="https://theconversation.com/loneliness-in-the-workplace-is-greatest-among-men-with-traditional-views-about-being-the-breadwinner-230535">family friendly employment and care-leave policies</a></li> <li>support initiatives such as <a href="https://meninmind.movember.com/">Movember Men in Mind</a> that encourage men to seek help, and improve their emotional expression and support skills</li> <li>encourage partnered, heterosexual men to broaden and diversify their intimate networks beyond the nuclear family bubble, and be more inclusive of single men, single fathers, and LGBTQIA+ people. <a href="https://thephn.com.au/news/the-mens-table-successful-mental-health-initiative-expanding-across-seven-new-regions">Men’s Table initiatives</a> could be of great value here</li> <li>encourage the development of more online <a href="https://theconversation.com/he-is-always-there-to-listen-friendships-between-young-men-are-more-than-just-beers-and-banter-200301">safe spaces</a> to form intimate bonds while avoiding toxic online masculine spaces.</li> </ul> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/roger-patulny-94836">Roger Patulny</a>, Professor, Academy of Geography, Sociology and International Studies, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/hong-kong-baptist-university-2801">Hong Kong Baptist University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/happy-wives-happy-social-lives-men-are-more-emotionally-disconnected-than-women-what-can-be-done-about-it-239194">original article</a>.</em></p> </div>

Mind

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“I love you! My King”: Christine Brown praises new boyfriend

<p dir="ltr">Christine Brown has taken to the internet to express just how much she loves her new boyfriend, David Woolley. </p> <p dir="ltr">Woolley shared on Instagram a snap of a mirror where the Sister Wives star, 50, had written, “I love you! My King.”</p> <p dir="ltr">"I love how thoughtful Christine is and all the little things she does for me ❤️#christinebrown #soulmate #myqueen #mylove," he captioned the image.</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CpvTG5pOqpx/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CpvTG5pOqpx/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by David Woolley (@david__woolley)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p dir="ltr">That same day Brown shared a sweet photo of the couple holding each other in a booth. </p> <p dir="ltr">Alongside the picture, Brown praised Woolley, captioning the post, "I can't express how amazing it's been to have David in my life," she wrote. "He's an incredible man and he treats me like his Queen.”</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CptKn9hvIsd/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CptKn9hvIsd/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Christine Brown (@christine_brownsw)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p dir="ltr"> Brown went public with Woolley on Valentine’s Day 2023 and has shared several photos of the pair.</p> <p dir="ltr">I finally found the love of my life, David," she shared on Instagram. "The first time he held me close, it felt like my soul took its first breath."</p> <p dir="ltr">Brown, "He's wonderful and kind, incredible with my children and an adorable grandpa. I never dreamed I could find a love like this.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Brown’s relationship with Woolley is her first since her divorce from her husband of 25 years, Kody Brown. Christine said it had been “awkward” dating again more than a year after the split. </p> <p><span id="docs-internal-guid-b0444289-7fff-5055-3ec7-8ff94c90bef0"></span></p> <p dir="ltr">Brown has certainly gotten past the awkwardness as she proudly praises her boyfriend online. It’s safe to say the pair are seriously smitten.</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image credit: Instagram</em></p>

Relationships

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$30 ALDI buy sparks viral debate over old wives' tale

<div class="post_body_wrapper"> <div class="post_body"> <div class="body_text redactor-styles redactor-in"> <p>A woman has accidentally sparked a passionate debate on social media after sharing a controversial "gift idea" from ALDI - a cheap set of knives.</p> <p>Angela Joyce Frost took to Facebook group Aldi Mums to share her excitement over a bargain set of knives she purchased for $30.</p> <p>She posted a photo of the Crofton six-piece knife set with sharpener and wrote: "Brought this knife block set at Aldi today. So impressed how nice it is for only $29.99! Great for a gift idea."</p> <p>The shopper said she thought it would make for a perfect housewarming gift, however the suggestion quickly divided critics.</p> <p>"Bite me if you like, but you don't give knives as gifts, they cut the friendship or bond. (old wives tale)," one ALDI fan wrote.</p> <p>The conversation instantly shifted to be around the legitimacy of the old superstition, with critics clashing in the comments section.</p> <p>"Don't give knives as presents. Bad luck. You will cut the connection," another Aldi fan wrote.</p> <p>"Yes! I was just going to say the same. Twice, people have given our family lovely knives and both times the friendship got cut off," another claimed, with a fourth agreeing: "Well this explains the demise of a 6 year relationship after some $400 knives."</p> <p>These anecdotes weren't enough to satisfy some skeptics though, with one critic writing: "Good to see superstitions and old wives tales are alive and well in 2021".</p> <p>"A good friend gifted us a knife set and we are still happily married after 12 years/17 years together!" another Facebook user stated.</p> <p>"I gave my husband a set of knives years ago when we were just dating... when does this bad connection happen? He'd be keen to know," another wrote, followed by laughing emojis.</p> <p>A third asked: "What kind of sorcery do you believe in if giving a gift causes doom and gloom?"</p> <p>But there was a third group of people who believed they had found a solution to the knife-giving fallout. "No, if you put a coin with it, it removes the spell," one critic explained in the viral thread.</p> <p>"My dad wouldn't even give me his good butcher knife. I had to give him $1.00," another agreed, with a third weighing in: "If you give knives as a gift you have to give a coin with it. Its [sic] meant to stop the bad luck. Another old wives tale."</p> <p>Needless to say, the superstition had some users concerned.</p> <p>"My husband just gave me a set of Japanese chef knives for our 6 year wedding anniversary."</p> </div> </div> </div>

Relationships

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Inside the story: 99 versions of the same tale in The Drover's Wives

<p>Ryan O'Neill’s recent book <em><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40910479-the-drover-s-wives">The Drover’s Wives</a> </em>joins a rich corpus of Australian literary works inspired by Henry Lawson’s short story, <em><a href="http://www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/UBooks/DrovWife.shtml">The Drover’s Wife</a> </em>(first published in The Bulletin in 1892).</p> <p>But O’Neill’s approach differs from that of other authors, by offering not one reinterpretation – as in Frank Moorhouse’s <a href="https://www.austlit.edu.au/austlit/page/C203158">satirical take</a> and Barbara Jefferis’ <a href="https://www.austlit.edu.au/austlit/page/C62079">feminist retelling</a>, for example – but 99 different versions of the story.</p> <p>His book envisages the Lawson story in various forms, including: as a tweet, a school English essay, an Amazon book review, a limerick, a computer game, a gossip column, and even a sporting commentary.</p> <p>O’Neill’s book is dedicated to both Henry Lawson and French novelist Raymond Queneau. The latter was a founding member of the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oulipo">Oulipo</a> (Ouvroir de Littérature Potentielle), a mostly French assortment of experimental writers, mathematicians and scientists, founded in 1960.</p> <p>O’Neill attempts Queneau’s method of literary variations on a theme in <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/319790.Exercises_in_Style"><em>Exercises In Style</em></a> (first published in French in 1947), but with an Australian context.</p> <p>Lawson’s <em>The Drover’s Wife</em> provides the central narrative of O’Neill’s test. In the story, the titular wife of the absent drover spends a sleepless night keeping watch for a snake that had earlier alarmed her children. She passes the time reminiscing on hardships she has faced in the bush before. As daylight nears, the snake appears, and she clubs it to death.</p> <p>As with <em>Exercises In Style</em>, the original narrative in O'Neill’s book is of secondary importance to the telling and the myriad ways these tellings transform the tale.</p> <p>O’Neill’s experiment highlights the fact all writing is constrained by certain rules. It’s easier to play the game when you know these rules (and bend them, too).</p> <p>By taking a text so familiar as its starting point, O'Neill’s tweaks show the conventions of 99 different forms of writing, while shining new light on Lawson’s classic in the process.</p> <p><strong>Narrative techniques</strong></p> <p>The fourth reinterpretation in <em>The Drover’s Wives</em> – a “Year 8 English Essay” – begins with the prompt: “What narrative techniques does Lawson use to shape the reader’s perception of the drover’s wife?” With some substitution, we might re-render the question: “What narrative techniques does O’Neill use to shape the reader’s perception of The Drover’s Wife?” Let me count the ways …</p> <p>Among the most interesting rewrites is a version of the poem where the story is reduced to only onomatopoeia (words that <a href="https://study.com/academy/lesson/onomatopoeia-in-literature-definition-examples-quiz.html">look like the sound they make</a>): the snake is represented by “slithers, sizzles and snaps”.</p> <p>In another version, he experiments with “spoonerisms” – a display of shining wit where the initial syllables of two or more words are transposed. Instead of a “small herd of grass eaters”, O’Neill renders the drover’s flock as a “small herd of ass greeters”.</p> <p>He even includes a tanka, a Japanese poetic form similar to haiku:</p> <blockquote> <p>A snake approaches.<br />The woman and children run<br />And hide in the house.<br />Through the long night she watches –<br />Shedding memories like scales<br />And the snake burns with the dawn.</p> </blockquote> <p>O’Neill departs from the methods originally proposed by Queneau’s book by progressing into more contemporary territory (using PowerPoint lecture slides; a 1980s computer game; emojis; tweets; an Amazon book review; a reality TV show; a meme; a spam e-mail; and internet comments).</p> <p>He also uses forms specific to an Australian cultural context (an RSCPA report; a letter to the Daily Telegraph; Ocker; and Bush Ballad).</p> <p><strong>Techniques of transformation</strong></p> <p>A useful way to illustrate the impact of each technique employed by O’Neill is to examine its effect on the opening paragraph in Lawson’s original, used to establish the scene:</p> <blockquote> <p>The two-roomed house is built of round timber, slabs, and stringy-bark, and floored with slit slabs. A big bark kitchen standing at one end is larger than the house itself, veranda included.</p> </blockquote> <p>In O’Neill’s text:</p> <ul> <li> <p>the Monosyllabic chapter re-renders the opening with single syllable words: “They lived in the bush in a shack with two rooms, miles and miles from the main road […] ”</p> </li> <li> <p>the Yoked Sentence chapter, requiring each sentence to begin with the last word of the previous sentence, opens: “The drover’s wife and her four children lived in an isolated house deep in the bush. Bush was all around, and the nearest neighbour was miles away. Away to the north somewhere, the drover […]”</p> </li> <li> <p>in the Lipogram chapter, which requires the conscious omission of one or more letters, the omission of the letter E renders the exposition differently: “A bush cabin in an outlying part of Australia marks a distant location for our story”.</p> </li> </ul> <p>The opening paragraph is likewise transformed by the use of rhyme in various other chapters.</p> <p>One that takes the form of a 1950s <em>Children’s Book</em> begins: “There was once a bush farm that the sun rose over, and on that little farm lived the wife of a drover.”</p> <p>In the Elizabethan Drama chapter, the chorus does the expositional work, beginning their prologue: “A household, poor but rich in dignity / In fair Australia where we lay our scene / Bush all around in stretches to infinity / No indoor plumbing, just an old latrine.”</p> <p>As is common, the opening lines of the limerick chapter introduce not the house, but the central character of the poem: “There once was the wife of a drover, Who met with a snake, and moreover …”.</p> <p>In the 1980s Computer Game chapter, the new level of interactivity is made apparent with a shift to second person narration: “You are in a large kitchen by a two-room house”.</p> <p>A similar technique is used to achieve the tone in the Cosmo Quiz chapter, which parodies the conventions of a glossy magazine quiz: ten multiple choice questions to show you whether you’re a time traveller’s wife, a Stepford wife or a drover’s wife.</p> <p>How do these various narrative techniques shape perception of Lawson’s original story? On their own, each may heighten or enhance a latent quality that lies in waiting. For instance, the Cosmo Quiz reveals the gender dynamics, satirising the protagonist’s apparent absent agency.</p> <p>Taken as a whole, the book functions equally as a playful and experimental collection of brief narratives, and an illustrative compendium of writing techniques.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/112407/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: http://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em>Written by <span>Dave Drayton, Lecturer in Creative Writing, University of Technology Sydney</span>. Republished with permission of </em><a href="https://theconversation.com/inside-the-story-99-versions-of-the-same-tale-in-the-drovers-wives-112407"><em>The Conversation</em></a><em>. </em></p>

Books

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Tennis fans in a frenzy over rare photo of Roger Federer and Novak Djokovic's wives

<p>Mirka Federer and Jelena Djokovic have sent fans into a frenzy after posing for a photo together.</p> <p>Tennis fans were already excited at the idea of seeing Roger Federer and Novak Djokovic team up to play doubles together at the Laver Cup last weekend.</p> <p>But the site of the tennis legends’ wives teaming up has tipped many fans over the edge.</p> <p>Djokovic’s wife Jelena took to Twitter recently to share a snap of her and Federer’s wife Mirka beaming while in a friendly embrace at the event in Chicago.</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en-gb"> <p dir="ltr">Iconic moment. So much respect for this lady 😊 <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/MirkaFederer?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#MirkaFederer</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/rogerfederer?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@rogerfederer</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/LaverCup?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#LaverCup</a> <a href="https://t.co/6SFzc68VWI">pic.twitter.com/6SFzc68VWI</a></p> — Jelena Djokovic (@JelenaRisticNDF) <a href="https://twitter.com/JelenaRisticNDF/status/1044057096491229185?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">24 September 2018</a></blockquote> <p>“So much respect for this lady,” Jelena wrote.</p> <p><span>The photo, which has now been retweeted over 12,000 times and has accumulated nearly 12,000 likes, is a show of solidarity for their husbands who are considered two of the greatest players in tennis </span></p> <p>Not to mention the comments it received:</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en-gb"> <p dir="ltr">Love the bonding between the Djokovics and the Federers. Thankyou <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/LaverCup?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#LaverCup</a></p> — Shivalika (@_SHVLK) <a href="https://twitter.com/_SHVLK/status/1044061881877446657?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">24 September 2018</a></blockquote> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en-gb"> <p dir="ltr">Beautiful ladies! ❤️😍😍 You both are a big part of your husbands success. 🙌🏻😀</p> — Nolefam-ily Forever 🐊 (@kenialachula2) <a href="https://twitter.com/kenialachula2/status/1044057572326756354?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">24 September 2018</a></blockquote> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en-gb"> <p dir="ltr">OMG😍😍😍 This is iconic moment!<br />Nice photo and smiles but you two girls😍😍😍 You two have definitely the most of "guilty" for all of the successes of your husbands.❤ <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/Djokerer?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#Djokerer</a></p> — Elena - fan of Nole &amp; CR7 (@ela981) <a href="https://twitter.com/ela981/status/1044058417441181696?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">24 September 2018</a></blockquote> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en-gb"> <p dir="ltr">So cool! I am primarily a RF fan, but love your sportsmanship, and your hubbys too. ☝️☝️☝️🙌🙌🙌</p> — Doug Dennie (@DougDennie) <a href="https://twitter.com/DougDennie/status/1044067360578002944?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">24 September 2018</a></blockquote>

Art

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Thredbo survivor Stuart Diver opens up about losing both his wives

<p>His life has been marred by tragedy but the sole survivor of the 1997 Thredbo disaster Stuart Diver has opened up about learning to stay positive in the face of enormous grief after losing both his wives in separate tragedies.</p> <p class="canvas-atom">Stuart lost his first wife, Sally, in the landslide which killed 18, before his second wife, Rosanna, died from breast cancer in 2015 after three years of marriage.</p> <p class="canvas-atom"><img width="453" height="311" src="http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/03/23/06/26E9764600000578-3007169-image-a-2_1427091930937.jpg" alt="Stuart Diver with his first wife, Sally (pictured) who died in the landslide " class="blkBorder img-share b-loaded" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" id="i-41e9de45588ee90"/></p> <p style="text-align: center;" class="canvas-atom"><em>Stuart Diver with his first wife Sally. </em></p> <p class="canvas-atom">Despite losing two loves of his life, Stuart says his life has been overwhelmingly positive.</p> <p class="canvas-atom">“Both Sally and Rosanna added such an enormous amount to my life that it would be sad for me to live as positively as I can in their memory,” he writes in the <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong><a href="https://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/lifestyle/stellar/stuart-diver-tragedy-stays-with-you-forever/news-story/16b4af92862ade59bb55f0c1833e8db1" target="_blank">Sunday Telegraph</a>.</strong></em></span></p> <p class="canvas-atom">“I hope people see me as someone who has been through a couple of big tragedies now, and yet I can still get on with life and live it to the fullest," he said.</p> <p class="canvas-atom">"Overwhelmingly, my life is hugely positive. I know some people may find that strange, as both my wives have died, but it’s true."</p> <p class="canvas-atom"><img width="465" height="251" src="http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/newpix/2018/04/22/02/4B6984CE00000578-5642993-Diver_with_his_daughter_Alessia_who_he_had_with_his_second_wife_-a-2_1524359609763.jpg" alt="Diver with his daughter Alessia who he had with his second wife Rosanna " class="blkBorder img-share b-loaded" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" id="i-ee80e24b2079b9ab"/></p> <p style="text-align: center;" class="canvas-atom"><em>Stuart with his daughter Alessia who he had with his second wife Rosanna. </em><span><br /><br /></span></p> <p class="canvas-atom">Stuart said that he owes it to his young daughter Alessia, whom he had with Rossanna, to make sure her mother is not forgotten and that the pair live a normal life.</p> <p class="canvas-atom">“My daughter Alessia calls me both her mum and her dad. She's seven now, but she lost her mum when she was four and a half, so I spend a lot of time making sure that Rosanna never gets forgotten,” he said.</p> <p class="canvas-atom">His greatest success he says was not his miraculous survival in the landslide but bringing up his daughter.</p> <p class="canvas-atom"><img width="426" height="235" src="https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/qsSWCOpaxR.38DQ0UFl_rQ--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjtzbT0xO3c9MTI4MDtoPTk2MA--/http://media.zenfs.com/en-AU/homerun/y7.yahoo7/b492b52eb919bddb48df464b87a47add" class="slideshow-image Maw(100%) Mah(100%) M(a) W(a) StretchedBox" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"/></p> <p class="canvas-atom">Stuart, a ski instructor, was the sole survivor when 100 tonnes of earth crushed the popular NSW resort, flattening two ski lodges in July 1997.</p> <p class="canvas-atom">He was pulled from the rubble after 68 gruelling hours trapped inside. His wife, as well as 17 others, died trapped inside.</p>

Caring

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6 wives’ tales that are actually true

<p>While many old wives’ tales are founded on little more than folklore, many remain commonly believed because they’re actually true.</p><p><strong>1. An apple a day keeps the doctor away –</strong> According to a 2013 study, when English test subjects over the age of 50 ate an apple per day, they prevented 8500 heart attacks and strokes each year. It’s time to stock up on those apples.</p><p><strong>2. Counting sheep will help you sleep –</strong> Counting sheep, or more specifically, visualisation can help you sleep by distracting you from anxiety and stress-laden thoughts, allowing you to drift off sooner.</p><p><strong>3. Eat chicken soup when you have a cold –</strong> It’s common practise to eat chicken soup when you have a cold, and there’s good reason behind it: according to studies, chicken soup helps to reduce inflammation by means of slowing down the white blood cell activity that causes it.</p><p><strong>4. The hair of the dog that bit you –</strong> It’s commonly said that after a big night out, having a drink the next day can alleviate your hangover, and it’s not wrong. According to studies, consuming small amounts of alcohol can reduce the hangover symptoms caused from withdrawal.</p><p><strong>5. Eat chocolate during your period –</strong> There’s a reason woman notoriously reach for chocolate during their menstrual cycle, and it isn’t just because it’s delicious. Chocolate, which contains antioxidants called anandamide, can calm the consumer while reducing anxiety and moderating moods.</p><p><strong>6. Eating cheese before bed gives you weird dreams –</strong> According to research, bacterial and fungal properties of cheese are considered “psychoactive” ingredients, which can affect the lucidity and vividness of your dreams, but do not necessarily equal nightmares.</p><p><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="/health/wellbeing/2015/08/cures-from-the-kitchen-cupboard/">&nbsp;</a></strong></span></em></p>

News

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6 wives’ tales that are actually true

<p>While many old wives’ tales are founded on little more than folklore, many remain commonly believed because they’re actually true.</p><p><strong>1. An apple a day keeps the doctor away –</strong> According to a 2013 study, when English test subjects over the age of 50 ate an apple per day, they prevented 8500 heart attacks and strokes each year. It’s time to stock up on those apples.</p><p><strong>2. Counting sheep will help you sleep –</strong> Counting sheep, or more specifically, visualisation can help you sleep by distracting you from anxiety and stress-laden thoughts, allowing you to drift off sooner.</p><p><strong>3. Eat chicken soup when you have a cold –</strong> It’s common practise to eat chicken soup when you have a cold, and there’s good reason behind it: according to studies, chicken soup helps to reduce inflammation by means of slowing down the white blood cell activity that causes it.</p><p><strong>4. The hair of the dog that bit you –</strong> It’s commonly said that after a big night out, having a drink the next day can alleviate your hangover, and it’s not wrong. According to studies, consuming small amounts of alcohol can reduce the hangover symptoms caused from withdrawal.</p><p><strong>5. Eat chocolate during your period –</strong> There’s a reason woman notoriously reach for chocolate during their menstrual cycle, and it isn’t just because it’s delicious. Chocolate, which contains antioxidants called anandamide, can calm the consumer while reducing anxiety and moderating moods.</p><p><strong>6. Eating cheese before bed gives you weird dreams –</strong> According to research, bacterial and fungal properties of cheese are considered “psychoactive” ingredients, which can affect the lucidity and vividness of your dreams, but do not necessarily equal nightmares.</p><p><strong>Related links:</strong></p><p><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="/health/wellbeing/2015/08/cures-from-the-kitchen-cupboard/">8 kitchen cupboard cures for common ailments</a></strong></span></em></p><p><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="/health/wellbeing/2015/08/professor-tim-spector-diet-book/">Why calorie counting is a waste of time</a></strong></span></em></p><p><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="/health/wellbeing/2015/07/top-health-worries-of-60-year-olds/">Top 10 health worries when you’re 60-plus (and how to beat them)</a></strong></span></em></p>

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