The simple question that could help save a life
Each year, one in every five Australians will experience a mental illness. And each day, eight Australians commit suicide. These shocking statistics show there is still much to be done to de-stigmatise mental illness and to help people access the support they need.
Thursday is R U OK? Day, a national day of action aimed at encouraging people to stay connected by asking one powerful but simple question: Are you ok?
You don’t need to be an expert or professional to make a difference in someone’s life. All you have to be is a good listener. Ahead of the R U OK? Day this Thursday, here are some simple steps you can take to meaningfully connect with your loved ones:
How can you tell if your friends or family members need help?
R U OK? says to trust your gut instinct. You know your loved ones best and if you have a niggling feeling that someone you love isn’t behaving as they normally would, act on it. Let them know you’re here for them by starting a conversation. If all is well, your loved one will know you’re someone who cares enough to ask.
Is there a right way to ask someone if they’re ok?
R U OK? recommends asking yourself three questions before reaching out to a loved one:
- Am I ready? – To helps others, you need to be in a good headspace. Are you ready to genuinely listen and support your loved one? Can you give them the time they need?
- Am I prepared? – You must be prepared for a range of responses. Your loved one might not be ready to talk, or they might feel ready to open up about their struggles. Make sure you’re prepared for the answer to your question, especially if that answer is: “No, I’m not”.
- Have you picked the right moment? – Timing is everything when it comes to sensitive discussions, so make sure you choose a relatively private and comfortable location where they’ll be enough time to have a proper chat. Choosing the right time might mean your loved one is in a better headspace to open up.
How should I prepare for a conversation when someone says they’re not ok?
R U OK? says the main point to remember is to listen without judgement. Take what they say seriously and let them speak without interrupting or rushing them. Acknowledge their experiences but don’t judge or lecture them, and above all, encourage them to open up and explain how they’re feeling.
They’ve suggested a few questions you can ask:
- “What have you done in the past to manage similar situations?”
- “How would you like me to support you?"
- “What’s something you can do for yourself right now? Something that’s enjoyable or relaxing?”
If your loved one has been feeling down for more than two weeks, R U OK? suggests you encourage them to take action and see a health professional. Ultimately, it’s important you try to end the conversation on a proactive note, detailing what can be done or steps that can be taken to get help.
What can I do if someone say they’re ok but I don’t think they are?
If your loved one doesn’t want to talk, don’t criticise them. Let them know you’re asking because you’re genuinely concerned and care about them. Leave the door open by saying something like, “Please call me if you ever want to chat” or “Is there someone else you’d rather talk to?” If your gut is telling you something might be up, some gentle persistence might be required. Keep following up with them to make sure they’re ok.
What else can I do?
R U OK? is not just about asking if your loved ones are ok one day in the year, they want to inspire all people to have regular, meaningful conversations about life's ups and downs. So make sure you keep the conversation going and check in with your loved ones regularly.
R U OK? is a not-for-profit organisation that aims to inspire Australians connect and to have regular, meaningful conversations every day of the year to help anyone who might not be ok. Find out more information by visiting the website here.
Related links:
The real impact of loneliness in Australia (and how to combat it)
How to cope with feelings of vulnerability
Tips on transitioning into retirement