How to reboot when you’re feeling stuck
It’s hard not to take stock of our lives at the beginning of a new year. Often we realise that nothing much has changed over the last 12 months. Perhaps you’re still struggling to get over an illness or bereavement or trying to salvage a relationship. Maybe you’ve still not settled into retirement, or are bored with your job. It’s time to reboot…
1. What do you want to change?
Human behavioural specialist Dr John F. Demartini, best-selling author of ‘The Breakthrough Experience’, says people fall into ruts whenever their daily actions are not aligned to their highest values.
“A rut is a by-product of not giving yourself permission to go after what you love in your life. The result is feeling trapped in something that is not meaningful,” he says.
When daily actions are aligned and the reason you’re getting up in the morning is to do something that will get you where you want to be in life, he says, we wake up bright-eyed and bushy tailed.
Dr Demartini suggests you list your top four or five values. “For example, ask yourself what energises rather than drains you at work or home? What do you always find money to do? In social settings, what do you most commonly talk about? What are the top three goals you can't wait to achieve?”
2. Learn from the past
While it’s unhealthy to dwell in the past and beat yourself up about bad decisions you’ve made, looking back over what hasn’t worked for you can often help you identify what might work for you in the future. For example if there is tension in your relationship, have you been burying your head in the sand and it’s not getting any better? Then perhaps now is the time to decide on a course of action. If you went for a new job and didn’t get it, where did you let yourself down, and what can you do differently next time? Be honest, have you been wallowing in your rut and just sinking deeper and deeper? Then haul yourself up and see how being more positive might make you feel.
Writer Peg Streep calls this ‘counterfactual thinking’: “In any situation, the question ‘What might I have done?’ prompts a new and empowering resolve that when X happens (or doesn’t happen), I will do Y.”
3. Be SMART
In your professional life, you may well have come across SMART goals in your performance appraisals, and you can apply the same theory to your personal life. Set goals that are Specific, Measureable, Attainable, Realistic and Time-bound. So, rather than your goal being: ‘This year I’m going to fall in love’, you might decide you’re going to join an online dating website, ask friends to set you up or join in some new activities to meet new people. You can measure it by how many dates you have. Be realistic- for example one date a month. Or rather than deciding you’re going to win the lotto, decide to get your finances in order and budget for a ticket a week. Rather than decide to lose half your body weight, aim to lose a kilo a week and set out how you’re going to do it.
Don’t expect a quick-fix. Break down what you want to achieve into bite-sized, achievable goals. Every goal you meet, you’ll feel more and more motivated to see it to its conclusion.