5 things you should not say when disciplining kids
When it comes to grandparenting and discipline, there are always plenty of opinions on what works and what doesn’t. The best way to sort the fact from fiction? Look at the research. Opinion and fact are two very different things and by basing your decisions on well-researched arguments, you can feel assured you’re getting your information from the best possible sources. It’s important then to note that recent research has found that the way we speak to our children and grandchildren has a far-reaching impact. Certain sayings can be detrimental for a child’s self-esteem and self-image, especially negatively geared phrases like “naughty boy/girl” or “don’t be so stupid”. While saying these kinds of things is generally not meant in a serious or antagonistic way, the words still have the power to create a label for your grandchild. If we are telling them often enough that they are “naughty,” or “bad” or even “silly,” they will often begin referring to themselves in that way.
Try re-phrasing the following when speaking with the kids in your life. And remember, if you’re not the guardian of the child, it’s always best to first speak to the child’s parents/guardians and find out how they would like their child to be parented.
1. “You naughty boy/girl”
Instead of labelling a child, address the situation that’s given rise to the sentiment, for example, “Do you think what you just did was helping or hurting? How can we make this better?”
2. “How many times have I told you?”
This is a saying you probably heard yourself as a child! If you’ve had to say it that many times then clearly the current approach isn’t very effective. Try re-phrasing to something like: “I’m upset that what I’m saying isn’t getting through to you. How could you make better choices in this situation?”
3. “How could you do this to me?”
Depending on age, a child does not necessarily have the cognitive ability to understand this kind of question, even if it is rhetorical. Children act to meet their needs and get what they want and often only consider the feelings of others after the fact. Try shifting the focus away from yourself and helping a child understand the impact of their actions.
4. “Just wait till we get home”
The use of fear and intimidation does nothing to build a close and trusting relationship. Instead, try a simple: “We will need to discuss this when we get home”.
5. “Don’t be so stupid!”
It may seem a throw away line but children label themselves with the phrases they hear again and again. Try taking this out of your vocabulary and using either a question or more positive phrase.
Related links:
The top 5 reasons toddlers throw tantrums
15 beautiful photos of grandpas and grandbabies