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Going home for the holidays? How to navigate conflict and deal with difficult people

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jessica-robles-617248">Jessica Robles</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/loughborough-university-1336">Loughborough University</a></em></p> <p>The holiday season is upon us and for many that means all the tension that comes with it. This time of year can be a minefield of uncomfortable moments, disagreement and outright conflict. It’s no wonder <a href="https://fortune.com/well/2022/12/03/home-for-holidays-family-gatherings-mental-health/">many young people</a> are apprehensive about returning home for the holidays after living far away.</p> <p>There are many reasons interpersonal difficulties can arise over the holidays. Perhaps your aunt doesn’t like what you did with her pie recipe, or your friend’s new partner has unsettling political beliefs. Maybe you haven’t lived at home in a while, but your family still talks to you like you’re the same person you were in school. Maybe you’re bringing your partner to meet your family for the first time, and aren’t sure whether everyone will get along.</p> <p>People have socialised less with friends and family <a href="https://triple-c.at/index.php/tripleC/article/view/1167">since the pandemic</a>, and may be feeling out of practice. This can be compounded by all the things people can disagree about.</p> <p>Some topics are higher risk for blowups, and best <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/book/10.1002/9781444354119#page=122">avoided</a> in such settings (religion and politics, for starters). Whether it’s <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11109-018-9476-2">true or not</a>, there’s a popular perception that tricky subjects are more numerous and divisive than ever. Dare one bring up anything adjacent to Brexit, vaccinations or the cost of living? Even bringing your mobile phone to the dining table could get you in trouble.</p> <p>So what happens if your uncle has too much mulled wine and something slips out that annoys or even horrifies you? Family arguments are a common theme in holiday films, but their scripted resolutions are rarely realistic and not based on <a href="https://repository.lboro.ac.uk/articles/book/Talk_the_science_of_conversation/9476291">empirical research</a>. By considering how these things work in the context of real interactions, we can move from what sounds good in theory to what we can put into practice.</p> <h2>Think before you speak</h2> <p>In real-world situations, <a href="http://pstorage-loughborough-53465.s3.amazonaws.com/21189843/Thesis2019Joyce.pdf">interactions can escalate</a> before you’re even fully aware that they’re happening. You might be able to anticipate why and how an interaction might become a problem. Does alcohol generally lead to arguments in your family? Are your parents usually hypercritical of your new partners? Consider how to avoid problems before they start.</p> <figure>In the moment, you can often spot “clues” that something is about to go awry. Trouble doesn’t usually emerge solely because of one person, but through <a href="https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/edit/10.4324/9780429058011-13/conflict-interaction-phillip-glenn">the back-and-forth between people</a>. Assuming too much about who might be “the difficult one” and why won’t be helpful on its own.</figure> <p>You have to learn to recognise the conversational moves people are making (including your own) and see how <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/B9780126235500500082">other people respond to them</a>. Some facial expressions can express doubt or distrust, and contemptuous expressions (such as <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/08351813.2021.1936858">eye-rolling</a>) can signal that a conversation might take a turn toward insult rather than discussion. A response that starts with the word <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216615002465?casa_token=gyu3pjfpGrEAAAAA:VwEe8rVBXvsbF9V_aeYylN42IpKYeZ1BGqp85VoP_rkBQZtEI5AbuqBloiPxgTKfsJjj5VTSvcY">“well”</a> can be warning of incoming disagreement.</p> <p>As you notice what ways of speaking get what kinds of responses, you can be more thoughtful about what you choose to say. Even <a href="https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-319-99094-1_2">changing a single word</a> can shift the direction of a conversation. A common sign that a conversation is starting to escalate unhelpfully is that people begin <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/08351813.2020.1826765?casa_token=AIU2DQgEJQUAAAAA%3AGoBBF8SPSXcDmiKBAwaIihjFngE1ck8QiVj0HFZO7VGxi8TtkOf7PB0j5NMV9ufgMN4BwF-dMFA1Gw">commenting on the conversation itself and accusing</a> one another of unreasonable behaviour. Once you learn to be more conscious of that, it can help you reflect on how to respond in ways that might deescalate… if that’s what you want to do.</p> <h2>Why we fight</h2> <p>There is a dilemma here: sometimes backing down from a conflict challenges our values of authenticity and commitment to our beliefs. If someone says something insulting, whether mild or <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216622002120">egregious</a>, it feels disingenuous and morally irresponsible to smooth things over. Some conflict is worth engaging, especially with someone you care about who is willing to listen and think about things. The complication is, that’s not always the case.</p> <p>Often when people argue about something they care about, they end up <a href="https://ttu-ir.tdl.org/handle/2346/16661">misaligned</a> or “talking at cross purposes”, where they’re not really even discussing the same thing anymore. Every conversation has a trajectory, but it’s entirely possible for a conversation to have <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/2786745#metadata_info_tab_contents">parallel or divergent trajectories</a>. In such cases, it’s unlikely that any amount of <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/08351813.2019.1631044">good-faith discussion</a> is actually going to be <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216618304302?casa_token=y7CoCCptr6AAAAAA:LCHuB6-BRaH4HPIothLVX_ENhSPlfshapdyvxzk9LjlQa24WJyRM4sXF2_bFp6oiWAfWnsVIoK8">productive</a>.</p> <p>At the end of the day, it’s also worth considering what makes a person or conversation “difficult”. Assigning that word to someone <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1468-2885.2001.tb00234.x?casa_token=g5XfR-FKNLEAAAAA:GFvy6M4CY9IHrE51_NTEJDNgf6bdPqJZPX2Q2KZStBesgv8UIJDj7YTBnVMOSpRCDRWbX-DsmkQFaWQ">is not a neutral or objective</a> statement. Maybe you, in fact, are the “difficult person”. Maybe, for some kinds of conflict, you should want to be difficult. And maybe, sometimes, it’s alright to go outside and let off steam with a snowball fight.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/196751/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jessica-robles-617248">Jessica Robles</a>, Lecturer in Social Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/loughborough-university-1336">Loughborough University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/going-home-for-the-holidays-how-to-navigate-conflict-and-deal-with-difficult-people-196751">original article</a>.</em></p>

Family & Pets

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6 tips to keep the peace on holidays with a friend

<p>Even the best of friends can come to blow when they’re on the road. Avoid conflict with your travel buddy by following these tips.</p> <p><strong>1. Plan ahead</strong></p> <p>Before you set foot on that plane, you need to make absolutely sure that you are both having the holiday you want. If one person loves to spend their days hiking through the forest, they won’t appreciate being made to lie on the beach all day. Or vice versa. There’s always going to be an element of compromise, so plan a trip that appeals to both of you. Otherwise you’ll spend the whole time at loggerheads.</p> <p><strong>2. Agree on a budget</strong></p> <p>Money always causes trouble and that can be amplified when you’re on the road. Even if you are keeping your finances separate while travelling, it’s important to agree on a general budget. One person might be happy to splash out on fancy restaurants every night while the other prefers to fill up on budget street food. You’ll need to find a happy medium that suits both of your wallets and it’s easier to do it before you depart, rather than starting a fight when you’re both hungry.</p> <p><strong>3. Pack separate bags</strong></p> <p>You’ll thank us in the end. It might sound like a great idea to minimise the load and just take one bag, but everyone needs a bit of their own space. Having your own bag means there’s no conflict over who has packed too much or who is a messy folder, plus you both get lots of space for souvenirs. It also prevents one person from getting stuck carrying the load every time.</p> <p><strong>4. Be flexible</strong></p> <p>It’s always handy to have a schedule, but you don’t have to stick to it like you’re on a military expedition. Choices will have to made at numerous points in your trip, so discuss them with your buddy and be prepared to be flexible. You can’t both have things exactly your own way the whole time, so it’s easier to be open to alternative options rather than digging in.</p> <p><strong>5. Spend some time apart</strong></p> <p>Travelling together doesn’t mean you have to spend every waking minute together. Time apart is healthy and gives each person the chance to do things they want to do. One of you can go to the museums, the other can hit the shops, and you can swap stories over dinner.</p> <p><strong>6. Let it go</strong></p> <p>It’s a holiday, so have some fun. Try not to pick silly fights and, if you do end up in one, don’t hang on to it. If things go wrong it’s easier in the long run to laugh about it than apportion blame. No one’s here to keep score. And if you feel things getting a little tense, talk about it before it goes too far.</p> <p><em>Image credit: Shutterstock</em></p>

Travel Tips

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Catholic conflicts on marriage continue, even decades after Vatican II

<p>The past 60 years have been a period of change and reflection for many in the Catholic Church, initiated by the Second Vatican Council in the 1960s and continued by the current synod on synodality.</p> <p>In the autumn of 2021, Pope Francis <a href="https://www.usccb.org/synod" target="_blank" rel="noopener">announced a new synod</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-is-the-synod-of-bishops-a-catholic-priest-and-theologian-explains-168937" target="_blank" rel="noopener">an official meeting of Roman Catholic bishops</a> to determine future directions for the church globally. The <a href="https://www.synod.va/content/dam/synod/common/phases/continental-stage/dcs/Documento-Tappa-Continentale-EN.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">first working document</a> issued by the synod was published on Oct. 27, 2022.</p> <p>This document was made public <a href="https://www.vatican.va/content/francesco/en/homilies/2022/documents/20221011-omelia-60concilio.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">soon after the 60th anniversary</a> of Pope John XXIII’s 1962 convocation of the Second Vatican Council. During the three years that followed, Catholic bishops from across the globe met in several sessions, assisted by expert theologians. Many guests were also <a href="https://vaticaniiat50.wordpress.com/2013/09/27/63-non-catholic-observers-attending-second-session/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">invited as observers</a>, which included prominent Catholic laity and representatives from other Christian churches.</p> <p>The council called for fresh ways to address 20th-century social and cultural issues and initiated official dialogue groups for Catholic theologians with others from different faith traditions.</p> <div data-id="17"> </div> <p>However, Catholics have become increasingly divided over this openness to contemporary cultural changes. As a <a href="https://www.holycross.edu/academics/programs/religious-studies/faculty/joanne-pierce" target="_blank" rel="noopener">specialist in Roman Catholic liturgy and worship</a>, I find that one important flashpoint where these deeper disagreements become more painfully visible is in Catholic worship, particularly in the celebration of its seven major rituals, called the sacraments. This is especially true in the celebration of matrimony.</p> <h2>Vatican II</h2> <p>In the mid-20th century, the church was still shaken by the repercussions of World War II and struggling to contribute to a world connected by the reality of global communication and the threat of nuclear war. Vatican II was called to “update” and “renew” the church – a process Pope John XXIII called “<a href="https://www.vaticannews.va/en/vatican-city/news/2022-10/vatican-ii-council-60th-anniversary-video-history-background.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">aggiornamento</a>.”</p> <p>One important theme connecting all of the council’s documents was <a href="http://individual.utoronto.ca/hayes/xty_canada/vatican_ii.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">inculturation</a>, a more open dialogue with the variety of global human cultures. With the document <a href="https://www.vatican.va/archive/hist_councils/ii_vatican_council/documents/vat-ii_const_19631204_sacrosanctum-concilium_en.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Sacrosanctum Concilium</a>, the bishops addressed the need to revisit the centuries-old worship traditions of Catholicism, reforming the structures of the various rituals and encouraging the use of vernacular languages during prayer, rather than exclusive use of the ancient Latin texts.</p> <p>In the intervening decades, however, sharp contradictions and disagreements have arisen, especially over clashes between flexible cultural adaptation and rigorous moral and doctrinal standards. These have become much more visible during the past two pontificates: the more conservative Pope Benedict XVI – pope from 2005 to 2013 – and the more progressive Pope Francis.</p> <h2>The synod on synodality</h2> <p>For the present synod, Pope Francis began with a process of consultation with <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-catholic-church-is-increasingly-diverse-and-so-are-its-controversies-189038" target="_blank" rel="noopener">local church communities all over the world</a>, stressing the inclusion of many different groups within the church, especially of <a href="https://www.vaticannews.va/en/vatican-city/news/2022-10/voices-of-excluded-in-synod-document-for-continental-phase.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">those who are often marginalized</a>, including the poor, migrants, LGBTQ people and women.</p> <p>However, there <a href="https://www.ncregister.com/commentaries/is-the-synod-building-a-big-tent-or-a-house-on-sand" target="_blank" rel="noopener">has also been criticism</a>. Some feel that the church should more swiftly adapt its teaching and practice to the needs of a variety of contemporary cultural shifts, while others insist it should hold on to its own traditions even more tightly.</p> <h2>Gay marriage</h2> <p>In North America and Europe, a major <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2020/11/02/how-catholics-around-the-world-see-same-sex-marriage-homosexuality/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">cultural shift</a> has taken place over recent decades concerning gays and lesbians, from marginalized rejection to acceptance and support.</p> <p>Over the years Pope Francis has <a href="https://apnews.com/article/pope-endorse-same-sex-civil-unions-eb3509b30ebac35e91aa7cbda2013de2" target="_blank" rel="noopener">come under fire</a> for his comments about homosexuality. He has publicly stated that gay Catholics are not to be discriminated against, that they have a right to enter secular civil unions and that they are to be welcomed by the Catholic community. On the other hand, he has also <a href="https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/setback-gay-catholics-vatican-says-church-cannot-bless-same-sex-unions-2021-03-15/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">refused bishops permission</a> to offer gay couples a blessing.</p> <p><a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/europe/gay-blessings-germany-vatican/2021/05/10/e452cea2-af6a-11eb-82c1-896aca955bb9_story.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Progressive bishops in Germany</a> and <a href="https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/flemish-catholic-bishops-defying-vatican-approve-blessing-same-sex-unions-2022-09-20/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Belgium</a>, who had been <a href="https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/250313/synodal-way-meeting-ends-with-call-for-same-sex-blessings-change-to-catechism-on-homosexuality" target="_blank" rel="noopener">proponents</a> of this practice, organized an open protest by setting aside a day just for the bestowal of these blessings.</p> <p>In contemporary Catholicism, discrimination or injustice against gay or lesbian individuals is <a href="https://www.usccb.org/sites/default/files/flipbooks/catechism/568/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">condemned</a>, because each human being is <a href="https://www.usccb.org/beliefs-and-teachings/what-we-believe/catholic-social-teaching/life-and-dignity-of-the-human-person" target="_blank" rel="noopener">considered to be a child of God</a>. However, homosexual orientation is still considered “<a href="https://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P85.HTM" target="_blank" rel="noopener">intrinsically disordered</a>” and homosexual activity seriously sinful.</p> <p>The Vatican <a href="https://press.vatican.va/content/salastampa/en/bollettino/pubblico/2021/03/15/210315b.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">has warned</a> progressives of the danger that these blessings might be considered, in the eyes of the faithful, the equivalent of a <a href="https://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/documents/rc_con_cfaith_doc_20210222_articolo-responsum-dubium-unioni_en.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">sacramental marriage</a>. Some might assume that homosexual activity is no longer considered sinful, a fundamental change that conservative Catholics would find completely unacceptable.</p> <p>This doctrinal perspective has led to other liturgical restrictions. For example, the baptism of children adopted by gay parents is considered a “<a href="https://www.usccb.org/committees/doctrine/pastoral-care" target="_blank" rel="noopener">serious pastoral concern</a>.” In order for a child to receive the sacrament of Catholic baptism – the blessing with water that makes the child a Catholic Christian – there must be some hope that the <a href="https://www.vatican.va/archive/cod-iuris-canonici/eng/documents/cic_lib4-cann834-878_en.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">child will be raised in the Catholic Church</a>, yet the church teaches that homosexual activity is objectively wrong. Despite the current openness <a href="https://www.reuters.com/article/us-vatican-synod-gays/gays-and-their-children-should-not-suffer-church-bias-vatican-idUSKBN0F11HV20140626" target="_blank" rel="noopener">to gay Catholics</a>, this conflict could lead to the child’s being denied baptism.</p> <p>Following a <a href="https://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/ccatheduc/documents/rc_con_ccatheduc_doc_20051104_istruzione_en.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">document issued in 2005</a> under Pope Benedict XVI, Pope Francis in 2018 stated that candidates for the sacrament of ordination – the ritual that makes a man a priest – <a href="https://www.reuters.com/article/us-pope-homosexuality/pope-tells-bishops-not-to-accept-gay-seminarians-report-idUSKCN1IP36J" target="_blank" rel="noopener">must be rejected</a> if they demonstrate “homosexual tendencies” or a serious interest in “gay culture.” He also advised gay men who are already ordained to <a href="https://www.reuters.com/article/us-pope-homosexuals-book/be-celibate-or-leave-the-priesthood-pope-tells-gay-priests-idUSKBN1O10K7" target="_blank" rel="noopener">maintain strict celibacy or leave the priesthood</a>.</p> <h2>Polygamy and colonialism</h2> <p>This recent cultural shift in Western nations has raised difficult questions for Catholics, both clergy and laity. In some non-Western countries, however, it is <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-catholic-church-is-increasingly-diverse-and-so-are-its-controversies-189038" target="_blank" rel="noopener">an older custom</a> that has become an important issue.</p> <p>The culture of many African countries is supportive of polygamy – more specifically, the <a href="https://catholicherald.co.uk/many-african-catholics-have-more-than-one-wife-what-should-the-church-do/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">practice of allowing men to take more than one wife</a>. While the civil law in some countries might not allow for polygamy, the “<a href="http://www.scielo.org.za/pdf/she/v39n1/14.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">customary law</a>” rooted in traditional practice may still remain in force.</p> <p>In some countries, like Kenya in 2014, <a href="https://cruxnow.com/cns/2018/05/11/some-kenyan-christians-support-polygamy-but-catholic-church-says-no" target="_blank" rel="noopener">civil law has been changed</a> to include an <a href="https://www.americamagazine.org/faith/2019/01/07/pushed-politicians-polygamy-abounds-among-christians-kenya?destination=/faith/2019/01/07/pushed-politicians-polygamy-abounds-among-christians-kenya" target="_blank" rel="noopener">official recognition of polygamous marriage</a>. Some have argued that monogamy is not an organic cultural shift but a <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8827617/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">colonial imposition</a> on African cultural traditions. In some areas, Catholic men continue the practice, even those who act on behalf of the church in teaching others about the faith – called catechists.</p> <p>At least one African bishop <a href="https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/17354/synod-for-africa-ponders-how-to-tackle-polygamy-meddling-by-foreign-interests" target="_blank" rel="noopener">has made an interesting suggestion</a>. The openness to alternative cultural approaches has already resulted in one change. Divorced and remarried Catholics were once forbidden from taking Communion – the bread and wine consecrated at the celebration of the Catholic ritual of the Mass – because the church did not recognize secular divorce.</p> <p>Today, they may <a href="https://www.ncronline.org/vatican-cardinal-amoris-laetitia-allows-some-remarried-take-communion" target="_blank" rel="noopener">receive communion</a> under certain conditions. This flexibility might apply as well to Catholics in non-recognized polygamous unions, who are also <a href="https://www.commonwealmagazine.org/african-bishop-polygamy-homosexuality-divorce-oh-my" target="_blank" rel="noopener">not permitted to receive Communion</a> at present.</p> <p>As Pope Francis wrote in his 2016 document on marriage, <a href="https://www.vatican.va/content/dam/francesco/pdf/apost_exhortations/documents/papa-francesco_esortazione-ap_20160319_amoris-laetitia_en.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Amoris Laetitia</a>, some matters should be left to local churches to decide based on their own culture and traditions.</p> <p>However, despite the <a href="https://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/cti_documents/rc_cti_1988_fede-inculturazione_en.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">need for increased awareness of and openness to diverse human cultures</a> stressed during Vatican II and the current synod, this traditional custom is still considered a violation of Catholic teaching. Based on the words of Jesus in the <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%2019%3A6&amp;version=NRSVACE" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Gospel of Matthew</a>, Catholic teaching continues to emphasize that marriage can take place only between <a href="https://www.catholicculture.org/culture/library/catechism/index.cfm?recnum=6219" target="_blank" rel="noopener">one man and one woman as a lifelong commitment</a>.</p> <p>How the current synod on synodality, in its effort to extend the insights of the Second Vatican Council, will deal with questions like these is still unclear. It is now set to run for an additional year, concluding in 2024 instead of 2023.</p> <p><strong>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/catholic-conflicts-on-marriage-continue-even-decades-after-vatican-ii-192808" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>.</strong></p> <p><em>Image: Shutterstock</em></p>

Relationships

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Democracy spreads in waves – but shared cultural history might matter more than geography

<p>Recent events like the war in Ukraine, conflicts over Taiwan and the rise of authoritarian ideology have renewed interest in the foundations of modern democracy.</p> <p>They have raised questions about why some nations are more democratic than others, and how democratic institutions, freedoms and values are spread or lost.</p> <p>We tend to think of this variation in terms of geography – democratic Western Europe or autocratic Middle East.</p> <p>But in a <a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/evolutionary-human-sciences/article/shared-cultural-ancestry-predicts-the-global-diffusion-of-democracy/90C7A170B924FC305DD66FF8853799FC" target="_blank" rel="noopener">new analysis of 220 years of political data</a>, we show that deep cultural connections between countries such as shared linguistic or religious ancestry matter more than geography.</p> <h2>Waves of democratisation</h2> <p>The emergence of modern democracy coincides with the rise of nation states in Europe at the beginning of the 19th century. Democracy spread across European nations and their colonies, over <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Third_Wave:_Democratization_in_the_Late_Twentieth_Century" target="_blank" rel="noopener">three waves</a>.</p> <p>The first wave lasted about a century, from 1828 to 1926, halting after the first world war. A second, rapid wave (1945-1962) followed the second world war and decolonisation.</p> <p>The third wave began in 1974 and continues today. It encompassed political transitions and new countries in Europe, Latin America and the Pacific.</p> <p>Each wave was followed by a period of reversals when nations turned to autocratic regimes, junta or fascism. Indeed, some researchers speculate we are heading into <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/13510347.2019.1582029" target="_blank" rel="noopener">another period of reversal</a>.</p> <h2>What drives modern democracy?</h2> <p>Scholars traditionally considered factors internal to a country – economic growth, rates of education or the natural environment – as the drivers of these waves. However, the geographic clustering of democracy and the wave-like pattern of expansion suggest the process may also involve a kind of contagion where democracy passes from one nation to another.</p> <p>One explanation for this is that democratic change spreads across borders, so that neighbouring countries end up with similar levels of democracy.</p> <p>Culture provides another explanation. Neighbouring countries tend to share a common cultural heritage, such as related languages or religions. This shapes national institutions, norms and values.</p> <p>In our research, we tested the idea that common cultural ancestry explains variation and change in democracy around the globe. We brought together 220 years of democracy data with information on the cultural relationships between nations. The cultural relationships we examined were based on languages and religious beliefs.</p> <p>For example, Portugal is linguistically closer to Spanish-speaking Argentina and Spain than to England and Germany (which speak Germanic languages). Likewise, Myanmar, a Theravada Buddhist country, is religiously closer to Mongolia (where Vajrayana Buddhism is predominant) than to Muslim Malaysia.</p> <h2>Culture is more important than geography</h2> <p>The democracy data we studied cover 269 modern and historical nations and three widely-used democracy indicators, measuring democratic and autocratic authority in governing institutions (<a href="https://www.systemicpeace.org/polityproject.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Polity 5</a>), electoral participation and competition (<a href="https://www.prio.org/data/20" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Vanhanen Index</a>) and individual rights and freedoms (<a href="https://freedomhouse.org/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Freedom House</a>).</p> <p>Across all three indicators of democracy, we found countries that share linguistic or religious ancestry tend to have more similar democracy scores. These shared cultural ties were better predictors of democracy than geography, especially during the third wave of democratisation.</p> <p>Knowing the democratic status of a country’s linguistic or religious relatives helps predict that country’s future level of democracy five, ten or even 20 years later.</p> <p>These effects were not just due to countries sharing a language (for example, the English-speaking world) or religion (such as the Sunni Islam majority countries). This suggests deeper cultural connections between countries are important.</p> <h2>What this means for the spread of democracy</h2> <p>These effects could be the result of a number of processes.</p> <p>One possibility is that countries directly inherited institutions along the same pathways they inherited cultural features like language. For instance, Aotearoa New Zealand and other Commonwealth countries inherited the British legal system along with the English language.</p> <p>Another possibility is that cultural similarities might make countries more likely to maintain ongoing social connections, including foreign relations, which then aid the spread of institutions. For example, the <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-the-arab-spring-changed-the-middle-east-and-north-africa-forever-161394" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Arab Spring</a> spread among a set of countries with common linguistic and religious heritage.</p> <p>A third possibility is that inherited cultural values could steer countries towards similar institutions. For example, <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41562-019-0769-1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">in previous research</a> we found that tolerance of diversity (cosmopolitan values) promotes a shift to more democratic institutions, but the reverse is not true. Democratic institutions do not shift tolerance.</p> <p>Countries that have inherited cosmopolitan values as part of their shared cultural ancestry may be more likely to shift towards democracy. If this theory is correct, it calls into question the assumption that democratic institutions can endure without sustained efforts to promote the cultural values that support them. The US interventions in Afghanistan and Iraq may be tragic examples of this.</p> <p>Our findings indicate cultural history matters for understanding the spread of democracy around the globe. This does not mean culture is the only factor at play (our analyses still leave a lot of variation unexplained). Neither do our findings speak to a population’s ultimate potential to achieve democratic outcomes, but we see this as within the reach of all populations.</p> <p>This means those wishing to support democracy at home or abroad should take cultural barriers seriously. We cannot assume that institutions that work well in one cultural setting can be easily transplanted to another, very different setting, with different values, norms and traditions. We should pay more attention to culturally closely related countries that have succeeded at merging local norms and values with democratic institutions.</p> <p><strong>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/democracy-spreads-in-waves-but-shared-cultural-history-might-matter-more-than-geography-189959" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>.</strong></p> <p><em>Image: Shutterstock</em></p>

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Why banning men from leaving Ukraine violates their human rights

<p>As Ukraine scrambles to defend itself from Russia’s illegal invasion, men aged 18 to 60 have been <a href="https://edition.cnn.com/europe/live-news/ukraine-russia-news-02-24-22-intl/h_4309a4916d57670f85519210a07fb2c9" target="_blank" rel="noopener">banned</a> from leaving the country.</p> <p>The declaration of <a href="https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2022/2/24/martial-law-in-ukraine-what-you-need-to-know" target="_blank" rel="noopener">martial law</a> in Ukraine gives the government power to enact this ban, but it is not in keeping with human rights or humanitarian norms.</p> <p>So, what is actually happening in Ukraine and what does the law say?</p> <p><strong>What the Ukrainian government says</strong></p> <p>When Russia invaded last month, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky called on Ukrainian civilians to defend their country.</p> <p>As the Ukrainian interior ministry also <a href="https://observers.france24.com/en/europe/20220225-thousands-of-ukrainians-sign-up-to-fight-for-their-country-as-russia-invasion-continues" target="_blank" rel="noopener">posted</a> on Telegram:</p> <blockquote> <p>Today is the moment when every Ukrainian who can protect his home must take up arms. Not just to help our soldiers, but to cleanse Ukraine of the enemy once and for all.</p> </blockquote> <p>But if you are a man between 18 and 60, this call to arms may seem more like a compulsory requirement. As Ukraine’s border guard service <a href="https://www.vice.com/en/article/z3ng45/males-banned-from-leaving-ukraine" target="_blank" rel="noopener">explains</a>, the ban on adult men leaving is aimed at guaranteeing “Ukraine’s defence and the organisation of timely mobilisation’”.</p> <p><strong>What does self-defence look like?</strong></p> <p>Given the illegality of Russia’s invasion, Ukraine is entitled to defend itself under the <a href="https://legal.un.org/repertory/art51.shtml" target="_blank" rel="noopener">United Nations Charter</a>. Of course, a country will rely on all available military resources to exercise this right of self-defence.</p> <p>Ukraine already has a sizeable <a href="https://en.as.com/en/2022/02/27/latest_news/1645988584_607115.html#:%7E:text=Ukraine%20has%20a%20sizeable%20force,and%20paramilitary%20forces%20are%20included." target="_blank" rel="noopener">army</a>, with 200,000 active personnel and 300,000 reservists, as well as paramilitary forces who are now being mobilised under the general mobilisation decree.</p> <p>But Ukraine’s military resources pale in comparison to Russia’s <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2022-03-01/russian-military-remade-itself-modern-deadly-fighting-machine/100868776" target="_blank" rel="noopener">modern, professional</a> army built up through <a href="https://www.sipri.org/commentary/topical-backgrounder/2020/russias-military-spending-frequently-asked-questions" target="_blank" rel="noopener">massive investment</a> over the past decade. It has about 900,000 active personnel and about two million reservists.</p> <p>Given the obvious <a href="https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2022/1/25/infographic-military-capabilities-of-russia-and-ukraine-interactive" target="_blank" rel="noopener">imbalance</a>, it is not surprising Ukraine is now desperate to mobilise every eligible individual. But there is an important distinction between people who are conscripted into military service and people who are banned from leaving, but not then formally mobilised or equipped to fight.</p> <p><strong>Conscientious objection</strong></p> <p>With their country facing armed attack by a major military power with the aim of <a href="https://www.politico.eu/article/putin-calls-on-ukraine-military-to-overthrow-government-agree-peace-deal/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">overthrowing their government</a>, some Ukrainians have felt compelled to stay and potentially fight.</p> <p>Some have enlisted in the wake of Russia’s invasion. These brand new soldiers have been called both <a href="https://theintercept.com/2022/02/26/ukraine-russia-invasion-conscription/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">conscripts</a> and <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/mar/02/ukrainian-volunteers-united-front-against-russia-invasion" target="_blank" rel="noopener">volunteers</a>.</p> <p>Others have felt compelled to leave. The very nature of the conflict puts civilians at risk - it is playing out in densely populated cities, through shelling and <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-60585603" target="_blank" rel="noopener">aerial bombardment</a>. Already more than <a href="https://www.unhcr.org/news/press/2022/3/62206a824/news-comment-1-million-refugees-fled-ukraine-week.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">one million people</a> have fled.</p> <p>However, for men aged 18 to 60, the ban on leaving Ukraine means they have no choice to flee the attack and the risks they face as civilians in the theatre of war.</p> <p>A New York Times <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/01/podcasts/the-daily/ukraine-russia-kyiv-civilian-military.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">podcast</a> tells the story of an animator named Tyhran, who unsuccessfully tried to cross the border into Poland.</p> <blockquote> <p>I can’t imagine myself doing military stuff […] I have no experience in it. I’m afraid of holding a gun […] I cannot imagine myself holding a gun.</p> </blockquote> <p>Tyhran says he was shamed at the border by guards and others seeking to cross, but may try again to cross illegally.</p> <blockquote> <p>They are bombing and people are dying. Everyone is running […] They are not going to stop. They just want to destroy.</p> </blockquote> <p>Meanwhile, there are <a href="https://www.latimes.com/world-nation/story/2022-03-03/lgbt-ukrainians-are-terrified-of-a-life-under-russia-where-homophobia" target="_blank" rel="noopener">reports</a> LGBTQI+ Ukrainians are terrified of being targeted, given Russia’s <a href="https://www.hrw.org/report/2018/12/12/no-support/russias-gay-propaganda-law-imperils-lgbt-youth" target="_blank" rel="noopener">program</a> of <a href="https://freedomhouse.org/article/dismantling-lgbt-rights-means-control-russia" target="_blank" rel="noopener">discrimination</a> against gay and transgender people in Russia.</p> <p><strong>What international law says</strong></p> <p>The International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights <a href="https://www.ohchr.org/EN/Issues/RuleOfLaw/Pages/ConscientiousObjection.aspx" target="_blank" rel="noopener">guarantees</a> freedom of thought, conscience and religion or belief. Although it does not specifically guarantee a right to conscientious objection to military service, the UN Human Rights Committee has <a href="https://tbinternet.ohchr.org/_layouts/15/treatybodyexternal/Download.aspx?symbolno=CCPR/C/21/Rev.1/Add.4&Lang=en" target="_blank" rel="noopener">confirmed</a> this right derives from the protection under the convention.</p> <p>This means that if a person’s conscience, religion or beliefs conflict with an obligation to use lethal force against other people, their right to conscientious objection to military service must be protected.</p> <p>Some human rights <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/1323238X.2021.1995123?journalCode=rjhu20#.YfsmG3scCLA.twitter" target="_blank" rel="noopener">can be suspended or limited</a> during a public emergency. But the right to freedom of conscience is specifically <a href="https://www.ag.gov.au/rights-and-protections/human-rights-and-anti-discrimination/human-rights-scrutiny/public-sector-guidance-sheets/right-freedom-thought-conscience-and-religion-or-belief#can-the-right-to-freedom-of-thought-conscience-and-religion-or-belief-be-limited" target="_blank" rel="noopener">excluded</a> from this category.</p> <p><strong>What should Ukraine do?</strong></p> <p>The government of Ukraine should cancel its ban on men leaving the country. To maintain it will violate the freedom of conscience of any man who wishes to flee due to a conscientious objection to killing others.</p> <p>In relation to LGBTQI+ people, the ban could also be regarded as preventing people with a well founded fear of persecution from fleeing to seek <a href="https://www.unhcr.org/en-au/3b66c2aa10" target="_blank" rel="noopener">refuge</a> outside Ukraine.</p> <p>More broadly, repealing the departure ban would protect Ukraine from allegations it is failing to <a href="https://www.icrc.org/en/doc/war-and-law/protected-persons/civilians/overview-civilians-protected.htm" target="_blank" rel="noopener">protect civilians</a>, as required by international humanitarian law. It is one thing to conscript men into military service, providing training and appropriate equipment (although, even in that case, a right to conscientious objection must be respected).</p> <p>It is another thing entirely to prevent civilians from escaping a war zone.</p> <p><strong>The international context</strong></p> <p>Ukraine must also consider how its actions reflect on parallel efforts to hold Russia accountable for its illegal aggression and potential violations of human rights.</p> <p>For example, Ukraine has requested the <a href="https://www.icj-cij.org/en/case/182" target="_blank" rel="noopener">International Court of Justice</a> to intervene with the international law equivalent of an injunction against Russia. Ukraine alleges Russia is using false accusations of genocide to justify an illegal invasion that is, in turn, inflicting human rights violations on the people of Ukraine.</p> <p>Meanwhile, the International Criminal Court’s prosecutor has initiated an investigation of Russia’s actions in Ukraine. The prosecutor has identified a reasonable basis to believe that <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/law/2022/mar/06/leave-no-stone-unturned-how-investigators-gather-evidence-of-war-crimes-in-ukraine" target="_blank" rel="noopener">alleged war crimes</a> and crimes against humanity are underway in Ukraine.</p> <p>In this context, Ukraine must remain mindful of the legality of its own practice. The ban on men leaving Ukraine ought to be lifted, because it is legally and ethically wrong to force civilians to stay in harm’s way when they have the opportunity and desire to escape.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/178411/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/amy-maguire-129609" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Amy Maguire</a>, Associate Professor in Human Rights and International Law, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-newcastle-1060" target="_blank" rel="noopener">University of Newcastle</a></em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-banning-men-from-leaving-ukraine-violates-their-human-rights-178411" target="_blank" rel="noopener">original article</a>.</em></p> <p><em>Image: Getty Images</em></p>

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"Worst is yet to come" in Russia-Ukraine conflict

<p>After a tense phone call with Russian leader Vladimir Putin, French President Emmanuel Macron fears “the worst is to come” in Ukraine.</p> <p>According to an aide of the French leader, Putin is intent on seizing "the whole country" of Ukraine as violence continues on the streets of the county under siege. </p> <p>“The expectation of the president is that the worst is to come, given what President Putin told him,” the senior aide told reporters on the condition of anonymity.</p> <p>“There was nothing in what President Putin told us that should reassure us. He showed great determination to continue the operation,” the aide added, adding that Mr Macron told Mr Putin he was making a “grave mistake”.</p> <p>Macron later tweeted that in the conversation, Mr Putin showed he “refuses … to stop his attacks against Ukraine”. Mr Putin “wanted to seize control of the whole of Ukraine … he will, in his own words, carry out his operation to ‘de-Nazify’ Ukraine to the end”.</p> <p>In response to Mr Putin’s claim of “de-Nazification”, Mr Macron replied that “either you are telling yourself stories or you’re looking for a pretext”, according to his aide.</p> <p>“In any case, what you’re saying does not match with reality and can in no way justify the violence of what you’re doing today, nor that your country is going to pay a very high price because it will end up an isolated, weakened country under sanctions for a long time,” said Mr Macron, who reportedly told Mr Putin he was “delusional”.</p> <p>Putin also vowed that he would "destroy 'anti-Russia' rhetoric created by the West", while also claiming that the people of Ukraine had been “brainwashed” and that Russian soldiers were the “real heroes”.</p> <p>The invasion of Ukraine began over a week ago, with at least 9,000 death reported and thousands of Ukrainians left with no choice other than to flee their home country. </p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

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Prince Charles makes rare statement on Ukraine conflict

<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; color: #323338; font-family: Roboto, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: 300; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"> <div class="new-reply-component" style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 8px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; position: relative; opacity: 1; pointer-events: all; display: block;"> </div> </div> <div> <div> <div> <div> <div> <div> <div> <div> <p>In a stunning break from protocol, Prince Charles – a senior member of the royal family, which traditionally remains neutral on such matters – has made a rare statement concerning the ongoing Russia-Ukraine conflict.</p> <p>“Russia's invasion of Ukraine is an attack on freedom and democracy,” said Queen Elizabeth II’s eldest son and heir.</p> <p>Prince Charles spoke out as he visited Southend-on-Sea, where in October last year local MP David Amess was stabbed to death as he met constituents at a weekly public meeting.</p> <p>He described Amess' death as "an attack on democracy … on open society, on freedom itself".</p> <p>"We are seeing those same values under attack today in Ukraine in the most unconscionable way," he said in a speech to mark Southend officially gaining city status.</p> <p>"In the stand we take here, we are in solidarity with all those who are resisting brutal aggression."</p> <p>Last weekend, Charles' eldest son Prince William and his wife Catherine sent a personal message of support to the people of Ukraine.</p> <p>In a tweet, they recalled meeting Ukraine's President Volodymyr Zelensky and his wife in October 2020, and hearing of their "hope and optimism" for the country.</p> <p>"Today we stand with the President and all of Ukraine's people as they bravely fight for that future," they added.</p> <p>*embed tweet</p> <p>Prince Harry and Meghan sent their own message from the United States last week.</p> <p>"We stand with the people of Ukraine," they wrote on the website of their charitable organisation Archewell, calling Russia's invasion a "breach of international and humanitarian law". </p> <p><em>Image: Getty </em></p> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div>

Caring

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The heart-breaking way Ukrainian parents are keeping their kids safe

<p>As the people of Ukraine brace for increasing military conflict from Russia, parents are taking every measure to keep their children safe. </p> <p>Parents in Ukraine have resorted to sending their children to school wearing stickers that list their blood types in case the worst happens while out of their parents' sight. </p> <p>On Monday, after President Vladimir Putin gave a speech in which he “recognised the independence” of two separatist, pro-Russia regions of eastern Ukraine - an act Kyiv’s mayor described as a declaration of war - many parents started sending their children to school with special stickers.</p> <p>Vasyl and Marta, whose last names are being withheld for their protection, took part in the protection measure when sending their two daughters, age 5 and 9, to school in their village 15 kilometres from the Ukrainian capital of Kyiv.</p> <p>“It’s like a piece of paper, with blood type information, the names of their parents, and telephone numbers,” Vasyl tells <em>Today</em> via phone.</p> <p>“There is no one form for such a sticker. It depends on every parent. It’s up to them.”</p> <p>Mothers in the Ukraine started discussing the sticker system in closed Facebook groups after Putin's speech in order to do what they could to ensure the safety of their kids. </p> <p>“This was a debate in one of (many) closed groups on Facebook,” Olga Tokariuk, a Kyiv-based freelance correspondent, tells <em>Today</em>. “Some schools actually made these stickers mandatory.”</p> <p>Ukrainian mother Khrystyna has also had several safety conversations with her three daughters, making sure her 3 and 5 year olds know their address, their first and last names, and their mother’s full name.</p> <p>“What they know is that, ‘You should listen to your mum and do what she says.’ And if I said, ‘We go with me’ —because you know, kids want to do what they want — I said, ‘No, you do what I say, and that’s it. And if you should hear loud noises, you listen to me very carefully.’”</p> <p>While Khrystyna is continuing to send her 13-year-old to school, she is keeping her two youngest daughters home.</p> <p>"We pray a lot,” she said. “We just pray for peace.”</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

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Russian invasion of Ukraine "imminent": What you need to know

<p dir="ltr">The threat of Russia invading Ukraine grows as diplomatic relations between Moscow and the US feel the pressure, with Russia expelling the US’s second most senior diplomat in what the US State Department has described as “an escalatory step”.</p> <p dir="ltr">“We can confirm that Russia expelled US Deputy Chief of Mission (DCM) to Russia, Bart Gorman,” a State Department spokesperson said.</p> <p dir="ltr">President Joe Biden <a href="https://www.news.com.au/world/europe/russia-accused-of-launching-mortars-in-eastern-ukraine/news-story/80cfce6535f96fd5f1a5e45cd01565c1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">told</a> reporters the threat of Russia invading Ukraine is “very high” and that he believes it could occur in the next “several days”.</p> <p dir="ltr">Meanwhile, Western leaders have accused Russia of attempting a false-flag operation to discredit the Ukraine government, after it was reported that a kindergarten was shelled in a spate of shelling incidents in Donbas, in eastern Ukraine.</p> <p dir="ltr">The Kremlin accused Ukraine of firing first, while Volodymyr Zelensky, Ukraine’s president, described the shelling of the kindergarten as “a big provocation”.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Tensions between Russia and Ukraine explained</strong></p> <p dir="ltr">Ukraine has been in conflict with pro-Moscow rebels in the country’s east since 2014, after the then-Ukraine leader decided not to join the European Union.</p> <p dir="ltr">Russia has been accused of supplying the rebels with funds, weapons and even troops, but has denied this and said any soldiers who joined the movement did so voluntarily.</p> <p dir="ltr">The rebel movement eventually grew so much that Russia was able to annex the peninsula of Crimea from Ukraine and take control of it, prompting the US and other North Atlantic Treaty Organisation (NATO) allies to send weapons to Ukraine.</p> <p dir="ltr">Relations between the two nations have worsened since.</p> <p dir="ltr">The most recent tensions <a href="https://www.pedestrian.tv/news/russia-ukraine-explained/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">have come</a> after Ukraine said it wanted to join NATO to access more protection in the form of military force.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Why are the US and other Western countries involved?</strong></p> <p dir="ltr">Russia has demanded the West refuse Ukraine’s request - and prevent other former Soviet states from joining - believing its neighbour will try to regain control of Crimea among other concerns.</p> <p dir="ltr">The US and NATO responded separately to Russia’s demands at the end of January, with <a href="https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2022/1/26/us-nato-deliver-responses-to-russian-demands-over-ukraine" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><em>Al Jazeera</em></a><em> </em>reporting that the US ruled out agreeing to exclude Ukraine and other eastern states from NATO.</p> <p dir="ltr">However, Russia has replied to the US and <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/live/2022/feb/17/russia-ukraine-news-troops-border-latest-live-putin-biden-kyiv-russian-invasion-threat?filterKeyEvents=false&amp;page=with:block-620e55758f08fc958652839e#block-620e55758f08fc958652839e" target="_blank" rel="noopener">accused</a> the Western nation of ignoring its core demands and threatened to take “a military-technical response”.</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> <p dir="ltr" lang="en">"The American side has not given a constructive response to the basic elements of Russia's draft agreement," the letter says. If that continues, "Russia will be forced to respond, including through measures of a military-technical nature."</p> <p>— max seddon (@maxseddon) <a href="https://twitter.com/maxseddon/status/1494320352394051590?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 17, 2022</a></p></blockquote> <p dir="ltr"><strong>What’s happening now?</strong></p> <p dir="ltr">Since January, as many as 130,000 Russian troops have been stationed along parts of the Ukrainian border, despite Russia repeatedly denying it is planning an invasion.</p> <p dir="ltr">On February 12, the US warned “we are in the window where an invasion could begin at any time”.</p> <p dir="ltr">Three days later, Russian president Vladimir Putin confirmed the troops would be pulled back from the border, despite Western intelligence reporting that its forces are continuing to build up.</p> <p dir="ltr">Meanwhile, on February 16 a German convoy reached Lithuania as part of planned reinforcements for the country’s Germany-led NATO battlegroup, which has been authorised to defend Lithuania if a threat emerges.</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image: Getty Images</em></p>

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Conflicts between nursing home residents are often chalked up to dementia – the real problem is inadequate care and neglect

<p>Frank Piccolo was a beloved high school chemistry teacher in Ontario, Canada, until his retirement in 1998. “His trademark was to greet all of his students at the door at the start of class to make sure everyone felt welcomed there,” <a href="https://www.saultstar.com/2013/02/21/remembering-frank-piccolo--oconnor">wrote a former student</a>. “He had extensive knowledge of his subject matter, passion for his craft, and empathy for his students.”</p> <p>But after Frank’s retirement, he developed dementia. When his condition declined, his family moved him to a Toronto nursing home. One evening in 2012, another resident – a woman with dementia – entered Frank’s bedroom. She hit Frank repeatedly in the head and face with a wooden activity board. Staff found Frank slumped over in his wheelchair, drenched in blood. He died three months later.</p> <p>The Ontario Ministry of Health and Long-Term Care investigated. It found that the woman had a history of pushing, hitting and throwing objects at staff and other residents. But the nursing home didn’t address the woman’s behavioral expressions for weeks before the attack on Piccolo, <a href="https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/21048374/inspection-report.pdf">the agency determined</a>. “There were no interventions implemented, no strategies developed,” the report stated.</p> <p><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/440940/original/file-20220115-27-vtyb52.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=45&amp;auto=format&amp;w=237&amp;fit=clip" alt="Frank Piccolo and his wife, Theresa, standing near each othe, on vacation, with a hillside village and the sea behind them." /> <span class="caption">Frank Piccolo and his wife, Theresa, traveling together in Italy in 2001.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Theresa Piccolo</span>, <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/4.0/" class="license">CC BY-NC-ND</a></span></p> <p>As a gerontologist and <a href="http://dementiabehaviorconsulting.com">dementia behavior specialist</a>, I’ve <a href="https://www.healthpropress.com/product/understanding-and-preventing-harmful-interactions-between-residents-with-dementia/">written a book</a> on preventing these incidents. I also co-directed, with dementia care expert Judy Berry, a documentary on the phenomenon called “<a href="https://terranova.org/film-catalog/fighting-for-dignity-a-film-on-injurious-and-fatal-resident-to-resident-incidents-in-long-term-care-home">Fighting for Dignity</a>.” The film sheds light on the emotional trauma experienced by family members of residents harmed during these episodes in U.S. long-term care homes.</p> <h2>Reporting and stigmatizing</h2> <p><a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1532-5415.2008.01808.x">Resident-to-resident incidents</a> are defined by researchers as “negative, aggressive and intrusive verbal, physical, material and sexual interactions between residents” that can cause “psychological distress and physical harm in the recipient.”</p> <p>These incidents <a href="https://doi.org/10.7326/M15-1209">are prevalent</a> in U.S. nursing homes. But they are <a href="https://www.statnews.com/2021/11/29/resident-to-resident-incidents-hidden-source-nursing-home-harm/">largely overlooked</a> by the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services, the federal agency overseeing care in approximately 15,000 nursing homes across the country. Consequently, such incidents <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/08946566.2017.1333939">remain untracked</a>, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jamda.2015.10.003">understudied</a> and largely unaddressed.</p> <p><a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/440941/original/file-20220115-18-1qy7een.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=45&amp;auto=format&amp;w=1000&amp;fit=clip"><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/440941/original/file-20220115-18-1qy7een.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=45&amp;auto=format&amp;w=237&amp;fit=clip" alt="An elderly man with severe injuries, including cut marks and bruises, across his face and forehead." /></a> <span class="caption">Frank Piccolo sustained severe injuries to his face and head after a woman with dementia entered his bedroom and hit him repeatedly with an activity board.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Theresa Piccolo</span>, <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/4.0/" class="license">CC BY-NC-ND</a></span></p> <p>These interactions don’t just result <a href="https://doi.org/10.1001/jama.291.5.591">in injuries</a> <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0733464819863926">and deaths</a> among residents. They also leave behind devastated families who then must <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2021/08/20/nursing-home-immunity-covid-lawsuits">fight for answers</a> and accountability from nursing homes.</p> <p>Making matters worse, <a href="https://www.gao.gov/products/gao-19-433">government reports</a>, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1017/S0714980815000094">research studies</a> and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1471301220981232">media coverage</a> commonly describe these episodes with words that stigmatize people with dementia. Researchers, public officials and journalists tend to <a href="https://www.startribune.com/when-senior-home-residents-are-abusers-minnesota-rarely-investigates/450625693/">label the incidents as “abuse</a>,” “violence” and “aggression.” They call a resident involved in an incident a “perpetrator” or an “aggressor.” News outlets described the attack on Piccolo by the woman with dementia as “aggressive” or “violent.” And when reporting on <a href="https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2013/02/09/more_than_10000_canadians_abused_annually_by_fellow_nursing_home_residents.html">the phenomenon</a> in Canada, the Toronto Star called it “abuse.”</p> <h2>Getting to the root of the real problem</h2> <p>Most incidents, however, do not constitute abuse. A growing body of evidence suggests the true cause of these injuries and deaths is inadequate care and neglect on the part of care homes. Specifically, there is a lack of the specialized care that people with dementia require.</p> <p>Two of every three residents <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jamda.2021.02.009">involved in these incidents</a> have dementia. One study found that the rate of these episodes was nearly <a href="https://doi.org/10.1001/jama.291.5.591">three times higher</a> in dementia care homes than in other long-term care homes. A recent study also found <a href="https://doi.org/10.7326/m15-1209">an association</a> between residency in a dementia care home and higher rates of injurious or fatal interactions between residents.</p> <p>But for these residents, the conflicts occur mostly when their emotional, medical and other needs are not met. When they reach a breaking point in frustration related to the unmet need, they may push or hit another resident. My research in the U.S. and Canada has shown that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/08946566.2018.1474515">“push-fall” episodes</a> constitute nearly half of fatal incidents.</p> <p>Another U.S. study found that as residents’ cognitive functioning declined, they faced <a href="https://doi.org/10.1001/jama.291.5.591">a greater likelihood</a> of injury in these incidents. Those with advanced dementia were more susceptible to inadvertently “getting in harm’s way,” by saying or doing things that trigger angry reactions in other residents.</p> <p>The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has stated that what it calls “aggression” between residents <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/ea_book_revised_2016.pdf">is not abuse</a>. Instead, the CDC noted that these episodes may result when care homes fail to prevent them by taking adequate action. And a study on <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0733464819863926">fatal incidents</a> in U.S. nursing homes has shown that many residents were “deemed to lack cognitive capacity to be held accountable for their actions.”</p> <p><iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/gk5iEo-s_6M?wmode=transparent&amp;start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe> <span class="caption">An undercover yearlong investigation into nursing homes in Ontario, Canada, revealed shocking instances of abuse and neglect by staff members.</span></p> <h2>How incidents often occur</h2> <p>In one study, researchers examined <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1054773813477128">situational triggers</a> among residents with cognitive impairments. The strongest triggers involved personal space and possessions. Examples include taking or touching a resident’s belongings or food, or unwanted entries into their bedroom or bathroom. The most prevalent triggering event was someone being too close to a resident’s body.</p> <p>That study also found that crowded spaces and interpersonal stressors, such as two residents claiming the same dining room seat, could lead to these episodes. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1471301213502588">My own work</a> and a different <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177%2F0733464820955089">Canadian study</a> came to similar conclusions.</p> <p>Other research shows that when residents are bored or lack <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177%2F153331750502000210">meaningful activity</a>, they become involved in <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177%2F1471301213502588">harmful interactions</a>. Evenings and weekends can be particularly dangerous, with fewer organized activities and fewer staff members and managers present. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/08946566.2018.1474515">Conflicts between roommates</a> are also common and harmful.</p> <p><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/438566/original/file-20211220-49721-z6ev8m.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=45&amp;auto=format&amp;w=754&amp;fit=clip" alt="With a smiling staff member looking on, two nursing home residents enjoy conversation while having coffee." /> <span class="caption">Residents with dementia who are meaningfully engaged in activities are less likely to become involved in harmful incidents with other residents.</span> <span class="attribution"><a href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/caretaker-with-senior-people-in-nursing-home-royalty-free-image/489582967?adppopup=true" class="source">Morsa Images/DigitalVision via Getty Images</a></span></p> <p>A growing body of research suggests that most incidents between residents are preventable. A major risk factor, for example, is lack of adequate supervision, which often occurs when staff are assigned to caring for too many residents with dementia. One U.S. study found that <a href="https://doi.org/10.7326/M15-1209">higher caseloads</a> among nurses’ aides were associated with higher incident rates.</p> <p>And with <a href="https://doi.org/10.4137/hsi.s38994">poor staffing levels</a> in up to half of U.S. nursing homes, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/08946566.2018.1474515">staff members do not witness</a> many incidents. In fact, one study found that staff members missed the majority of unwanted <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/13607863.2016.1211620">bedroom entries</a> by residents with severe dementia.</p> <h2>Residents with dementia are not to blame</h2> <p>In most of these situations, the person with dementia does not intend to injure or kill another resident. Individuals with dementia live with a serious cognitive disability. And they often must do it while being forced to share small living spaces with many other residents.</p> <p>Their behavioral expressions are often attempts to cope with frustrating and frightening situations in their social and physical environments. They are typically the result of unmet human needs paired with cognitive processing limitations.</p> <p>Understanding the role of dementia is important. But seeing a resident’s brain disease as the main cause of incidents is inaccurate and unhelpful. That view ignores external factors that can lead to these incidents but are outside of the residents’ control.</p> <p>Frank’s wife, Theresa, didn’t blame the woman who injured her husband or the staff. She blamed the for-profit company operating the nursing home. Despite its revenue of $2 billion in the year before the incident, it failed in its “<a href="https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2013/02/09/more_than_10000_canadians_abused_annually_by_fellow_nursing_home_residents.html">duty to protect</a>” Piccolo. “They did not keep my husband safe as they are required to do,” she said.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/173750/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><span><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/eilon-caspi-1298265">Eilon Caspi</a>, Assistant Research Professor of Health, Intervention, and Policy, <em><a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-connecticut-1342">University of Connecticut</a></em></span></p> <p>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/conflicts-between-nursing-home-residents-are-often-chalked-up-to-dementia-the-real-problem-is-inadequate-care-and-neglect-173750">original article</a>.</p> <p><em>Image: CasarsaGuru/E+ via Getty Images</em></p>

Retirement Life

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Witnesses divided in conflict after flight attendant brawl

<p>A brawl mid-flight left a flight attendant missing two teeth and a passenger in jail, but those who witnessed it said that the situation could've been handled with more tact.</p> <p>The fight, which occurred on a Southwest Airlines flight from Sacramento to San Diego, was over a passenger refusing to wear a face mask over their entire faces.</p> <p>Passenger Michelle Manner filmed the incident and spoke to NBC News about it.</p> <p>“They ended up in a screaming match,” Manner said.</p> <p>“It ended with the flight attendant saying that she was going to call the captain.”</p> <div class="embed-responsive embed-responsive-16by9"><iframe class="embed-responsive-item" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/VGQBYlwZ08Y"></iframe></div> <div class="body_text redactor-styles redactor-in"> <p>“The gal who punched the flight attendant had asked, had said, ‘Get off me,’ ‘get your hands off me,’ ‘quit leaning on me,’” Manner said.</p> <p>“The passenger was incorrect by hitting her, but she was also in my opinion, provoked,” Manner said.</p> <p>“She had made like three requests for her to back up and she didn’t.”</p> <p>Footage of the fight emerged after the passenger, Vyvianna Quinonez, was jailed.</p> <p>She is seen jumping from her seat and attacking the attendant and is facing a felony count of assault inflicting great bodily harm.</p> <p><em>Photo credits:<span> </span></em><a rel="noopener" href="https://7news.com.au/travel/flight-attendant-loses-teeth-in-fight-with-passenger-but-passengers-are-divided-as-to-who-is-in-the-wrong-c-2951631" target="_blank"><em>7NEWS</em></a></p> </div>

Travel Trouble

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How to fix a broken relationship: 8 expert tips

<h2>How to fix your relationship: Go to a therapist</h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Well, of course, the pros would say that. But hear out their reasons: “First of all, we are trained in working with couples, watching their dynamic, being able to figure out their unique dance, and mirror it back to them in a way that they might not be able to do themselves,” Sussman says.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Therapists are also objective, in a way that family members or friends aren’t, says Louis. “Sometimes we don’t even know that we’re communicating in an ineffective way. And so that’s why it’s important to have an objective third party to really walk you through some of the patterns that you might be stuck in,” she says.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Plus, they can use science-backed data and evidence to convince you why what you’re doing (like nagging) isn’t effective, Sussman notes.</span></p> <h2>Or try DIY therapy</h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Yes, changing the way you interact with your partner can be tough to do on your own, but it’s not impossible, says McManus. And plenty of well-known couples therapists have resources to help guide you, including websites, books, podcasts, Ted Talks and YouTube channels. Among the therapists McManus suggests checking out: John and Julie Gottman, Esther Perel, and Ellyn Bader and Pete Pearson at The Couples Institute. “They are all fantastic resources for anyone interested in learning how to improve their relationship,” she says.</span></p> <p><a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/true-stories-lifestyle/relationships/marriage-tips-from-grandmas-youd-be-a-fool-not-to-follow"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You’d also be a fool not to follow these marriage tips from grandmas.</span></a></p> <h2>Learn how to ask for things</h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Instead of attacking your partner for never washing the dishes, take a different approach. “I give this example to my couples – when X happens, I feel Y. I would like Z,” says Louis. So, for example, you’d say, “When I come into the house and the dishes are everywhere I start to feel overwhelmed. So maybe we can take turns: I wash the dishes one day, you wash the dishes another day. That will make me feel really supported.”</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It works because your partner feels less defensive if you avoid using words like “always” and “never” and “you” statements. Instead, focus on your emotions, as well as what Louis calls a “recipe for success.” “So instead of just leaving it with a criticism, sharing what can their partner do for things to start to feel more balanced,” she explains.</span></p> <h2>Know how to fight fairly</h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Does this sound familiar? In the heat of the moment, you want to talk the issue out until it’s resolved but your partner can’t deal and withdraws. That’s pretty common actually, says Louis. It could be that your partner’s emotions are running too high to deal with right now.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Louis advises the following strategies instead.</span></p> <h2>Find some self-soothing coping strategies</h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">A self-soothing coping strategy to fall back on can be beneficial when you get overwhelmed. “It could include meditation, going for a walk, or taking a hot bath, but it’s really important that couples have their own strategies on what they do to make themselves feel better, especially when a conflict arises,” Louis explains.</span></p> <h2>Don’t beat a hasty retreat</h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Instead say, “Let’s take a break and then in 20 minutes, we can come back and talk this through when I’m feeling calm again. Because right now, I’m struggling with staying emotionally present.” It’s crucial that you set a time when you’ll be back to resolve the conflict, says Louis. If one “person just walks away, then the other person is going to feel abandoned.”</span></p> <p><a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/healthsmart/communication-fixes-that-will-save-your-relationship"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Here are more communication fixes that could save your relationship. </span></a></p> <h2>Set a reasonable time-out</h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you can’t calm down in 20 minutes, then you can extend it for up to two hours, advises Louis. But don’t let that break stretch out an entire day, she says. “At that point, resentment and bitterness can start to come in where they’ve made up an entire story from their own perspective and not really got a chance to hear things from their partner’s perspective.”</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Here’s another important point, says Louis: If you initiated the break, you set the time to reconvene. That way, your better half won’t follow you around the house asking you when it’s time to talk. Now that you’ve got these steps down, here are other ways to have more productive arguments.</span></p> <h2>Start dating again</h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Louis recommends you spend quality one-on-one time at least once a week, preferably for two hours. No, you don’t have to go out to dinner or do anything fancy. Light candles and put on some tunes, play a board game or cards, or give each other a massage.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The key: Spend a couple of hours of uninterrupted time, she says. “Nobody’s on their phone, nobody’s on their computer, but you’re just knee to knee, eye to eye, really engaging each other.”</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s a good way to avoid monotony – spending evenings in front of the TV, tending to the kids, or doing chores. “Especially couples who’ve been together for a while – they can get stuck into a routine,” says Louis. “So I teach them how to be intentional about bringing creativity into their marriage.”</span></p> <p><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">Written by Linda Rogers. This article first appeared in </span><a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/true-stories-lifestyle/relationships/how-to-fix-a-broken-relationship-8-expert-tips?pages=1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Reader’s Digest</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> For more of what you love from the world’s best-loved magazine, </span><a href="http://readersdigest.innovations.com.au/c/readersdigestemailsubscribe?utm_source=over60&amp;utm_medium=articles&amp;utm_campaign=RDSUB&amp;keycode=WRA93V"><span style="font-weight: 400;">here’s our best subscription offer.</span></a></em></p>

Relationships

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3 signs of a broken relationship

<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">You might think a broken relationship is what happens when one partner cheats, is a serial spendthrift, or has a serious drug problem. But you’d be wrong, say experts. Those issues tend to be symptoms.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In a broken relationship, “you don’t get along more than you do get along, and your overall satisfaction with the relationship is mostly low, below 50 percent,” says Rachel Sussman, a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, relationship expert, and the author of </span><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Breakup Bible: The Women’s Guide to Healing from a Breakup or Divorce</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">. “That goes on and on for a long time.”</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It can also be different for everyone. Sussman says she’s seen couples bounce back from infidelity with a stronger bond. The same is true for someone with a drug or alcohol problem (though that can be trickier).</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But for the most part, it’s rarely one thing that torpedoes a relationship. “It’s usually a variety of issues that go on for a long time, where you lose hope,” she says.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">That said, relationships on the verge of collapse usually have some tell-tale signs. And while many relationships are salvageable, some aren’t – and yes, therapists can pretty much tell both things from the get-go.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Here is everything you need to know about a relationship that needs repair, including how to go about it.</span></p> <h2>Signs of a broken relationship</h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Therapists don’t always use the term “broken” to describe a relationship in need of repair. Instead, they use “dysfunctional relationship dynamics,” says Amy McManus, a licensed marriage and family therapist.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“A dysfunctional relationship dynamic is a way that a couple has of communicating and relating that isn’t working to create an emotionally safe and supportive connection,” she says. “It’s often easy to see. One or both partners is unhappy, angry and frustrated. Usually, both partners feel like the other one doesn’t hear or understand them.”</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So what clues a couples’ counsellor into the fact that your dynamic no longer seems to be working?</span></p> <h2>1. You’re not talking to one another</h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Communication is the number one issue,” says Laura Louis, a psychologist and couples therapist. “Sometimes it’s a feeling of, ‘Did you hear what I said? Or does what I say even matter? Or do I matter?’” When it gets to the point where you’re not feeling heard, understood, or validated, disconnection can take place, says Louis.</span></p> <h2>2. You’re disconnected from each other</h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This can take several different forms. Take, for instance, couples with children. If your kids are the centre of your marriage, your conversation may revolve around all the chores that come with raising kids, says Louis. “Things like, ‘Okay, would you pick up Billy? Or when are we taking Ashley to ballet practice?’ And that furthers the disconnection.”</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Other worrying symptoms: “Sleeping in separate bedrooms, when a couple stops having sex (see these ways to overcome the obstacles to a healthy sex life), when they don’t want to spend time together, and when they’re finding other things to fill the space that their partner might have filled at one point,” adds Louis.</span></p> <h2>3. One of you has shut down</h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This is what Louis calls stonewalling, and it can happen when one partner gets overwhelmed by emotions or doesn’t think the other person cares enough to listen. “Someone can shut down emotionally and still come home every night. But when you ask how they’re doing, you get one-word answers,” she explains. “But sometimes I see an actual physical withdrawal where one person literally just walks away, walks out of the room, or leaves the house when their partner wants to talk about something.”</span></p> <p><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">Written by Linda Rogers. This article first appeared in <a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/true-stories-lifestyle/relationships/how-to-fix-a-broken-relationship-8-expert-tips?pages=1">Reader’s Digest</a>. For more of what you love from the world’s best-loved magazine, <a href="http://readersdigest.innovations.com.au/c/readersdigestemailsubscribe?utm_source=over60&amp;utm_medium=articles&amp;utm_campaign=RDSUB&amp;keycode=WRA93V">here’s our best subscription offer.</a></span></em></p>

Relationships

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Chinese developer hits back at Whitsunday locals

<p>A Chinese developer accused of kicking Aussies off a beach in the Whitsundays has fired back, saying locals are “anti-development” and are “actively working to undermine progress”.</p> <p>According to<span> </span><a rel="noopener" href="http://news.com.au/" target="_blank">news.com.au</a>, wealthy developer China Bloom had become locked in a stand-off with land owners on Keswick Island, 30km from Mackay, after purchasing the head lease in 2019.</p> <p>The Hong Kong-based company has been accused of closing off beaches and putting fences up to prevent access to national parkland and banning short term accommodation and rentals.</p> <p>Locals had enough this week when a Christmas tree, which was decked out in ornaments for 12 years had been chopped down following reports of the feud in the media.</p> <p>The Queensland Government has been facing pressure to intervene after a member for Whitsundays, Amanda Camm released a statement, saying: “This is not Communist China, this is Australia. This is Queensland and this is the Whitsundays.”</p> <p>China Blooms finally issued a response after repeated requests for a statement.</p> <p>The company claims all national park areas are open and accessible and they are “implementing changes to the island’s operation to ensure compliance with the regulations set out in the headlease agreement”.</p> <p>China Bloom claims it is working to “increase visitation and access to the island for both tourists, current and future residents” but the work is being interfered with by a group of residents who it claims “have indicated they are anti-development for many years and are actively working to undermine the progress of any future development of the island”.</p> <p>The developer says it’s working to build houses, a hotel, a new boat ramp, a jetty and a boat marina and that “previous island management failed to manage operations to the standard required”.</p> <p>China Bloom has claimed that despite reports in the media, the developer is meeting “with sublessees on a regular basis, including providing monthly updates on the progress of works and other issues”.</p> <p>It says national parks are “open with unrestricted access” and that a locked gate “featured in media coverage is actually of a private track leading to a construction zone” and that “sub-lessees are able to easily walk around it”.</p> <p>But residents aren’t buying it, saying their statement is misleading.</p> <p>Rayna Asbury, who has owned a house on the island since 2005 is a member of the Keswick Island Progress Association spoke to<span> </span><a rel="noopener" href="http://news.com.au/" target="_blank">news.com.au</a><span> </span>on behalf of the residents on the island.</p> <p>She claims China Bloom is not being completely honest.</p> <p>On the issue of access to national parks, Ms Asbury claims “the famous locked gate is the only access from the island to the National Park lookout” and that “access is not unrestricted” as China Bloom suggests.</p> <p>According to Ms Asbury, almost 40 turtle nests were located earlier this year on Connie Bay in early 2020, and that China Bloom’s claim that none have been found for over a decade does not add up.</p> <p>“Turtles are common around the island and residents frequently see them swimming in the crystal waters of Basil Bay,” she said.</p> <p>China Bloom has claimed the beach where turtles used to nest was “not graded by the current developer”, but Ms Asbury has said that is a “blatant lie”.</p> <p>She revealed photos of machinery and turtle tracks were taken in November 2019 and the head lease was transferred to China Bloom in May that same year.</p> <p>Northern Beaches local Bed Lawson has organised a “peaceful protest” at Basil Bay for Australia Day.</p> <p>Her protest will include a “flotilla of boats” at the beach where the Queensland Government told news.com.au locals are not allowed to go “past the high tide line”.</p> <p>“I thought, being a boating community (Mackay), what better way to do that than get a flotilla of boats, let’s get out to Keswick Island,” she told 7 News.</p> <p>“China Bloom don’t have ownership below the high tide mark. So, technically, they can’t stop us getting on to the beach.”</p>

Travel Trouble

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Why you shouldn't dread conflict during the holidays

<p>Every holiday season, families and friends convene to share affection, kindness and experience. In the ideal holiday atmosphere, one often depicted in commercials and media, such get-togethers are places of warmth, appreciation and general happiness.</p> <p>If you find yourself in such a family, count yourself lucky and blessed.</p> <p>If your holiday is marked with stress and difficulty, then you may be part of the rest of America, where the holiday season brings real issues to light in addition to the positive experiences of the season.</p> <p>In my day-to-day work as a psychologist, specializing in mental health therapy with young adults, the holidays always bring to bear deep-seated issues. For many, family is something they have avoided by moving away for college, and thus coming home for the holidays forces them to engage in what they do not want to do and have successfully avoided for months. For the ill-equipped person, this sets the stage for disaster and even poor health. <a href="https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/stress/index.shtml">Long-term stress</a> has been linked to digestive problems, heart disease, sadness and depression. Some studies have shown that people undergoing stress have more viral infections.</p> <p>Fortunately, we can prepare ourselves for these encounters, go into them with open eyes and perhaps manage them better.</p> <h2>The power of acceptance</h2> <p>I work with people who often say things like “If only my dad didn’t drink too much,” “I wish my mom would accept how I choose to live my life,” “I need my brother to stop teasing me all the time.”</p> <p>While it is true that these statements reflect deeply held desires and such changes would bring drastic amounts of relief to the person’s life, there is also a reason these events have not occurred or changes have been made.</p> <p>I call this the “rejecting reality” standpoint, and all humans get held back by it. We spend years longing for a reality that is not true. A mom who doesn’t care about our weight, a dad who will express his affection toward us, a sibling who doesn’t take his own issues out on us. Under the rejecting reality mindset, we enter our homes for the holidays full of hope this time will be different, only to be disappointed for another year.</p> <p>And what happens when we are hurt? We withdraw or lash out, causing more conflict. Such a cycle may exist in your family dynamics for years if you start to closely examine it.</p> <p>The alternative, then, is to begin to cultivate what I term the “acceptance mindset.” This mindset involves dealing with exactly what is true, what is factual and what is realistic rather than all the things that we wish could be. Such a mindset involves opening ourselves to the pain involved in fully realizing our less-than-ideal lives. It means I will go to holiday dinner knowing full well my brother is going to tease me or my mom is going to comment on my appearance. Entering with this reality makes us less reactive and more capable of choosing what if anything we want to do about this dynamic.</p> <h2>To change or let go</h2> <p>I teach my clients a life skill called the “letting go process.” It involves three steps:</p> <ul> <li> <p>Notice and allow an experience to be there.</p> </li> <li> <p>Decide if the experience is useful or not.</p> </li> <li> <p>If useful, do something about it. If not, let it go.</p> </li> </ul> <p>Such a process has to be utilized continually during the holidays, when we are often once again confronted with dynamics and personalities we try to escape in our day-to-day lives.</p> <p>So what does this look like in practice?</p> <p>Jane is going home for a week to be with her family for the holidays. She is already dreading the trip, and in particular having to interact with her mother, who Jane knows will comment on her weight gain and criticize her for being single.</p> <p>So, using the letting go system, when Jane arrives and Mom asks her why Jane looks fatter than the last time Mom saw her, Jane:</p> <ul> <li> <p>Notices her hurt and frustrations with Mom after the comment and adopts the attitude of being ok having these feelings in the moment.</p> </li> <li> <p>Considers the usefulness of the feelings.</p> </li> <li> <p>Decides on whether to go a “change” route or a “let go” route.</p> </li> </ul> <p>The change route would involve engaging in a behavior to address the experience she is having: namely, Mom’s comments toward her. Jane could take an assertive stance and respond with an “I statement” such as “I feel really upset when you comment on my weight and I would appreciate it if you refrained from doing so for the rest of the time I am home.”</p> <p>At this point we do not know how Mom will respond, but we focus less on that outcome and instead on the process of what Jane can control. The process here is Jane’s own behavior in response to Mom. Mom may get defensive or angry, but Jane can feel good that she is standing up for herself.</p> <p>Alternatively, Jane could also choose to go the letting go route. By being able to notice her hurt and frustration in the moment, Jane becomes less reactive and is better able to not engage with Mom in an argument like has happened in the past. Jane is able to respond to Mom in a different way, or possibly not at all, changing the subject entirely.</p> <p>Jane could simply respond by asking Mom how she is doing or acknowledge that yes, she has gained weight. Jane is able to prevent her reaction from further escalating the possible conflict in the moment. This may seem overly simplistic, but with practice we can better let go of things that used to catch us and trap us into acting in unproductive ways.</p> <h2>Putting it into practice</h2> <p>As you head into your holiday events, take a minute to notice what thoughts, feelings and urges come up for you. This is just information, and all of it can help us prepare a plan.</p> <p>With this information available to you ahead of time, consider which route you want to go. Do you need to go a change route and address an issue, or do you need to let it go as something out of your control? You will now be more fully able to accomplish whichever route you choose.</p> <p>And just because something did not go well the first time you did it does not mean it cannot go well the next time. So even if Mom didn’t respect your wishes last time, it may be worth it to try it again, even if the reward is just that you can feel good about the process of being assertive for yourself.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/87979/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: http://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em>Written by <span>Nicholas Joyce, Psychologist, University of South Florida</span>. Republished with permission of </em><a rel="noopener" href="https://theconversation.com/dreading-conflict-during-the-holidays-let-it-go-let-it-go-let-it-go-87979" target="_blank"><em>The Conversation</em></a><em>.</em></p>

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Royal rift: Prince Harry confirms conflict with brother Prince William

<p>Prince Harry has publicly confirmed there is a growing rift between he and his big brother Prince William in a remarkably stoic documentary. </p> <p>The Duke of Sussex hinted there was a strained relationship with his elder brother in a new doco about he and his wife, Duchess Meghan. </p> <p>British journalist Tom Bradby asked the royal if there was any truth to reports of rifts with his brother. </p> <p>“Umm... part, part of this role and part of this job and part of this family being under the pressure that it’s under, inevitably, stuff happens. But look: We’re brothers, we’ll always be brothers — and we’re certainly on different paths at the moment,” he said. </p> <p>“But I’ll certainly always be there for him as I know he’ll always be there for me.</p> <p>“We don’t see each other as much as we used to because we’re so busy.</p> <p>“But I love him dearly and the majority of the stuff is created out of nothing. But as brothers, you have good days, you have bad days.”</p> <p>Filmed across South Africa, Angola, Malawi and Botswana, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex told the British news anchor the impact of navigating through life as a “modern” royal couple. </p> <p>Duchess warned against marrying “H”</p> <p>The Documentary featured Duchess Meghan admitting life over the last year has been “hard”. </p> <p>“I don’t think anybody could understand that. But in fairness, I had no idea — which probably sounds difficult to understand here. But when I first met my now-husband, my friends were really happy because I was so happy, but my British friends said to me: ‘I’m sure he’s great, but you shouldn’t do it, because the British tabloids will destroy your life.’”</p> <p>“I, very naively because I’m American and we don’t have that there, (said) ‘What are you talking about? That doesn’t make any sense! I’m not in tabloids!’ I didn’t get it. So, umm... it’s been complicated.”</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> <p dir="ltr">'As brothers you have good days, you have bad days'<br /><br />Prince Harry says the 'majority of stuff' written about his relationship with his brother William is 'created out of nothing' and adds: 'I love him dearly' <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/HarryAndMeghan?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#HarryAndMeghan</a> <a href="https://t.co/GWs5KfuovM">https://t.co/GWs5KfuovM</a> <a href="https://t.co/bW7GVALZR6">pic.twitter.com/bW7GVALZR6</a></p> — ITV News (@itvnews) <a href="https://twitter.com/itvnews/status/1186028606557958145?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 20, 2019</a></blockquote> <p>“Can you put up with this? Can you deal with it? Can you manage it? Can you continue with it? And what happens if you can’t?” Bradby asked.</p> <p>“I’ve said for a long time to H — that’s what I call him — it’s not enough to just survive something. That’s not the point of life,” she said.</p> <p>“You’ve got to thrive. You’ve got to feel happy.”</p> <p>“I think I really tried to adopt this British sensibility of a stiff upper lip. I tried, I really tried, but I think what that does internally is probably really damaging. The biggest thing I know is that I never thought this would be easy, but I thought it’d be fair, and that’s the part that’s really hard to reconcile. But I don’t know... I’m taking each day as it comes.”</p> <p>Prince Harry says he won’t be “bullied into playing a game that killed my mother”</p> <p>The Duke of Sussex, who is an outspoken mental health advocate talked about managing his mental health despite the media scrutiny. He also touched on his mother, Princess Diana, who died in a tragic car accident in 1997. </p> <p>“It seems to be that you are under a lot of pressure. I don’t know if there’s a little bit of worry about your wife being under the same pressure as your mother was under... You’re living in this goldfish bowl, the interest is huge, the pressure is great — do you want to talk me through the last year, and where your head is at?” Bradby asked Harry, who told him he’d “hit the nail on the head.”</p> <p>“I will always protect my family, and now I have a family to protect. Everything she (Diana) went through is incredibly raw, every single day — and that’s not me being paranoid, that’s just me not wanting a repeat of the past. If anybody else knew what I knew, be it a father, a husband, anyone, you’d probably be doing exactly what I do as well.”</p> <p>On dealing with the media, the royal said: “It’s management, it’s constant management. I thought I was out of the woods, and then suddenly it all came back. Part of this job, and part of any job, means putting on a brave face, and turning a cheek to a lot of the stuff. But for me and for my wife, of course there’s a lot of stuff that hurts — particularly when the majority of it’s untrue.</p> <p>“But all we need to do is focus on being real and being the people that we are, and standing up for what we believe in. I will not be bullied into playing a game that killed my mother.”</p> <p>The new documentary comes amid news the couple is planning on taking a six-week break from the spotlight and royal duties.</p> <p>A royal source told<a rel="noopener" href="https://www.thetimes.co.uk/" target="_blank"><span> </span>The Sunday Times</a>: “The Duke and Duchess have a full schedule of engagements and commitments until mid-November, after which they will be taking some much-needed family time.”</p> <p>It’s understood they will fly to Los Angeles next month for Thanksgiving with Meghan’s mum, Doria Ragland. </p> <p>They will then return to the UK to spend time with the Queen and the rest of the Royal Family at Sandringham for Archie’s first christmas. </p>

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How the power of a hug can help you cope with conflict

<p>Friends, children, romantic partners, family members – many of us exchange hugs with others on a regular basis. New research from the United States, <a href="http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0203522">published in <em>PLOS</em></a>, now shows hugs can help us to cope with conflict in our daily life.</p> <p>Hugs are considered a form of <a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1088868316650307">affectionate touch</a>. Hugs occur between social partners of all types, and sometimes even strangers.</p> <p>They often arise in positive contexts – while greeting, celebrating an achievement, or simply enjoying the presence of a loved one – but they can also occur in negative contexts when support is needed.</p> <p>Affectionate touch buffers anxiety associated with potential negative events. For instance, in one <a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2006.01832.x">study</a>, brain activity among participants who held their romantic partner’s hand during a stressful situation reflected less intense threat responses compared to that of participants who held a stranger’s hand, or no hand at all.</p> <p><strong>Hugs and conflict</strong></p> <p>The <a href="http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0203522">research</a>, led by Carnegie Mellon’s <a href="https://murphypsychology.com/about/">Michael Murphy</a>, reveals the important role that hugs can play in buffering against the negative impact of interpersonal conflict such as disagreements and arguments.</p> <p>This study used data from 404 generally healthy adults. They were interviewed via phone by a researcher at the end of the day, each day, for 14 days.</p> <p>Participants indicated whether or not they had experienced any interpersonal tension or conflict during their day, and whether anyone had hugged them in the past 24 hours. They also rated their experience of both positive affect (such as happy, calm, cheerful) and negative affect (for instance, unhappy, angry, tense) that day.</p> <p>Most participants (93 per cent) reported receiving a hug on at least one day of the interview period. The same was true for interpersonal conflict (69 per cent). Four per cent of total days of interview data involved conflict with no receipt of a hug. Ten per cent of days involved conflict and receipt of a hug.</p> <p>How did interpersonal conflict and hugs contribute to emotional experience? On days when individuals experienced conflict when they had had a hug, they experienced less negative affect and more positive affect than on days when they experienced conflict when they had had no hug. The pattern for negative affect even carried over to the next day.</p> <p>You might wonder how robust these results were. When the researchers examined participant sex, they found a few overall results (e.g., men reported both more conflict and more hug receipt than women), but the key finding above held for both sexes.</p> <p>Further, in all analyses, the researchers controlled for participants’ age, ethnicity, marital status, education, and the number of unique individuals participants had interacted with on a given day – thus ruling out many alternative explanations.</p> <p>What we don’t yet know is the causal order of this relationship. The study design only assessed whether a hug was received and whether interpersonal conflict had occurred. So, it’s unclear whether the hug preceded or followed from the conflict.</p> <p>We also don’t know whether the hug and the conflict involved the same person, nor do we know the type or severity of the conflict. So we should be careful about advocating “<a href="https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hug%20it%20out">hugging it out</a>”.</p> <p>Those caveats aside, this research fits within a broader <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0149763408001723">field of research</a> that points to the importance of affectionate touch – for both physical and social wellbeing. For instance, other <a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0956797614559284">findings</a> from this research team show that receiving hugs reduces the likelihood of catching the common cold, and reduces the severity of symptoms even if infected.</p> <p><strong>Why are hugs beneficial?</strong></p> <p>Why might hugs be beneficial? Being hugged leads to release of the hormone <a href="https://health.usnews.com/health-news/health-wellness/articles/2016-02-03/the-health-benefits-of-hugging">oxytocin</a>, setting off a range of downstream outcomes that could explain the benefits of hugging. Oxytocin is involved in a <a href="https://www.nature.com/news/neuroscience-the-hard-science-of-oxytocin-1.17813">complex range</a> of social processes, but has been implicated romantic bonding and trust.</p> <p>Other research suggests the benefits of hugs and affectionate touch more generally rest within the cardiovascular system. One <a href="https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/1802/c19b1e7fb2e3a61966e37101c9ed0b329c32.pdf">study</a> found lower systolic blood pressure in the husbands of couples asked to increase the frequency of affectionate touch with one another. Other <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0301051104001632">research</a> documents lowered blood pressure and heart rate among women who receive frequent hugs.</p> <p>Psychologically, hugs and affectionate touch more generally communicate social support.</p> <p>We hug to convey that we care, that we’re grateful for a benefit received, that we share in an achievement. Receiving a hug therefore serves as a signal that the social relationship is characterised by closeness and concern. It’s no surprise then, that relationships characterised by frequent affectionate touch are <a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167213497592">happier relationships</a>.</p> <p><strong>Hug specifics</strong></p> <p>Not all hugs are alike. Does variability in hug characteristics matter?</p> <p>Does giving hugs carry similar benefit as receiving hugs? Some <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0031938417301336">research</a> indicates that being on the receiving end of affectionate touch has the most benefit. Chances are, though, that fully reciprocal hugs are equally beneficial.</p> <p>Can the benefits of affectionate touch carry beyond humans? The answer is yes. Hugging and affectionate touch with <a href="https://ieeexplore.ieee.org/abstract/document/8172336">robots</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/therapy-dogs-can-help-reduce-student-stress-anxiety-and-improve-school-attendance-93073">therapy dogs</a> and <a href="http://time.com/4728315/science-says-pet-good-for-mental-health/">pets of all types</a> produce a range of positive outcomes, likely supported by the same underlying mechanisms as human to human touch, such as <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3408111/">oxytocin release</a>.</p> <p>Does the number of hugs and the number of people you hug matter? More hugs are better, at least among <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15740822">romantic couples</a>, but we don’t yet know if more frequent hugs with a larger number of people is important.</p> <p>Does the duration of the hug matter? Most hugs are <a href="https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2011/01/hugs-follow-3-second-rule">three seconds</a> long, but evidence suggests that hugs of <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/4131508.stm">20 seconds</a> are those that kick off the cardiovascular benefits mentioned above.</p> <p>So seek out a hug. Chances are, you’ll be better for it.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/104318/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: http://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em>Written by <span>Lisa A Williams, Senior Lecturer, School of Psychology, UNSW</span>. Republished with permission of </em><a href="https://theconversation.com/the-power-of-a-hug-can-help-you-cope-with-conflict-104318"><em>The Conversation</em></a><em>. </em></p>

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The internet is now an arena for conflict – and we're all caught up in it

<p>Most people think the internet operates as a kind of global public square. In reality, it’s become a divided arena where conflict between nation states plays out.</p> <p>Nation states run covert operations on the same platforms we use to post cat videos and exchange gossip. And if we’re not aware of it, we could be unwittingly used as pawns for the wrong side.</p> <p>How did we get here? It’s complicated, but let’s walk through some of the main elements.</p> <p><strong>The age of entanglement</strong></p> <p>On the one hand, we have an information landscape dominated by Western culture and huge multi-national internet platforms run by private companies, such as Google and Facebook. On the other, there are authoritarian regimes such as China, Iran, Turkey and Russia exercising tight control over the internet traffic flowing in and out of their countries.</p> <p>We are seeing more cyber intrusions into<span> </span><a href="https://theconversation.com/a-state-actor-has-targeted-australian-political-parties-but-that-shouldnt-surprise-us-111997">nation state networks</a>, such as the recent hack of the Australian parliamentary network. At the same time,<span> </span><a href="https://www.politics.ox.ac.uk/news/lucas-kello-gives-evidence-to-house-of-lords-committee.html">information</a><span> </span>and influence operations conducted by countries such as Russia and China are flowing through social media into our increasingly shared digital societies.</p> <p>The result is a<span> </span><a href="https://mitpress.mit.edu/books/stack">global</a><span> </span>ecosystem<span> </span><a href="https://nsc.crawford.anu.edu.au/news-events/podcasts/video/10698/towards-political-ecology-cyberspace-3-3">perpetually</a><span> </span>close to the threshold of war.</p> <p>Because nations use the internet both to assert power and to conduct trade, there are incentives for authoritarian powers to keep their internet traffic open. You can’t maintain rigid digital borders and assert cyberpower influence at the same time, so nations have to “<a href="https://www.belfercenter.org/sites/default/files/legacy/files/IS3903_pp007-047.pdf">cooperate to compete</a>”.</p> <p>This is becoming known as “entanglement” – and it affects us all.</p> <p><strong>Data flows in one direction</strong></p> <p>Authoritarian societies such as China, Russia and Iran aim to create their own separate digital ecosystems where the government can control internet traffic that flows in and out of the country.</p> <p>The Chinese Communist Party is well known for maintaining a supposedly secure Chinese internet via what is known in the West as the “<a href="https://cs.stanford.edu/people/eroberts/cs181/projects/2010-11/FreedomOfInformationChina/the-great-firewall-of-china-background/index.html">Great Firewall</a>”. This is a system that can block international internet traffic from entering China according to the whim of the government.</p> <p>For the majority of the<span> </span><a href="https://techcrunch.com/2018/08/21/china-reaches-800-million-internet-users/">802 million people online</a><span> </span>in China, many of the apps we use to produce and share information are not accessible. Google, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter are blocked. Instead, people in China use apps created by Chinese technology companies, such as Tencent, Alibaba and Baidu.</p> <p>Traffic within this ecosystem is monitored and censored in the most sophisticated and comprehensive surveillance state in the world. In 2018, for example, Peppa Pig was<span> </span><a href="https://www.sbs.com.au/news/how-peppa-pig-became-a-gangster-figure-in-china">banned</a> and the People’s Daily referred to her as a “<a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20180502092019/http://media.people.com.cn/BIG5/n1/2018/0426/c40606-29950870.html">gangster</a>” after she became iconic of rebelliousness in Chinese youth culture.</p> <p><strong>Complete blocking of data is impossible</strong></p> <p>A key objective of this firewall is to to shield Chinese society and politics from external influence, while enabling internal surveillance of the Chinese population.</p> <p>But the firewall is not technologically independent of the West – its development has been reliant upon US corporations to supply the software, hardware innovation and training to ensure the system functions. And since the internet is an arena where nations compete for economic advantage, it’s not in the interest of either side to destroy cyberspace entirely.</p> <p>As cyber security expert Greg Austin<span> </span><a href="https://www.springer.com/la/book/9783319684352">has observed</a>, the foundations of China’s cyber defences remain weak. There are technical ways to<span> </span><a href="https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007%2F11957454_2">get around the firewall</a>, and Chinese internet users exploit<span> </span><a href="https://theconversation.com/from-metoo-to-ricebunny-how-social-media-users-are-campaigning-in-china-90860">Mandarin homophones and emoji</a><span> </span>to evade internal censors.</p> <p>Chinese economic and financial entanglement with the West means complete blocking of data is impossible. Consistent incentives to openness remain. China and the United States are therefore engaged in what Canadian scholar of digital media and global affairs Jon R Lindsay<span> </span><a href="https://www.belfercenter.org/sites/default/files/legacy/files/IS3903_pp007-047.pdf">describes</a><span> </span>as:</p> <blockquote> <p><em>chronic and ambiguous intelligence-counter intelligence contests across their networks, even as the internet facilitates productive exchange between them.</em></p> </blockquote> <p>That is, a tension exists because they are covertly working against each other on exactly the same digital platforms necessary to promote their individual and mutual interests in areas such as trade, manufacturing, communications and regulation.</p> <p>Since Russia is less dependent upon the information technology services of the United States and is therefore less entangled than China, it is<span> </span><a href="https://www.unsw.adfa.edu.au/unsw-canberra-cyber/news/australian-cyber-ideas-moscow">more able</a><span> </span>to engage in bilateral negotiation and aggression.</p> <p><strong>Different styles of influence</strong></p> <p>If the internet has become a contest between nation states, one way of winning is to appear to comply with the letter of the law, while abusing its spirit.</p> <p>In the West, a network of private corporations, including Twitter, Google and Facebook, facilitate an internet system where information and commerce flow freely. Since the West remains open, while powers such as Russia and China exercise control over internet traffic, this creates an imbalance that can be exploited.</p> <p>Influence operations conducted by China and Russia in countries such as Australia exist within this larger context. And they are being carried out in the digital arena on a<span> </span><a href="https://blog.google/technology/safety-security/update-state-sponsored-activity/">scale</a>never before experienced. In the words of the latest<span> </span><a href="https://www.dni.gov/files/ODNI/documents/2019-ATA-SFR---SSCI.pdf">US Intelligence Community Worldwide Threat Assessment</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><em>Our adversaries and strategic competitors […] are now becoming more adept at using social media to alter how we think, behave and decide.</em></p> </blockquote> <p>The internet is a vast infrastructure of tools that can be used to strategically manipulate behaviour for specific tactical gain, and each nation has its own style of influence.</p> <p>I have previously written about attempts by<span> </span><a href="https://theconversation.com/how-digital-media-blur-the-border-between-australia-and-china-101735">China</a><span> </span>and<span> </span><a href="https://theconversation.com/russian-trolls-targeted-australian-voters-on-twitter-via-auspol-and-mh17-101386">Russia</a><span> </span>to influence Australian politics via social media, showing how each nation state utilises different tactics.</p> <p>China takes a subtle approach, reflecting a long term strategy. It seeks to connect with the Chinese diaspora in a<span> </span><a href="https://securityaffairs.co/wordpress/57781/apt/operation-cloud-hopper-apt10.html">target country</a>, and shape opinion in a manner favourable to the Chinese Communist Party. This is often as much as about<span> </span><a href="https://theconversation.com/why-china-will-be-watching-how-we-commemorate-anzac-day-75856">ensuring some things aren’t said</a>as it is about shaping what is.</p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/russian-trolls-targeted-australian-voters-on-twitter-via-auspol-and-mh17-101386">Russia</a>, on the other hand, has used more obvious tactics to infiltrate and disrupt Australian political discourse on social media,<span> </span><a href="https://theconversation.com/weve-been-hacked-so-will-the-data-be-weaponised-to-influence-election-2019-heres-what-to-look-for-112130">exploiting</a><span> </span>Islamophobia – and the divide between left and right – to undermine social cohesion. This reflects Russia’s primary aim to destabilise the civic culture of the target population.</p> <p>But there are some similarities between the two approaches, reflecting a growing cooperation between them. As the<span> </span><a href="https://www.dni.gov/files/ODNI/documents/2019-ATA-SFR---SSCI.pdf">US Intelligence Community</a><span> </span>points out:</p> <blockquote> <p><em>China and Russia are more aligned than at any point since the mid-1950s.</em></p> </blockquote> <p><strong>A strategic alliance between Russia and China</strong></p> <p>The strategic<span> </span><a href="https://toinformistoinfluence.com/2017/07/24/forget-sun-tzu-the-art-of-modern-war-can-be-found-in-a-chinese-strategy-book-from-1999/">origins of these shared approaches</a><span> </span>go back to the early internet itself. The Russian idea of<span> </span><a href="https://www.nato.int/DOCU/review/2015/Also-in-2015/hybrid-modern-future-warfare-russia-ukraine/EN/index.htm">hybrid warfare</a><span> </span>– also known as the<span> </span><a href="https://foreignpolicy.com/2018/03/05/im-sorry-for-creating-the-gerasimov-doctrine/">Gerasimov Doctrine</a><span> </span>– uses information campaigns to undermine a society as part of a wider strategy.</p> <p>But this concept first originated in the Chinese People’s Liberation Army (PLA). In 1999, Chinese PLA colonels penned a strategy titled<span> </span><a href="https://www.oodaloop.com/documents/unrestricted.pdf">Unrestricted Warfare</a>, which outlined how to use media, government, pretty much everything, in the target country not as a tool, but as a weapon.</p> <p>It recommended not just cyber attacks, but also fake news campaigns – and was the basis for information campaigns that became famous during the 2016 US presidential election.</p> <p>In June 2016, Russia and China<span> </span><a href="http://www.russia.org.cn/en/russia_china/president-vladimir-putin-and-chairman-of-the-people-s-republic-of-china-xi-jinping-held-talks-in-beijing-june-25-2016/">signed</a><span> </span>a joint declaration on the internet, affirming their shared objectives. In December 2016, Russian President Vladimir Putin signed off on a new<span> </span><a href="http://www.mid.ru/en/foreign_policy/official_documents/-/asset_publisher/CptICkB6BZ29/content/id/2563163">Doctrine of Information Security</a>, which establishes how Russia will<span> </span><a href="https://www.cyberdb.co/russia-and-china-are-making-their-information-security-case/">defend</a><span> </span>its own population against influence operations.</p> <p><a href="https://www.lexology.com/library/detail.aspx?g=d23109be-661d-4e90-a92c-32b7330e3a49">Observers</a><span> </span>noted the striking similarity between the Russian document and Chinese internet<span> </span><a href="https://www.chinalawtranslate.com/cybersecuritylaw/?lang=en">law</a>.</p> <p>Russia and China also<span> </span><a href="https://www.chathamhouse.org/expert/comment/cyberattack-revelations-appear-undercut-russia-un">share a view</a><span> </span>of the global management of the internet, pursued via the United Nations:</p> <blockquote> <p><em>[…] more regulations to clarify how international law applies to cyberspace, with the aim of exercising more sovereignty – and state control – over the internet.</em></p> </blockquote> <p>The recent “sovereign internet”<span> </span><a href="http://sozd.duma.gov.ru/bill/608767-7">bill</a><span> </span>introduced to the Russian Parliament<span> </span><a href="https://www.rferl.org/a/russian-bill-on-autonomous-operation-of-internet-advances-in-duma/29765882.html">proposes</a><span> </span>a Domain Name System (DNS) independent of the wider internet infrastructure.</p> <p>If the internet is now a site of proxy war, such<span> </span><a href="https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2466222">so-called</a><span> </span>“<a href="https://www.rferl.org/a/q-a-hurdles-ahead-as-russia-surges-on-with-sovereign-internet-plan/29766229.html">balkanization</a>” challenges the dominance of the United States.</p> <p>Nations are competing for<span> </span><a href="https://smallwarsjournal.com/jrnl/art/harnessing-david-and-goliath-orthodoxy-asymmetry-and-competition">influence, leverage and advantage</a><span> </span>to secure their own interests. Russia and China don’t want to risk an all out war, and so competition is pursued at a level just below armed conflict.</p> <p>Technology, especially the internet, has brought this competition to us all.</p> <p><strong>We're entering turbulent waters</strong></p> <p>Despite its best efforts, China’s leaders remain concerned that the digital border between it and the rest of the world is too porous.</p> <p>In June 2009, Google was blocked in China. In 2011, Fang Binxing, one of the main designers of the<span> </span><a href="https://www.bloomberg.com/quicktake/great-firewall-of-china">Great Firewall</a><span> </span>expressed concern Google<span> </span><a href="https://books.google.com.au/books?id=dEGdCwAAQBAJ&amp;pg=PA113&amp;lpg=PA113&amp;dq=Fang+Binxing+2011+riverbed+benjamin+bratton&amp;source=bl&amp;ots=61Gnc-6vW-&amp;sig=ITVdygMm5ZmxuelLYB6w9oa6Cos&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=2ahUKEwib66X9mPvcAhXHU7wKHRHrDiUQ6AEwAHoECAcQAQ#v=onepage&amp;q=Fang%20Binxing%202011%20riverbed%20benjamin%20bratton&amp;f=false">was still potentially accessible in China</a>, saying:</p> <blockquote> <p><em>It’s like the relationship between riverbed and water. Water has no nationality, but riverbeds are sovereign territories, we cannot allow polluted water from other nation states to enter our country.</em></p> </blockquote> <p>The water metaphor was deliberate. Water flows and maritime domains define sovereign borders. And water flows are a good analogy for data flows. The internet has pitched democratic politics into the fluid dynamics of<span> </span><a href="http://politicalturbulence.org/">turbulence</a>, where algorithms shape<span> </span><a href="https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/xwjden/targeted-advertising-is-ruining-the-internet-and-breaking-the-world">attention</a>, tiny clicks<span> </span><a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/political-science-research-and-methods/article/quota-sampling-using-facebook-advertisements/0E120F161C9E114C6044EBB7792B5E70">measure participation</a>, and personal data is<span> </span><a href="https://www.chinoiresie.info/the-global-age-of-algorithm-social-credit-and-the-financialisation-of-governance-in-china/">valuable</a><span> </span>and apt to be<span> </span><a href="https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=3224952">manipulated</a>.</p> <p>While other nations grapple with the best mix of containment, control and openness, ensuring Australia’s<span> </span><a href="http://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/breakfast/china-in-focus/10181900">democracy remains robust</a><span> </span>is the best defence. We need to keep an eye on the nature of the political discussion online, which requires a coordinated approach between the government and private sector, defence and security agencies, and an educated public.</p> <p>The strategies of information warfare we hear so much about these days were conceived in the 1990s – an era when “surfing the web” seemed as refreshing as a dip at your favourite beach. Our immersion in the subsequent waves of the web seem more threatening, but perhaps we can draw upon our cultural traditions to influence Australian security.</p> <p>As the rip currents of global internet influence operations grow more prevalent, making web surfing more dangerous, Australia would be wise to mark out a safe place to swim between the flags. Successful protection from influence will need many eyes watching from the beach.</p> <p class="p1"><em><span class="s1">Written by Tom Sear. Republished with permission of </span><a href="https://theconversation.com/the-internet-is-now-an-arena-for-conflict-and-were-all-caught-up-in-it-101736"><span class="s1">The Conversation.</span></a></em></p>

Technology

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Surviving adult children living at home

<p>Imagine a life where you have free home-cooked meals, free laundering and free rent. It sounds like the stuff of dreams – especially in Sydney – but it is actually the experience of many single adults living in Australia and other western countries today.</p> <p>‘Boomerang Kids’ is the term for this social trend of adult children living at home with parents, but while the arrangement offers great financial benefit to the adult child, what is its impact on their Baby Boomer parent?</p> <p>Australian Bureau of statistics figures show that in 2011 around 29% of young adults were living without a partner or child but with one or both of their parents, up from 21% in 1976.</p> <p>Social demographer, Mark McCrindle’s extensive research into ‘Boomerang Kids’ reveals that more than one in four 20-34 year-old males still live at home with parents and in the US these numbers are even higher.</p> <p>“One of the key benefits of staying longer with parents is costs savings. Housing affordability is a major cause of adults staying in the family home,” he says.</p> <p>Below is a list of the main challenges this social trend can present for the Baby Boomer parent:</p> <ul> <li><span>Retirement plans are delayed and retirement savings significantly decrease.</span></li> <li><span>Baby Boomer parents, while enjoying the social interactions available in a multigenerational household, can often feel the pressure and may feel like their hard work is being taken for granted.</span></li> <li><span>Baby Boomer parents can feel sandwiched between taking care of their own parents while still having their Gen Y children living with them and studying.</span></li> <li><span>It can have a negative influence on younger children living at home.</span></li> <li><span>Couples with adult kids at home can suffer through more arguments and bickering than if they were empty nesters (studies have shown this).</span></li> <li><span>You can actually be holding back your child from success and life fulfillment by ‘robbing’ them of drive by giving too much.</span></li> </ul> <p>Rest assured there are also many benefits to having adult children living at home and many studies support this.</p> <p>For example parents can be more assured about the safety of their children, who they associate with etc. Living with your adult child can foster closer relationships and allow the parent to give ongoing guidance and advice on a regular basis. It's not uncommon to hear parents having very little contact with their child once they leave home and perhaps start a family of their own early.</p> <p>Another added benefit to having a child at home longer is that when your child does eventually leave home they are more financially secure, having been able to possibly save a deposit for a home rather than have spent most of their income on rent - and that is one less worry for the parent. The adult child can also be an invaluable source of support for the parent through maintenance and upkeep of the home and in caring for their parent if they are ill.</p> <p><strong>Here are some tips for surviving with adult kids still living at home:</strong></p> <ul> <li><strong>Agree on a plan or budget</strong>: Very few parents and boomerang children have a formal arrangement or contract covering costs and the length of the "tenancy" or live in arrangement.</li> <li><strong>Have open conversations</strong>: Communicate how you feel about things you may be uncomfortable or uncertain about with the arrangement.</li> <li><strong>Tough Love approach</strong>: Take a step back from the parent-child relationship and try to be more clinical and business-like. Don’t roll over!</li> <li><strong>Discuss costs: </strong><span>As well as discussing food costs, parents and adult children should also discuss the cost of utilities, which are often large but not included in discussions.</span></li> <li><strong>Discuss domestic chores:</strong> Domestic duties must be divided and organised, otherwise they tend to<span> become the parents' responsibility, particularly mothers.</span></li> <li><strong>Time:</strong><span> It is often hard to forecast how long the arrangement will last, but Mark McCrindle strongly advocates for this, at least a scheduled time to reassess the arrangement.</span></li> <li><span><strong>House Rules:</strong> For example, have a protocol or expectations around friends or boyfriends and girlfriends of adult children i.e. whether partners are permitted to stay over in the home; parties etc. Use of utilities: TV, music, specific rooms in the house etc.</span></li> </ul> <p>These small but crucial steps can assist in creating a harmonious environment where you and your adult children can co-exist harmoniously.</p> <p class="p1"><em>Written by Danielle Cesta. Republished with permission of <a href="https://www.wyza.com.au/articles/lifestyle/relationships/surviving-adult-children-living-at-home.aspx">Wyza.com.au</a></em></p>

Caring

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Prince Charles embroiled in latest Paradise Papers leak

<p>Prince Charles has been accused of a “conflict of interests” after he reportedly lobbied to change climate change agreements without revealing his private estate had an offshore financial interest in the changes.</p> <p>The financial affairs of Prince Charles have been revealed in the Paradise Papers, where millions of leaked documents revealed the offshore investments of politicians and celebrities in low tax jurisdictions.</p> <p>The documents reveal that in 2007, the estate of Prince Charles purchased shares worth $195,000 in a Bermuda company that stood to benefit from a rule change.</p> <p>Charles is a friend of director of Sustainable Forestry Management Ltd, whose board members invest in land to protect it from deforestation.</p> <p>Charles’ involvement in the company was so sensitive that the firm’s board members were sworn to secrecy, reported The Guardian.</p> <p>Two weeks after the shares purchase, Charles started campaigning to change two major environmental agreements, the Kyoto Protocol and the European Union’s carbon trading system.</p> <p>A former chairman of the UK public standards watchdog described Charles’ actions as a conflict of interest.</p> <p>Sir Alistair Graham, former chairman of the Committee on Standards in Public Life, said, “There's a conflict of interest between his own investments of the Duchy of Cornwall and what he's trying to achieve publicly."</p> <p>Sir Graham added, "And I think it's unfortunate that somebody of his importance, of his influence, becomes involved in such a serious conflict."</p> <p>A spokesman for Prince Charles said he had "certainly never chosen to speak out on a topic simply because of a company that it may have invested in”.</p> <p>"In the case of climate change his views are well known, indeed he has been warning of the threat of global warming to our environment for over 30 years.”</p>

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