How to rekindle an old friendship
It was Thomas Wolf who said you can’t go home again. Does the same thing apply to friendships? Reuniting and rekindling an old friendship can be done, as long as you go about it the right way. Here are some top tips.
Think about why you drifted apart
Before you consider reaching out, it pays to have a long hard think about why you are no longer close. Did you simply drift apart as you both became too busy with your own lives? Or was there a more specific catalyst? If it's the first, then you should be able to open up a dialogue and work to put some time in your schedule. On the other hand, if there was a fight, a major misunderstanding or someone felt hurt, you will have to try harder. Be realistic about the issue and decide if it’s something you think you can overcome.
Start slow
Don’t expect to launch right back into being best friends straight away. The best way to start is to reach out to your old friend in a relaxed, non-confrontational way. Contact them on Facebook, send an email or even a good old fashioned letter. If you’re feeling very confident, you can go right in with a phone call, though be prepared for it to be a little awkward.
Respect their wishes
If the other party has no desire to rekindle the relationship, then you have to respect their wishes. You also can’t force them to explain why – everyone has their reasons and they don't necessarily want to divulge them. Take comfort in the fact that you did what you could and move on.
Keep the first meeting casual
Grab a coffee, take your dogs for a walk in the park or head to the pub for lunch. Don’t try to create a huge, special occasion and put too much pressure on yourself. It is often a good idea to keep the conversation light also. Catch up on what has been happening in your lives before you start deep diving into the reasons you drifted apart. There will be time for all that later. And be aware that your friendship might never get back to where it was in the past.
Rediscover the things that bonded you initially
Many friendships, especially those established earlier in life, are a result of shared experiences. They are your colleagues at work, your children go to school together or your partners were friends. People who become true friends (rather than acquaintances) will connect on a deeper level than this, so try to rediscover what you had in common. It could be literature or yoga or stand up comedy – whatever it is, sharing it again will bring you closer.
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