The romance that started in a chat room
Over60 community member Robyn Green, 60, from Byron Shire, NSW, never set out to meet a potential husband when she started talking to people on internet chat websites, but 15 years later she’s glad it turned out that way.
“I met my husband Mark, 52, online 15 years ago. In my case, it was not a dating website, rather a chat site. At the time, I worked long hours and was a supporting parent of a teenager. I’m not a drinker or someone who goes to pubs or clubs, so there were few opportunities for me to meet people outside of clients or work colleagues.
Chat rooms (or chat websites) were a way to connect with people all around the world. I was at that time not interested in an internet romance. I used a website called ICQ, which may or may not still be operating. Folks from all around the world would just log on and chat. My regular chat partners included a 15-year-old Vietnamese boy in Darwin, a 73-year-old poet from Tenterfield, NSW, a chap who ran dog sleds in Alaska, a Canadian IT worker and a young lass from France.
After a while I ‘met’ online a Sydney woman and another chap from Sydney (where I lived at the time). He introduced me online to a friend of his from Goulburn and all four of us would meet up online several times a week and just joke around and share news. The gentleman from Goulburn is the one I ended up marrying some while down the track.
At the time of first meeting, Mark and I both had partners, dates if you like. Neither were long term or serious. We learnt a lot about each other online so when the time came that his Sydney friend offered to take me to Goulburn on a weekend trip with him, I was comfortable to do so. Mark and I hit it off just as well in person as we had online. There were no surprises as we had shared many deep and meaningful conversations online and knew what each other felt about life in general. After the first meeting we kept in touch, both on the phone and online. Both our short-term relationships faded away.
It wasn’t until a particularly stressful week where Mark offered to host me and my grandson (a 10 month old) for a weekend getaway that romance blossomed from there. We kept in touch online each night and by phone and visited each other on alternate weekends until, as fate would have it he was posted to Sydney. The rest is history. While we both like to travel, when it comes to other interests, we’re pretty much polar opposites. We both share the same life values and philosophies, but we approach things from totally different angles. One slightly amusing aside is that as we were both used to typing online conversations to each other, when we talked in person we found ourselves ‘air typing’ as we spoke – rather like air guitar but not as energetic!
Technology is a great way to connect people – if you use discernment and take your time. It is safe (if you take precautions) and you’re not distracted by all the physical nuances that might otherwise prevent you from getting to know someone on a deeper level. You can talk to people anywhere in the world, from any walk of life. You can learn so much and can share your pain or your wisdom.
There are so many websites now for individual issues. For example, I currently have parents with dementia and there are websites for carers or people with dementia, or family members etc. We can all come together, share questions, rail against the pain of the disease or have a laugh when all around seems so bleak. It doesn’t matter if I am in Australia and others are not, we are all going through similar things and the fellowship and shared information is invaluable. Sometimes you end up meeting, sometimes you don’t, but you share all the same.
When it comes to trying to meet people online, I can only say that it worked for me, my brother and sister, and Mark’s brother. We are all married to or in long-term relationships with people we met on the internet. This is purely by chance and none of us knew the other was meeting people from the internet – it just happened that way. I’ve never tried a dating website so I can’t attest to any of those but simply finding a chat website that works for you. Use interests or life issues as a starting point, or simply take a deep breath and jump in!
I think the issue of people being wary of meeting people over the internet is an important one. Always use caution, your brain and for me, humour. Don’t give personal information, such as address or phone number for a long time. I really needed to know someone well before I’d hand out a phone number and I rarely did that. Don’t agree to meet up at your home or theirs, keep things public. You can be whoever you want to be in a chat room, so remember folks aren’t always what they seem, some are living a fantasy life in cyberspace and some are con artists. But, if you take your time, have fun and use your intelligence, you can meet some really nice people. Of the few that I met in person – both men and women – none were a surprise to me face to face. I had come to know them well enough online that when I met them in person, it was just like meeting an old friend.”
Related link: Looking to meet someone, read this for some great ideas on where to look for love.