How to get back into the dating game
Dorrie Jacobson, 81, an internationally recognised expert on ageing stylishly, writes for her popular website Senior Style Bible. She also writes about senior sexuality and her experiences with online dating as an older woman.
Seven years ago, my husband passed away and I found myself living alone. After a long and happy marriage, I missed the warmth, intimacy and companionship of having a man in my life and started looking for ways to fill that void. Las Vegas can be quite a difficult place to meet people, so I decided to step out of my comfort zone and test drive a few different online dating sites for seniors.
After about six months of dating, I met a very nice man. Our relationship lasted for two years until he developed Alzheimer’s and moved into an assisted living facility. The end of that relationship coincided with my 80th birthday and the beginning of “Senior Style Bible.”
So here I am once again, now at 81, jumping back into the dating game; A journey that I will be sharing with all of you. I have high hopes of meeting someone new because I don’t believe that love and intimacy have an expiration date. It’s never too late to meet someone wonderful. People don’t really change that much, we all crave love and companionship. It’s just that somewhere along the line we lose the courage to try new things, we get stuck in our ways, and that is how people get old. They stop going out. They stop embracing life. They stop being curious. They become jaded. They lose interest in meeting new people and having new experiences. In order to age well, we need to behave as our younger selves did. We need to try new things, challenge ourselves and take some risks. That means putting ourselves out there socially and romantically.
After talking to many senior women, I began to realize that there was a real need to talk about senior dating and how to pursue relationships later in life. Not many people are talking about it in a really authentic way and as a result, senior women are wary of exploring new relationships after being divorced or widowed. I have listened to a myriad of concerns, ranging from loss of confidence in appearance, to fear of rejection, to fear of becoming sexually active again.
Many older women think that their romantic life is over. I think that’s because they mistakenly believe that senior men are only interested in pursuing younger women. Our insecurities are fuelling a fear of intimacy, which in turn has become a great excuse to ignore mature sexuality. There is this outdated notion that sex is no longer important to women once they get older. That women lose their sex appeal once they hit a certain age. That being sexy, and having an active and enjoyable sex life, is reserved exclusively for the young. Don’t buy into any of that nonsense! I can tell you that at 81, my love and sex life is still far from over. So if I’m still in the game at this late date, you can be too.
Age is simply an attitude. How do you want to play it out? Do you want to sit on the sidelines and miss out on all of the fun, or step up, take some risks and play your heart out until the last inning with the rest of the world? In order to do that, you have to get past that first hurdle, which is deciding that taking some risks is part of life.
Of course there is no guarantee that you will find Mr. Right straight out of the gate. It takes time and patience and a healthy sense of humour to be out there dating, regardless of your age. One thing I can guarantee is that you will have fun and an endless supply of funny dating stories to tell your friends. As for being too old to attract a new partner, let me assure you, most senior men actually want a woman with shared life experiences, who can also relate to his friends and family. The guy looking for a lady thirty years his junior so that he can boost his ego, while simultaneously convincing himself his bank account is not the attraction, is no loss.
Do you have any advice on dating to share with the community? Let us know in the comments below.
For more of Dorrie Jacobson, please visit Senior Style Bible or her popular Instagram here.
Related links:
6 surprising relationship tips from divorce lawyers
The crucial quality to look for in a life partner
5 beliefs that invite true love