Are you in a co-dependent relationship?
“Co-dependant” is one of those terms that is often thrown around, but is little understood by those doing the throwing. Co-dependency is typically a learned behaviour or emotional condition that “affects an individual’s ability to have a health, mutually satisfying relationship.” A good alternative phrase could be “relationship addiction”, because of the often destructive nature of co-dependant relationships. People most often learn co-dependency by watching family members from childhood. Many associate the term “co-dependant” with romantic relationships, but the truth is individual are just as likely to have co-dependant relationships with family members and friends.
Here are some signs that may indicate you’re in a co-dependent relationship:
- A heightened need for approval and recognition
- You fear being alone
- You have difficulty making decisions on your own
- An exaggerated sense of responsibility for others’ actions
- Doing more than your share is your default mode
- You fall apart without the other person (again, this doesn’t just apply to romantic partnerships)
- You find it difficult to trust – yourself or others
- Your life revolves around one single person who is not you
- You hide your shame about things that occur within your relationship
- You are anxious about the other person abandoning you
- You feel rejected when your partner chooses to spend time with others instead of you
- You are in a relationship with someone with a drug or alcohol problem
- You have difficulty with boundaries and intimacy
If you recognise any of these signs in yourself, then you may be in a co-dependant relationship. If, however, you recognise these things in your partner/family member, then perhaps you are the enabler in a co-dependant relationship. Whatever the case, being aware of the situation is an important first step in making things better.
Terminating the relationship isn’t necessarily the only/best course of action, so before doing anything decisive, it’s important to consider speaking with a mental health professional who can help you move forward. Failing that, seeking out educational materials on the subject can be a helpful first step.
Have you experienced a co-dependant relationship? Share your experience with us in the comments below.