All families argue. Don’t they?
Any family will tell you they’ve had their fair share of arguments. Fighting with the people closest to you is a fact of life but when squabbles become particularly heated or frequent it’s a problem you need to take some care in handling. You only have one family so it’s important to deal with the fight. Families have been torn apart by regretful words and actions. It’s a situation nobody wants so here are a few ways to deal effectively with family arguments.
Cool off
It’s hard to do after a fight but try and stay calm. Often our emotions get the best of us during an argument and we do or say things we regret. Go for a walk to clear your head so when you come back, you will be in a much better frame of mind to have a calm discussion. Similarly, don’t force the issue and let other family members cool off.
Talk and listen
Leaving the issue alone will not resolve it. Talk to each other about your problems but avoid being accusatory. Remember, listening is just as important. Try and understand the perspective of the other person. Just like you, they will have valid concerns that you should consider.
Be the bigger person
Don’t be the stubborn one; be the bigger person. Someone has to make the first move to mend the relationship. Often you’ll find your family member just as eager to forgive and forget.
Choose to forgive
You may still be angry but think about how the future will be if the relationship is not healed. Holding onto a grudge is not healthy so choose to let go of any resentment or hurt.
Don’t gossip
Even if you are just relaying what happened to another family member, consider how the other person will view it. They may feel like you are talking about them behind their back and trying to get other family members on your side. Of course, this is not true but with hurt feelings the situation may be viewed differently. It’s always best to talk to the person directly.
Stay in contact
With families spread so far and wide these days, it may be tempting to just pretend the fight didn’t happen. However, it’s not healthy to completely cut off contact with your family - it often leads to an irreparable relationship. Keep them up to date with any important news (birth, marriages and deaths) and send them out the annual Xmas card. With time arguments often resolve themselves.
Professional help
Rather than dragging another family member to mediate, consider professional help. These are people qualified to help families deal with conflict. Often it helps to have an objective third party who can help solve the issues.