How to get the men in your life to open up
How do you support the special men in your life who might be struggling with depression, anxiety, loneliness, chronic pain or other health problems? It might be your husband, your son or even your grandson. It might be a neighbour or a good family friend. Men have traditionally found opening up and connecting with the important people in their world, more challenging than women.
In an ideal world, men who are struggling or in crisis would feel confident and empowered enough to ask for help. But statistics reveal that two thirds of men don’t.
A beyondblue report found 50 per cent of men rarely talk about deeper personal issues with mates but almost a third wished they could open up more.
A lot of men want greater openness with their mates but don’t always have the skills to start the conversation or know how to respond when a friend opens up.
Alongside mental health professionals, the good news is that friends, family and community can disrupt the downward spiral.
It’s as simple as A.L.E.C.
A: Ask. Asking if they’re okay. Saying things like, ‘What’s up, have you got five minutes to chat?’ ‘Hey, you don’t seem yourself, you ok?’ ‘You’ve been out of sorts for a while, is everything ok?’ ‘My gut’s telling me something’s up with you, want to get a coffee and tell me what’s going on?’
L: Listen. Once you have gained their trust and they’ve agreed they need to talk, find a quiet place to let them open up. Listen without judgment and remember you don’t have to have the answers. Just letting someone get it off their chest can be the first and sometimes most powerful step in their help seeking journey.
E: Encourage. Encourage them to seek help. Again, it’s not your role to fix whatever’s happening in their world. It could be suggesting they book in to see their GP, talk to their boss, another family member or a mental health professional.
C: Check in. It’s important to check back in with them. Pick up the phone and follow up on your initial chat. Checking in lets them know you care about them and are committed to being there for them. It also reinforces that they matter.
What if you ask someone if they’re ok and they say no?
- Reassure them.
- Refer them to the R U OK? Find Help page, where a variety of services like Lifeline, beyondblue, Suicide Call Back Service and Griefline can be accessed.
- Suggest they contact their GP immediately.
R U OK? has designed a series of videos aimed at encouraging men of all ages to get comfortable asking their friends and family if they’re okay. By asking and listening we can show our loved ones they don’t need to tackle their problems alone and reassure them that help is available. Click here for R U OK?s manspeak videos, tips and resources.
For further information about R U OK? or for help go to, www.ruok.org.au.