The psychology of why rekindled romances are so intense
The idea of long lost lovers, star crossed or otherwise, is certainly nothing new. Literature, music and art has depicted the concept of soul mates “losing” each other only to rediscover the yin to their yang years later and fall into a blissfully happy relationship. But is this just the stuff of fairytales? It appears not, at least according to research conducted in California by Dr. Nancy Kalish, a professor at the California State University.
Between 1993-1996 Dr. Kalish surveyed 1001 people who has broken off a relationship and then rekindled the flame at least five years later. Her findings were quite astounding. She found that 72 per cent were still with their “lost love” at the time of the survey with 71 per cent saying that their reunion was the most intense romance they’d ever experienced.
Could this be attributed to the intoxicating mix of history and nostalgia with a hint of memories of youth and what could have been? No, says Dr Kalish who argues that the intensity and high success rate of these relationships comes from a long held belief that they are back with the one with whom they belong. On the whole, not all that many people are keen to revisit an old relationship. Those that actively want to rekindle a relationship have usually experienced a relationship that broke down due to external factors, which were out of their control. Not so much an end for a good reason but an end because it had to be that way.
The crux of whether a relationship can survive the second time around seems to hinge on just how successful it was at first. Time can cloud our emotional judgment as we tend to remember positive experiences more so than negative ones but if things were going swimmingly the first time, there’s a strong possibility that the relationship could well go the distance.
Related links:
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