3 steps to rid insecurities and build confidence
Many of us have insecurities – we might feel concerned that we aren’t tall enough, that our weight is a bit higher than we want it to be, that we aren’t as attractive to a loved one, that we’re too old to do something, or that we are being labelled incorrectly.
Whatever the insecurity, even the smallest thing can set our minds reeling. For instance, when trying on clothes, we might feel frustrated with what we see in the mirror. Or if someone turns down our offer of a second date, we might automatically assume it’s got something to do with how we look.
The feelings that well up when our insecurities flare up are unsettling and uncomfortable. Nobody wants to feel like they aren’t good enough. So what do you do when you find yourself triggered in some way? Try these 3 steps and see if they can help you get your confidence back.
1. Be aware of the triggers
Once you know what sets you off down a spiral of negative thoughts, you hold the power to turn things around. Realising that you have been triggered is a great first step – so just recognise the symptoms and reflect on how you are feeling. Shortness of breath, hot flushes, headaches, trembling – all of these could be signs that you’ve been set off. Before you start trying to work out what it all means, just step back and notice the feelings. That’s all you need to do for now.
2. Avoid the negative thought spiral
In general, this is the point where our brain takes over and starts the monologue that goes something like this: ‘You’re not good enough. You can’t handle this. You always buckle under pressure.’ Instead of letting that voice dominate your thoughts, stop it in its tracks before it kicks off. Realise that it’s just in your mind and that your thoughts don’t define you. Give yourself a break and point out to yourself that this is just a flare up of insecurities and that really you are just fine as you are.
3. Turn inward and find comfort
This is where you look inside your heart and give it a bit of self-love. Realise that it’s your heart that is being wounded and that you are only human. Think of yourself as a small child that you can take care of, love and nurture. Remind yourself that you don’t need anyone else to look after you. Think about all the things that you are good at, and the people that are in your life that make you feel loved. This will help you to realise that thoughts are just thoughts and you are not the person that you were ten, twenty or thirty years ago. From there you can turn the whole experience on its head and focus on what you are grateful for in your life.
How do you deal with it when old insecurities flare up? We’d love to hear your advice in the comments.
Related links:
How to build self-discipline in 10 days
7 “bad” habits that are actually good for you