What I’ve learnt since being told I have 3 months to live
Each and every day life throws us new challenges and teaches us things about the world and, perhaps more importantly, ourselves. All of which make the journey that is life interesting, challenging and rewarding. Sometimes, however, life tends to throw some of us rather large curveballs. Things that shake us to the very core and as a result our perspective on everything shifts. Recently we published a story on 23-year-old Emma, who was diagnosed with aggressive melanoma in mid 2014, for which there is no cure.
Given only three months to live when she was diagnosed, one can’t even begin to imagine what Emma has been through. When Over60 spoke to Emma about her terminal illness, she was very candid about her experience and quick to reveal that, and not surprisingly so, it has been a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs.
Since being diagnosed with cancer Emma has married the love of her life, added to her little family with a gorgeous puppy Ralph, been accepted into a clinical trial (which has given her more time) and, as she explains, learnt a lot about herself, others and priorities.
In the hopes of shedding some light on what it’s really like to be diagnosed with cancer and to possibly help others in similar situations, Emma was generous enough to sit down with Over60 and talk about her terrible experience and what she has learnt – both the good and the bad.
What have you learnt about life since your diagnosis?
I have learnt what and who are important to me. I have been pretty harsh in how I have handled relationships since cancer, but I don’t see the need in wasting time on people that really don’t deserve to be part of your life.
Life is precious and you deserve to spend it with those most special to you.
Since your diagnosis I am sure you count each day as precious. What helps you to wake up each morning and make the most of things?
Although I am so lucky that I have been given more time with my family, there are definitely days that I don’t want to get out of bed and I would rather just have a day of crying. I feel that there is a lot of pressure for patients with terminal illness “to live in the moment”, but there is only so much of that you can do, there is a point where you do have to enjoy a degree of normalcy and get strength from that. As I don’t work, it was very tempting to go into my own little shell and I felt that I didn’t have much purpose anymore – so in comes Ralph. We bought a little puppy called Ralph. I am totally not a dog person, but I needed something to take care of instead of everyone taking care of me. Ralph makes sure that I wake up early every morning for a play and a walk. This little addition to our family has truly made the biggest difference to my mental health.
Knowing all too well just what a gift time is, how has your attitude towards time, people and “things” changed?
I think I could have gone two ways – I could have embraced everyone who reached out to me and reconnected with people from my past or forgiven everyone that had hurt me in the past OR I could concentrate on a small group of family and friends who’s love and support has never wavered and have not just appeared in my life because I am dying – I went with option two.
When I was given three months and started planning my palliative care, I honestly couldn’t think of anything worse than saying goodbye to everyone that I had ever met. This may sound harsh, but I have learnt that I need to prioritise my time with the people closest to me and enjoy that time.
What advice would give to someone who (or has a family member who) has fallen ill?
My advice is to be kind to yourself. Don’t fall to the pressures of “staying positive” and “living in the moment”, if you want to crawl up in a ball one day and just cry – DO IT!
Have you found that researching your illness has helped you to understand it? What have you discovered?
I don’t research new treatments or clinical trials at all. I feel that Google is very dangerous. I put my trust in one person, and that is my oncologist. My oncologist and the rest of the team at the hospital know my case – Google doesn’t.
What has the experience of being in the trial been like?
Prior to being on a clinical trial, I received treatment on compassionate ground (the drug was not yet on the PBS, but doctors could apply for their patient to receive treatment for free while waiting). Being on a clinical trial is much better! On trial you are being monitored so close, so I felt a sense of security.
Also, I feel really lucky being on a clinical trial. The reality is that there aren’t many treatments for advanced melanoma off trial, so I am truly blessed to have gained access to this treatment.
If you could change just one thing, what would it be?
Obviously I would love to change the fact that I don’t have terminal cancer, but unfortunately that can’t happen. Instead I need to think about all the wonderful things that have happened since cancer. I married the love of my life, I started an amazing blog, I have travelled. The last 18 months has been by all accounts pretty terrible, but there has been a lot of happiness.
If your life had a mantra, what would it be?
“You just need to keep on plodding along”
Life is tough and you don’t always need to put a brave face on, sometimes you just need to get through the day and hope that tomorrow is better.
There are thousands of people living with cancer right now and more are diagnosed every day. To help people avoid facing what Emma is going through, research, like that which Dr Glen Boyle does, is the best hope. With funding from Cancer Council Queensland, Dr Boyle’s work has led to exciting new knowledge about melanoma but it needs ongoing funding to be taken further.
With your help, there is hope that new treatments will become available for people diagnosed with melanoma in the future. Please make a tax-deductible gift today and help find new cancer treatments that could save lives.
Visit www.donate.cancerqld.org.au now or call the Donor Hotline on 1300 663 936 to make a donation.
Have you, or someone you know, been diagnosed with incurable melanoma? We’d love to hear from you and share your story with the Over60 community in the hopes that we can together raise awareness about this issue. Please email the Over60 editorial team at contribute@oversixty.com.au