I love being on my own
Robyn Lee is in her 70s and lives with two lovable but naughty cats. She has published a book on seniors behaving badly, entitled Old Age and Villainy, and considers herself an expert on the subject.
Like most of us, I’ve experienced a marriage/relationship breakdown and once the dust settled, found myself living partnerless with two daughters to bring up. The first two years were the hardest and sometimes the loneliness would lead to unwise decisions. That’s now a long way in the past and I’ve been on my own for 30-odd years to date.
Although saying 30 years makes it seem a long time to be on one’s own, in retrospect it doesn’t seem all that long. I lead a full life and don’t lack company when I want it. Therein lies the secret. I no longer need companionship and feel quite happy in my own company. I have close friends of both genders, with similar interests to mine, plus I belong to a writing group and a yoga class, as well as attending a language class in Italian. I also used to volunteer for a rescue organisation until circumstances meant I had to give that up.
Being on one’s own doesn’t mean living a life devoid of a meaningful relationship. To me it means not having a live-in partner. I’ve become so used to my own space, I know I’d resent sharing it with anyone else. A good friend of mine once said that he makes a lousy partner but he’s a really good ex! I can relate to that very well. However, it is nice to be able to suggest to either one of my women or men friends that we meet up for coffee or a meal, if I feel in the mood for company.
Over the years, I’ve found living on my own has decided advantages. I’m responsible for all my decisions, good and bad. I don’t have to depend on any one to, say, bring in the wheelie bin, get the car serviced or consult about things such as holidays… small things, yet they could lead to problems in a relationship. There’s no one to get grumpy if I want some time to myself and best of all, the bathroom is all mine! I sound selfish and I freely admit it, but my single friends, both male and female feel the same. Or, as one friend put it, we’re independent. I hate the thought of being a burden on either of my daughters but on the rare occasion I may need help with something, I know I can ask.
One thing I have found about living on my own is that making an effort to join clubs and organisations I am interested in is important otherwise, the danger of my becoming a recluse is very real. I also make sure I eat nutritious meals as, apart from the fact that I love food, at an older age malnutrition could become a problem thus leading to impaired health. Oh, I forgot to mention, the odd glass of wine is also very good for one’s wellbeing!
Over the years of being on my own, I’ve got to know myself very well. It’s been a long and sometimes difficult journey but I now revel in the knowledge that I’m my own person and if I did decide to enter into a relationship, it would be because I want to, not because I need to. Neediness is repellent. The desperation of a needy person drives others away and I state that from experiences from when I was a lot younger. I was so self-involved that I couldn’t see that my desperate neediness spelt disaster for any relationship. I believe I would be referred to as “high maintenance” today. It took a wise counsellor, a lot of tears and a change in my outlook to start me on the path to where I am now. I’m happy with who I am and confident in the decisions I make.
I’m certainly not suggesting that being in a relationship means that someone is dependent and lacking insight in anyway. Not at all, this is my experience alone that I’m sharing with you. So here I am today, happily living on my own and well on the way to becoming a crazy cat lady… what fun!
*Main photo is a stock image, and not of Robyn Lee.
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Related links:
Friends are the key to a long and healthy life
Why some people take breakups harder than others
5 pieces of relationship advice you really should ignore