"I didn’t want to believe it”: Mariah Carey reveals mental illness diagnosis
Mariah Carey has revealed for the first time her private battle with bipolar disorder.
In a People cover story interview published this week, the 48-year-old pop star said she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2001, during her much publicised physical and mental breakdown.
"I didn’t want to believe it," Carey said of that dark time, which included splitting form her -husband Nick Cannon and panned E! reality series.
It was not until recently the singer-songwriter sought treatment, after "the hardest couple of years [she’s] been through."
"Until recently I lived in denial and isolation and in constant fear someone would expose me," she said. "It was too heavy a burden to carry and I simply couldn’t do that anymore. I sought and received treatment, I put positive people around me and I got back to doing what I love — writing songs and making music."
Carey says she's now in therapy to help manage her bipolar disorder II, which involves periods of depression as well as hypomania, but is considered less severe than bipolar disorder I.
"For a long time I thought I had a severe sleep disorder," added Carey. "But it wasn’t normal insomnia and I wasn’t lying awake counting sheep. I was working and working and working … I was irritable and in constant fear of letting people down. It turns out that I was experiencing a form of mania. Eventually I would just hit a wall. I guess my depressive episodes were characterized by having very low energy. I would feel so lonely and sad — even guilty that I wasn’t doing what I needed to be doing for my career."
Carey told People she's now focused on finding the right balance of treatment that works for her.
"I’m actually taking medication that seems to be pretty good," she said. "It’s not making me feel too tired or sluggish or anything like that. Finding the proper balance is what is most important."