From parent to grandparent. Have you mastered the transition?
Becoming a grandparent is a new and exciting transition in many over-60 lives. It brings joy and happiness but it can also come with challenges. One of the most common challenges is a difference of opinion between grandparents and parents over the grandchildren. Disagreements between the generations is a natural part of life (just think back to when your child was in their teens!) but if not properly resolved, it can cause tension and strains in relationships. Nobody wants that: grandparents need their children and grandkids just like parents need their parents. Here are some helpful tips to avoid common grandparent pitfalls to ensure there is a deep and loving bond throughout the many generations.
Be careful giving advice
It may be tempting to shower your child with parenting advice and tips - after all, you’ve been there before - but remember, advice is rarely welcomed when not asked for, especially on a sensitive topic like parenting. Unsolicited advice often comes across like criticism especially when offered by your parents. You may have the best intentions at heart but it’s not the best way to be heard: the more you tell your child what to do, the less likely they’ll ask for your opinion. Respect your child’s parenting and they will be more likely to ask for advice and help. When they do ask, remember to be gentle, loving and supporting, not critical or judgmental. Parenting is difficult and will only be harder for your child if they feel like somebody is judging their every decision.
Follow their rules
You might be used to being in charge but now your child is the "boss". Be helpful and supportive, not intrusive or interfering. Respect the rules and boundaries your child has set in place for your grandchildren whether it’s what they’re fed, disciplinary actions or safety issues. You may not agree but you have to go along with their wishes.
Trust your children
This one is the most important and the most forgotten. Trust your children to parent your grandkids! You did a great job parenting so trust them to do the same. They are the parents now and in charge of the childrearing so let your child work out what’s right for them and their children. It will take time, they might make mistakes and you might see it all coming, but it’s all part of the parenting experience. Everyone parents differently and just because it’s not how you would do things, doesn’t mean it is wrong or bad. Also keep in mind parenting is different to when you raised your children so what worked for you might not work now. You should be enjoying not being a parent anymore, you’re a grandparent! Relish the role of less responsibility and concentrate on spoiling and loving your grandchildren!
Stay neutral
Never side with one parent over the other. Your child may complain about their partner and you might agree but keep opinions to yourself. Parenting is tough and sometimes your child might just need to blow off some steam.
Don’t come between your grandchildren and the parents either. Your grandchildren will probably complain about their parents (who hasn’t?) but whether you agree if they’re being too strict or not, it’s not up to you to say. Respond with empathy to your grandkid, but always support the parent’s decision especially in front of the grandkids.
Don't stop being a parent
Of course, you love them both but sometimes with the arrival of new little grandchildren, we forget that parents need attention too! You parented them all through their child and now as a parent, they need your help and support more than ever! Continuing the supportive and respectful relationship between the generations will help to ensure a beautiful bond between grandparent-parent-grandchild.