Finding the best way to tell your family history
Rose Osborne, 67, was a registered nurse for 45 years before retiring to become a personal historian, owner and creator of Write My Journey, a life story writing service that turns memories into a beautiful hardcover book.
I recently had a client who wanted his life story documented in a book. He started at the day he was born and did not stop talking until he got to the present date. It was like an avalanche of dates, events, people’s names and places all thrown into a casserole pot and it caused me to take a breath and exhale some information of my own.
“Do you think your family and future generations will want to know the exact date you attended each and every event in your life?” “Do you think they would rather know how you felt through your experiences and what emotions they evoked in you?” I added.
Everyone has a different perspective on how they want their life story remembered and perhaps I was a little harsh. A chronological list of life events and people that amble past us in life might seem an easy way to go, but I wonder if each of us has enjoyed a life that is more than that.
People become daunted and overwhelmed with the thought of documenting their life story. It is a mind shift to thinking in terms of ‘memories’ or ‘anecdotes’ or even just ‘stories.' You can still add your dates and events, but the outcome will be far more interesting and real – the story of you. Everyday joys and sorrows are the fertile ground connecting generations, and they become the gateway to the wider memory of the fullness of your life.
Here are some ideas to get you going and keep yourself going.
Organise yourself
- Find yourself a writing space – this is important. It is helpful if you can leave your materials in one place.
- Know how you will work – on computer or by hand. Think each tool through and how you will organise your work and information. If working by hand, you may find a ring binder easiest so you can add and delete information.
- Establish a writing ritual that gets your mind in the right space. Some find taking a coffee to their writing space and sitting quietly for fifteen minutes in reflection a cunning way to train their mind. Others enjoy a quiet walk in the garden to bring their mind into focus or perhaps fussing around in your work area suits you (as it does me). A ritual becomes very handy when you have those times you can’t write, sometimes called ‘writer's block’.
- Know that this is a pleasurable activity that might take a year or two or three – it can’t be rushed. Settle in and enjoy. Don’t think of it as a task as that is a negative mindset.
- Collect any materials you have available. These could include diaries, journals, letters, photos and any memorabilia and display them in your workspace.
Know some rules from the outset
- Forget about the mechanics of writing. Grammar and formatting are usually last on the list – getting things on paper is the priority.
- Take time with the spelling of names and correct dates – it will be a big time saver.
- Know that your first draft is your first draft and your last draft is the final draft, and there is an ocean in between.
- Be yourself, be honest and truthful. Humour and sarcasm are best left to the experts as they can be misinterpreted if not done well.
- Know your motive. If its revenge, maybe think twice. If it's to benefit your reader by sharing your life story and life lessons, you are in a good place.
- Get a schedule for yourself. For some it will be a specific time either daily or weekly; for others, it may be a story a day or four stories a week. Make it achievable within your lifestyle.
Work in manageable bites
- Some people prefer to sort their life into chapters’ right from the start – childhood, young adult, adult life, etc. Others prefer life events, houses or friends. Others just like to amble along and sort later.
- Develop a mind map. Identify a single event, date or friend and draw a connecting line to another relationship or event. Mind maps are clever tools and can jog the memory deliciously.
- Some people like to start writing by stating their information. Clive James commenced his life story “I was born in 1939. The other big event of that year was the outbreak of the Second World War”. Linking an event or a fact to something of importance in your life is extremely effective. There are endless facts about you that could be used to begin the process of shaping your story. This is a great method to add context and interpretation throughout your story.
- Using anecdotes or stories about your family background or your life events provide great insight for readers. Perhaps a story your parents retold many times through your childhood will say far more about your life than you could describe or perhaps a short amusing story about a real incident or person will showcase difficult circumstances. Facts told from your child-self such as your seeing your father in hospital, or some other traumatic episode will be very compelling.
- Positioning a photo in front of you and allowing yourself the luxury of reflecting is extremely powerful. Allow sounds, images, smells or any other familiarity to become part of your conscience and then jot down first thoughts. Chat to someone who may have memories of this occasion to expand your memory or offer a different perspective. Different perspectives are interesting and slowly reveal rich details.
- Details are important and reflect searching in your mind. If you feel uncertain about something, didn’t enjoy something or perhaps did enjoy it, say why. It’s okay to say you are uncertain and allow your readers to reflect on your feelings.
- Don’t be afraid to use dialogue to highlight the interaction between yourself and another person. It will lift your story and provide light and shade in your text.
Your book may have as many chapters as you like, but usually around twelve chapters is manageable. Remember, your first draft is your first draft and change will happen often.
If you get stuck
- Go back to your writing ritual.
- Always sit down to write and have a ‘go’ even if you feel it is ‘not ‘good’.
- Reflect on your photos or read over your work thus far. You may be surprised.
- If you want a month off, set a date to return to your work – and keep to it.
Allow your reader to discover the emotion and imagery of your life. Ask questions of yourself and embrace each memory as if it is the only one. Enjoy your life story and make the time.
OFFER: If you would like Write My Journey to write your life story, contact us for a FREE 15-minute review on your life story. Rose Osborne also does guest speaking to small groups on Writing your Life.
If you want more information, read your way through my website, www.writemyjourney.com.
Read Rose’s past columns on life writing here and here.
Related links:
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The new grandparenting handbook
“Superstar Grandmas” children’s book defying old stereotypes