Having a sibling makes boys selfless
Encouraging siblings to be friends has lasting effects on their wellbeing - especially for boys.
A study from Brigham Young University found that strong sibling relationships make boys selfless.
"In our study, most relationships were not as important for boys as they were for girls," the study's co-author Laura Padilla-Walker told the Salt Lake Tribune. "But the sibling relationship was different - they seemed to report relying on sibling affection just as much as girls do. It's an area where parents and therapists could really help boys."
After following 308 teenage siblings for three years, researchers found sibling relationships increased their ability to feel sympathy for others and also increased levels of selflessness.
The data was selected from waves three, four and five of the Flourishing Families study.
Padilla-Walker and fellow professor Jim Harper found, "Having a sibling you can count on seems to make a difference especially for pro-social behaviour," said Harper.
"Best friends make a contribution, but siblings still matter," said Padilla-Walker.
Researchers also found boys who experience aggressive relationships with a brother or sister can experience behavioural problems later in life.
Still, sibling rivalry is only natural.
Parenting educator, Michael Grose said its nature's way for kids' to develop their skills.
But merely, breaking up a fight isn't enough.
"The absence of conflict does not mean the presence of affection," Padilla-Walker said. "It's OK if siblings fight but help them get through that and have other positive interactions."
Grose said, "In some ways the parents have got to be a coach and coach them to make up with their siblings."
While there are varying reasons for children not to get along, Grose, the author of Why First-Borns Rule the World and Last-Borns Want to Change it, said approval and being noticed by parents are the main reasons that cause conflict among siblings.
So what should parents be doing to help siblings form positive relationships?
Encourage random acts of kindness
Encourage them to be kind to each other, said Grose. "It's those little things that happen all the time." For example, asking an older sibling to read a story to their brother or sister.
Don't compare your kids to each other
Comparing your kids is a quick way to build resentment among siblings. Try and avoid saying things like saying things like, "but your sister can do it".
Ensure a balance of power
Parents should ensure there is a balance of power between siblings. "If one doesn't stop when the other says they've had enough and they give in, that can be bullying," said Grose. In this situation the parent may need to be an advocate for the child.
Praise children individually
"Children are born with personality traits," Ruth Taylor, Relationship Educator at Relationships Australia, explains. "And they need their parents to accept them and value their strengths, as well as support and [give] encouragement to modify their behaviours in their own best interest."
Fighting among siblings is inevitable but encouraging and fostering a positive relationship has many benefits.
In the end, what matters is how "they pull together when the chips are down," said Michael Grose.
The advantage of having another sibling is having someone to interact with "to develop skills such as empathy and being nice to each other."
Tell us: Do you have siblings? Have you found the above research to be true? Share your experience with us in the comments below.
Written by Livia Gamble. First appeared on Stuff.co.nz.
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